Loving Sam Lynch - 11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The only words to describe the next few weeks of Max’s life were: full of change. Max spent time with himself. He allowed himself to feel and think about things he never liked to previously visit in his mind. His fascination with the intricacies of scientific discoveries that had always made him apprehensive because they reminded him of the ephemeral nature of existence was one. He took time to take apart devices and put them back together, he read a comic book, watched a movie he’d been intending to watch, and listened to music he always avoided because of the emotions the pieces evoked.

There were things he didn’t do. He didn’t drink for the wrong reasons. He didn’t fuck, though he wanted to. Because he had been fucking for the wrong reasons. They were all habits of avoidance. Instead of dealing with things, he fucked and drank and fucked and drank over and over again.

Max also mentally packed his things as he looked through listings of apartments and advertisements on the internet. When he mentioned wanting to finally move now that the semester was over and getting a place outside of campus for once to Sam, he obviously insisted Max move in with him, but Max refused. That would be easy, so easy. It would be nice, too, someday. But not today…and maybe not ever. He was okay with that. He wanted to find himself without the haze of his feelings for Sam shrouding his way. He’d been that person for so long, that person who didn’t want to be himself.

He was actively trying to cause change in his life, and the change in his mindset was not sudden, but one that had built for some time until he finally decided to do something about his life.

Things were good. There was an undercurrent of fear, of a sort of clutching sadness, but with it came a delicious breath of fresh air.

He stared at the unpainted room he inhabited and decided that when he moved into the new place, wherever that was, he’d paint it some shocking colour or something. Or maybe a pastel tone…He’d decide later.

That afternoon he’d finally heard from the poster of the online ad he’d seen and replied to. It was for a room in a communal house not far from where he already lived. The house looked nice, and there were only four current inhabitants. They were all non-smokers (of cigarettes), had one cat, and were all secular humanists between the ages of twenty and twenty four. They all attended the local university, very involved in the LGBTQ community and were friendly.

Max knew because he’d suggested right then and there was a good time to meet, and he’d driven down to see the place. It was perfect: old, rustic, with nice large rooms and amicable house mates. Two girls out of the four people there flirted with him, but he jokingly held his hands up and declared his homosexuality. They were all open minded secular humanists and Max knew they’d be okay with that (that’s what they’d put on their ad too!). They said they all wanted a nice sanctuary like place to live, and so they wanted to share their house space with like-minded people.

Mike was the rather average looking guy, whose face transformed when he was animated into something more. Max liked him right away. David was quiet, dark haired and a little shy, but nice as well. Flora and Isabel were identical twins who’d reached the age where it was easy to pick them apart. One had died her hair black while the other remained a blonde. They were very close.

Max had lunch with them and they decided on a date that was okay for moving in, settling on a week from today. And so Max had begun to superficially pack some things away. It was exciting, the prospect of moving, of meeting new people and doing new things. He liked it.

He’d also gotten a job at a local department store, and now spent a lot of time in the perfume section, selling perfumes to old women for ridiculous prices. Sometimes Sam visited him to tease him, and that was nice.

Things were unbelievably okay in the most bruised and tender way.

~*~

“Why don’t I help you move your things?” Sam asked, throwing some eggs on to Max’s plate as he awaited his food at Sam’s table. He let his hand linger for second in Max’s smooth and shiny hair as Max began to gobble his food up right away.

“I’m fine doing it by myself,” Max assured with his mouth full.

“But I can still help, no?” Sam sat.

“Yes, mother, but I want to do it myself.”

“Fine.” Sam replied, and took a bite of his own food, enjoying Max’s company. It had been weeks since they’d had a proper conversation and he missed the damned fool.

“How much stuff is left anyway?”

“Just a few boxes. I’m just about moved in,” Max replied.

“Do you like it?” Sam asked. “I wish you’d let me come see it with you.”

“You’ll visit soon enough.” Max replied. “And then you can meet Flora and Isabel.” He waggled his brows. “They’re really hot.”

Now Sam looked intrigued. “Two women?”

Max snorted. “I bet you thought I was moving into some gay party house with lots of hot guys.”

Sam shrugged. “Well you are a bit of a sex freak.”

“I haven’t had sex in a month.” Max said, sighing.

Sam’s eyes widened. “Jesus Christ!”

“I’ve decided to um, be healthier about my behavior.”

“Cam is a genius.”

“Why are you crediting Cam? This is my epiphany.”

Sam nodded. “Right…sorry.”

“How is he by the way?” Max asked, pushing his plate aside. He hadn’t thought about Cam in ages.

“Ah, last I heard, he was fucking another married woman.”

Max gaped. “And he tells me I behave in an unhealthy manner.”

“Well, you see, this one’s husband is fully aware of the ‘affair’. He can’t really satisfy her desires or something. But they aren’t always aware…the husbands”

“And her desires are?”

“Well, she’s has some dominant tendencies…and her husband isn’t willing to let her experiment on him….”

Max gaped. “So, Cam?”

Sam nodded. “Yep, Cam is a kinky fuck.”

Max’s brain was exploding with images of Cam in leather, a gag, and tied to something. Damn it, he needed sex. But he didn’t know if he was ready.

That was probably his answer right there.

~*~

Max was really horny at work the next day, and every time he saw a well-dressed, sexy older male, he couldn’t help but retreat into a fantasy where he was completely at their mercy and forced to perform sexual services to them. He couldn’t resist the traditionally masculine, severe, and rather big types. It was highly distracting and he kept having to return his attention to ugly women to make the feelings go away.

Max felt like he was making progress in that he didn’t want those things as a way of releasing negative emotions he’d locked up. He wanted those things because he wanted to feel good. But he’d torture himself some more in order to not retreat into old habits.

During his break, he locked himself in a changing room and stroked himself to orgasm, trying hard to stifle the sounds he made. Whimpering noises escaped his lips, as in his mind he begged for release from a sexy older man. God that was good.

He felt better after and could focus on work.

~*~

His new room made him smile. It was large, airy, and had a huge window that made the space appear even more roomy. Max was just putting the last of his things in the closet when he heard a knock on his door. He called out for the person to come in—that it was unlocked.

Flora entered. She was the dark haired twin, n, Max had finally pinned down after three days in his new place. “It looks wonderful!” She exclaimed enthusiastically. “How are you liking it?”

“I love the room, and the house is great.” Max grinned. “It feels nice…being here. I’ve not had a good year thus far, so I hope the rest of it will be better.” It was hard to say that but Max was getting better at just saying what he was thinking and feeling.

“Yeah, I love it here too. I’ve only lived with David and Mike for a year now, but we knew each other for a few years before that. They’re really good friends and so are my sister and I. This is a great place to live. It doesn’t kill you in terms of rent and you enjoy the company of some awesome people!”

Max smiled. “Where should I put this?” He gestured towards a box of some books he’d collected over the years.

“I think we have a shelf down in the basement you could probably use, but for now I’d just shove it into the closet.”

“Good idea.” Max said, doing just that and shoving the closet door shut.

“You know…you’re cute. I have this really hot friend who I could set you up with if you wanted?” Flora said excitedly.

Max froze up. “Um, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“I’m just a little confused about things right now and I don’t think it would be healthy to get into something quite right now. I just got out of something that didn’t end well, so just doing a bit of soul searching.” Max explained. “I think I wouldn’t mind something casual sometime soon, maybe…”

“You know, the best way to get closure from something like that is to write a letter to yourself, or even to the person involved. Even if you don’t send it, it’s a nice thing to do.” Flora suggested. “But that’s just the writer in me suggesting that.” She laughed.

Max groaned. “Not another writer.”

“What do you mean?” Flora giggled.

“My best friend is a writer too,” Max explained. “English major.”

“Ah, what’s his name?” Flora asked.

“Sam Lynch.”

“Never met him.” Flora shook her head. “When do I get to meet him?”

“Whenever he can come over for dinner, maybe?”

“How about tonight? I’m having a friend over and Mike’s girlfriend is dropping by as well.”

“When you say friend…?” Max said warily.

Flora blushed slightly. “Okay it might be my gay friend. And I might have told him about you. But its up to you of course.”

“Flora,” Max chastised, though he couldn’t be angry at such a pretty thing. “I’ll deal with it.” He sighed. “Let me call Sam! He’ll be excited…I told him there you and Isabel were hot twins.”

“Speaking of Isabel, I hope you don’t take her quietness as unwelcome, she’s just like that. Very introspective.”

Max shrugged. “I gathered. I’m okay with that. Until recently, I’d been very closed off myself.”

“Good.” Isabel smiled. “You’re going to fit right in, over here.”

Max liked the sound of that.

~*~

Dinner was surprisingly nice. Mike was a good cook, and David helped. There was a nice roast chicken, wild rice, and mashed potatoes, and vegetables. Very mature and not something Max would ever have attempted to cook.

Isabel was playing a video game in the living room, something that surprised Max a little, while Flora read with her head against Isabel’s thigh. David was putting together a salad and Max had just entered the hallway when the doorbell rang and the first guest arrived.

Max opened the door, a little nervous, and found himself face to face with a really hot guy. And then his brain went blank as the guy’s teeth flashed and he shook hands with Max. He introduced himself as Chase and wore comfortable black fitted jeans and a purple shirt.

Holy sex and cum, Max thought.

Max spent the next half hour in a state of desperate arousal, as Chase continued to subtly touch himn. Placing his hands on Max’s shoulders from behind, rubbing his fingers against Max’s arm in a friendly way, smiling at Max knowingly—it was all a little bit much in Max’s sex-starved brain. They all spoke and laughed together as if unaware that Max was dying where he stood beside Chase.

When the doorbell rang again, it was a good excuse for max to breathe in a sigh of relief and rush off from Chase to answer the door. Sam and a pretty redhead named Clarissa, Mike’s girlfriend, came inside. Sam gave him a warm, exuberant hug, and Max held on tight, needing the support.

“I’ve missed you, Max.” Sam said.

They pulled apart.

“I’ve missed you too!” Max said.

“This place is great.” Sam said appreciatively.

“Thanks, wait till you see my room later. C’mon, come meet everyone.”

Sam hit it off with Flora and Mike right away. David was a bit distant still, but friendly nonetheless, and Isabel was lost in her head a little as usual. Max let them be and sat back, observing the laughter, and enjoying himself.

After dinner, which was loud, a bit hectic, but fun, Chase caught up with him. He sat beside Max and put a hand on his thigh as everyone else drank a liberal amount of alcohol. “So tell me about yourself.” Chase said, holding Max’s eyes with his own bright blue ones.

“Well, I’m not going to fuck you, for one.” Max said, losing his temper a bit and smiling through the anger. He really didn’t want to play this game anymore.

Chase blinked and grinned. “Really?” Max felt his hand being clutched in Chase’s larger one as he guided his hand to the rock hard erection in Chase’s pants. It was huge. Max gulped.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything and you don’t have to tell anyone about it tomorrow.”

Max felt a little dazed. The next thing he knew, Chase was holding his hand and pulling him into the hallway, leading him up the stairs and into the bathroom where he shut the door, and then turned to him. Chase unzipped his jeans, slid his pants down, shirt up, and held his large cock out to tease Max over.

Max dropped to his knees and stared at the piece of meat in front of him. God it looked so suckable. His mouth watered. He wanted nothing more than to swallow it, and to have his mouth drilled into by a sexy large cock. He reached out and licked the head tentatively, before he took a deep breath and slid his lips down the entire length. It was like riding a bicycle.

Chase bucked in his mouth and clutched his head, saying through his teeth, “I knew you would be a good little cocksucker.” And then he began to guide Max’s head up and down his large tool.

It was so good. Max felt his body heating up, the familiar flush of arousal spread its way along his body and he reached down to stroke himself.

Chase came in his mouth minutes later, Max came on the bathroom floor, and chase stroked his cheek fondly before muttering a thanks and walking out, shutting the door behind him.

Max cleaned himself up before staring at his flushed visage in the bathroom mirror. He was having trouble breathing a little. In and out, in and out. He repeated in his head as he took deep breaths. It was okay. Everything was okay. And then the tears came and he wanted to punch something.

A knock at the door.

Shit, Max turned off the tap.

“W-what is it?” he called out.

“Everything okay in there?” Sam replied.

“Yeah I’ll be just down.”

Sam’s voice was one of steel. “Don’t lie to me, Max, I’ll be in your room when you come out. We’ll talk.”

Max fluttered his hands helplessly as he searched for a way to make his eyes look less red. He eventually gave up and just went into his room as he was. Sam stood and held his hands out. Max walked into them. “Did the bastard hurt you?”

“N-no.”

“Good. I could tell from the way he was smirking that something had happened.”

“I blowed him.” Max shrugged. “No big deal.”

“Then why have you been crying?”

“S-something is wrong with me Sam. I can’t do it anymore. The meaningless sex. I thought once I figured things out, I could go back to that and do it in a healthy way, but it doesn’t feel good. I can’t use others like that anymore, and I don’t want to be used either”

“There is nothing wrong with you. You've just left one mindset behind, that’s all. It was easy before, because sex was release, it was a way you leeched off of others and let them leech off of you. Sort of like an emotional and physical parasitic relationship, but you don’t need that release anymore, and being used and using others is not going to cut it. You see? And if it doesn’t feel good...well guess what? You don’t have to do it. Sex is something that’s far more enjoyable with people you trust.”

“I know. But that scares me even more.”

Sam sighed and just held him. “Well, when it doesn't scare you, you’ll be ready. Or when you find the right person, you’ll get over the fear of commitment, of attachment.”

Max laughed through his tears. “You sound like Cam.”

Sam grinned. “Don’t make me think you miss the fool.”

Max frowned. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know, haven't talked to him in a while still.”

“Maybe you should. He’s one of your more decent friends.”

Sam grinned. “I know. I know. I love the guy. Speaking of friends…I’m liking your new housemates. Mike is great. David is cool too, and Flora is awesome.”

“We should probably head down.”

“You don’t have to. I’ll tell them you weren't feeling good and decided to sleep early before you embarrassed yourself and passed out.”

“Thanks.” Max grinned. “That will make me look really macho.”

Sam grinned. “Call me, okay?” And then he kissed Max’s forehead before closing the door behind him.

Max waited till the footsteps receded before collapsing on his bed and letting it all out.

He just had to remind himself it would eventually be fine.

~*~