Sparkling Combustion - 6. Chapter 6

Loud music, voices muffled, some loud, and others laughing. Drugs, alcohol and enjoyment. This is why people party so hard. They love feeling like this. Immensely ecstatic but kind of foreign at the same time. I sat there on the deck outside, leaning against the rail, my butt on the ground and head thrown back. Opening my eyes, I encountered the numerous stars in the sky. I felt like catching one and just looking at it.

They say that some stars are so far away, it takes years for the light to reach us.

Bang. The sun just blew up. We are all dead but we don't know it yet.

It takes approximately eight minutes for the sun's light to reach earth. So if the sun decided to just blow up one day, we wouldn't know right away. Hmm...or maybe we would, maybe the explosion would be so catastrophic that someone could detect the signs before it happened. How would we stop it? That's right, we wouldn't be able to. No one can stop death; it's everyone's fate anyway. I, according to religion, am going straight to hell. Fuck it.

I stood up and walked to the edge of the deck with my hands over the railing. For a few moments I just stood there not thinking, not doing anything but just being. Then the moment was gone and I turned around . In the darkness I groped for the door handle and let myself in. Immediately as I stepped in the humid room from being outside in the wintery chill and snow, I felt a sense of nostalgia that I wanted to ignore.

I heard Laura calling my name, “Kyle! Stupid I've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been?”

“Uh-I was outside,” I replied and gestured to the open door, through which a cool breeze was wafting in. She rolled her eyes, “you're supposed to be my fake boyfriend, so dance with me. I don't want Marissa to think I'm here alone and not with a date.”

“You don't have a date though.”

“Exactly. I don't want her to know that I don't have one.”

“Alright.” I let her lead me by the hand to the dance floor which was pretty much just a blob of people. For a while we danced together and I was very bored and inanimate despite my movements. In spirit I felt like I was standing still. I kept telling her this bit of information but she just kept saying shut-up. Eventually I stopped and just began looking around. Why I even bothered to question Laura, I don't know.

I saw Nathan talking with some blond buff guy. They looked like they were really into each other. I felt a flicker of something before I washed it down. Then I spotted Josh dancing with this girl he'd been trying to 'seduce' for the last week or two. It looked like she'd been thoroughly courted. When he caught my eye, he winked. I smiled at him and began looking around again. I felt like I could see people's emotions and true uninhibited selves without any masks since they had no idea my eye was trained on them. As I peered this time, I saw Ryan leaning against the wall of the opposite side of the room, he had a cup in hand and his eyes were trained on Laura and I. I gave him a weak smile and he realized I'd caught him staring. Ryan just smiled and mouthed the words, “come here.” Along with gesturing with his hand.

I just shrugged and mouthed, “I can't,” with a curt nod of my head. Ryan frowned and keeping his eyes on mine, he walked to the staircase and made his way upstairs. At the top, he looked at me and nodded for me to follow him. I shrugged myself away from Laura a few moments after he disappeared and said, “Listen, I have to go use the bathroom, okay? I'll be a while so don't wait for me.”

“Whatever, I'm done with Marissa. I've decided that I'm not going to worry about her anymore. I will focus on my studies.” She declared. I rolled my eyes at this declaration, as there was no jeopardy to her grades anyway.

When I reached the top of the staircase, I looked down the long narrow hall, lit strangely by several medieval style candles. There were so many doors and I didn't know what was behind any of those doors. Taking a deep breath, I sauntered down the hall and called out, “Ryan?” After which I ceased any movement and stopped. A door to my far left opened and Ryan's head poked out. His face looked grave. “Come in.” I looked behind me once more and followed him into the room. Putting my hands in my pockets, I surveyed my surroundings. There was a big canopy bed in the room, decorated with svelte red and gold bed furnishings and a huge window draped with a sheer gossamer cloth. Several plush chairs were placed around the room, behind which stood rich cherry wood bookshelves. I released the breath I'd been holding and glanced at Ryan, who'd been watching me carefully. I gulped and looked away and back again.

Ryan sat down in one of the chairs, sprawled out and comfortable, his blond hair was mussed and the corner of his delectable mouth turned up, “have a seat and relax, Kyle.” He ordered.

I nodded and sat down. I wiped my palms on the knees of my jeans and looked around uncomfortably. “So what's up?” The mood in the room was different. Something had changed, and I knew it right away. The atmosphere did not settle well with me.

“Nothing, Nothing.” Ryan replied, his eyes were sleepy and half lidded. He looked so sexy.

“Uh-okay.” I didn't know why he'd called me up here, but I wasn't feeling so hot about it right now.

“I know about you, Kyle.” Ryan said after a silence of a few moments. I looked up into his face with surprise. Surely, he didn't mean.

My shock must have shown on my features because he looked at me. “Yeah, I know what you and Little Nathan down there have been up to.” I didn't know what to say...Nathan and I? We weren't together or anything, we'd never been. So what was he talking about?

“I saw you two making out at Krista's party way back when he first came here.” I guess he wasn't homophobic or anything since he hadn't beat me up or said anything so terrible about it up until this day. Or maybe... “I saw you and I even have a picture of you two on my phone. Wanna see it?”

I shook my head, and my confidence returned, “what the fuck are you talking about?” I stood up. Ryan followed and copied my stance, “are you trying to deny anything happened. Are you trying to deny being gay, homosexual?” His eyes flashed as he demanded an answer. My eyes too were filled with unbidden fury, a storm of emotions that threatened to burst out at any given moment if stimulated.

“No, I'm not denying or hiding anything. I'm not ashamed of being gay.” I held my head high. God, I'd just outed myself to Ryan, and judging by the looks of things, to the entire school as well.

“If you aren't ashamed of it, then why doesn't anyone know? Why are you pretending to date poor Laura?”

I smiled, “hey shit-head, I'm not such a creep that I would abuse my friendship with Laura like that. We aren't dating. In fact, both her and Josh know about me. The reason I don't walk around wearing a sign that says I'm gay is because I don't believe that being gay is all I am. Just like you liking girls or whatever doesn't make you who you are, being gay doesn't make me who I am. Being gay is just a part of who I am, not me. I don't feel the need to start a conversation with, 'hi I'm kyle and I'm gay.' Just like you don't feel the need to say, 'hi, I'm Ryan and I'm straight.' Make sense to you buddy?”

He looked at me, “relax, okay? That had nothing to do with why I called you here,” he searched my eyes to see if I got the message and then continued. “All I want to tell you is that I have these pictures and I will out you to the entire school.”

I felt anger boil up inside me. What the hell was wrong with this guy? Why was he doing this after all this time? Fuck the stupid loser. I didn't want to be outed like this. If the entire public was going to find out I was gay, I wanted the news to be given out from me, not some dumb idiot who wanted to out me.

“Why do I sense an unless in that sentence?” I asked him, my voice forced and calm.

“I will out you unless you do as I say.”

“I don't have a problem with having the entire school knowing I'm gay...on my terms that is. I'm not going to do as you say. In fact, I'm going announce myself that I'm gay downstairs at this party. Then I'll be happy.”

Ryan held his cell phone in his hand and grinned, “All it takes is just one button and everyone down there at the party will see this picture and you'll be outed by me.” I think it was at about his point in the evening that I realized just how fucking drunk Ryan was. More than I was! He'd probably regret doing this in the morning. It sort of made me hate him less. Sort of. The thing is I was so drunk that I didn't even realize he probably couldn't out me to everyone with just the touch of the button on his phone.

“I'm ready to accept that. We don't exactly live in rural texas, Ryan. Most people in this area are accepting of gay guys. I'll straighten it out.”

“Whatever. No matter how accepting they are, I know some jocks that despise gay people. This isn't rural texas but there are people, and I know two or three who would, if stimulated, have no problem with beating a gay guy to pulp for just being gay. You know what sort of power I have over our school, all it takes is one word, one press of this button and you will live a life of hell.”

I was silent.

I thought.

Inside my head, I screamed. Out loud I asked in a low whisper, “why are you doing this, Ryan?” A bit louder this time and with more force, “why the fuck are you doing this? I thought we were finally getting along. We were doing okay—don't do this, man. Not now.”

“Sorry, I truly am. It's just that I can't be a nice guy for long. At least to you anyway.” He stated simply

“What the fuck have I done to you, huh. Give me one good reason why you hate me.” I demanded of him.

“Honestly, I don't hate you anymore. But that just makes it worse: I want to hate you.” He seemed determined, his features were set.

I looked out the window, at the moon shining bright and high in the sky. A full moon. Full moons always represented bad omens, always have since the beginning of time. Werewolves are born from the light of the moon, vampires travel by its light, owls hunt, creatures and spirits awaken. The full moon.

I wanted to spit. I wanted to hit something, anything, smash the window.

I said in a low voice, my voice seeming far away, “I relent. What do you want?”

“Anything?” His eyes gleamed. He didn't look evil or vehement, he looked satisfied. His smile was that of ease and delight...Goodness he was really smashed!

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not anymore you don't.”

“This is why you started noticing I existed all of a sudden.” I thought aloud, a puzzle piece falling in place.

“Oh, I knew you existed, I just didn't bother acknowledging your existence. Till now that is.” Ryan replied to my elusive statement.

We didn't speak. I stared at the ground, unwilling to look in his eyes. I hated him—I despised him for what he was doing to me, for how low he was bringing me.

“Can I go now?” I still didn't look at him. I couldn't believe he'd stooped so low as to do this.

“No. I'm going to give you some rules to follow. You will not talk to me at school. I don't want anyone to know that we speak with each other. After school, you will go to the parking lot and wait quietly for me. After which you will come home with me for two hours. You will tell your parents you're tutoring me.”

“Tutoring you?” I was confused.

“Yes, no more questions.” He reached out a hand and tweaked my nipple through my shirt, pulling on it and twisting. I had no idea how sensitive my nipples were and I gasped, recoiling slightly. I felt ashamed when he took his hand back, guilty for the pleasure I'd received from his touch.

He gave me a look, “You can leave.”

I told you, that was a night I would never forget for the rest of my life.

Not even if I tried.

What happened next was even more unforgettable.

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