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sandrewn

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  1. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 13 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 32
    August 13th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Benedetto Sinigardi Benildus Romançon Centola and Helen Cassian of Imola Clara Maass (Lutheran Church) Fachtna of Rosscarbery Florence Nightingale, Octavia Hill (Lutheran Church) Herulph Hippolytus of Rome Jeremy Taylor (Anglican Communion) John Berchmans Junian of Mairé Blessed Marco d'Aviano Maximus the Confessor Nerses Glaietsi (Catholic Church) Pope Pontian Radegunde Wigbert August 13 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Independence Day, celebrates the independence of Central African Republic from France in 1960. International Lefthanders Day (International) Women's Day, commemorates the enaction of Tunisian Code of Personal Status in 1956. (Tunisia)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
     
    Blame Someone Else Day
    Filet Mignon Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Left Handers Day
    August 13 is Left-Handers Day. Created in 1992 by the Left-Handers Club as a way to celebrate left-handers, the unofficial holiday aims to ‘raise awareness of the advantages and disadvantages left-handers face.’

    The day also encourages businesses and governments to be more left-handed friendly and adapt everyday objects for left-handed people.
    10% are Left-Handed
    Left-handed people use their left hands to carry out tasks that require the use of hands. About 10% of the world's population is left-handed. Despite this, most equipment and day-to-day articles are designed and manufactured for the use of right-handed people - those who use their right hands to perform tasks.
    The purpose of Left-Handers Day is to make the majority right-handers aware of the frustrations that left-handed people face while using devices designed for right-handed people. The day also encourages designers to think about the convenience of those whose left hand is their dominant hand.
    Left-Handers Day is also sometimes known as International Left-Handers Day.
    How to Celebrate?
    Many organizations and public places in cities around the world create “lefty zones”, where everyday objects are adapted for use by left-handed people. If you are a “lefty”, go celebrate your awesomeness at one such zone. Take your right-handed friends with you to show them how difficult it can be to use objects not made for them. Did You Know...
    ...that people who are ambidextrous can easily perform tasks and use devices with both their hands? Ambidexterity is rare and only occurs in about 1% of the population.
     
    ***
     
    When my summer teaching post in the Czech Republic came to an end, I told my students my next teaching destination would be in Australia, "the land down under."
    On my final day, they presented me with a card. The carefully worded note read
    "Good luck, and happy journey to the underworld."
     
    ***
     
    At a planning meeting at my college, I congratulated a colleague on producing some superb student-guidance notes explaining how to combat plagiarism.

    "How long did it take you to write them?" I asked.

    "Not long," he said. "I copied them from another university's website."
     
    ***
     
    The last year I entered a marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me.
    He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"
    I replied, "You really want to know?" Then I dropped out of the race.
     
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    sandrewn
  2. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 12 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 31
    August 12th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Euplius Eusebius of Milan Herculanus of Brescia Pope Innocent XI Jænberht Jane Frances de Chantal Muiredach (or Murtagh) Porcarius II August 12 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Glorious Twelfth (United Kingdom) HM the Queen Mother's Birthday and National Mother's Day (Thailand) International Youth Day (United Nations)[32] Russian Air Force Day (Russia) Russian Railway Troops Day (Russia) Sea Org Day (Scientology) World Elephant Day (International)[33]  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
     
    Vinyl Record Day
    Middle Child’s Day
     
     
    Fun Observances
    Middle Child Day
    August 12 is Middle Child Day, a day to recognize middle born children and to acknowledge their place in their families.

    Many believe that the order of one’s birth can affect one’s personality. The middle child, or second born of three siblings, is said to suffer from middle child syndrome, a feeling of isolation and exclusion within the family.
    Some studies have shown that in a family with multiple children, the oldest and the youngest get the most attention from their parents while those in between tend to be left by themselves, often ignored and forgotten. Middle children often have to fight for the attention of their parents and may sometimes feel like they do not belong to the family.
    Independent and Creative
    Being a middle child, however, isn't all that bad. Research has shown that being left alone to their own devices can actually be a positive thing for middle children. The fact they may not receive as much attention as their siblings, some studies suggest, can make them independent and creative. The lack of expectations can also help them develop their personality and life skills without any external constraints.
    The unofficial holiday with unknown origins is also sometimes called National Middle Child Day and International Middle Child Day.
    How to Celebrate
    If you are a middle child, today is a day to treat yourself - you deserve it. If you know of a middle child make the day special for them – they deserve it. Did You Know...
    ...Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist, was the first one to suggest that birth order can have an effect on a person's personality?
     
    ***
     
    In fourth grade, my son had a huge crush on a classmate. So for Valentine's Day, he bought her a box of chocolates and took it into school. When I returned home from work, I found him on the couch eating the same box of candy.

    "What happened?" I asked.

    "Well, I thought about it for a long time," he said between chews. "And I decided that, for now, I still like candy more than girls."
     
    ***
     
    My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Easter. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter. "So, Katie," said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, "who's coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?"

    Katie replied, "I think it's my uncle Brian."
     
    ***
     
    What's the difference between love and marriage?
    Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.
     
    ***
     
    Me: "I love you."
    You: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
    Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
     
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    sandrewn
  3. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 11 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 30
    August 11th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian Feast Day: Athracht Clare of Assisi Fiacre Gaugericus John Henry Newman (Church of England) Philomena Susanna Taurinus of Évreux Tiburtius and Chromatius August 11 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Flag Day (Pakistan) Independence Day, celebrates the independence of Chad from France in 1960. Mountain Day (Japan)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    World Calligraphy Day
    Play In The Sand Day
    International Youth Day
    Ingersoll Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Son and Daughter Day
    August 11 is Son and Daughter Day, a day for parents to show their love and appreciation for their children.

    While the origins of this unofficial holiday are a mystery, it is clear that the anonymous creators of Son and Daughter Day wanted parents to acknowledge the joy their children bring into their lives.
    The bond between parents and their sons and daughters is a very special one. It endures age and distance. No matter how old a person gets, their parents still see him or her as a child - someone to protect and to shower love on. So, take this day to tell your sons and daughters how much they mean to you and that you respect them and love them.
     
    How to Celebrate?
    If you have young kids, take them on a fun outing to let them know you care about them. Give your kids a big hug in the morning and tell them how much you love them. Make them a special meal and let them eat treats reserved for special days. Don’t have kids? Shower your affection on your nieces or nephews if you have any. If you don’t, what about making it a special day for your pet? After all, they are like your kids, no?  
    Did You Know...
    ...that the concept of childhood as a phase in life where children need the protection and nurturing of their parents and other adults came about in the 16th century? Before this, children were seen as miniature and incomplete version of adults.
     
    ***
     
    The China National Tourism Administration has created tips for its citizens when traveling abroad, including:
    • Don’t steal life vests from airplanes to give as gifts.
    • Don’t leave footprints on the toilet.
    • Don’t dry your underwear on lampshades.
     
    ***
     
    Me: I have a Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer that is defective.
    Customer Rep: Ma’am, we’ll need the exact name of the item. Do you have the box?
    Me: No, but it’s the Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer.
    Customer Rep: Ma’am, we’ll need the box so we can have the exact name of the product.
    Me: Hold on. I’ll run out to my garage and get the box. [Long pause ... ] 
OK ... [huff ... puff] I have it. It says ... Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer.
    Customer Rep: Thank you for that information, ma’am.
     
    ***
     
    My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application.
    For the question "To what do you attribute your fitness issues?" the woman wrote "Horrendous eating habits."
    "What makes you say that?" my friend asked.
    The woman replied, "I can't spell atrocious."  
     
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    sandrewn
  4. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 10 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 29
    August 10th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Argentine Air Force Day (Argentina) Christian feast day: Bessus Blane (Roman Catholic Church) Geraint of Dumnonia Lawrence of Rome Nicola Saggio Nuestra Señora del Buen Suceso de Parañaque, Patroness of Parañaque, Philippines August 10 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Declaration of Independence of Quito, proclaimed independence from Spain on August 10, 1809. Independence was finally attained on May 24, 1822, at the Battle of Pichincha. (Ecuador) International Biodiesel Day National Veterans Day (Indonesia)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    World Lion Day
    Vlogging Day
    S’mores Day
    Skyscraper Appreciation Day
    Duran Duran Appreciation Day
    Afternoon Tea Week
     
    Fun Observances
    Lazy Day
    August 10 is Lazy Day. Celebrate your inner couch potato by giving up all your daily chores and doing nothing the whole day long!

    While we really don't want to tell you more about this awesome holiday, we are feeling lazy, you see, we will, so that you can make the most of trying to be dull for an entire day.
    Also known in the United States as National Lazy Day, this unofficial holiday of unknown origins honors sloths, slackers, layabouts, idlers, and lazybones. It also provides an excellent excuse to those among us who are stressed and over-worked to take the day off and recharge.
    How to Celebrate?
    Do we really need to spell it out? Laze around, do nothing, goof-off, slack, and procrastinate. Refuse to do any chores - you can always do them the next day. Order food in instead of cooking and spend the day on the couch watching back-to-back episodes of your favorite TV show. Go to the spa and get a well-deserved "me-day." Stay in bed all day long and refuse to respond to any emails or phone calls. Watch the 1929 comedy film, Lazy Day. Did You Know…
    …that many species of the sloth a very slow moving mammal found in Central and South America, can turn their heads 360 degrees? Now, that's a lot of effort for an animal that is named for its laziness!
     
    ***
     
    I was sitting behind an enthusiastic mom at my son's Little League game. Her boy was pitching for the opposing team and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild pitch. The poor kid walked every batter. It was only the first inning and the score was 14–0. Then one batter finally smacked the ball.

    "Oh no," the mom wailed. "There goes his no-hitter."
     
    ***
     
    Standing on the sidelines, during a game being played by my school's football team, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He tumbled to the ground and didn't move.

    We grabbed our first-aid gear and rushed out onto the field. The coach picked up the young man's hand and urged, "Son, can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."
     
    ***
     
    It was the first day of basketball practice at Wingate high school in Brooklyn, N.Y. Coach Jack Kaminer handed a ball to each player. "Fellas," he said, "I want you to practice shooting from the spots you might expect to be in during the game."

    The No. 12 sub immediately sat down on the bench and began arcing the ball toward the basket.
     
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    Been there, done that and it's true.
     
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    sandrewn
  5. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 09 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 28
    August 9th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Battle of Gangut Day (Russia) Christian feast day: Candida Maria of Jesus Edith Stein (St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross) Firmus and Rusticus Herman of Alaska (Russian Orthodox Church and related congregations; Episcopal Church (USA)) John Vianney (1950s – currently August 4) Mary Sumner (Church of England) Nath Í of Achonry Romanus Ostiarius Secundian, Marcellian and Verian August 9 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) International Day of the World's Indigenous Peoples (United Nations)[29] Meyboom (Brussels and Leuven, Belgium) National Day, celebrates the independence of Singapore from Malaysia in 1965. National Peacekeepers' Day, celebrated on Sunday closest to the day (Canada) National Women's Day (South Africa)  
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    Melon Day
    Bubblegum Day
    Rice Pudding Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Book Lovers Day
    August 9 is Book Lovers Day, an unofficial holiday that encourages people to pick up a book (or two) and spend the day reading.

    On this day, honor all the bookworms and book lovers in your life. If you are a book lover yourself, then treat yourself to some quality reading time.
    Book Lovers Day is also known as National Book Lovers Day in the United States.
    Stress Reducing
    Studies have shown that reading can not only be entertaining, but can also have many health benefits. Reading helps reduce stress, keeps the brain sharp, and can help you sleep better. Scientists have also found that those who read are much more likely to be empathic and understanding of others.
    How to Celebrate?
    Buy the book lover in your life gifts only a book lover would appreciate. Some ideas include: an e-reader, a first edition or a signed book, tea, a bookmark, or a bookshelf to accommodate their ever-growing book collection. If you are a book lover, take the day to show your books some love. Clean your bookshelves and rearrange your books – may we recommend by color? Get into your most comfortable clothes, curl up on your couch with a cup of hot tea, and take yourself on a great adventure with your favorite book. What about throwing a book themed party? Have everyone wear costumes from their favorite books and serve food featured in some of your favorite books. For example, serve tea and scones for an Alice in Wonderland themed party or apple pie and ice cream if Jack Kerouac is your favorite author. Visit your local library. If you don't have a library card, maybe it is time you get one. Encourage the children and young adults in your life to read. Did You Know…
    …that the Mahabharata is thought to be the longest poem ever written in any language?
     
    ***
     
    At the doctor’s office, a 20-something man was trying to make an appointment for a Mrs. Brown. Try as he might, he just could not remember her first name. Frustrated, he left.
    A few minutes later, I passed him outside the office on the phone.“Hey, Dad,” he said. “What’s Mom’s first name?”
     
    ***
      I grew up above my father’s tavern. When we were kids, we would race each other down the stairs every morning to sweep up the bar and find the change customers had dropped during the night. Years later, as an adult, I found out that my father would throw a few coins over the bar for us to find in the morning. It cost him only a dollar a day to have us fight to be the first one to clean the bar.   ***
     
    My high school assignment 
was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served 
in the Philippines during the war, 
I chose him.
    After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”
    Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”
     
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    Good night,
    sandrewn
  6. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 08 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 27
    August 8th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Ceasefire Day (end of Iran-Iraq War)[31] (Iraqi Kurdistan) Christian Feast Day: Altmann of Passau Cyriacus Dominic de Guzmán, founder of the Dominican Order. Four Crowned Martyrs Pope Hormisdas Largus Mary MacKillop Saint Smaragdus (and companions) August 8 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest day on which Children's Day can fall, while August 14 is the latest; celebrated on the second Sunday in August. (Argentina) Earliest day on which Defence Forces Day can fall, while August 14 is the latest; celebrated on the second Tuesday in August. (Zimbabwe) Earliest day on which Father's Day can fall, while August 14 is the latest; celebrated on the second Sunday in August. (Brazil, Samoa) Earliest day on which Heroes' Day can fall, while August 14 is the latest; celebrated on the second Monday in August. (Zimbabwe) Earliest day on which Melon Day can fall, while August 14 is the latest; celebrated on the second Sunday in August. (Turkmenistan) Earliest day on which Sports Day can fall, while August 14 is the latest; celebrated on the second Saturday in August. (Russia) Father's Day or Bā bā Day (爸爸節), Bā Bā is Mandarin for "father" and "8-8", or August 8. (Mongolia, Taiwan) Happiness Happens Day International Cat Day Namesday of the Queen (Sweden) Nane Nane Day (Tanzania) Signal Troops Day (Ukraine)  
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    Scottish Wildcat Day
    Top 8 Challenge Day
    Odie Day
    Bowling Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Happiness Happens Day
    August 8 is Happiness Happens Day, a day to celebrate all things happy.

    Created by the Secret Society of Happy People in 1999 as Admit You’re Happy Day, this unofficial holiday encourages people to be open about their happiness and to share it with others.
    Unlimited Happiness
    The holiday is based on the premise that happiness is unlimited and contagious and that sharing one's happiness and can bring a lot of joy in other people's lives. In addition, the unofficial holiday commemorates the day the first member joined the Secret Society of Happy People. In 2000, the Society expanded the celebration of happiness and declared August as Happiness Happens Month.
    How to Celebrate?
    While being happy can mean different things to different people, Happiness Happens Day encourages people to take stock of their lives and try to do and think about things that make them happy and to share this joy with others. Here are some ways to celebrate this happy day:
    Do something nice for yourself - after all, happiness starts at home. Make someone else happy by doing something nice for them. It can be something as simple as giving up your seat on the bus to someone else or a more elaborate gesture like volunteering your time and money to a charity of your choice. Studies have found that volunteering doesn't only help people bring joy in their lives but can also help them live longer. Participate in a HappyThon - a social media campaign run by the Secret Society of Happy People that encourages people to send happy, joyful and uplifting messages to people around the world. Did You Know...
    ...that in 2012 the United Nations has declared March 20 as the International Day of Happiness?
     
    ***
    Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
    It was an Oscar wiener.
    ***
    Did you hear the one about the guy who invented Tic Tacs?
    They say he made a mint.
    ***
    Person 1: I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.
    Person 2: How?!
    Person 1: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.
    ***
    Every morning I think I’m going to make pancakes,
    but I keep waffling.
     
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    sandrewn
  7. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 07 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 26
    August 7th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Assyrian Martyrs Day (Assyrian community)[66] Battle of Boyacá Day (Colombia)[67] Christian feast day: Albert of Trapani Cajetan of Thienna Carpophorus and companions Dometius of Persia Donatus of Arezzo Donatus of Besançon Donatus of Muenstereifel John Mason Neale and Catherine Winkworth (Episcopal Church (USA)) Nantovinus Pope Sixtus II August 7 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Emancipation Day (Saint Kitts and Nevis) Filseta (Ethiopian and Eritrean Orthodox Tewahedo Church)[68] Republic Day (Ivory Coast) Youth Day (Kiribati) National Purple Heart Day (United States)[69]  
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
    Aged Care Employee Day
    Disc Golf Day
    Sandcastle Day
    Professional Speakers Day
    Mead Day
    Mustard Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Lighthouse Day
    August 7 is celebrated as Lighthouse Day in the United States as a way to commemorate the signing of the Act for the Establishment and support of Lighthouse, Beacons, Buoys, and Public Piers by the U.S. Congress in 1789.

    In 1989, the Congress passed a resolution designating August 7 as National Lighthouse Day. The day aims to recognize the importance of lighthouses in maritime navigation and for providing ships safe harbor during bad weather.
    How to Celebrate?
    While lighthouses are becoming less and less important for the maritime industry, thanks to technological advances in GPS and radar systems, their historical importance cannot be understated. Use this day to read about the history of lighthouses. If you are near the coast, why not visit one? Contribute to preservation societies and groups working towards preserving historical lighthouses. Did You Know...
    ...that before electricity was used to fuel the lighthouse lamp, some lighthouses used whale oil?
     
    ***
     
    Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents:
    Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.
    Son: Why is that funny?
    Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
    Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
    Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.
    ~
    Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.
    Mom: WTF!
    Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
    Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.
    ~
    Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
    Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
    Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.
     
    ***
     
    A client called my help desk saying she couldn’t send an e-mail. When I was done troubleshooting the problem, she interrupted me to ask,
    “Wait a minute, do I type @ in lower- or uppercase?”
     
    ***
     
    I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. 
The husband called out to his wife 
in the other room for the computer password.
    “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back. We tried S123 several times, but 
it didn’t work. So we called the wife in.
    As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”
     
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    sandrewn
  8. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 06 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 25
    August 6th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Blessed Anna Maria Rubatto Hormisdas Justus and Pastor August 6 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan's Accession Day. (United Arab Emirates) Independence Day (Bolivia), celebrates the independence of Bolivia from Spain in 1825. Independence Day (Jamaica), celebrates the independence of Jamaica from the United Kingdom in 1962. Hiroshima Peace Memorial Ceremony (Hiroshima, Japan) Russian Railway Troops Day (Russia)  
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    Cycle to Work Day
    Farmworker Appreciation Day
    International Sailor Moon Day
    Root Beer Float Day
    Wiggle Your Toes Day
    Balloons to Heaven Day
     
    Fun Observances (2)
    Fresh Breath Day
    August 6 is Fresh Breath Day; a holiday we think should be celebrated every day of the year.

    On Fresh Breath Day we suggest that you spend some time learning more about oral health and how to take care of your teeth and maintain fresh breath every day.
    How to Celebrate?
    If you are overdue or up for an appointment with your dentist, maybe today is the time to make an appointment with them. Replenish your stash of mints and breath fresheners. What about making your own organic breath fresheners? Chew on a pod of cardamom or a stick of cinnamon to get rid of that bad breath. Did You Know…
    …that the use of mouth fresheners can be dated back to 2700 BC in Chinese and Indian medicine?
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    International Beer Day
    The first Friday of August every year is International Beer Day. The unofficial holiday celebrates the art and science of brewing beer and encourages people to try out new flavors of beers.

    International Beer Day was created in 2007 by Jesse Avshalomov, Evan Hamilton, Aaron Araki, and Richard Hernandez, in San Francisco, United States as a way to bring friends and strangers together over pints of beer. Between 2007 and 2012, the holiday was celebrated on August 5, but due to popular demand that the day be held on a Friday, the organizers changed the date to the first Friday of August.
    Multicultural Drink
    Beer is an alcoholic beverage made by fermenting sugars found in cereal grains such as wheat or barley. Many beers around the world are brewed with hops, herbs, or fruits that add flavor to the drink.
    Thought to be the world's oldest beverage still consumed today, beer has been drunk by almost all cultures around the world throughout human history. Today, beer is the third most consumed beverage in the world only after water and tea.
    How to Celebrate?
    If you brew your own beer, share your brews with friends and family and get their feedback. Spend your evening at a bar trying out new types of beer. Take a brewery tour and spend time learning the science behind beer making. Did You Know…
    …that there are craters on Mars and on the Moon called beer?
     
    ***
     
    A man boards a plane and is seated next to an Air Marshall and his ‘sniffing dog’.  Soon, the plane takes off and the Marshall says, “Sniffer, search.” The dog walks along the aisle, and stops next to a woman. He then returns to his seat and puts a paw on the Marshall’s arm.
    “Good boy,” says the Marshall.
    “What happened?” asks the man.
    “That woman is in possession of marijuana. We’ll arrest her when we land.”
    Once again, Sniffer searches the aisles. He stops beside a man, then returns to his seat, and places two paws on the Marshall’s arm. 
    “That man is carrying cocaine,” the Marshall explains.
    The dog walks up the aisle again, then races back, jumps into his seat, and poops all over it.
    “What’s going on?!” demands the man.
    The Marshall nervously replies, “He just found a bomb!”
     
    ***
     
    An extensive government study has revealed that the leading cause of cancer in laboratory rats is scientists.
     
    ***
     
    Several years ago we headed to a nearby town to visit some relatives. I had a new car and was having fun driving fast on the twisty country roads. As we zoomed along, I noticed a three-legged chicken keeping pace with me. I slowed to get a better look at the speedster when it turned and went down a dirt road. I stopped, turned around and followed it.
    After a short ride, we came upon a house with an older couple sitting on the porch and dozens of three-legged chickens in the yard. I asked them, “Are these your chickens? They’re the fastest I’ve ever seen.”
    The old man said, “Yep.”
    So I asked him where they came from, and he replied,
    “When the kids were younger, they always fought over the chicken legs, so we decided to breed a three-legged chicken.”
    I nodded and said, “Well, they are fast, but what do they taste like?”
    He admitted, “Not rightly sure; we never could catch one.”
     
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    G'Day, mate!
     
     
     
    Bye for now,
    sandrewn
    B.T.W. - The cat is over her left hand shoulder.
  9. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 05 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 24
    August 5th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Abel of Reims Addai Afra Albrecht Dürer, Matthias Grünewald, and Lucas Cranach the Elder (Episcopal Church (USA)) Cassian of Autun Dedication of the Basilica of St Mary Major (Catholic Church) Emygdius Memnius Oswald of Northumbria August 5 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Independence Day (Burkina Faso) Victory and Homeland Thanksgiving Day and the Day of Croatian defenders (Croatia)  
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    Blogger Day
    India Pale Ale Day
    Oyster Day
    Underwear Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Work Like a Dog Day
    August 5 is Work Like a Dog Day, a day to work hard and to reward people who work day and night and are very productive.

    The unofficial holiday celebrates the English language phrase, working like a dog, meaning to work very hard. It is believed that the idiom comes from the hard work that working dogs - herd dogs, hunting dogs, rescue, and service dogs - put in during the day.
    How to Celebrate?
    Work hard. Put in extra hours at work, and who knows, you may be able to get in your boss’s good books. Do you know someone who is a workaholic? Spend the day honoring the hard work they do and celebrate their contribution to the workplace and society by doing something nice for them. Or, since most pet dogs don’t work much and prefer spending time lazing around, you could be a contrarian and celebrate Work Like a Dog Day by not doing any work at all! Did You Know...
    ...that there are dogs that can't bark? Basenji is a type of hunting dog native of central Africa that doesn't bark but makes yodel like sounds.
     
    ***
     
    A man came through my lane at the grocery store with a jug of wine and a bouquet of roses. But before paying, he set the two items aside and said, “I’ll be right back.”
    He ran off, only to ­return a minute later with a second jug of wine and another bouquet of roses. “Two girlfriends?” I asked.
    “No,” he said. “Just one really angry one.
     
    ***
     
    What are the wildest things national park guides contend with? Questions from tourists, like these:
    • How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
    • Would the lightning be faster if 
it didn’t zigzag?
    • What do you do with the snow when it melts?
     
    ***
     
    Test Answers From Smart-Alecky Students
    • Q: 
What’s the name of a 
six-sided polygon? A: Sixagon.   • Q: 
What part of the body is 
affected by glandular fever? A: The glandular.   • Q: 
In The Tempest, why does 
Ariel sing in Gonzalo’s ear? A: 
She’s a mermaid and wants to be human.   • Q: 
In comparison with large 
hydrocarbons, how would you describe small hydrocarbons? A: They’re smaller.   • Q: 
Who were the Bolsheviks? A: A Russian ballet company.  
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    sandrewn
  10. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 04 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 23
    August 4th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Aristarchus Euphronius Blessed Frédéric Janssoone John Vianney Molua (or Lua) Raynerius of Split Sithney, patron saint of mad dogs August 4 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Coast Guard Day (United States) Constitution Day (Cook Islands); first Monday in August[28] Matica slovenská Day (Slovakia) Barack Obama Day in Illinois in the United States  
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    White Wine Day
    International Clouded Leopard Day
    Assistance Dog Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Single Working Women's Day
    August 4 is Single Working Women's Day, a day reserved to recognize the important role that single working women play in our communities and societies.

    The unofficial holiday was created by Barbara Payne who realized that despite the important economic and social contributions of single working women, there were no holidays that celebrated their achievements, creativity, and courage. And thus, Single Working Women's Day (SWWD) was founded in 2006. SWWD falls with Single Working Women's Week, a whole week devoted to celebrating happily single women who are gainfully employed.
    No Longer a Stigma...
    As societies around the world have progressed, the age-old stigma associated with single and/ or working women is slowly but surely disappearing. Today, women do not have to be married and stay-at-home to prove their worth. Successful and accomplished single women can be found in every walk of life and they contribute to their workplaces and communities on par with their peers who are married or in relationships.
    ...But Still Many Challenges
    Despite this, there are many challenges that single working women still face in the workplace and in society. SWWD raises awareness about these issues and encourages people to find equitable solutions. The day also attempts to eliminate singlism - the stereotyping and discrimination of single people. It acknowledges that singlehood does not preclude happiness and satisfaction with life and that some people prefer going through life solo than with a partner.
    How to Celebrate?
    Honor all the single, working women in your life. Let them know that you admire them, respect their decisions and are inspired by what they do. In many parts of the world, being a single woman is still considered to be a shameful thing. Volunteer your time and money to organizations that work towards helping single, working women stand on their feet and be self-sufficient in these countries. Did You Know...
    ...that studies have shown that single people are much more social than married people? People with spouses and partners tend to spend less time with friends and more time with their families.
     
    ***
     
    After a health scare, I hugged my wife and whispered, “If something happens to me, the presents in my closet are yours.”
    She whispered back, “If anything happens to you, everything in your closet is mine.”
     
    ***
     
    My ESL students try so hard and are so appreciative.
    One student paid me the ultimate compliment when she said, “You teach English good.”
    Another assured me, “I will always forget you.”
    And a third insisted, “I thank you from the heart of my bottom.”
     
    ***
     
    If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for 
a month.
    Theodore Roosevelt
     
    ***
     
    When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, 
I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
    Mark Twain
     
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    sandrewn
  11. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 03 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 22
    August 3rd - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Anniversary of the Killing of Pidjiguiti (Guinea-Bissau) Armed Forces Day (Equatorial Guinea) Christian feast day: George Freeman Bragg, W. E. B. Du Bois (Episcopal Church) Lydia of Thyatira Myrrhbearers (Lutheran Church) Nicodemus Olaf II of Norway (Translation of the relic) Stephen (Discovery of the relic) Waltheof of Melrose August 3 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Flag Day (Venezuela) Independence Day, celebrates the independence of Niger from France in 1960. Arbor Day (Niger) National Guard Day (Venezuela)  
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    White Wine Day
    Clean Your Floors Day
    Night Out
    Cloves Syndrome Awareness Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Watermelon Day
    August 3 is Watermelon Day, an annual holiday that celebrates everyone's favorite summer fruit.

    Made of almost 92% water, the fruit is full of Vitamins A, C, and antioxidants. So what are you waiting for? Go get yourself a few slices of watermelon to celebrate this delicious holiday.
    Watermelon is an ancient food that is believed to have originated in tropical Africa. Historians have found evidence of watermelon cultivation as far back as 4000 years ago. Today, many varieties of the fruit are grown in warm parts of the world.
    A Superfood
    Because of its high water content, watermelon is a good thirst quencher. In fact, in the Kalahari desert, where they are called tsamma, watermelons are one of the main sources of water during the dry, hot season. In the past, people crossed the desert only during a good tsamma season.
    Some studies have shown that the antioxidants in watermelon - carotenoid and lycopene - can reduce the risk of some types of cancer.
    All parts of the fruit are edible - its flesh can be eaten as is, cooked or juiced. In many parts of the world, the rind or the thick green outer covering of the fruit is stewed, fried or pickled. In some parts of in the China, watermelon seeds are dried and roasted and enjoyed like nuts.
    How to Celebrate
    Celebrate the holiday by having watermelon for all your meals. Have a big glass of watermelon juice for breakfast; make a lovely watermelon, feta cheese, and mint salad for lunch; and for dinner, make watermelon salsa to go with your fish. And finally, make some refreshing watermelon sorbet to end the day on a high note. Of course, have slices of the fruit as a snack all through the day. Have a garden? Why not spend the day finding out how you can plant a watermelon plant in your yard. If you do it today, you'll not have to make a grocery store run to get watermelons for Watermelon Day next year. All you'll need to do is take a walk in your garden! Did You Know…
    …that watermelon is the official vegetable of the state of Oklahoma in the United States? There is some debate between the botanical and gardening community as to whether to classify watermelon as a vegetable or a fruit. Botanists all agree that watermelons are a fruit, while gardeners usually tend to believe that it is a vegetable given that it is closely related to the squash, gourd, and cucumber families.
     
    ***
     
    One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.
    “We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm.
    “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.”
    “How do you know that?” I asked.
    “Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” she said.
    Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.
     
    ***
     
    When my daughter and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip—not enough for even a modest lunch—we decided to feed it to her two cats. She put our catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the fish but refused to eat it.
    Thinking quickly, my daughter then picked up the dish, walked over to the electric can opener, ran it for a few seconds, then put the fish back down. The cats dug right in.
     
    ***
     
    “Halt!” shouted our drill 
instructor. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Our instructor approached the 
directionally challenged Marine 
and stomped on his left foot.
    “Now,” he said, “when I say ‘left,’ it’s the 
one that hurts.”
     
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    Sorry, out of time
    sandrewn
  12. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 02 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 21
    August 2nd - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Ahudemmeh (Syriac Orthodox Church).[32] Basil Fool for Christ (Russian Orthodox Church) Blessed Justin Russolillo Eusebius of Vercelli Peter Faber Peter Julian Eymard Pope Stephen I Our Lady of the Angels of the Porziuncola (Franciscan Order) "Perdono di Assisi" (Pardon of Assisi), the plenary indulgence related to St.Francis of Assisi originated in the church of Porziuncola (Catholic Church) [33] Samuel David Ferguson (Episcopal Church) August 2 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Day of Azerbaijani cinema (Azerbaijan) Our Lady of the Angels Day (Costa Rica) Paratroopers Day (Russia) Republic Day (North Macedonia) Romani genocide-related observances, including: Roma Holocaust Memorial Day (Council of Europe, European Parliament) Genocide Remembrance Day of the Roma and Sinti (Poland) International Remembrance Day of the Holocaust of the Roma (Ukraine)  
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    Coloring Book Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Ice Cream Sandwich Day
    What is better than a scoop of ice cream on a hot (or cold or rainy or snowy) day? A scoop of ice cream sandwiched between two layers of cookies or cake. In other words, an ice cream sandwich!

    Celebrated every year on August 2, the unofficial holiday is also known as National Ice Cream Sandwich Day in the US.
    Many countries around the world have their own version of the ice cream sandwich. In Iran for example, rose or pistachio flavored ice cream is sandwiched between two thin wafers, while in Vietnam, street vendors sell ice cream stuffed between two layers of bread.
    How to Celebrate?
    Visit your local ice cream shop and treat yourself to an ice cream sandwich. Make your own ice cream sandwiches and share with your family and friends. All you need is some wafers, cookies or biscuits and some ice cream. Experiment with different kinds of ice cream flavors and outside layers of the sandwich. What about making a chipwich, for example? It is an ice cream sandwich made of ice cream between two chocolate chip cookies. Did You Know…
    …that according to the International Dairy Food Association, chocolate mint ice cream is the second most popular flavor of ice cream in the United States, after vanilla?
     
    ***
     
    My sister is a know-it-all who bristles at anyone's well-intentioned advice. But when our older sister gave her several clever tips, she was impressed.
    "I have to hand it to Pat," she told me.
    "She really is smart. Not Jeopardy! smart; more Wheel of Fortune smart."
     
    ***
     
    My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?"

    Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"
     
    ***
     
    My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands.

    Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.

    "It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison.

    "Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.

    "Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready."
     
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    sandrewn
  13. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 01 Aug

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 20
    August 1st - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Armed Forces Day (Lebanon) Armed Forces Day (China) or Anniversary of the Founding of the People's Liberation Army (People's Republic of China) Azerbaijani Language and Alphabet Day (Azerbaijan) Celebration of the Slavery Abolition Act 1833 which ended the slavery in the British Empire, generally celebrated as a part of Carnival, as the Caribbean Carnival takes place at this time (British West Indies😞 Earliest day on which Caribana celebration can fall, celebrated on the first Weekend of August. (Toronto) Earliest day on which Emancipation Day can fall, celebrated on the first Monday of August. (Anguilla, the Bahamas, British Virgin Islands) Emancipation Day (Barbados, Bermuda, Guyana, Jamaica, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Trinidad and Tobago) Christian feast day: Abgar V of Edessa (Syrian Church) Alphonsus Maria de' Liguori Æthelwold of Winchester Bernard Võ Văn Duệ (one of Vietnamese Martyrs) Blessed Gerhard Hirschfelder Eusebius of Vercelli Exuperius of Bayeux Felix of Girona Peter Apostle in Chains Procession of the Cross and the beginning of Dormition Fast (Eastern Orthodoxy) The Holy Maccabees August 1 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest day on which August Bank Holiday (Ireland) can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday of August. Earliest day on which Civic Holiday can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday of August. (Canada) Earliest day on which Commerce Day, or Frídagur verslunarmanna, can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday of August. (Iceland) Earliest day on which Constitution Day (Cook Islands) can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday of August.[28] Earliest day on which Farmers' Day can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday of August. (Zambia) Earliest day on which International Beer Day can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Friday of August. Earliest day on which Friendship Day can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Sunday of August. (United States) Earliest day on which Kadooment Day can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday of August (Barbados) Earliest day on which Labor Day (Samoa) can fall, while August 7 is the latest; celebrated on the first Monday of August (Samoa) Minden Day (United Kingdom) National Day, celebrates the independence of Benin from France in 1960. National Day, commemorates Switzerland becoming a single unit in 1291. Official Birthday and Coronation Day of the King of Tonga (Tonga) Parents' Day (Democratic Republic of the Congo) Statehood Day (Colorado) Swiss National Day (Switzerland) The beginning of autumn observances in the Northern hemisphere and spring observances in the Southern hemisphere (Neopagan Wheel of the Year😞 Lughnasadh in the Northern hemisphere, Imbolc in the Southern hemisphere; traditionally begins on the eve of August 1. (Gaels, Ireland, Scotland, Neopagans) Lammas (England, Scotland, Neopagans) Pachamama Raymi (Quechuan in Ecuador and Peru) The first day of Carnaval del Pueblo (Burgess Park, London, England) Victory Day (Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam) World Scout Scarf Day Yorkshire Day (Yorkshire, England)  
     
    Observances (click on the day for details)
    World Wide Web Day
    Planner Day
    Respect For Parents Day
    Yorkshire Day
    Doll Day
    World Lung Cancer Day
    Psychic Day
    Rounds Resounding Day
    International Childfree Day
    Raspberry Cream Pie Day
     
    Observances (click on the month for details)
    Anti-Frizz Month
    Happiness Happens Month
    Water Quality Month
    Peach Month
    Romance Awareness Month
    Fishing Month
    Inventor’s Month
    Catfish Month
     
    Fun Observances (2)
    National Girlfriend Day
    August 1 is Girlfriend’s Day. It is unclear whether the unknown creators of this holiday wanted it to be a day for people to honor their female friends or for them to celebrate their female romantic partners.

    Either way, take this day to tell the special women in your life that they mean a lot to you, and that you love, honor, and respect them.
    The term girlfriend first came into use in 1863 as a way to describe a woman's female friend in youth. It was not until the 1920s when the word started being used as a way to describe a person's female romantic partner.
    How to Celebrate?
    While we think that every day of the year should be your girlfriend's day, Girlfriend's Day is a good excuse to do something extra special for that extraordinary woman in your life. Here are some ways you can celebrate this day:
    Do something special for your partner to show them how much you care and love them. Maybe surprise your partner with a gift and dinner? Or take them out to see their favorite band perform or arrange for a romantic lunch picnic in the park. Don’t have a partner? Why not celebrate your girlfriends with a girls night out or a girls only party. Watch Girlfriends, an American sitcom that follows the lives of four friends. Did You Know…
    …that in the fashion world, girlfriend style refers to a type of clothing for men that is borrowed from women's clothing?
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    Sisters' Day
    The first Sunday of August every year is celebrated around the world as Sisters’ Day.

    The unofficial holiday honors the strong bond that people share with their sister(s). Sometimes called National Sisters' Day in the United States, the holiday encourages people to celebrate the special relationship between them and their sister(s).
    This is a day to acknowledge the joy and love that your sister brings into your life and to make sure that she knows that you cherish all that she does for you.
    Describes Many Different Relationships
    While sister is usually used to refer to a female sibling, the term can be used for a variety of relationships. In many cultures, the term is used to address a female nurse, a woman who is in religious service, like a nun, or any other unrelated woman who shares a person's religion. Members of a sorority - a female social organization on college campuses - also call each other sisters.
    How to Celebrate?
    If you live far from your sister, call them or send them a card telling them how much you love them and appreciate them. If you live close to them, visit them or take them out for a nice meal and treat them to their favorite dessert. Don't have a sister who you share genes with? What about celebrating your female friends who have provided you the love and support that only a sister can? Did You Know...
    ...that a similar holiday, Rakshabandhan or Rakhi is celebrated by those who follow the Hindu religion around the same time as Sisters' Day? Celebrated every year on a full Moon day, the holiday honors the sacred bond between brothers and sisters.
     
    ***
     
    SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.
    Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?
    Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
    Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.
    Me: What is a vowel?
    Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …
    Me: Close enough.
     
    ***
     
    I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself.
    In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
    I think I managed to cover my tracks.
     
    ***
     
    Teacher: What is an evangelist?

    Student: Someone who plays the evangelo.
     
    ***
     
    For 98 percent of the students at the school where my wife teaches, English is a second language. But that didn't stop them from giving her Christmas cards.
    Still, their enthusiasm for the occasion sometimes exceeded their grasp of English. Among the many cards that flooded her desk were:
    "Happy Birthday, Grandma,"
    "Get Well Soon," and
    "Congratulations on Passing Your Driving Test!"
     
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    That's it,
    sandrewn
  14. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 31 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 19
    July 31st - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Abanoub Germanus of Auxerre Ignatius of Loyola Neot July 31 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest day on which the Feast of Kamál (Perfection) can fall, while August 1 is the latest; observed on the first day of the eighth month of the Baháʼí calendar. (Baháʼí Faith) End of the Trinity term (sitting of the High Court of Justice of England) Ka Hae Hawaiʻi Day (Hawaii, United States), and its related observance: Sovereignty Restoration Day (Hawaiian sovereignty movement) Martyrdom Day of Shahid Udham Singh (Haryana and Punjab, India) Treasury Day (Poland) Warriors' Day (Malaysia)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    Raspberry Cake Day
    World Ranger Day
    Bubblegum Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Uncommon Musical Instrument Day
    July 31 is Uncommon Musical Instrument Awareness Day, a day to celebrate odd, rare, experimental, and well, uncommon musical instruments.
    ii

    ii
    Throughout human history, musicians have tried to push the boundary of sounds and music by inventing newer and innovative ways of creating music.
    This day aims to encourage people to not only learn to play some of these uncommon instruments but also to make their own contributions to the world of music by making their own musical instruments.
    How to Celebrate?
    Learn about uncommon instruments. Some examples include the Xaphoon, Daxophone, and Bowfrideaphone. Start learning how to play an uncommon musical instrument. Did You Know…
    …that the earliest recorded music instruments are about 42,000 years old? Found in a cave in Germany, these flutes were made of bird bones and mammoth ivory.
     
    ***
     
    Traveling through the Midwest, I stopped at an Ohio welcome center to pick up a state map. I found plenty of brochures but no maps. Then I spotted two employees and asked whether they had any.
    “Sure,” said the first guy. “I’ll get you one.”
    As he walked to the back, the second guy explained, “We keep them in the storage room. If we leave them out on the counter, people just come in and take them.”
     
    ***
     
    Delta Airlines is infusing its cabins with a lavender-and-chamomile scent called Calm. The Week asked its readers to come up with a better name to match
    “the ambience of the packed economy cabin.”
    “Eau the Humanity”
    “Giorgio’s Arm-on-me”
    “Chanel No. 5 Inches of Legroom” 
    “Claustrophobique” 
    “Mist Connection”
    “The 99 Per-scent” 
     
    ***
     
    Q: What do you get when you combine an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
    A: Someone who lays awake at night wondering the true meaning of Dog.
     
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    Well, I'll say ta-ta for now,
    sandrewn
  15. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 30 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 18
    July 30th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Abdon and Sennen Hatebrand Maxima, Donatilla, and Secunda Peter Chrysologus Robert Barnes (Lutheran) Rufinus of Assisi Tatwine Ursus of Auxerre Solanus Casey July 30 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Feast of the Throne (Morocco) Independence Day, celebrates the independence of Vanuatu from the United Kingdom and France in 1980. International Day of Friendship (international),[22] and its related observances: Día del Amigo (Paraguay) Martyrs Day (South Sudan)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    Friendship Day
    Talk In An Elevator Day
    Paperback Book Day
    Share a Hug Day
    Father-in-Law Day
    System Administrator Appreciation Day
     
    Fun Observances
    National Cheesecake Day
    July 30 is National Cheesecake Day, a day to treat yourself with a slice (or two) of this decadent dessert made of cream cheese, eggs, sugar, and a graham cracker crust.

    Believed to have originated in ancient Greece, cheesecakes, whether baked or chilled, have become a restaurant and bakery staple around the world. There are many different regional variations of the cake. For example, the Germans use Quark and a freshly made pastry as the base for their version of the cake. In Brazil, on the other hand, cheesecake is served with a thin layer of guava jelly or marmalade.
    How to Celebrate?
    With a big slice of cheesecake of course! Add some fruits to it, and you can claim that it is healthy! Bake a cheesecake at home and add new twists to the traditional recipe. Here are some ideas: replace the graham cracker crust by chocolate cookie crust, add bacon to the crust for a salty and smoky flavor, or replace the cream cheese with ricotta or goat cheese. Make a savory version of the cake for dinner and a sweet version for dessert. In honor of National Cheesecake Day, many restaurants and bakeries have cheesecake specials on their menus. Take your family and friends out to try out one of these specials. Did You Know…
    …that a turophile is someone who loves and fancies cheese?
     
    ***
     
    The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As I stepped 
forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed.
    Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I 
explained, “The last time someone 
gave me wings, I had to jump 
out of the airplane.”
     
    ***
     
    On vacation in Hawaii, my step- mom, Sandy, called a café to make reservations for 7 p.m. Checking her book, the cheery young hostess said, "I'm sorry, all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?"

    "That's fine," Sandy said.

    "Okay," the woman confirmed. Then she added, "Just be advised you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table."
     
    ***
     
    My flight was delayed in Houston. Since the gate was needed for another flight, our aircraft was backed away from the terminal, and we were directed to a new gate. We all found the new gate, only to discover a third gate had been designated for our plane.
    Finally, everyone got on board the right plane, and the flight attendant announced: "We apologize for the gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., you should deplane at this time."
    A moment later a red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, "wrong plane."
     
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    Have a good night,
    sandrewn
  16. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 29 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 17
    July 29th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Lazarus of Bethany Lupus of Troyes Martha of Bethany (Catholic, Anglican, and Lutheran Church) Mary of Bethany Olaf II of Norway Simplicius, Faustinus and Beatrix July 29 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest day on which Somer's Day can fall, while August 4 is the latest; celebrated on Friday before the first Monday in August. (Bermuda) International Tiger Day[13] Mohun Bagan Day (India)[14] National Anthem Day (Romania) National Thai Language Day (Thailand) Ólavsøka or Olsok, opening of the Løgting session. (Faroe Islands and the Nordic countries)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    Chili Dog Day
    Rain Day
    Lipstick Day
    Intern Day
    Earth Overshoot Day
    International Chicken Wing Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Lasagna Day
    Who doesn’t love lasagna – the versatile and delicious dish made of layers of pasta or noodles, sauce, vegetables, and meat? Celebrate it on July 29, Lasagna Day.

    The unofficial holiday of unknown origins is also known as National Lasagna Day in the United States.
    The modern day versions of lasagna - a one-pot dish made with layers of pasta, sauce, and cheese and then baked in an oven - originated in Naples, Italy.
    Many Theories About Origins
    Many theories exist on how lasagna became one of the traditional dishes of Italy. According to one theory, lasagna came to Italy by way of Greece. The word lasgna is close to the Greek work lasana, which means a trivet for a pot. Another theory suggests that the dish owes its origins to an English dish called Loseyn.
    Wherever lasagna originated, however, it is clear that the addition of tomato sauce to the dish did not occur until the late 1500s. It was only after Christopher Columbus reached America in 1492, that tomatoes reached Europe.
    How to Celebrate?
    Take out your favorite lasagna recipe and make the dish for all your meals. What about an egg and bacon lasagna for breakfast, an eggplant lasagna for lunch, and a classic lasagna for dinner? Make a dessert lasagna to end a perfect Lasagna Day. And don't forget to share - your family and friends will love you forever! We all love lasagna, but do you know who loves lasagna the most? Garfield - the comic cat known for his hatred for Mondays and diets and his love for food. Read Garfield comics and watch the Garfield television series to celebrate this awesome food holiday. Did You Know...
    ...that lasagna is the singular for lasagne, a wide flat pasta? In recent years the terms are used both to refer to the pasta and the dish made with the pasta.
     
    ***
     
    In San Diego to work with military linguists, my colleague and I checked into a hotel and ordered a 5 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, the phone didn’t ring until 5:30.
    “You were supposed to call us at 5 a.m.!” I admonished the desk clerk on the other end of the line. “What if I had to close a ­million-dollar contract this morning? Your oversight would have cost me the deal!”
    “Sir,” he said calmly, “if you had to close that type of deal, I doubt you’d be staying in this type of hotel.”
     
    ***
     
    Because my wife and I are flea market dealers, we usually carry stacks of $1 bills. Not long ago, we had lunch at a restaurant and paid the check with singles.
    As our waitress collected the ones, she sized up my 70-year-old wife and said, "You had a good night dancing last night, huh?"
     
    ***
     
    I took four tires to a friend’s garage sale and was asking $30 apiece. I needed to leave for a few minutes, so I asked him to watch them for me.

    "Sure," he said, "but if someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"

    "Try for more, but I will accept $15," I said, and left.

    When I returned, my tires were gone. "How much did you get for them?" I asked excitedly.

    "Fifteen dollars each."

    "Who bought them?"

    "I did!"
     
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    I know this one
     
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    sandrewn
  17. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 19 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 7
    July 19th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Arsenius (Catholic Church) Bernold, Bishop of Utrecht Justa and Rufina Kirdjun (or Abakerazum) Macrina the Younger, Sister of St. Basil the Great Symmachus July 19 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Martyrs' Day (Myanmar) Sandinista Day or Liberation Day (Nicaragua)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    Daiquiri Day
    Get Out of the Doghouse Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Sticking Out Your Tongue Day
    July 19 is Stick Out Your Tongue Day.

    It is unclear whether the anonymous inventor of this made-up holiday intended it to be a day for people to stick out their tongues at everyone they come across or for them to visit their doctors to get a general check-up.
    It is also possible that the creator of this unofficial holiday created it to encourage people to defy odds and attempt things that they find difficult to do.
    Many cultures consider sticking out the tongue at someone as a childish, rude, and insulting gesture. In these cultures, when children stick out their tongue at adults, it is seen as an act of disobedience. In Tibet, however, sticking out one's tongue is considered to be a polite form of greeting.
    Perfectly Fine at the Doctor's Office
    There is one place where sticking out one's tongue is not only considered ok, but can be sometimes essential - in a doctor's office. The tongue, which is a muscle that helps humans in eating food and speaking, is also one of the many organs in the human body that doctors check to detect signs of illness.
    Today, sticking out one's tongue over the Internet or through text (or SMS) is done through emoticons, and seen as a way to express a point that should not be taken very seriously. The emoticon is written by typing a colon, followed by a dash, and a capital (:-P).
    How to Celebrate?
    Stick out your tongue at people. Just let them know why you are doing it, lest they think of you as a terribly rude person. If there are things that are bothering you, take this day to stick your tongue out at them. If you are overdue for a general check-up, perhaps today is the day to visit the doctor and get a clean bill of health. Did You Know...
    ...that the human tongue can have anywhere from 2,000 to 8,000 taste buds?
     
    ***
     

     
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    Q: What did the SNAIL say while riding on the turtles back?
    A: Wheeeeeeeee
     
    ***
     
    A snail named Samuel just got a raise working as a realtor. He decided since he got this money he will get a custom sports car with a big "S" on the side to show everyone the car is his. While he's flexing his new car down the streets of Los Angeles, he passes an elderly couple sitting on their porch.
    As he passes the man exclaims to his wife, " Look at that S-Car-Go!"
     
    ***
     
    A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?”
    The dog points to steak in a glass case.
    “How many pounds?”
    The dog barks twice.
    “Anything else?”
    The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times.
    So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck, and sees him out.
    A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!”
    “Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”
     
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    sandrewn
  18. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 28 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 16
    July 28th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Alphonsa Muttathupadathu (Syro-Malabar Catholic Church) Botvid Johann Sebastian Bach, George Frederick Handel, Henry Purcell (Episcopal Church commemoration) Johann Sebastian Bach, Heinrich Schütz, George Frederick Handel (Lutheran commemoration) Nazarius and Celsus Pedro Poveda Castroverde Pope Innocent I Pope Victor I Samson of Dol July 28 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Day of Commemoration of the Great Upheaval (Canada) Earliest day on which Emancipation Day can fall, while August 3 is the latest; celebrated on Thursday before the first Monday in August (Bermuda) Fiestas Patrias, celebrates the independence of Peru from Spain by General José de San Martín in 1821. Liberation Day (San Marino) Ólavsøka Eve (Faroe Islands) World Hepatitis Day[27]  
    Fun Observances
    Milk Chocolate Day
    July 28 is Milk Chocolate Day, everyone's favorite type of chocolate.

    Made of cocoa solids - cocoa paste and cocoa butter - mixed with dry or condensed milk and sugar, milk chocolate is one of the most common types of chocolates available around the world. The other types of chocolates include dark chocolate and white chocolate.
    Native to The Americas
    Chocolate is an edible treat made from the extracts of the cocoa (cacao) bean found in the cocoa pod. Native to the Americas, each pod on a cacao tree has up to 30 to 50 seeds that are fermented, dried, and roasted to make cocoa solids. Chocolatiers then mix the cocoa paste, also known as chocolate liquor, and the cocoa butter with milk and sugar to make milk chocolate.
    Types of Chocolate
    Dark chocolate is usually made with little or no milk and has less sugar than milk chocolate. White chocolate on the other hand only has sugar, milk and cocoa butter.
    It is believed that milk chocolate was first created as a drink in the mid-19th century in Germany. The first milk chocolate in the form of a bar that we all recognize today was created by Swiss chocolatier Daniel Peter in collaboration with Henri Nestlé, the founder of the chocolate company Nestlé.
    How to Celebrate?
    Here are some ways you can celebrate this sweet holiday:
    Treat yourself to a bar (or two) of milk chocolate. What about baking a batch of milk chocolate cookies or a vanilla cake with milk chocolate ganache icing at home? Share with family and friends. Add milk chocolate to all your meals. Have milk chocolate chip pancakes with milk chocolate syrup for breakfast. Have a milk chocolate shake for a snack and milk chocolate bars for dessert after lunch and dinner. Did You Know…
    …that even though chocolate was an integral part of Aztec culture, the Aztecs couldn't themselves grow cacao?
     
    ***
     
    Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. And yet they’re as popular 
as, well, a colonoscopy. Here are 
comments purportedly made by 
patients to physicians during their procedures.
    “Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
    “Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”
    “Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?”
     
    ***
     
    A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday 
I broke that trust and had an affair!
    The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
    The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”
     
    ***
     
    Three guys are fishing when an angel appears.
    The first guy says, “I’ve suffered from back pain for years. Can you help me?”
    The angel touches the man’s back, and he feels instant relief.
    The second guy points to 
his thick glasses and begs for 
a cure for his poor eyesight.
    When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man 
gains 20/20 vision.
    As the angel turns to the third fellow, he instantly recoils and screams,
    “Don’t touch me! I’m on disability!”
     
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    Thanks,
    sandrewn
  19. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 27 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 15
    July 27th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Arethas (Western Christianity) Aurelius and Natalia and companions of the Martyrs of Córdoba. Maurus, Pantalemon, and Sergius Pantaleon Seven Sleepers of Ephesus (Roman Martyrology) National Sleepy Head Day (Finland) Theobald of Marly Blessed Titus Brandsma, O.Carm. July 27 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Day of Victory in the Great Fatherland Liberation War (North Korea) Iglesia ni Cristo Day (the Philippines) José Celso Barbosa Day (Puerto Rico) Martyrs and Wounded Soldiers Day (Vietnam)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    Walk On Stilts Day
    Norfolk Day
    Chicken Finger Day
    Scotch Whisky Day
    Gary Gygax Day
    Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Take your Pants for a Walk Day
    July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day. Because the purpose or the origins of the day are unknown, we can only surmise that the unofficial holiday encourages people (in pants) to go out for a walk and enjoy the many benefits that walking provides.

    Studies have shown that walking at a medium to fast pace regularly can have tremendous mental and physical health benefits. Walking not only helps burn calories, but can also boost a person's mood and can help treat depression. It also reduces the risk of a variety of health problems including obesity, diabetes, and heart diseases.
    How to Celebrate?
    Get up early in the morning, wear your pants, and go for a walk! Walking with weights is known to increase the effectiveness of the exercise. So why not fill a bag with all your pants and literally take them for a walk? Did You Know…
    … that the oldest historical records of pants date back to 10th BCE China?
     
    ***
     
    Writing newspaper copy is an art form unseen in these real headlines:
    “Worker Suffers Leg Pain After Crane Drops 800-Pound Ball on His Head”
    “City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells”
    “Caskets Found as Workers Demolish Mausoleum”
    “Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25”
    “Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police”
    “Hospitals Resort to Hiring Doctors”
     
    ***
     
    The band Kings of Leon cut short a concert after pigeons bombarded them with poop.
    Bass player Jared Followill couldn't say how many birds there were.
    "The last thing I was going to do was look up," he told CNN.
     
    ***
     
    Coincidences were flying when a man was arrested and charged with stealing a bird feeder from Cornell University's ornithology laboratory.
    According to the Associated Press, police charged James Buzzard, 44, who lives on Cardinal Drive in Ithaca, N.Y., with stealing the feeder from the lab on Sapsucker Woods Road.
     
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    Elephants never forget, nor do chickens.
     
     
    sandrewn
  20. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 26 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 14
    July 26th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Andrew of Phú Yên Anne (Western Christianity) Bartolomea Capitanio Blessed Maria Pierina Joachim (Western Christianity) Paraskevi of Rome (Eastern Orthodox Church) Venera July 26 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Day of National Significance (Barbados) Day of the National Rebellion (Cuba) Esperanto Day Independence Day (Liberia), celebrates the independence of Liberia from the American Colonization Society in 1847. Independence Day (Maldives), celebrates the independence of Maldives from the United Kingdom in 1965. Kargil Victory Day or Kargil Vijay Diwas (India)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    Coffee Milk Shake Day
    Holistic Therapy Day
    All or Nothing Day
    One Voice Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Uncle and Aunt Day
    Honor all the awesome uncles and aunts in your life on Uncle and Aunt Day. The unofficial holiday is celebrated every year on July 26.

    Uncles and aunts are fun to spend time with. They are just like parents except without the rules and regulations. They buy you gifts that your parents won't, dote on you, take you on fun vacations, and they are a huge part of your support system. So, celebrate your uncles and aunts on Uncle and Aunt Day.
    In many western cultures, the term uncle and aunt is reserved for close family members, related by marriage or through genetics. This is in contrast to several other cultures, especially in Africa, Asia, and the Middle East, where anyone who is from the generation of one's parent is referred to as an uncle or an aunt.
    How to Celebrate?
    Call your uncles and aunts or visit them to wish them a happy day. Make them a nice meal or take them out to thank them for all the fun things you have done with them and learned from them. Did You Know…
    …that "say uncle" is a phrase popularly used in the United States and Canada and is usually used to concede defeat in a game or match?
     
    ***
     
    A man’s bragging about his promotion to vice president got so out of hand even his wife was annoyed.
    “Look, being a vice president isn’t that special,” she said. “They even have a vice president of peas at the supermarket!”
    Not believing her for one second, the man called the supermarket and demanded, “Get me the vice president of peas!”
    The clerk replied, “Fresh, canned, or frozen?”
     
    ***
     
    Q: Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot?
    A: It's not fast food!
     
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    My neighbor texted me, "I just made synonym buns!"
    I texted back, "You mean like grammar use to make?"
    I haven't heard from her since.
     
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    sandrewn
  21. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 25 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 13
    July 25th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Anne (Eastern Christianity) Christopher (Western Christianity) Cucuphas Glodesind James the Great (Western Christianity) John I Agnus Julian of Le Mans (translation) Magnerich of Trier July 25 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest day on which Father's Day can fall, while July 31 is the latest; celebrated on last Sunday in July. (Dominican Republic) Earliest day on which National Tree Planting Day can fall, while July 31 is the latest; celebrated on last Sunday in July. (Australia) Earliest day on which Navy Day can fall, while July 31 is the latest; celebrated on last Sunday in July. (Russia) Guanacaste Day (Costa Rica) National Baha'i Day (Jamaica) National Day of Galicia (Galicia) Puerto Rico Constitution Day (Puerto Rico) Republic Day (Tunisia)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    Wine and Cheese Day
    Parents’ Day
    Carousel Day
    Hot Fudge Sundae Day
    Thread The Needle Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Culinarians Day
    July 25 is Cullnarians Day, an unofficial holiday that honors all cooks and chefs who bring good taste and great food in people's lives.

    Culinarians are experts in the art and science of cooking and serving food. They can be chefs, cooks, home cooks, bakers, and anyone else who is involved in the process of preparing and serving meals. Professional culinarians tend to work in restaurants and commercial kitchens.
    While the origins of Culinarians Day are unknown, we can all safely assume that the holiday was invented as a way to thank all the culinarians who make our experience of eating out fun and special.
    How to Celebrate?
    If you personally know a chef or a cook, send them a thank you note and a thoughtful gift. Make a special dinner for the person who cooks for you every day. Go out to eat and thank the chef and the cooks for laying out a good meal for you. Did You Know...
    ...that the hat chefs wear is called a toque blanche (white hat in French)? It is believed that the height of the toque represents seniority and rank in the kitchen and the folds in the hat represent the qualification of the chef.
     
    ***
     
    A man told a friend about taking his wife to dinner for their anniversary. He described how the food was made in front of them.
    The friend said, “I’ve heard of places like that, what is the name of the restaurant?”
    The man replied, “Subway.”
     
    ***
     
    “My great-grandma gave me this money,” said my three-year-old, happily clutching a $20 bill he’d 
gotten as a present.
    “That’s right,” I said. “How did you know that?”
    Pointing to Andrew Jackson’s face in the middle, he said, “Because her picture is on it.”
     
    ***
     
    My sister felt she was well prepared for her in-depth interview with several members of the police-academy board who would determine her suitability as a candidate. The first situation they presented to her was: "On routine patrol you see a car traveling at excessive speed, with undue care and attention. You pull it over and discover that the driver is your brother. What do you do?"

    Without hesitation she replied, "Tell Mom!"
    She was accepted.
     
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    sandrewn
  22. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs 24 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 12
    July 24th - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Carnival of Awussu (Tunisia) Children's Day (Vanuatu) Christian feast day: Charbel (Maronite Church/Catholic Church) Christina the Astonishing Christina of Bolsena Declán of Ardmore John Boste Kinga (or Cunegunda) of Poland Martyrs of Daimiel Menefrida of Cornwall Sigolena of Albi July 24 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Pioneer Day (Utah) Police Day (Poland) Simón Bolívar Day (Ecuador, Venezuela, Colombia, and Bolivia) Navy Day (Venezuela)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)
    Tequila Day
    Drive-Thru Day
    Pioneer Day
    Tell An Old Joke Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Cousins Day
    Cousins are fun to be with – they are almost like your siblings but you don’t have to share all your prized possessions with them all the time. Celebrate them on Cousins Day, an annual celebration of the special bond you share with your cousins.

    Celebrated every year on July 24, the unofficial holiday is also sometimes known as National Cousins Day.
    Shared Ancestors
    In general, cousins are relatives with whom we share an ancestor, though in many cultures the term is commonly used to refer to the children of our aunts and uncles. In genealogy, which is the study of families and their history, a relationship between cousins - two people who have a common ancestor - is named after which generation they belong to.
    The Many Different Types of Cousins
    When cousins are from the same generation, they are known as first, second or third cousins. For example, first cousins are children of siblings - your uncle and aunt's children will be your first cousins. The children of first cousins are second cousins, and the children of second cousins are third cousins.
    On the other hand, when two people are not from the same generation, their relationship is described by adding the word removed. First cousin once removed, for example, is used to describe the relationship between a person and the children of his or her first cousin - your first cousin's child will be your first cousin once removed. First cousin once removed can also be used to refer to a parent's first cousin.
    Confused? One easy way to remember is that once removed means that there is a separation of one generation between the two relatives. Twice removed means there are two generations between them. The same logic applies to other degrees of cousinhood.
    How to Celebrate?
    Send a note or message to your cousins wishing them a happy Cousins Day. Tell them that you love them and you care about them. If you live close to your cousins, why not get together with them and their families and do something fun? If your cousins live far away, you could video chat with them or talk to them over the phone. Did You Know...
    ...that a genogram is a type of a family tree that includes medical, hereditary, and psychological information about the members of the family?
     
    ***
     
    If you think 
eggplant is good, you should try any other food;
    it’s much better.
     
    ***
     
    Dear Charlie,
    We’ve been neighbors for six tumultuous years. When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces. When I was sick, you blasted Metallica. And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed. I could go on, but I’m not one to hold grudges.
    So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.
    Cordially, Harry
     
    ***
     
    A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.”
    “You jerk!” yells a voice from 
the back of the courtroom.
    “You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with a hammer,” 
says the judge.
    “Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows the same man.
    “Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.”
    “I’m sorry, Your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this jerk’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”
     
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    sandrewn
    P.S. I'm not sure why the sudden cold shoulder, regardless, I will carry on.
  23. sandrewn

    Bread Crumbs 23 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 11
    July 23rd - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Birthday of Haile Selassie (Rastafari) Children's Day (Indonesia) Christian feast day: Bridget of Sweden Heiromartyr Phocas (Eastern Orthodox) John Cassian (Western Christianity) Liborius of Le Mans Margarita María Mercè Prat i Prat Rasyphus and Ravennus July 23 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) National Remembrance Day (Papua New Guinea) Renaissance Day (Oman) Revolution Day (Egypt)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)Moon Day
    Peanut Butter and Chocolate Day
    Sprinkle Day
    International Yada, Yada, Yada Day
    Gorgeous Grandma Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Vanilla Ice Cream Day
    July 23 is Vanilla Ice Cream Day. Celebrate this unofficial holiday of unknown origins by eating as much vanilla ice cream as you want without any guilt.

    Made by freezing a custard of cream or milk, sugar, eggs, and vanilla beans or flavoring, vanilla ice cream is the most popular flavor of ice cream in the United States and Canada according to some surveys.
    Recognizable Flavor
    Vanilla is a flavoring that comes from the pods of the fruit of the vanilla orchid. A native plant of Mexico, vanilla was unknown to the world outside Central America until the late 1600s. Today, it is one of the world's most recognized flavors. The expression, plain vanilla, is used to refer to something that is commonplace and does not have any special or distinguishing characteristics.
    Vanilla Ice Cream Day is also sometimes known as National Vanilla Ice Cream Day in the US.
    How to Celebrate?
    Do we need to say anything else other than it's Vanilla Ice Cream Day! Eat as much ice cream as you can possibly eat. Having pancakes for breakfast? Add a dollop of vanilla ice cream with it. Brownies for dinner? Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Smoothies for an after workout snack? Add a few scoops of vanilla ice cream. Well, you get our point. Did You Know…
    …that vanilla is thought to be the world's second most expensive spice? The most expensive spice in the world is saffron.
     
    ***
     
    When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
     
    ***
     
    It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week, I asked her what she wanted as a present.
    “Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “Just give me something with diamonds.”
    That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
     
    ***
     
    Forget about the past, you can't change it.
    Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
    Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
     
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    I still have the album, loved that song.
     
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    sandrewn
  24. sandrewn

    Bread Crumbs 22 Jul

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 10
    July 22nd - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Birthday of the Late King Sobhuza (Swaziland) Christian feast day: Abd-al-Masih Joseph of Tiberias (or of Palestine) Markella Mary Magdalene Nohra (Maronite Church) July 22 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Earliest day on which Parents' Day can fall, while 28 July is the latest; celebrated on the fourth Sunday in July. (United States) National Press Day (Azerbaijan) Pi Approximation Day, see also March 14 Ratcatcher's Day Revolution Day (The Gambia) Sarawak Self-government Day (Sarawak, Malaysia)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)Moon Day
    Hammock Day
    Crème Brûlée Day
    Mango Day
    Penuche Fudge Day
    Bubblegum Day (again)
     
    Fun Observances
    Pi Approxmation Day
    July 22 is Pi Approximation Day. Also known as Casual Pi Day, the day is dedicated to the mathematical constant pi (π).

     
    Pi denotes the relationship between a circle’s circumference and its diameter and is denoted by the fraction 22/7 which calculates approximately to 3.14. One of the most widely recognized mathematical constant, π, is an irrational number, the digits of which repeat in a random fashion and are never ending.
    Depends on Date Format
    People in countries that write their dates in the date/ month format celebrate Pi Approximation or Casual Pi Day on 22 July or 22/7. On the other hand, those who write their date in month/ date format celebrate Pi Day on March 14 (3/14 or 3-14) because the first three digits of the date correspond to the first three digits of pi - 3.14.
    Move to Replace Pi
    In recent years, some mathematicians and physicists have argued for the replacement of the π by tau and to celebrate Tau Day on June 28 instead of celebrating Pi Day or Pi Approximation Day.
    How to Celebrate?
    Here are some ways you can celebrate this irrational, but fun holiday:
    Celebrate the day with lots of pie – remember a pie is also a circle so not only are you learning something about math, but also having fun while eating it! Have a pi contest. Whoever knows the most digits in the number takes home a pie. Did You Know...
    ...that the sequence 123456 does not occur in the first million digits of pi?
     
    ***
     
    I was once a legal secretary to a young law clerk who passed the bar exam on his third try. This fledgling attorney worked hard on his initial pleading, which should have read "Attorney at Law" at the top of the first page.

    After I submitted the finished document for his review and signature, I was embarrassed when he pointed out a critical typing error. "Must you rub it in?" he asked.

    I had typed: "Attorney at Last."
     
    ***
     
    As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face. I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions.

    "Milton," I asked, puzzled, "how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?"

    "I was in prison," he answered. "You should know that—you were the one who sent me there."

    "That's not possible," I said. "I wasn't even a judge then."

    "No, you weren't the judge," the defendant countered, smiling mischievously. "You were my lawyer."
     
    ***
     
    As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

    The defense attorney took a different approach, however. "I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?"

    "English and theater," I responded.

    "Then I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney quipped.

    "No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting."

    When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.
     
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    Adios amigos,
    sandrewn
  25. sandrewn

    My Daily Bread Crumbs July 21

    By sandrewn,


    Bread Crumbs 9
    July 21st - Holidays and Observances
    (click on the day for details)
    Christian feast day: Albert John Luthuli (Episcopal Church) Arbogast Barhadbesciabas Carlos of Brazil (Brazilian Catholic Apostolic Church) Daniel (Catholic Church) Lawrence of Brindisi Praxedes Victor of Marseilles July 21 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics) Liberation Day in 1944 (Guam) Belgian National Day (Belgium)[28] Racial Harmony Day (Singapore) Summer Kazanskaya (Russia)  
    Observances (click on the day or week for details)Moon Day
    Lamington Day
     
    Fun Observances
    Junk Food Day
    On July 21, let go of your diet and indulge in all your favorite unhealthy snacks without any guilt because it is Junk Food Day.

    Junk food is a term used to refer to food that has a lot of calories but very little or no nutritional value. Popularized in the United States in the 1950s, the word is widely used for foods that are heavily processed, and have high amounts of sugars, fats, and salt.
    Studies have shown that consuming junk food once-in-a-while does not have a negative effect on health - it is only when one eats junk food for a majority of their meals that their diet can be considered unhealthy. Consuming large amounts of foods considered to be junk, can lead to several health problems, including a high risk of obesity, diabetes, and heart issues.
    Different Definitions
    Different cultures have their own different definition of what constitutes junk food - what may be junk food in one culture, may be considered nutritional food in another. Many people believe that fast food is usually junk food, though some kinds of fast food are prepared in a healthy way and can be very nutritional.
    How to Celebrate?
    Have junk food for all your meals! Start the day with your favorite junk food – may we suggest several slices of bacon and an egg omelet wedged between two slices of a glazed donut washed down with a big glass of orange soda? If someone questions your choice, you can always point out to the fact that eggs, bacon, donuts, and orange juice are all breakfast items. Have a potato chip sandwich for lunch and a waffle burger – a burger between two waffles – for dinner. Did You Know...
    ...that the first cotton candy (candy floss or fairy floss) machine was invented by a dentist? Dentist William Morrison and confectioner John C. Wharton created the machine in 1897 and introduced it to the public at the 1904 World's Fair in St. Louis, Missouri. Made out of pure sugar and some flavorings, cotton candy is widely considered to be a junk food.
     
    ***
     
    What's the difference between love and marriage?
    Love is blind.
    Marriage is an eye-opener.
     
    ***
     
    Relationships are a lot like algebra.
    Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
     
    ***
     
    This man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: "Wife wanted."
    He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox.
    Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
     
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    That's all folks,
    sandrewn
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