Remember my Heart - 3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Dee didn’t want to wake; the dream was too good. His body hummed from head to toe in delicious pleasure. His mind was trying to satisfy his body’s craving by filling his nose with the scent of sweat and shampoo and his arms with a shape only his dreams remembered. Dee was used to wanting, used to the heartbreak morning brought, and he fought it down. He wanted one more minute in this moment. Just one more minute to immerse himself in memories.

A soft, gravelly growl intruded upon his dream. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes, but he still couldn’t see anything. The warmth of the dream was countered by the cool, moist skin beneath his fingers, ribs that rose and fell to mirror his own breathing. Dee caught his breath against a sneeze as his pillow shifted to tickle his nose. It was hair, in his face, sticking to the sweat gathering there as the warmth of his dream intensified.

“Oh my God.” He knew exactly where he was now: Gus’s apartment. They lay spooned together, Gus's back to Dee's chest, Dee's hand caught, frozen, in a long, lazy stroke across Gus's stomach. Gus’s body arched into the demanding yet gentle touch upon his skin.

He knew he shouldn’t be there, that he needed to stop right now and leave, but he couldn't resist a few light kisses to the exposed length of neck so enticingly near, his lips teasing the short hairs there. In the dark he could pretend he still dreamed the past.

Gus gasped. Dee held his breath, but Gus only twined their fingers together and moved their joined hands to wrap around his hard length. Dee shuddered out a breath as Gus pressed his ass against him in mute demand.

"Mmm, aijin!" he murmured.

Dee bit his lip until tears came to his eyes. Some part of Gus knew him and welcomed him. He was there inside somewhere. Maybe staying was the right thing to do!

Catching his breath again, Dee nuzzled Gus's neck and buried his face in his thick, springy hair. He squeezed the hardness in his hand experimentally, rocking in pleasure as his little lover trembled and moaned in response. How strange it seemed, to be the one in charge! As the elder and more experienced, Gus had always led, taking control of every situation. Now, except for the initial move, Gus wasn't directing. Dee bit back a moan, sliding his hand up and down, obedient to another demanding nudge.

He changed his grip; pressing up with a leg, Dee slid a knee between Gus's legs, bracing himself on the mattress to press more firmly against his lover's smaller body. He kissed and nibbled with abandon, lost in one of his favorite fantasies, frightened he would really wake and find out this was all a dream.

Gus cried out, arching into the warm body behind him. His hand followed the curve of Dee’s arm around his waist, travelling back to cup his ass. Dee helped, lifting and turning to meet those seeking lips as Gus twisted his body. He pumped harder and with greater demand, pressing his palm firmly against the head of the slippery dick. He remembered this, how Gus always liked to kiss, right as he came, and Dee was more than willing to give him that again. He took the kiss deeper greedily, too hungry for more to be cautious or careful. These were the kind of dreams from which he always woke with a wet pillow and a hollow in his chest that nothing ever seemed to fill.

They melded together as if they'd done this all before. Dee was certainly not getting any complaints from his body, and it was easy enough to ignore his conscience. He felt too good to let it spoil the mood. Spent, Gus pulled away, resting his head against the mattress. Dee let him go; he knew all about the tingling numbness cascading over his lover, to leave behind little tendrils of sexual gratification that made him shiver.

Dee didn’t want this moment to end. He would gladly give himself over to the dream, but he couldn’t escape the gnawing fear that his actions -- their actions -- would be regrettable. He braced himself for when Gus would turn to confront him, because surely he would; but Gus didn’t turn.

"Please," Gus whispered.

Joy and sorrow were so intertwined that Dee didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry or perhaps both at the same time. He tugged, sitting up and rolling Gus over onto his back so that Dee could look at him.

They stared at each other silently.

Dee reached down to run his fingers along his lover's cheek. "It's going to be all right," he said quietly, afraid to shatter the tender mood from earlier.

Gus caught and held the hand along his face, leaning into the touch and half-closing his eyes. "Am I dreaming?" he asked.

"Iie, Gus. You are as awake as I."

"Who are you?"

Dee’s smile faltered, but he leaned forward onto his arms to take a soft kiss. "Aijin," said Dee. "That is what you called me." He bent forward again for another kiss, but fingertips on his lips held him back.

"M-Mori-san?" Gus blinked and reached up to rub at his eyes before glancing right and left, evidently looking around the room. "How did you get here?"

"Hm?" Dee drew back, still crouched over, his arms braced on either side of Gus's body, and he would not relinquish the position, but he gave Gus some space.

"What the fuck?" gasped Gus. Grabbing the blankets, he dragged them up to his chin, dark eyes wide, holding Dee captive.

"Gus?"

"Mori-san, I --"

"Call me Dee?" he interrupted. "Please, Gus?"

"I ...."

Dee swooped in, but changed his mind at the last second, grazing his lips across Gus's cheek. "Arigato, Gus. Now, what's got you so upset this morning?" Keeping a straight-forward, impersonal tone was the last thing Dee wanted, but he well knew how badly Gus reacted to perceived pity. Dee wanted no misunderstandings.

"Nothing." His fingers tightened around the blankets and he pressed his lips tightly together, looking away.

Dee chuckled softly. "You can’t lie to me," he said, running a fingertip along Gus's nose. The light touch made Gus blink his eyes open again and Dee wished it weren't so dark so that he could see better. He understood Gus's shyness, but being so close only made Dee want to touch him all the more.

He traced full lips with his thumb. "Are you feeling better, at least? You were in quite a bit of pain last night."

A hand shot to his shoulder, rubbing the skin as if searching for something. He looked up at Dee and swallowed. "What happened?"

He sat back, still leaning on one arm across Gus's body, and ran a hand through his hair. "You weren't feeling well," he answered Gus seriously. "You passed out at work, and I brought you home. That's all."

Gus frowned. "I don’t -- I -- You’re in my house."

Dee pursed his lips for a moment to collect his thoughts. "You said you'd simply taken too much pain medication and your blood was thin. That’s what you’re looking for, right? On your shoulder?”

“Um.” Gus nodded.

“Anyway, you passed out, on the street in front of the club. Mandi wanted to send you to the hospital." Was it possible that Gus just didn't remember? Or was he simply being difficult?

"Shit!" Flopping back, Gus stared at the ceiling and massaged his temples. He glared at Dee over his arm and Dee wanted to smile. There he was. There was his Gus.

"That still doesn't explain you. What are you still doing here?"

"I was tired, it was late, and you looked like you needed some company." Dee shrugged. He reached down to cup Gus's cheek in a light caress.

Gus batted the hand away, scowling. "I don't need company!" he snapped, rubbing his face.

"Gus," said Dee. "There's something you need to know about us. We knew each other before the accident."

"I know," he replied, scowling. "I discovered you, right? Ares still sometimes sends me bonuses. Must be great, being you.”

"That's not it." His heart hurt for the grief he was putting Gus through, but Dee pressed on. "We staged that little antic. We’d met before that, long before that.” Dee closed his eyes, feeling again the desperation that had filled him that day. “It was a brilliant plan,” he continued, “and worked like a charm. I was instantly famous and nobody suspected a thing. Afterwards, you pressed me into a dark corner of the bathroom."

He leaned forward, breath hot on Gus's chilly skin. "And you fucked me senseless. It was my first time, and it was so hot. You, in me, in the dark, with others moaning in ecstasy all around us. So amazing! Then you know what? Then you took me back to Chang's. And fucked me again."

Gus's eyes widened, hands going to Dee’s forearms as he shifted again to loom directly overhead.

"Perry called in the morning," Dee went on, watching Gus. "He wanted to know who you'd played so stunningly with that night. You laughed and said you didn't know, but, 'He was hot, wasn't he?' you said. And all the while I had my mouth around your cock, making you squirm, but you were so cool, so cocky," he grinned. "Perry swore for a good ten minutes and you stopped me, made me listen."

Gus stared up at Dee and let the blankets be tugged out of his grip. Goosebumps rose on his skin and he shivered, but he didn’t look away.

"You demanded a finder's fee, which was low enough that Perry agreed right away." Dee smirked. "Then you said you wanted a percentage, just a percentage, of any earnings Ares made off me in the first five years. Perry was livid. Called you a profiteering, talent-less hack."

Dee dropped a kiss on the divot of Gus’s breastbone. Gus hissed, throwing his head back, hands going automatically to tangle in Dee’s hair. He moaned as Dee traced an invisible line with his tongue. He drew his fingertips along Gus's sides, watching the outline of his chest rise and lower quickly, and then kissed him on the chin.

"We were lovers, Gus. Will you let me show you?"

"Sh-show me what?"

"That I know you better than anyone."

"Then what happened?" asked Gus, wetting his lips again, eyes dark with arousal. Dee smiled. After the juxtaposition of dark skin and white teeth, the black, liquid quality to Gus’s eyes had been the first thing he noticed.

"Then you disconnected. I was so angry, but you know what you said?"

Gus shook his head, neck arching under Dee’s assault and enabling him to easily graze the corner of Gus's jaw, just below his ear.

"You said one word: 'Believe.' Then you got up and wrote this song." He hummed the opening bars.

"I didn't write that," Gus objected, frowning. "I don't write cheesy love songs."

"You wrote this one. When Perry called back, you told him to have me record 'Believe' as my first single. It was a smashing success. You remember what it says?" He didn't wait for Gus to answer. "It says, 'Believe in me, as I believe in you, and everything will be all right.' Remember?"

"Hard to forget a song that's always being played."

"Well, it's my turn," said Dee. He leaned on hands and knees over Gus, staring right into his eyes, not letting him look away. "You could be pushing me away right now. Or freaking out, but you’re not. You’re not, Gus, and you have to be asking yourself why.” He grasped the icy hands, cupping them between his palms. “Believe, Gus. I know you don't remember. All I'm asking is that you trust me. You loved me once. Give me another chance? Let me prove it to you. Please, Gus."