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Californians


viv

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So I saw this the other day, and several of these are actally quite accutate, anyway it was amusing in some ways and horrifying in others... check it out, dude!

 

I am a "CALIFORNIAN." That means that.........

 

-Texting while driving is becoming a Major issue... YES!

 

-We can Surf, Skate, Dirt Bike Ride, and Snow Board, then hit up mexico, LA, and OC all in the same day, and then go to Disneyland... We can, but since we're so close to everything, there's no rush. No actual Californian would do any more than three of these in a single day.

 

-It takes 45 minutes to go 11 miles, during most of the day... Definitely when I'm trying to get to work by 6pm...

 

-We have perfect weather, all year long baby... MMhmm, and yet, it's the thing we all whine about the most, that is, until the price of gas went up.

 

-We smoke the best weed, and that shit you smoke isnt really marijuana, trust me... NO IDEA.

 

-I hate cops... I don't, actually. I just hate that they're never there when you do need them, and always there when you don't want them to be. Also, they slow traffic down!

 

-We are the plastic surgery capital of the world... SO FAKE! Probably the biggest thing I hate about California, for the record.

 

-I live next door to Mexicans... It's true! I do... this one 3 bedroom house has 2 families, with about 6 kids, living in it.

 

-Our chicks are WAYYYY hotter than yours... DUH!

 

- I say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and "hell of" and "hella"(Nor Cal only) and "faded" and "stoked" and "fo sho" and I say them often... I like totally say right on and like to chill when I've had a hell of a day, and I'm stoked when I find faded jeans on sale, but the only time I use bro is when I'm too lazy to type 'ther' after it. I certainly don't say fo sho, and peace and chill are so last decade! :P

 

- I know what real cheese & avocados taste like... OMG YES! and I eat them often! YUMM!

 

-All the porn you watch is made here, cause we f**K better and thats how it is... HAH!

 

- I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear... Uhh no snow days, no rain days, but we do, on occasion, take 'it's waaaaaaaaaaay too pretty to be stuck inside at work all day, so I think I might be feeling a little cough coming on' days.

 

- I can wear sandals all year long... and I do! And I whine about the rain cause then they get wet, and I have a tan line from my sandals!

 

- I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore"... right?!

 

- I know 65 mph really means 80 mph... At least! But not when going 11 miles takes 45 minutes... do the math folks.

 

- When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont f**K around on the road... If Rich is driving, yeah. If I'm driving and someone cuts me off, somehow *I* get the horn and the finger! :o

 

- The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border)... Guilty.

 

- My governor can kick your governors ass... HAHA and he'll be back!

 

-You judge people based on what area code they live in... I try not to judge anyone, but I'll admit I have been known to raise an eyebrow or two based on this.

 

- When I'm on vacation in their state, and they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GODDESS... OMG YES! HAHA!

 

- We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll" No cop no stop baby!... I actually do stop, amazingly. I already speed daily, no need to add any more risk to getting a ticket from the cop who is always where I don't want him.

 

- I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day... Mmhmm! And this does not include Del Taco or Taco Bell for the record.

 

- All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here... And Rich makes ice sculptures to be in them.

 

-We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!! Yeah baby...

 

- I have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means MY opinion means more than yours, which means I'm better than you... HAHA! If only. That would be awesome, cause at least I have a brain and could use that power for good and not evil.

 

- The best athletes come from here... MAYBE?

 

-Our monthly house payments exceed your annual income... Quite possibly.

 

-We drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice... Mostly true.

 

-We don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone... For most people I encounter, this is true... I, on the other hand, have a knack for remembering numbers so I can probably tell you the address and phone number for anyone in my phone book.

 

-We begin to "lie" to our friends about how close we are when you know damn well that it'll take you at least an hour to get there... I don't, cause I HATE being late... but yeah, I've seen it happen.

 

-We drive to your neighborhood block party... LAME! And who has block parties anymore anyway?

 

-In the "winter", we can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day... Again, we *could* but who would?

 

-We eat a different ethnic food for every meal... Usually.

 

-If our destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving... Not me, usually. I actually LIKE walking, but... typically, this is true of Californians.

 

-Calling our neighbors requires knowing their area code... MMhmm, yay for MORE numbers to remember.

 

-We know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any... Okay, I totally have a story for this. I've lived here my ENTIRE life, and the first time I had In N Out was like... two years ago... and it's not that great. It's like homemade burgers.

 

-We really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan... Uhh, I could probably stand to be more of all of those, but I don't have a complex about any of them.

 

-We've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times... You don't remember at least 1 of them... Actually, I've never been! Sort of afraid to go! :o

 

-We go to a tanning salon before going to the beach... Also, never been and afraid to go!

 

-We eat pineapple on pizza... YES! Unless I'm with Steve and then NOOOOOOOOOO! :P

 

-Our cell phones have left a permanent impression on the side of your head... Used to, but with the new hands free driving law... we're back to normal now.

 

-We think that Venice is a beach... Well, those of us that spend too much time in tanning booths and have replaced much of our body mass with fake plastic, maybe... but I'm definitely looking forward to seeing Venice, Italy someday.

 

-The waitress asks if we'd like "carbs" in your meal... They do not :rolleyes:

 

-We call 911 and they put us on hold... It's happened to me before! Or it's been busy when I call!

 

-The gym is packed at 3pm ... on a workday... I suppose if I went to a gym, then I wouldn't have to worry about being thinner.

 

-We know that if you drive two miles in any direction we will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks... I actually know of a few places where you could be at a Starbucks and drive 1,000 feet and be at another, and only a Callifornian would actually drive those 1,000 feet!

 

-We know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean... I do! And having the first with either of the other two is a BAD DAY!

 

-It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"... HAHA! OMG TOTALLY!

 

-And best of all.......... our beaches are polluted, our air is full of smog, crime rates are up, school grades are down, we are over populated, we are living on a major fault line, and the best part is......no one gives a f**K, LETS PARTY... which may be part of the reason I'm considering moving east! :o

 

Hugs, Viv

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I object to the second item, as my hometown is not close to most of those items. Actually, I guess I could Surf, Dirt bike, snowboard, and skate all in the same day around there. Its the OC, LA, Mexico part that my family is too distant from to enjoy.

 

BUt for the most part, yeah. A bit dated as you pointed out, but for the msot part true.

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