Fixing My Destiny - 1. Chapter 1 - Deflated

As Jack continued his ride back to West Portal Station, he counted down the three stops remaining before he could hop off the trolley and get away from the odd looks from the few who were near him and saw those tears. Those unmistakable drops that betrayed him, breaking his usual state of hardened exterior, had left him so vulnerable, he just wanted to run. But he was in an underground street car with nowhere to run. It was futile to even try to escape. ‘Just three stops, get through Castro, the Forrest Hill, and then you can get the hell out on West Portal and never look back,’ he thought.

His eyes remained closed as he reminded himself that he hadn’t slept the night before, not that it was news to Jack. But the constant shut-eye was having a rush of unplanned effects that Jack simply did not expect. His head bobbed further and further down, as he silently fell asleep. His body was slowing his breathing gradually, to the point where it all seemed to have stopped altogether. His tongue was subconsciously fighting to open up the airways to get him to breathe.

In his mind, Jack’s mind drifted to a random scene of a violent car crash, one that he himself had not experienced, but rather a friend of his had. His friend was injured by a drunk driver driving into his friend’s car head-on, resulting in a totalled car, fractured pelvis, dislocated hip joints, broken legs and cracked ribs. Jack saw the photos his friend showed him, the crash, the damage. He pictured the opposing vehicle swerving towards the front of his face. He tried to jerk the steering wheel to avoid a collision, but his arms felt numb and couldn’t move.

Slowly, like in action movies, everything started to slow around him, playing out the collision as his body experienced an intense jerk that brought his entire body forward. The restraints on his seats ripped off and sent his entire body flying through the windshield. His mind easing, as his potential last thoughts if the crash were real would mean the end of his pathetic little life, a relaxed smile spread on his face as everything around him turned black, right before he made impact with the dark asphalt that reflected the dark November moonlight.

***

He awoke from the dream with people in black police uniforms and white paramedic uniforms all crowding around his head. The paramedic held a flashlight to check Jack’s pupils.

“Sir, do you know where you are?” the paramedic asked.

“Well, I can’t see a damn thing besides lights because all I see are people in uniform surrounding my face. Am I dead?” Jack groaned as the pain of his head impact sharply brought him back to reality.

The paramedic waved the officers and passengers away. “Is this better? Do you know where you are now?” he asked again.

“Well it looks like I’m on a muni train and by the smell of things, someone recently urinated near the doors.” Jack responded as he tried to take a deep breath and turned his head towards the door for a better look at the commotion he’s apparently involved in, but the paramedic immediately held his head from turning.

“Sir, don’t move your head. You’ve sustained a head injury and you need to remain still until I get you to a hospital. What is your name and do you have insurance information with you?” The paramedic held a firm tone and Jack took the hint.

Jack winced at the sharp pain in his head as he tried to move his arm down to grab his wallet.

“Shit, I have new insurance from my dad but it’s only the first few days of the new year and I haven’t gotten the new card yet. Can I give you my information and you can look it up?” Jack winced at his head pain again as he tried to move his arms, legs, fingers and toes. “My head’s pounding like I just got rolled over by a truck, but my arms are fine. My legs and toes are fine too, but I don’t want to move my head right now. Can you reach into my front right pocket for my wallet? It’s got my emergency info printed with my parents’ contact information.”

The paramedic noted Jack E. Chan on his form and smirked. “Is your name seriously Jack E. Chan? Your parents must have a great sense of humor.” He flipped open the wallet where a white slip of paper that stood out in front of Jack’s credit cards had black bolded text with a big red cross sign on it that said ‘Emergency Contact Information’ with his information, insurance policy numbers and his parents’ contact information. Not exactly updated information, since the paramedic then asked, “You have an out-of-state address on that piece of paper, yet you have a California Driver’s license. Are you new to the city?”

“No, I was out-of-state for college,” Jack groaned as another wave of sharp pain sent Jack keeping his eyes shut, “I grew up in San Francisco. I’d love to chat, but my head’s hurting like a mofo, you got something for the pain?”

“Not until I know if you’re allergic to anything,” the paramedic said.

“Well, as long as it’s not toxic or poisonous I’ve never really had allergies to be honest, let’s just hope I don’t find out what I’m allergic to the hard way huh?” Jack smirked.

“Alright, the gurney’s here, so let’s get you on the transport and we’ll see about getting you some of the good stuff while we’re on our way to the hospital alright? At least you don’t seem to have any memory problems. Do you remember how you got 15 feet away from your seat?” the paramedic was asked.

“I… what?” Jack began to move his head back and another jerk from the paramedic stabilized his head from moving again.

“Ah ah ah, what did I just say, don’t move,” the paramedic said as he secured a neck brace around Jack.

“I smell iron, am I bleeding?” Jack asked.

“Well at your sense of smell’s not impacted too much. Yes, it looks like you banged your head against one of the metal handle poles, but we’ve already stopped the bleeding for the time being.” The paramedic said.

Jack was wheeled out of West Portal Station with a small crowd of spectators eyeing Jack, a couple of kids held up their camera phones and Jack just groaned as he could just picture the next YouTube viral, 'Dumbass flies out of his seat on Muni, Bangs head' becoming the next joke of the internet.

When he got into the ambulance, he smirked at the paramedic and saw his name tag. “So, do I get to ride with sirens, Joey?”

“You wish. Sirens are for important people. You don’t get that satisfaction unless there’s traffic… perhaps if we have to take 19^th Avenue, we’ll throw it on,” Joey responded and gave Jack a wink.

“Well, I guess that’s what happens when they standardize healthcare… but don’t you dare expect a tip when I get out of here, you hear me?” Jack playfully responded.

“Oh a tip, well for a small fee, anything’s possible!” Joey laughed as he checked on Jack’s vitals again and then proceeded to radio in to the hospital dispatch. As the ambulance finally hit a patch of traffic, the sirens came on and Jack smirked as the ambulance began flying down the road, then up the hill towards UCSF Medical Center.

***

The next day, his father took him home from the hospital. Jack had stayed overnight so that the nurses could observe him for any signs of more serious head trauma or concussion. After a stern talking to, from his mom, about not falling asleep on the trolley, Jack felt truly idiotic. His innocent mask of hiding from other people on the damn street car landed him in the hospital because he actually fell asleep and apparently since he’s got sleep apnea, he had to see a doctor to get one of those breathing machines.

Other than that, only a bruised head and ego was the only remaining that reminded Jack just how stupid the whole ordeal was. Not only can he not interact or just… live like a normal person, apparently he can’t sleep like one either.

His mother decided it’d be best to take him to see the doctor the next day, so his dad could take Jack home and then head back to work. No words of sympathy were heard from his parents. Not a single hug came from his mother. Nothing in the conversation besides what was in its absolute sense, objective was even spoken. The conversation got the job done, he was discharged from the hospital and Jack was quiet in his dad’s car.

He enjoyed the silence, although the late braking of his dad’s driving style was making him queasy. He finally got home and he walked upstairs and took his Tylenol and then went to bed. His mother had gone to work this morning and his dad quickly visited the bathroom before leaving for work. As Jack heard the garage door closing, announcing his father’s departure, he sighed and closed his eyes, hoped this time he wouldn’t injure himself while he lay still on his bed this time.

He awoke gasping for breath an hour later, realizing that he was dreaming that he was suffocating in some sort of torture chamber. His throat was dry as a bone, as was his tongue, the roof of his mouth, his lips, even his teeth. He quickly sat up so he could get a glass of water, forgetting about his head wound, losing balance and landed his head on the opposite side of his bed. Cursing his lack of balance, he tried again, this time slower, as he slowly stood, and slowly inched towards the kitchen for some water.

He drank five glasses of water before he stopped himself. He knew he had enough water even though his brain still craved more of the liquid. He belched, as the speed in which he gulped down those glasses of water bit him in the ass, as a quick reminder to slow down next time.

He sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and tried to read that day’s newspaper in Chinese that his parents were reading earlier in the morning. It was nothing special, as most Chinese newspapers just recycled the previous day’s headlines from around the world anyways. He pushed the stack of newspapers to the other side of the kitchen table and sighed. He knew he couldn’t fall asleep again without getting suffocated. The feeling was unbearable. He took multiple deep breaths to sooth his pounding heart, which seemed to have a mind of its own, pumping blood furiously after being deprived of oxygen for so long. When he realized his fingertips were a bit too dark to be red, he walked to the bathroom where he saw his face was pale with a light purple hue. He knew, suffocating was not just in his dream, he was really not breathing.

In his tired state, he called his mother, who was annoyed that Jack didn’t drive her to work today and was behind on her tasks at work. Jack explained what happened and his mother gasped and asked if he could still breathe. Once he assured her that he was in no immediate danger as long as he stayed awake, his mother ordered him to take a hot shower and stay outside and keep walking around, so he wouldn’t be tempted to fall asleep.

Jack knew better than to ask if he could see the doctor right away, but he asked anyway. He knew no one could watch him sleep at night, which would be a huge problem. Jack told his mother that he was going to the doctor’s office to see if he could do a walk-in visit. His mom first protested, then remembered his healthcare had been reinstated with the new healthcare law, extending his coverage until age 26, she sighed and told Jack in Chinese to be careful while driving.

Jack hung up the phone as for the first time he heard his mother show any sign of concern. He couldn’t quite figure out if the concern was for Jack’s own wellbeing or to minimize the probability for a crash, which would either damage his family’s property or someone else’s, which would lead to a costly lawsuit. Jack wanted to believe it was genuine concern for his own wellbeing, but he knew better. His lack of support even on a near life and death experience made him shudder. He took a hot shower and scrubbed the grime accumulated from the hospital off of his body and quickly dressed in a loose-fitting hoodie and a pair of jeans before taking off.

He wondered how much his life could suck. While sure he knew that there are more people, perhaps tens of millions more, in worse situations than he was in at the moment, but he couldn’t help it. If no one would feel sorry for him, even sarcastically, he would be his own caretaker for the time being, or at least try to.