Angst:Tale of a Troubled Life - 2. Chapter 2: Boredom

School. Skool. s’Cool. No matter how the fuck you say it, it still means hell!

Sitting at the kitchen table next morning eating a bowl of captain crunch while reminding myself that it’s the last year completely helps. Kris left this morning after waking me up to take a shower with him. Sexy you would think, but no alas t’was not. I have a car now so I no longer have to wake up at 6 to catch the 6:45 bus, guess Kris forgot that. Plus my first class isn’t till 8:30........*6 am shower. !HA!*

But there’s no way he could have known that, Kris wasn’t listening when I told him my schedule 2 weeks ago. So our sensual shower turned into a me half sleep jerkoff session while I leaned onto him for balance shower and afterwards he left without a goodbye and I crawled back into bed half feeling like I pissed him off half feeling like a booty call. And here I am now slowly crunching through my fruit loops cereal.

My dad rushes into the kitchen dressed for work, surprisingly. “Where’s mom?” I ask looking at the door waiting for her to appear, she’s always first.

“hmm, Oh, I have an early meeting so she let me shower first, have you seen my purple tie?” he responds. *I haven’t the heart to tell him it’s over the railing of the oven, and that I think mom used it to take the pizza out of the oven last night.* “behind you, oven door”.

He gives me this funny quizzical look while saying “why the hell would my tie be on the …” he followed my eyes and snatched the tie, throwing it around his neck. I know he didn’t see the grimy, dirty, burn spot sitting right in the middle of it. “Dad…dirty” I point out the tie to him.

“Got Damn it, Elli!” he yells. “WHAT!”I hear. “What happened to my tie!?” he yelled back.

“I toooold you not to leave your stuff on the counter, I was out of dish towels”, came the sound from the distance.

“What the fuck am I supposed to wear today?” he yelled back. Right then my mother walked in the kitchen calm as a cucumber “wear the orange one”.

“The orange one is for special occasions”, he snapped back clearly upset. “Well buy a new special occasion one and don’t leave the purple one on my counter, Hi Justin” my mother responded not bothered.

My dad stalks off. “Hi Mom” I respond, the front door slams in the distance, my mom rolls her eyes, grabs a banana, her purse, mutters something to the effect of “ ugly ass tie anyway”, and walks out of the kitchen. “Don’t be late”, she calls out as she leaves the house. I think to myself am I ever. This is a perfect example of what happens when an accountant marries a physician’s assistant, or better my annoying parents.

Grab my keys, grab my bag, grab my jacket and I’m out the door, driving to school. Ok, I guess I should explain a little more about myself. I’m Justin Clint; I’m your average gay guy in high school; I’ve never been beat up for being gay, I didn’t sue some bully and win a 10 million dollar settlement, I didn’t fall in love with some ridiculously hot ridiculously rich guy move in with him and live the rest of my life in luxury. I’m 5’10 cropped brown hair, I’m not fat, I play lacrosse and run but I’m not some super skinny twink or muscle boosted hunk either. I’m the guy you would walk right by on the sidewalk, the guy next door Matt tells me.

Matt he’s my best friend or one of them there’s also Lily. Ahhh Matt the classic flamboyant gay with dyed reddish-pink hair, twinkish figure, and skinny jeans so tight you can tell his religion. Then there’s Lily, the straight up blonde bitch, if you’ve ever seen Mean Girls think of the main Plastic leader. She hates girls cause in her mind their bitches and hate how pretty she is, she’s goggled at by all guys who haven’t had their dick in her serrated pussy, and aside from myself and Matt she’s all ways got some guy carrying her books everywhere she goes. She has also dated every hot straight guy from the soccer, hockey, basketball, lacrosse, swim, football teams and now was working through baseball.

Into the school parking lot, car parked and locked, to the school straight to my first class AP Literature. Sitting next to Lily, we just nod to each other before we have to listen to Mr. Baxter drone on about how bad the classes essays were and how they should be improved and telling us that we must rewrite the previous one while also working on the next one. Blah blah blah, why am I still here. Lily’s sitting next to me texting the entire time Mr. Baxter talks very blatantly I might add. She sniggers; I lean over to see who she is texting…

“It’s just Matt,” she says leaning in the opposite direction to hide the phones screen, “he’s complaining about class”. She stoops lower over her phone and keeps texting. Wow I think I was just dismissed by Lily, huh, I think I know how all the guys feel.

DING,DING, DING, finally the bell, time to get the hell outta here. Got advanced photography with Matt next. Walk in, sit down and wait. He shows up looking annoyed.

“hey what’s wrong with you”, I ask.

“That gym class! They have me running around with a bunch of freshman! It’s just ridiculous…”

“Well…maybe you should have done it in freshmen year also. So what’s with the attire? ” He was dressed in an overlarge pair of sweatpants and a homemade tank top. Huh, the sweats had an Orson College stamp on them, *Kris goes there…*

“I cannot change in that locker room with them most of them are sooooo homophobic, they either stay until I’m finished changing, hide and change or make evil eyes at me the whole time! It’s not like they have anything I want!” Matt said indignantly.

“Well what do you want; you haven’t had a boyfriend in a while?”

“Yeah I think I need a pause on the whole dating scene, you know? Just me, myself and I”

“Ok, sooooo where’s my homo and what have they done with him”.

The rest of class is uneventful, talking about an upcoming project. Then lunch, decisions, decisions, off campus or the lunch room. BHAM!

“HEY FAG why don’t you watch where you’re going instead of keeping your eyes on other guys penii!” And there goes Ryan…wait. Is Penii even a word?

“Shut up Lorens, you ignorant bigot”, Matt says, protecting me from something he doesn’t even understand, *bless him the little fools about to be trampled*. Ok, off campus it is!

“Matt, just let it go, you wanna go to Chipotle?” I say pulling him down the hall backwards by his pants.

“Yeah”, he responds pissed. “But Lily’s not gonna wanna go, she’s eating with the new guy”.

Chipotle with Matt, AP Bio and then work study job. I work at the neighborhood pet store. It’s amazing I get all the time I want working with animals.

I arrive at 2:00 for my daily shift. Sarah’s here like always, of course she’s the manager and daughter of the owner. Sarah’s cool, a biology major like I’d hope to be one day, tall and blond, still tan from the summer and one of the most down to earth, don’t play, no mess, blunt, get it over with, will stick her hand in to a tarantula cage in a second, chicks ever.

“Hey”, she says quickly glancing at me while handling a customer at the register while I stow my bag under the counter. “I need you to feed Regal.”

“Got it”. Now, Regal is a 14 foot long Burmese Python at about 7 years old, according to Sarah her dad got him when Sarah was 16 and she now was turning 23. The reason Regal hasn’t left the pet store is because of his size! The thickest part of his trunk is equals my waist! Many snake owners like corn or rat snakes, even large king and milk snakes are still only about 6 feet long and never get bigger than the human wrist. To have Regal the owner would need a huge enclosure and a permit from the county. Regal also eats almost anything from rats, to whole chickens and rabbits, and even road kill raccoons, foxes and groundhogs.

“What do we have to feed him?”

“Dad brought in a raccoon he found on the side of the road, hit by a car and still twitching, so he put him out of his misery, and he’s in a bucket in the back. Just throw him in, Regal will do his thing then wash out the bucket.”

Ugh, dead raccoon, “here you go Regal how are yo- HOLY SHIT”, the damn snake snatched the raccoon out of my hand, he must have been hungry. Ok washing out the bucket, back to the floor, and dealing with customers, feeding tarantulas, snakes, rabbits, fish, turtles, kittens and puppies, taking pictures of the animals, for photography project, four hours of work gone.

Back home eat dinner, rewrite essay, organize pictures, read email from Ryan about how sorry he was, I’m still annoyed so I ignore it, Facebook chat with Lily, Skype call from Ryan complaining about work and how he’s missing parties over it, ughhhhhh, my life.

Then I wake up and repeat, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. The weekend, Friday night movies with Lily and Matt, Saturday, work, and then phone Kris to hangout:

“Hey hun”

“Hey, what’s up” replied Kris.

“Nothin just wondering what you’re doing tonight. Wanted to see if you wanted to come over tonight or I could drive out ther-”

“Ahhhhh not tonight I’m busy maybe tomorrow, or Monday ok, I’ll see you then.”

“Oh o...k I’ll call you tom-…”

“beep beep beep beep beep”, the line was dead. He must have been out of the service area or his phone went dead… That makes sense, his phone is dying that’s why he was so hurried. Ok, next Matt:

“Hello”, Matt’s voice came through breathless; there was loud music on the otherside.

“Hey Matty, its Justin. What are you upto? Are you at a party?” I ask meekly worried I might have another boring weekend.

“Ummm yeah my cousin’s friend’s birthday is today sooooo I’m at his dorm room; and there's a guy here who apparently has the hots for me.”

“Oh I thought you were taking a break from dating?”

“I am, there’s free alcohol and sex who said anything about dating”

“Matt, it’s 3 in the afternoon!”

“Justin you must remember its always Happy Hour somewhere, why don’t you hang out with your boytoy?”

“He’s busy, hey you guys are both at Orson right-”

“Yeah yeah, but I’m not in a freshmen dorm. Ok dude my turn is up for beer pong I’ll talk to you later”

“Cool I want details –”

“beep beep beep”, line dead. WHAT THE FUCK how many people are going to hang up on me in one day!

Ok no Kris, no Matt, Lily’s at work…how bout:

“Ring, Ring, Ring , hello Ryan’s phone?”

“Hello, is um Ryan there?” I respond.

“Yeah, whose this?” a female voice asked.

Completely freaked I came up with the most bullshit response I could “ Hi I'm umm Elmer *ELMER what the fuck am I Looney Toon or something!*, Elmer Lorens I am Ryan’s cousin from North Carolina”. My mother just walked in the den looking at me like I had lost my mind.

“Oh hi, my name is Rachel, I am Ryan’s boyfriend, he’s never mentioned –“

“Yeah, he ain’t mentioned yourself either ma’am”, yeah I know southern accent what the flying fox am I thinking. “Is he around?” Mom crossed her arms.

“OH oh do you need to talk to him,*yes you dumb bitch I do thank you*, I’ll get him for you” she says hurriedly.

“thank yeah ma’am”, Mom’s giving me this puzzled look, “Justin what are---“?

“SSsshhhh” I hiss, Dumb bitch had started talking again, yelling actually “Hey RyRy *RyRy ew* your cousin Elmer’s on the phone. *OH FUCK, there’s no way in Heaven or Hell Ryan has a cousin Elmer*. “Cousin who?” I could hear Ryan yell in the background. I started to panic, my mom started to laugh at the look on my face.

“What’s so funny”, my dad said walking in looking from my mother to me. “Justin what’s wrong? You look like you got a girl pregnant.” My mother snorted and started howling at this…

“QUIET!!!” I hissed. Ryan finally came to the phone you could hear the questions in his voice. Hmmm maybe he thought Rachel was as stupid ass whore like I did…

“Hello whose this?” He asked

“Hey cuz, it’s Elmer, Elmer JUSTIN Lorens.” I enunciated the middle name to get my point across. Dad now looked at me weirdly.

“HUH, oh OH HEY hi what’s up *Wow maybe he and Rachel were a match made in Heaven*, look I can I call you back later, I’m busy” he asked quickly.

“Wait *did he not just ask me what’s up* busy, or getting busy” I asked lightly. Mom and Dad started miming people frenching in the door way, I threw a pillow off the couch at them.

“I don’t have time for this”, Ryan growled suddenly hostile, “bye”. Beep beep beep, ok when I rule the world first thing I’m doing is destroying the busy tone on phones. “Fucker,” I yelled, I didn’t know what I was madder at, the fact that Ryan had a girlfriend or the fact that he was fucking said girlfriend.

“See Justin, that’s why we don’t prank call people, you always receive your JUST desserts! Get it hahaha.”My mother laughed maniacally.

I raised my eyebrows at her; Dad looked at her like she was from Venus. “Thank you Elli, for that little bit of Socratic advice,” my dad posed obviously not understanding the joke, I snorted, Dad had shut her up. “Justin, we have a question for you” my father began, “your mother and I have an important dinner tonight to attend” always so formal. “We need to attend to make connections for our practices, we also need a little fun, and I think we deserve that, don’t you?” he asked.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” I countered, “oh and no call a cab”.

My dad froze staring at me, mom started sniggering “told you” she whispered. “I’m sorry son, what did you mean by that”, He asked weakly.

“Call A Cab, I suspect your about to ask me to drive you there and back tonight because you want a designated driver, because you two want to get too drunk to dream” I figured.

Dad started stuttering, mom giggled some more and grabbed my father’s shoulder to pull him upstairs to get dressed, “thanks anyway hun, will do” she called from down the hall; I could hear her speaking quietly to my father.

Ok, Justin you have no life, you have no friends, what to do now? Hmmm there’s one more person I could try calling.

Ring, ring, ring. “Hello” said a voice

“Hey, Sarah, ummmIwaswonderingifwecouldhangouttonightseeingasIhavenolife” I asked really really fast.

“hey Justin, this is perfect, I needed help anyway!*HUH* you’re not opposed to getting drunk are you?”

“Ummm no why?”

“I’m throwing a party tonight and I need company setting up and buying food. Be by my house in 30 minutes. We’re getting fucked up tonight!”