Sparkling Combustion - 11. Chapter 11

Sparkling Combustion
Part 11
I apologize for any errors, I don’t have an editor.

I was thoroughly revived from my grueling week at school. Part of that was because of my mind-blowing weekend with Ryan. My parents said that I finally looked alive. Specifically, My dad wanted to interview me on how I could sleep so much since I'd actually slept in till one in the afternoon and skipped school. He said it was for a future reference for a character. I thought he was mocking me and just rolled my eyes at him and ate my breakfast...lunch...whatever.

I read a little and just lazed around for the next couple of hours until Josh called and asked me to come over. I agreed and told him I'd be there in a little bit.

“Dad,” I called out as I stepped into the living room. “ I'm going over to Josh's for the day.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” He replied absentmindedly. “Don't bother me. I just had a brain wave.” In dad's language that meant he'd gotten the answer to his writer's block and had just gotten an idea out of nowhere.

“Finally! I hope you get this stupid project done so you can move on.”

“Same here, son. I've already got ideas for the next one.”

“Really,” I said as I shrugged on my jacket. “Like what?”

“Well, I'm thinking about writing a novel featuring a gay character.” He looked up from the screen at me.

My movements ceased as I knelt over to do my laces. “What? Gay-themed?”

“Yeah, that doesn't bother you does it? I mean, I don't write bad stuff son. It's not going to be about a bunch of effeminate gay guys. Rather, I was thinking of writing about a regular gay teen growing up in a community that isn't very accepting to gays. I can't imagine what that would be like, but all these stories I've been hearing about gay-bashing lately, make me want to voice my thoughts on the matter.”

“Wow.” I said. “No it doesn't bother me. Not at all.” This would be the perfect moment just to come out to my dad, but I couldn't right now. My parents have a habit about wanting to know every detail about something. “Listen Dad, I gotta leave right now; See you later.”

“Yeah, son, bye.” He waved me out, glad to get back to his work. He was pretty passionate about writing.

I walked to Josh's house since he lived right near me. When I arrived at Josh's house, I knocked on the door. No one answered even after the third knock. I turned the knob and discovered that the door was open. I went in and called out, “hello? Anyone there?”

“Kyle, sweetie, is that you?” Josh's mom's voice came forth. Judy Caudally (she'd refused to change her last name to something as weird sounding as Kirk), was such a nice lady and she'd always adored and coddled me. Something Josh never let me forget, constantly making fun of me for letting his mom baby me.

“Yes, it's me, Judy.” I called. She always insisted I call her that.

“Come into the kitchen. I just baked you some cookies and cinnamon rolls. Take them down with you.”

“Alright,” I said and went in there. She handed me a tray filled with three glasses of milk, and two plates filled with all kinds of baked goods. After being hugged and coddled, she ushered me out, saying her and Mr. Kirk had to be somewhere for the night.

As I went down the stairs to the basement, I wondered who the third glass of milk was for. Josh hadn't mentioned anyone else would be there. I suppose he'd forgotten.

I should have known.

The answer to my question was given to me as I rounded the last stair and turned to see two boys sprawled on the ground playing a video game. I can't honestly say what they were playing since I'm not much of a gamer. As I approached, the bright eyes looked up at me and a smirk played on his lips. Ryan. My breath hitched as I remembered the events of Friday night.

“Moore,” He called out, “You weren't in school today, but from the looks of things you aren't sick.”

“Missed me?” I raised an eyebrow and bit back a smile.

“You wish.”

“Hey, Kyle. Not this again, guys. No fighting because I don't have the brain power as of right now to even withstand ten minutes of it.”

I just smirked at Ryan and plopped into a chair. The two of them played for a while and I just watched and cheered Josh on. I don't think I even bothered to see what they were playing, I just munched on goodies and pretended to care. After a while, Ryan dropped his controller and stretched.

“I'm beat.” He said on a yawn. “No more.” His arms flexed, the muscles working and I wanted to be wrapped up in those strong arms. He then reached out grabbed a glass of the milk, swallowing it in three big gulps. When he looked up and saw me watching him, he shrugged. “I really like milk.”

I laughed. “Really? Never would have guessed it. It's okay I guess.”

“Milk is great! It's good for your bones and teeth.” He flashed a white smile, then frowned, “why would it seem like I don't like milk.”

“I dunno, I just figured you more for the hard stuff.”

“Nah, I love my milk. You know what they say, a glass of milk keeps the doctor away.”

I burst out laughing, “dude it's an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

Josh looked at the both of us and frowned. “What's up, guys? You're being nice to each other. You even spent Friday night hanging out.”

We instantly turned to him, “what do you mean?” I asked innocently.

“What I mean, is that one day you're being bitches and hating on each other and now you're amiable?” Josh looked bewildered. “It's almost as if...you've grown up!”

“Ryan's a douche-bag.”

“Kyle's a shit-head.”

“Never mind.” Josh said with a laugh. He reached for a cinnamon roll and tore apart a piece with his fingers. “I myself, prefer booze, but still, milk ain't too bad.”

“I have to agree, but I don't like milk.”

“That's why you're so skinny.” Ryan gestured to me, patting my stomach. His hand lingered for a second and my eyes briefly shut, savoring the sensation, wanting more.

“I am not skinny.” I spat.

“Not exactly, but you're not very bulky either.”

“I've lifted weights but I can’t' really bulk up. I'll always be lean and on the thin side. It's in my genes. My dad's in his forties but he's still lean as hell. I'll probably always be lean.”

“That's not too bad,” Ryan murmured, looking me up and down.

“So, you guys wanna go out?” Josh asked, stretching as well, completely oblivious of the dynamic between Ryan and I. Goodness, sometimes these straight guys really were blind and deaf.

“No,” Ryan and I both said in unison.

“Okay, so what do you want to do then?” As soon as the words left Josh's lips, Ryan and I both shrugged.

“Neither one of you want to do anything?”

“Josh, I'm tired. Can we just relax and hang out and just watch a movie or something.”

“Hmm...why not.” Josh yawned, got up and then added, “I'll be back guys.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Bathroom, you wanna come with me?” Josh said, rolling his eyes.

“No thanks, eww.” I protested, and saw Ryan laugh out of the corner of my eye.

When he left, Ryan looked at me and I looked at him. “So,” I said, “how have you been?” I reached a hand out and placed it on his chest, my fingers grazing his nipple.

“I've been better.” He replied, eyes following the movement of my hand.

“Okay. Aren't you going to ask me how I've been?” I asked, getting closer to murmur into his ear, pressing against his tight body.

“I was thinking about it.” Ryan stated, breathing in deeply.

“Okay.” I said simply, smiling.

“Alright.”

“Uh-huh...”

A second later, I was on top of him as he lay on the ground. My thighs straddled his hips. “Hi again,” I whispered.

“Ryan will be back soon.” He murmured.

“I know,” I said, my hands shifted his shirt up as I ran my hands across his warm skin.

He made a sound in his throat, “Stop.” He moved my hands.

“No,” I told him, continuing my stroking.

I lowered my lips to his and he gave up protesting as his hands reached up and ground me to him. My lips opened and his tongue swept in, stroking, reaching, sucking. His beautiful lips, his roving hands, and tongue. I felt so desirable in his arms and I succumbed to his hunger, letting him feel me, drink from my mouth. He wouldn't stop, couldn't almost, as his hand angled my face at a better angle and he penetrated my mouth with his tongue

He was insatiable in his need for me as he thrust up, “Ryan,” I moaned out his name as his hand gripped my ass and squeezed.

“God, Kyle, you have the tightest, roundest bubble butt I have ever laid eyes on. I want to shove my cock up it so bad. I want to hear you scream my name out and beg me to fuck you.”

Hot fuck, but I loved it when he talked dirty to me. It made me so damn horny.

“Guys,” Josh's voice from the top of the stairs brought us up for air, “I'm gonna go look for a good movie, okay?”

“Yeah,” Ryan yelled out, his voice calm and steady. When the footsteps receded, he brought my head down again, content to have me lay on top of him. His tongue lazily licked across my bottom lip.

“Ryan,” I said, “he'll be back soon. We should stop.”

“No way,” he licked and nibbled at my ear and I gasped, not realizing I was so sensitive there. “You started this, bitch.” He grinned to let me know he was joking.

“Ryan-”

“Tell me you don't want this.” his middle finger rubbed my ass-hole, lightly then with added pressure. I moaned and my eyes were dazed. “Yeah, baby,” he whispered in my ear, “do you want me to shove my finger up this tight hole and fuck you with it? You do, don't you?”

I gave up. “Fuck, yes.”

He eased me off him, a teasing glint in his bright eyes. “you're right, he'll be here soon.”

I wiped my forehead, and said, “you're an a-” but my cell phone went off and I took it out to look at the screen. Nathan.

I flipped it open, “Hey, Nathan.”

“Hey, man. What are you doing?”

“I'm hanging out at Josh's. What's up?”

“Nothing...is Ryan there?”

“Actually,” I looked over to where he sat, “yeah, he is.”

“Oh.” This was awkward now. “So...what did you want to say?” Ryan chose this particular moment to get up, come over to where I sat, and look at me. He smirked as his hand reached out and trailed up my thigh slowly. My breath hitched.

“What's wrong?” Nathan asked. “Nothing,” I replied too quickly. Ryan lifted up my shirt, exposing my abdomen and nipples. His hand stroked upwards, lightly and when he reached my nipples, he pulled hard.

I gasped, and tried to cover my reaction. “Listen—I'll call you back, okay?”

“No wait, I wanted to ask you if you're going to be at school tomorrow.”

“Yes,” I said, “I will be.” Ryan pulled lightly on the other one. His head came down and his tongue licked across the sensitive bud like a lazy cat, slow and sweet.

“Okay, well you're busy. I really wanted to hang out but we'll do it some other time. How about Friday?”

“Friday's good.” I told him, not thinking as Ryan chewed and nibbled my nipple. “Friday,” Ryan whispered in my ear as his hand cupped my cock through my jeans, “is not good, because you'll be spending it with me, under me, over me, any way you can imagine.”

I shivered. “Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow,” and then I hung up. Ryan continued to lick my chest, kissing and stroking my skin. He seemed to really enjoy it and I didn't want to tell him to stop because it felt too good.

“I could do this all day. You're skin is so smooth and firm and your nipples are sensitive little buds.” I moved him away and shoved my shirt down. “I want to fuck you again.”

“Well, you better stop now because Josh will be down soon.” I protested.

He was silent, stoic almost, and his physical beauty seemed enhanced in the dim lighting. “You're not going to see Nathan on Friday.”

“What the fuck? Yeah, I am.”

“No you're not. I don't want you hanging out with him. I don't like him.” Ryan was adamant.

“What the hell did he ever do to you?”

“Kyle, you're not going to see him Friday. He's not a good friend for you.”

“Since when do you make my decisions?”

“Since—Since--”

“Since when, Ryan? Tell me, since you fucked me?” I crossed my arms across my chest.

“What the hell, Kyle? I'm your friend, just respect my advice.”

“No. Nathan is one of my best friends. I'm not going to shun him just because you order me to.” I exclaimed.

“Whatever, you're probably going to blab all about what—what we did today to him.” Ryan said.

I saw red. “Nathan doesn't care about...us.”

“Wait...You told him?” Ryan's voice was furious and his eyes were equally so. Shit. “You fucking told Nathan about us!”

“Ryan, he guessed that something was going on. I had to tell him.”

“You could have denied it! Why didn't you?” He demanded.

“Why do you care if people know?”

“I don't want people talking about me. This is all just an experiment to me.”

“So you keep telling me.” I said.

“What's that supposed to mean.”

“If you aren't gay like you keep saying. If you're just experimenting then why the hell do you want to fuck me so much. Why can't you keep your hands off of me?”

“That was a low blow, Kyle, even for you.” Ryan said viciously.

“You know what--”

“I can't believe that you would—you probably told the entire world!” He interrupted me

I was silent.

He got up. “Kyle, who else did you fucking tell about us?”

My voice was almost mute, “Just Laura...”

“Kyle--”

“Guys I'm back.” The sound of Josh's voice halted Ryan. He glared at me, literally seeing red. I think he would have murdered me given the chance. When Josh walked in and he saw the tense atmosphere, I know he noticed but chose not to respond. Ryan just sat down in the couch and froze up completely. I too sat down silently.

We watched the movie in complete silence, Josh being the only one commenting occasionally. When the movie finished, Ryan got up, said bye to Josh and went home. Giving me a death glare as he left.

Josh turned to me and asked, “What the hell is up with him?”

I only shrugged.

~*~*~
Okay, so maybe I should have thought twice before telling Laura and Nathan about Ryan and I. Maybe I should have but I didn't and now it was too late to think about it. I knew I could trust them and they knew I was gay. Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh with Ryan but I had been and it was too late to rectify that mistake. I'd known that whatever I had with Ryan wasn't anything real. I'd known that and I told myself I didn't care but I did care.

At school, he ignored me and I did likewise. It was worse than before. Now it was as if I didn't exist, as if he didn't exist. At least then, we'd acknowledged each other even if in an undignified way.

When I saw him, something tore at my gut.

The knowledge that I gave a damn about him. That I'd allowed myself to care. Damn it, I'd known it was temporary. He'd never told me otherwise. He'd been honest. Now he was angry at me and we hadn't even given each other a chance. Things had changed though. We'd become friends and we'd agreed to stay friends even after our little tryst ran cold. It tore at me to know that things had to end this way, that we couldn't even be friends now. We'd agreed to stay friends even after our rendezvous ended, but things had to end this way.

I really liked him as person. In a short while he'd become an essential part of my life. I found myself just sitting around waiting for something to happen. I knew nothing was going to happen though.

For the last week now things had been this way and Nathan knew about my dilemma. So did Laura. When I was spending the evening with Laura and Nathan at Laura's house, they were trying to cheer me up.

“I told you he was an ass.” Nathan kept saying. “You let yourself fall for him.” We were in Laura's room. Laura was on the computer, doing a million things at once. A skill only Laura could pull off properly.

“For the millionth time, Nathan,” I gritted my teeth, “I did not fall for him. I let myself care about him, but I don't love him or anything.”

“Then get over him,” Laura put in.

“It's not that easy.” I insisted. “I care about him. And things ended in a bad way. We became friends, Nathan. He was a really good friend and we were going to stay that way.”

“Talk to him then.” Laura said simply. Gosh I don't get girls... “Talking to him won't solve anything right now.” I told her.

“No,” Nathan said quickly. “Don't talk to him, Kyle. He's not good enough for you. Just forget him and move on. Like you said, you weren't even in a relationship, so it won't be hard.”

“How would you know? You aren't me!” I exclaimed.

“Kyle,” Nathan began, “I'm your friend and I understand what you're going through. I want to help you, not fight with you.”

“I don't understand why the two of you hate each other so much. Ryan hates your guts and you hate his. I don't think you've barely spoken a nice word to each or even tried to get to know each other. Both of you tell me to stay away from the other.” I thought out loud.

“So he's telling you to avoid me?”

“Just like you tell me to avoid him,” I pointed out.

“He's intimidated by me,” Nathan said.

I raised an eyebrow. “You aren't serious?”

“Stop being macho, my young friends and do something useful and go get me food.” Laura demanded in a booming cartoon voice.

I rolled my eyes, “good thing you're a lesbian, because I feel sorry for the guy who would have got stuck with you.”

“Ditto, bitch.” Laura said, evoking laughter from me and lightening my mood.

“Don't talk to him.” Nathan whispered.

“Fuck off.” I whispered back.

“I heard that.”

“Sorry.” Both of us said at once and then laughed.

~*~*~
The way Ryan was behaving made me want to punch his face. He flirted with all the girls and smiled his charming one thousand watt smile every second of the day. He didn't even glare at me today as he walked into class. He didn't even look...didn't care...anymore. Back to the old Ryan that didn't know Kyle Moore even existed. The armor was up, the mask on, and Ryan became the royal pain in the ass again. I knew what was behind that steel armor though, I knew what kind of a person he was. Wounded, but unable to admit it.

There was a girl. Brandi what's-her-name.. Rumor was that he was seeing her now. I saw them together but I didn't believe they were dating until I saw them holding hands.

I felt nothing.

At lunch he ate with his regular crew but today there was no silent glances or winks or even secret smiles that were only for me. It wasn't like he normally displayed any emotion besides what was normal at school, but still during that little time we'd had, it'd been nice. My heart hurt and I wanted to block out his uncaring, cold attitude. I didn't want to feel anything, damn it! I wanted to be like him: uncaring, insensitive. I was burdened with guilt and regret though and I wanted to hit something.

Ryan Melbourne was a bastard.

Up until today I was sorry that I'd told Laura and Nathan, that I'd ruined our chances...pshh....chances at what? An experiment? Now I didn't care. I made myself stone like, and unfeeling. I hated him. I hated him. I hated him. Who cares if we became friends?

I hated him.

Hated...

Fuck! Why the fuck did it still hurt? Why the fuck did I still care? Why was I so weak?

I looked away from Ryan's beautiful profile and shoved my food away.

The funny thing is, the weather was just getting nice again and I didn't want to feel crappy like this. Most of the snow had melted early and the ground was beginning to dry. Perfect weather. Slightly breezy but sunny and warm.

It felt like a chance for a fresh start.

He was the one who'd ruined our chance at friendship.

Somehow my heart didn't agree. The traitor, it whispered things into my mind, filling me with doubt.

~*~*~
The snow finally melted entirely, with no chance of it piling up again this time, since the sun stayed up. Nathan was so ecstatic and even admitted that he'd been sick of the snow. I just laughed at him and assured him I wasn't going to make him eat those peaches.

That night, I called Nathan and he picked me up. It was Friday and there was nice weather. Of course there was local party down at someone's cottage. I wanted to get so damned drunk. I just drank and drank until I couldn't feel anything anymore, until I just felt a hazy glow. Alcohol really did make you feel as if you were forgetting your problems, made you feel as if you were, but truthfully made you more depressed.

That night was honestly a great night.

After getting drunk, Nathan and I went out to the secluded beach and lay in the sand. I remember staring up at the sky and noticing the bright stars, the full moon, and the beautiful water. The air was salty and yet sweet and it assaulted my senses, making me feel alive. The breeze was slight. The sand beneath my toes and under my back felt like soft silk and I wanted to lay there forever. I wanted to leave all my problems there.

Out here, it was easy to forget Ryan.

“I could stay here forever,” I found myself saying to Nathan in a daze.

“Same.” He replied. His eyes were closed.

Ryan Melbourne, I would forget him. I would move on to the next fish in the sea. I don't even care anymore, I told myself as neutrality claimed me once more.

The peace soothed us. The sounds of nature inspired us even in our alcohol muddled state, and we were silent once more. Listening, feeling, touching, enjoying. I took everything in, wanting to remember this feeling my entire life. A bird flew by and I could almost hear the sound of it's feathers swishing.

Nathan had fallen asleep.

A rustle, sand shifting and I was aware once more.

“Well, well, look who it is.” A slightly familiar voice said. I didn't look over. I didn't want to see and interrupt my happiness. “Kyle, is it?” The guy persisted amiably.

“Go away,” I muttered.

“What if I don't?”

I didn't say anything and just sat up, looking far into the ocean. The guy sat down beside me on the sand and I felt his presence overcrowd my senses. He smelled earthy and potent, male.

I placed my head on my knee, facing away from him. He commented on my move, “I'm not gonna hurt you.”

“Go away,” I slurred.

“How drunk are you?”

“I'm not drunk.”

“You are drunk, you're just a drunk that doesn't talk like a drunk. You're a drunk that is actually slightly aware of what you're doing.”

“No I'm not. It's just wearing off. You realize that's probably the most times someone's used the word drunk in a sentence.”

“Was that a question?”

“No it was merely a statement.” I replied

“Should I be worried?” He asked.

“I don't think so.”

“Look at me.” Before I could think, I turned to look at him and was surprised to see Jeremy. I couldn't remember his last name, or even if he'd mentioned it. Goodness he was cute.

“Jeremy! How are you doing?” My mood was lifted immediately. What a change!

“Great, you? What brings you out here?”

“Wallowing away my problems. You?”

“I'm enjoying the party. Ahh...boy problems?”

“Are there any other kind? Yeah, this guy that I'd been fooling around with and he wasn't really out. I told two of my friends what was going on between us and eventually he found out that I'd done that. He wasn't happy, he went ballistic and hasn't spoken to me since. He acts as if I don't exist and even has a girl friend. You know what the funny thing is?” I asked.

“No...” He urged. “You're really straight?”

I laughed, “Very funny, but no. I knew it was only temporary. He told me not to care for him, not to fall for him. But I do!”

“Love him, you mean?”

“No! I care for him. I don't want to though! We became friends and were going to remain that way, but no...”

“What's it feel like?” He asked quietly. “Caring for someone.”

“It hurts sometimes. Like now. But it can be nice too.”

“I've never felt that before. I've never loved anyone, cared for anyone.”

“You're just saying that. What about your mom and dad?”

“Don't have any. I was abandoned as a baby and have been to ten different foster homes. Right now, my new “mom” is pretty cool, better than any of the others I've had. I don't care for her though. As for my sexuality I mainly fuck guys, but sometimes girls too. I don't love anyone though, and never had. I don't think I'm capable of doing that.”

I was silent. I wasn't going to tell him how to live his life or assure him that he'd find love, that he was capable of it. I wasn't going to do that; I couldn't do that.

“How's your car?” I asked him, remembering how I'd sat in it, soaking wet.

“It's in perfect condition. I love my car.” He said, laughingly.

“That's good.”

“Kyle,” he said.

“Hmm?” I closed my eyes and breathed in slowly.

“Don't feel sorry for yourself. You'll find happiness; you'll get your share. There's no one that doesn't like you I bet, besides that douche-bag. Don't let him hurt you again.”

“I won't.”

“Do you believe that?”

“I'll try.” I assured him, meaning it. I looked at him then and saw someone special. He was a lost soul, this boy with the silver-grey eyes. Yet he continued to move forward. Here I was complaining and feeling bad about my life when this guy had been through so much. I had a feeling that what he'd told me wasn't the half of it, that he'd been through so much more. He looked at me then, and I saw the hollowness in his eyes, the emptiness and loneliness.

“Like what you see?” His eyes sparked to life, losing the moment of darkness, and he became that jovial, happy boy that I'm sure everyone loved when he wanted to show them that side of him. He tossed his head back, his dark brown hair gleaming in the pale light of the moon

I grinned and stared at him before saying, “Not bad, but I'm honestly not interested.”

He smiled, “That's too bad. I feel like there would have been something between us if maybe I wasn't me and you weren't you. There's a...”

“Connection?”

“Yes. A connection. I don't think I'm attracted to you, but I feel a—glimmer of something. Maybe in another lifetime, when we're different people.”

“Maybe.”

The silence was tangible, but not awkward at all. I stared straight ahead, becoming sober by the --now cool-- breeze. I heard him sigh and then say, “O.K. I hope you feel better. I'm gonna head back now, okay?”

“Wait,” I called out to his retreating figure. “We should hang out sometime.”

“You want to?”

“Yeah, or else why would I ask? Besides, I think I want to get to know you better.”

“You only think?” He teased. I told him to shut up and he grinned. We talked for a bit more before he had to leave.

“Have a good life, Kyle Moore.”

“I'll see you again.” I assured.

“Maybe, but you could die tomorrow or maybe I could. There's no way to know for sure. Just keep walking.”

I smiled to myself. He was a mystery; He was an interesting guy. I shook Nathan awake. “Time to head in.”

Monday, it was back to school and back to reality.

~*~*~