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Fake Writing Advice for Writers Who Have No Idea What They’re Doing but Want to Do It With Style™

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Craft Tips That Aren’t, Vol. 1

At some point, every writer stares into the abyss of their manuscript, googles “how to write good,” and ends up ugly-crying through a screenwriting guru’s YouTube ad. And it is in this fragile, emotionally collapsed state that the truth reveals itself: Most writing advice is either painfully obvious or spiritually useless. (“Just write!” Okay, Brenda. Thanks.) So, in the spirit of not helping whatsoever, here are some writing tips I completely made up while avoiding my own stories.
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