Square Peg in a Game of Dominos - 3. Lurking in the Dark

Summer came and went. I rode my bike alone. I wanted to go by Randy’s house, but his dad was home during the day, so I avoid him too. When the new school year started, Matthew Rollins didn’t return. There was buzz that his parents sent him to military school for the pencil incident. If it helped everyone forget all about it, then I was glad that he was gone.

Fall has always been my favorite time of year. Walking home in the warm autumn sun was nice. Middle school was starting off pretty good. A new school with a lot more kids. It was easy to get lost in the crowd because nobody paid attention to me and that’s how I liked it.

Unlocking the door, I heard Mom’s laughter coming from inside. It made me smile. I liked it when she was happy, heading into the living room, I suddenly froze. My backpack fell to the floor with a thud. Our wooden rocking chair in the corner was gone. It would have been okay if it was replaced with a nice new piece of furniture, but instead an old beat-up blue recliner sat in its spot.

What the hell was THAT doing on in our house? “Mom?!?!?!” I shouted, glaring at the offensive piece of crap.

“Hey honey, your home. We wanted to wait and tell both of you together--” She and Mr. Seller walked in holding hands. His smile was smug…evil…haunting!

Really? Really! This had to be a horrible joke! This can’t be happening! Without a word, I spun on my heels and ran from the house.

I jumped the fence when my trembling fingers couldn’t undo the latch. “Randy?” I called out when I didn’t see him in the yard. Where is he? He’s always in the yard.

“What do you want?” He stood in the doorway with his arms folded over his chest.

“What’s going on? Why is your dad at my house?” My chest hurt as I struggled to breath.

“Why don’t you ask your whore mother?” He spit the last word as if it was venom.

This can’t be happening. I’m smarter than that man. He can’t be moving into our home. Lost in thought, I never saw the punch that knocked me flat on my back.

We’re moving!” Randy shouted. “You and your family have ruined everything, so why don’t you just go home, you freak!” He split my lip open then walked back inside, slammed the door, and pulled the curtain closed.

I didn’t want to go home, but I had nowhere else to go.

                                                            ***

Keeping my distance wasn’t going to work with “Danny.” Calling him, “Dad” was never going to happen! I could think of a few names to call him, but I don’t think Mom would find it funny. We sat down and ate dinner like a real family, even though we weren’t.

All I wanted to do was go to my room. Maybe I could call him one of those names and get myself sent there even sooner. No, that would make Mom mad.

Door closed and locked, I was ready for bed when I heard the knob jiggle. “Rosaly?” It was Mom.

“Yes,” I answered through the door.

“Open up right now. Danny said it’s unsafe for children to sleep with the door closed and locked.”

Bullshit! I stomped over and jerked the door open. She stood there with him right behind her.

“If there was a fire you wouldn’t be able to get out. We don’t want anything to happen to you, honey.” Fake concern oozed from his mouth. How could she not see it?

Oooooh good idea, I could set the house on fire…shit! Stop thinking like that!

“Mom, I’m fine. If the house caught fire, I would jump out the window. It’s only 5 feet off the ground. I got to go to sleep.”

She gave me a peck on the cheek, but when he stepped forward, I jumped back. He was talented. His face smiled while his eyes shot daggers. “I know it’ll take some time, but before long, you’ll be comfortable with me living here.” He turned and walked away.

                                                             ***

I tossed and turned forever. Sleep eluded me. When someone stepped into my bedroom, I thought I was dreaming…I wished I was dreaming. I was trapped in a nightmare that I couldn’t escape.

“Hey,” Danny smacked my butt, snapping me out of that place between dreams and awake.

When I sat up in, bed he clamped his hand over my mouth and pushed me back into the pillows, using his weight to pin me down. “I really like your mother and she’s happy that I’m here. She told me your dad left her because of you and your sister. Let’s get this straight. You aren’t going to do or say anything! I swear, if you upset her, I’ll make your pitiful little life miserable.”

“It already is miserable!” I hissed.

Afraid that someone would hear me, he tightened his grip on my mouth while his free hand found my breast under my t-shirt and squeezed my flesh. “I can make everything a whole lot worse.”

                                                             ***

Avoidance became the new game in our house. I would stay away from home until Danny left for work on the night shift, but come the weekends he was everywhere, thankfully so was Mom. Danny would get upset at the slightest thing and was constantly telling Mom to ground me.

“You’re too easy on these girls, Nadine. You have to be firm or they’ll walk all over you.” He pulled her into a hug while glaring at me over her head. God, I hate him!

I didn’t know how ruthless he was until one Thursday afternoon, I came home to drop my bag in my room before taking off again, when I heard a crash in the living room.

“What the heck is wrong with you, Rosaly?” Danny shouted.

I came running in to see what had happened. Mom’s favorite glass pitcher was shattered in a million pieces. Emily walked in the door just as I reached the broken glass. It was a trap!

“Rosaly, how could you? You know Mom loves that pitcher.” Her face was pale with disbelief.

“I didn’t do it,” I glared at Danny.

“It’s time you took some responsibility for your actions, young lady.” He said the last as if the words would burn even more. He glanced back at Emily with big sympathetic eyes. “Isn’t there a dance after school tomorrow?”

She nodded her head, unsure of where he was going with his question.

“That will make a good punishment. Maybe it’ll make you think about what you’ve done, when you’re sitting home, instead of going to the dance.”

I glared at him. He obviously didn’t know me. Like I wanted to go to that lame dance anyways, but I wasn’t stupid. Mom worked late every Friday. The bank was open until 6pm and she never got home before 7pm. My heart started pounding. He was imprisoning me in this house… alone… with him. I would be here for hours at his mercy.

That was it! I couldn’t stand it anymore. I turned and stomped down the hallway towards my bedroom.

“She’s mad, just give us a second.” He whispered to Emily before chasing after me. He reached my room just as I was slamming the door. His foot stuck out preventing me from shaking the house with a violent bang.

He could have gotten in if he wanted. He pushed the door open while I stood behind, pushing it closed. “If you don’t do exactly as I say, maybe I’ll pay sweet little Emily a visit one night… very, very soon.”

No! How could he do this? He stepped back so I could finally slam my door, but I immediately jerked it back open. Where was Emily? I darted past him to make sure she was okay and found her in the kitchen doing her home work.

“I hate you,” I growled at him as I walked back to my room, except this time I left the door wide open.

                                                                         ***

Walking home the next day was like walking to my own execution. I couldn’t run. I couldn’t hide. I was trapped like a wild animal in a cage. My heart thudded a tempo inside my ears when my feet suddenly refused to take another step forward.

Home had always been my refuge, but now it was nothing more than a prison with evil lurking inside. I was torn, because, if I didn’t go home, Danny was going to hurt Emily. She was fragile and delicate and it made me sick to think about anyone hurting her.

Far off giggles caught my attention. How could some be happy when I was in such pain? Looking up, I noticed that I had stopped in front of Dr. Thomas’s house. He and his wife had 2 small children and their infectious laughter surrounded me, drawing me off the street.

I cut through his yard and hopped their fence into the back yard. Most of the neighbors had chain-link fences, but the doctor’s was white wooden slats that made the house look like something from a fairytale.

His back porch couldn’t be seen from our house, believe me I’ve spied, so I decided to sit on the steps and just listen to the night, to that happy laughter coming from inside. Any minute Danny was going to start looking for me. I should have been home by now. The days were getting shorter and it would be dark soon.

“Rosaly?” I heard Dr. Thomas behind me.

I’d been crying and didn’t look up at him. I just bobbed my head confirming that it was me.

“Honey, what are you doing out here?” He patiently waited for my response that wasn’t coming.

“Is everything okay?”

I shook my head and dropped my head onto my knees, hugging myself as sobs raked my body.

“I-I-I’m s-s-sorry…” I shuddered. “Give me a s-s-second and I’ll…and I’ll go h-h-home.”

Now Dr. Thomas was scared. He called to his wife to take the kids upstairs. I heard her send their kids to their rooms before I stepped inside. They glanced at each other, unsure of what was wrong.

“Are you hurt, Rosaly?” Dr. Thomas softly asked while he ran cool water over a rag.

I took a shaky breath. My lungs trembled. Long and deep like in gym class. Before I could stop myself, I blurted it all out. “When I go home, Mr. Seller is going to hurt me.”

The muscles clenched in his jaw.

“Why would you think that?” He knew what I was going to say before the words tumbled from my quivering lips.

“Because he’s done it before, when I was little, he cornered me in his garage and put his hand down my pants and now…now, that he’s moved in with us…”

“What exactly did he do?” His voice was hard as steel. He didn’t want to know, but he had to hear, have confirmation before he called the police.

“He comes into my room at night and touches. Then, yesterday he broke something so he could ground me…he said if I didn’t come home…didn’t do everything he said…then he was going to hurt Emily…”

Dr. Thomas grabbed the telephone off the wall and called the police.

“Don’t worry. He’s never going to hurt you again.” He said while pacing around the kitchen.

“But…”

His eyes narrowed in on me. “Rosaly, what aren’t you telling me?”

“…he knows my secret.”

He froze. “What secret?”

I bit my lip and fidgeted with the wet rag.

“I need to know everything if I’m going to help you. We have to be honest with each other.”

How was this going to go over? “I told Randy and he must have told his dad that…that I’m a boy.” The words were finally out.

The doctor shook his head and laughed. “You’re definitely not a boy, Rosaly, I’ve seen you naked during your surgery and everything is exactly like it’s supposed to be.”

“No, not my body, but on the inside I feel like I was born in the wrong body, like I’m a mistake.” The words were barely a whisper as I said them out loud for the first time.

Dr. Thomas didn’t freak out like I thought he would. “Well, I think I know what you’re feeling. When this is all over, I want you to talk to my sister, Trina, she’s a Psychologist--”

“I’m not crazy!”

“I don’t think you’re crazy. Trina helps people with special issues and you might relate to her since she’s a woman…” He hesitated, “…and like you…” Dr. Thomas was at a loss for words.

“Let’s see, how do I put this? She also likes to kiss and hold hands with other girls--”

“Jesus doc, I’m not a lesbian!”

“Oh? Oh! I didn’t think you would know that word yet.”

“Yeah, kids at school call each other fag and lesbo all the time, but that’s not what I mean. I close my eyes and my body feels like a guy, but when I open them…I disappear.”

Knock! Knock! Knock! “Dr. Thomas, this is the police.”

He suddenly realized what I was telling him. “Crap! Rosaly, we don’t have time for ‘that topic’ right now, soooooo how about we get back to this conversation later?”

Danny Seller went to jail. Dr. Thomas kept his word and invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner, where I met his sister Trina. That was the first time I heard the term: transgender homosexual.