Sparkling Combustion - 14. Chapter 14

A knock at my door. “Kyle, you awake? Come down for breakfast.” It was Dad.

A quick glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table informed that it was 9:55 am. I had a spare in the morning, but nonetheless I was already late for the second period. Great. Everything in my life was just great.

I groaned and got up, merely sitting and staring off into space for a few moments before I gathered my wits. I rubbed a hand across my left eye sleepily and yawned, then stretched out the fatigue in my bones. A shower was what I needed and it only took about fifteen minutes. Afterwards, I dressed in jeans and a long sleeve T-shirt, fatigue causing me to yawn about twice.

Downstairs my dad was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in hand and the newspaper. He smiled at me as I sat down and grabbed a muffin. I mumbled a good morning and picked at the muffin. My cell vibrated and I pulled it out. “Hello?”

“Hey, It's Jeremy.”

“Hey, dude, how's it going?” I got up and told my dad I had to take the call. My dad just grinned and shook his head, mumbling something about how I was too old to talk in front of him.

“I'm alright, not too bad. Are we going to that dance at your school today?”

“Uhh...about that--”

“I'm going and you're coming with me, Kyle, don't disagree with me.” Jeremy was persistent.

“Well, after what happened yesterday, with the Ryan and all, and then when we were in the car...”

“You remember? I thought you were too stoned to.”

“Uh, not clearly, but I know I kissed you and I'm sorry about that.”

“It's okay, I kissed you back. Let's try not to repeat that though, okay? You're confused and you like Ryan right now and it would mess up our relationship.”

“Wow, was I that repulsive?” I felt really awkward, the whole conversation was just weird and I felt like hanging up.

“It's not about that, Kyle. You already know we have some form of attraction to each other. It's just that you're not sure about your feelings. Besides, we make good friends.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “You're right. I guess I'll go to the dance.”

“Good. I'm guessing you're not at school because you just talked to your dad?”

“Yeah, I'm going just now.” I told him.

“I'll pick you up.”

“Naah, it's okay.” I assured him.

“No, I don't want to go to class and I have lunch after anyway.” Jeremy persisted.

“Alright,” I told him finally.

“Okay, come out I'm already here.” Jeremy replied, laughing.

I walked over to the front door, and peered through the glass beside the door. Indeed there stood Jeremy leaning against his car door, phone pressed to his ear. He looked up and flashed a quick wave and a breezy smile.

“Stalker!” I yelled into the phone, but grabbed my backpack.

“Loser, come outside.”

I hung up, said a quick goodbye to my dad and rushed out. Seeing Jeremy made me forget all of my troubles regarding Ryan. Everything was just washed away when I saw his smiling face.

“Have you been here the entire time?” I asked casually.

“Um-yeah!”

“I didn't even eat my muffin..”

“Aww poor you.” Jeremy replied sarcastically.

“How did you even know I was home?” I wondered aloud.

“Well you were almost passed out last night when I got you home, buddy.”

“Oh...was I? I feel fine now.”

Jeremy just laughed at me.

We got into the car and Jeremy pulled out of my driveway. All of a sudden his face lost all humour and was replaced with a serious look. He directed it towards me and I raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine, why?” Then all of a sudden the events of the previous day rushed into my mind and I blanched. I looked down at my lap. “It doesn't matter Jeremy. I just have to get over it and stop being stupid.” Just then, when the road seemed empty, Jeremy seemed to speed up and I had to clutch the side of the door to keep my balance in the car.

“It's not stupid, Kyle. Maybe you like a person that isn't the best of people to like, especially since he isn't gay, but you can't force your feelings to go away. Besides you've been keeping it all locked up for so long that even your own stupid brain didn't comprehend what was going on.”

“I have to get over it. Period. Oh, and by the way you have speeding issues.”

“Sucks, huh?” Jeremy avoided my remark and went on.

I looked up in surprise, and then quickly looked out the window. “Yeah, yeah it really does. I like him, Jeremy. Doesn't mean I want to like him but I do. What sucks more is that I know I can't feel this way.”

“No, you won't let yourself.”

“Yeah, because encouraging this feeling would be like committing suicide when I'm about to die tomorrow anyway. Nothing good can come out of it.”

“Don't think I've heard that one before.” Jeremy replied cheekily. We'd pulled up into the student parking lot and I got out of the car. I turned back and said, “Quote me, I know you'll use it,” And then I smiled and for a second everything was perfect.

~*~*~
Getting ready for the dance was irritating as hell but I wasn't one to dress up. Besides it wasn't one of those affairs. It was more laid back and casual. I just dressed in jeans and a blue and white fitted T-shirt. I honestly felt nothing as I was getting ready. Not nervous, nor excited, not even annoyed. Just plain old nothing.

When we arrived at the dance it was pretty much the same thing. People were getting warmed up but not really too into the dancing yet. There were always exceptions, such as those who'd gotten either really drunk or really high, or a bit of both before the dance even started and somehow managed to make it in.

Couples danced together, some in the center of the room, others in more secluded spots. Groups of friends jumbled together in circles, with some kids trying to get in. The lack of proper lighting was almost soothing. I couldn't explain it.

Bumping into Ryan was a given. I knew it would happen, he knew it would happen, it was a fact. That didn't make it any less nerve-wrecking when I happened to catch sight of him, as my gaze was wandering around the room. His eyes latched onto mine and his gaze hardened, became cold. I felt like shuddering at its iciness. Beside me, Jeremy gripped my arm, looking in the direction I was. He sort of stood in a protective stance. Ryan's gaze moved to Jeremy, fell down to where Jeremy's hand clutched my arm, and moved back up to my face again.

I looked away.

I looked back; He'd moved.

“Kyle, over here!” It was Laura's unmistakable voice. I turned to see her waving us over, Nathan on her side. Jeremy let go of my arm and we walked over.

I pasted on a smile. “Hey, guys, meet Jeremy. Jeremy, this is Nathan and Laura.” While Laura greeted Jeremy with a warm smile and a few kind words, Nathan just sized him up and glared at him, before saying a quick and very curt hello. Jeremy just looked at me with a “what the hell?” look on his face.

“Hey Laura, Nathan,” He smiled politely at Nathan who icily looked back and merely nodded.

I guess Nathan wasn't in the best of moods. I looked over at Jeremy and Laura who were chatting as if they hadn't just met. It was the complete opposite over with Nathan. When I looked back to where Nathan should have been standing, he wasn't there anymore. I turned around quickly, darting a glance here and there and managed to see him stalking off outside. I walked after him immediately.

“Nathan!” He just kept walking. I jogged instead.

“Nathan!” He turned a corner and walked out into the courtyard. He stopped then, and just stood.

I caught up. “Hello...are you even listening to me?” I looked around, spotted someone else outside and promptly felt like laughing. How ironic that the one person who just had to be out here was Ryan. Fate was really too cruel. I pushed him aside though, and focused my complete attention on Nathan. I wasn't going to become all quiet and meek because Ryan was there. As far as I was concerned he didn't exist at that moment.

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

“Okay...are you mad at me? I know yesterday we weren't on the best of terms, and I said some things I maybe shouldn't have. However, you did too. I think we should just apologize to each other and let it go, okay?”

No response.

“If you are mad, its okay, we can fix it. I just don't want to fight with you for no reason.” I knew it didn't make sense, but I said it anyway. No response again. “Nathan?”

All of a sudden he turned, “You just don't get it do you?” The desperation in his voice, the sheer frustration, and the turmoil had me recoil in surprise. I took a step back. Nathan just looked into my eyes one last time before he turned on his heels and left me standing there, my mouth agape, my feathers ruffled.

What the hell was wrong? Things were just going from bad to worse, and I was so confused. Why did Nathan have to do that? I don't know what he was even getting at! Beside me, I heard laughter. I felt rage boil up inside; Ryan was a bastard. Why the fuck did I feel this way about him!

“Are you really that dense, Kyle?” His voice couldn't make me look at him. If I looked at him, the temporary blockade I'd built around myself would shatter to pieces simply by gazing into his crystalline eyes. I had to sever any ties with Ryan, anything that would make me feel even more vulnerable then I already did.

I simply turned and walked back through the door. Nothing would make me change my mind. As I walked back, Ryan's voice echoed in my mind. When I closed my eyes, his beautiful profile would sneak its way into my brain. I shook it away and walked on.

“Where's Nathan?” Was the first thing Laura asked as I walked up to her and Jeremy.

I shrugged. “He's mad at me about something.”

Laura looked clearly into my eyes, “You have no idea what?”

“No.”

“Oh,” was the only sound that escaped her perfect pink lips. “Anyway, I see a really hot girl. I'm gonna go make small-talk. She seems drunk enough to play along.”

Jeremy looked at me with concern in his eyes. “Everything okay, buddy?” He placed his hand on my shoulder.

“No, not at all. I want to beat the crap out of Ryan and Nathan is being ridiculous. I don't know what's going on.”

“Kyle, go grab something to drink. Relax and don't spoil your evening.”

“Nothing to spoil, but you're right I don't need to think about this right now.”

“Exactly,” Jeremy smiled at me.

I grinned. “I'd ask you to dance Jeremy, but that would shock even this very open minded school.”

“Hmm? Yeah, okay. “ Jeremy was too busy checking some guy out, as he said only a few moments later, “Mmm.”

“What, who?”

Jeremy pointed and I looked over. I looked back at Jeremy, than back where he was pointing. My mouth dropped open and I cleared my throat. “That's one of my best friends, Jeremy. That's Josh, as in straight Josh.”

“You sure? No chance at all he might be bi-sexual?”

“Nope, not a chance.”

“Else you'd snag him?”

“Eww...he's like my brother.”

“Hey who said brothers are off limits?” His eyes twinkled with humour.

I wrinkled my nose, “Yeah, you would.”

All of a sudden Laura came back, her eyes were really wide open. “Wow, that girl was so not an innocent little straight girl.”

“Are you serious? What happened?” I asked her.

“Let's just say, my lips are bruised. All this from flirting innocently and expecting nor awareness or a reaction. Let's just hope she doesn't remember that tomorrow, when the hangover kicks in.” She looked really worried.

“What's wrong?” I asked her.

“Kyle, the girl was Ashlynn...”

“As in...”

“Yeah.” We both looked at each other. “I couldn't help it though, she was so hot, and I'm only human. We only made out...but still. Like I knew who she was and I was only playing...”

“It's okay,” I reassured her, “Even if she does remember tomorrow, I'm sure it's not something she'll want to spread around or try to pursue. Don't worry that you made things a mess with her and...” I trailed off.

“I just—I couldn't help it.” Laura touched her lips.

Jeremy said, “Man, I wish I was there.”

There was an awkward silence before Laura asked him.“Aren't you gay?”

“No, he's bi-sexual, Laura.” I replied for him.

“Kyle—she's--”

“Forget about it, Laura.” I pressed a finger to her lips and give her a hug. She hugged me back. “You smell good.”

I laughed. “Thanks.”

“Oh, can I smell too?”

“No,” both Laura and I said.

“Aww,” Jeremy Pouted.

Funny thing was, I hadn't told Laura that I actually admitted my feelings for Ryan to myself. Then she would have known that inside a part of me was slightly happy that things between Ashlynn and Ryan might be bad. I felt like a complete and utterly pathetic jerk. The worst kind.

Music faded, voices grew louder, then rested and moonlight filtered through the open windows. Couples left, hand in hand. Groups of friends flocked to each other, for it was time to leave and that couldn't be done alone.

Laura, Jeremy and I had had a decent time. Something big had happened but hopefully it wouldn't grow to become an issue that had to be dealt with. Nathan was nowhere to be seen and as we left, I felt my eyes searching for a glimpse of a particular face. I didn't find it.

As I was sitting in the car, I pressed my head back on to the back of the seat and sighed. Jeremy touched my shoulder. It was comforting and I felt myself leaning into the touch.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” I told him, “I'll be fine.”

“Good.”

My eyes were closing slightly, but all of a sudden Jeremy sped up and I woke right back up. “Whoa, relax, buddy.” I told him.”

“This is nothing.” He replied, grinning.

“Don't be stupid. I hate when people drive fast because they think it's cool.”

“Naah, I don't do it because I think it's cool. I just like the thrill.”

“Too bad, I don't. Slow the hell down.”

“Okay, okay, only for you though,” and he flashed me a grin that made me smile back at him and forget that I'd even gotten annoyed. Jeremy was a great guy.

I told myself that night, at that moment, that I would make myself happy. That I'd forget Ryan for good. There were a lot of things I didn't know, but the big thing was why I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Ryan. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

Although I'd tried to make myself forget, my heart was hurting. My head was hurting. I guess a lot of me was hurting.

I wanted this day to end, I wanted school to end, and I wanted this year to end. I guess I wanted a lot of things to end.

I'd get over it.

~*~