Love, Pain, And Brandon - 1. Chapter 1

Sometimes I wonder if love always feels this way. So many thoughts that I just have to get them out. Have to put them down on paper. To many thoughts to sort through. No understanding the meanings of the words I write. The feelings I feel. He lays besides me. The most beautiful person in the world. Does he know what he does to me? What hes done to me? Love is the most profound way of describing it, though that is not the word I feel. It goes so much deeper than that. I'm not sure what he really feels for me. I think he loves me, hope he loves me, need him to love me. Can't stop the emotions that come forth. Can hear them in my mind. They tear at me. Makes me feel like I'm being violated. Raped, abducted, lost, scared. All at the same time. Starting to cry .

So many tears that I swore I would never let fall from my eyes again. They always seems to come thru though. Hate the way I feel. He still sleeps. His breath so sound and ever so gentle. Breaths that push past his lips. Mouth open. Full beautiful lips that look so tempting that you just want to kiss them. Skin so smooth and light the it has the appearance of fresh creme. Hair that looks like spun gold, with the smallest hints of silver in it. A face that speaks of love, hate, shyness, affection,and just the slightest touch of sexuality, that brings my blood to a boil. Tears fall harder, unable to keep them in any longer. Making my throat sore from not letting out a single sound. Should love hurt like this. Still he sleeps. In a sleep so sound that the only signs of life from him are the slow up and down motions of his chest. Leading down to a slim and fit waist. Giving him the appearance that he was sculpted from marble.

Tears and more tears fall from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Silent whimpers leave my body as I urge the pain away. He turns over, still lost in the un-chaotic world of his dreams, reviling broad shoulders that are followed by the smoothness of his back. Tiny almost invisible blond hairs that point the way to the most round and taut cheeks that I have ever laid eyes on. So perfectly shaped that you can't help but want to touch them. Followed by a pair of legs so toned and muscular that you have to stroke them. No longer crying, just laying next to him staring now. He turns towards me with a peaceful look on his sleeping face. Leaving me to want to kiss him so gently as not to disturb him. No more thoughts, No more hurting. Joy sweeps through out my entire body. Does love have to feel wrong? Is this what is feels like to be in love? If so, then yes, I do love him. And always will.