Richmoore Institute - 7. Chapter 7 - My Life, My Choice

Sam had told me once that he chose Alistair to be his soul mate. I have never really understood, and still do not understand how one can choose a soul mate. I certainly did not choose Sam – it just sort of happened.

We are but slaves to our minds. We are often tricked into believing that the whims of our minds are but our own desires. Though the illusion shatters when we discover that we cannot wish away, despite committing all will, certain urges of the mind. Attempt to choose the people with whom you fall in love, the individuals for whom you lust, or the sources of your motivation and you will find that you are in fact no where close to being the master of your desires.

Leave it to a rebel as defiant as Sam to attempt to prove to himself that he can indeed choose the person with whom he to fall in love.

* * *

“I'm going to State High at New York for my freshman year,” Sam conveyed assertively as he stood firm before Lady Victoria and Edward Matthews at the centre of the drawing room exuding palpable audacity.

“You will not,” replied Lady Victoria with vehemence that matched Sam's. The intensity of flames in the hearth soared as if to reflect the escalating tension in the drawing room.

“I need to experience a normal childhood for at least a year,” Sam said with an unwavering gaze.

“You can experience a normal childhood in Richmoore Institute,” Lady Victoria rebutted. Edward remained silent amidst the argument unfolding between his wife and his only son. Similar to most family meetings, he had opted to act as the mute observer; and was sipping his earl grey tea while Sam and Lady Victoria shot verbal bullets at one another.

“Either let me go for a year, or I'll kill myself,” Sam uttered the ultimatum. “This life does not seem to be mine to live anyway.”

Lady Victoria snorted, “You will not compel me with your empty threats.”

“Victoria, let him go,” Edward broke his own mute spell. Those also happened to be the only four words that Edward would be uttering throughout the entire length of the meeting.

“What would happen after a year?” Lady Victoria inquired. She made no objections to her husband's demand, and her tone as well as body language showed no signs of resignation despite her acquiescence.

“We'll re-evaluate after a year,” Sam responded, silently grateful for his father's intervention.

* * *

“Him! I want him to be my boyfriend!” said the 15 year old Sam as he grinned as wide as he ever could. Sam was excited to start the first day of his freshman year in a public school. Students started pouring into the school yard minutes before the school bell was scheduled to ring.

Sam was still in the car parked across the street with the family butler, Alfred. His attention was caught by a boy with messy auburn hair and stood tall compared to the rest of his peers.

“Sam, you have to be careful, you don't even know if he's interested in guys,” advised Alfred. “And besides, you might get bullied if you rush into the school telling everyone that you're gay.”

“That's the point!” Sam smiled once again. “Blind hope and getting bullied – just two of the many things in a normal child's life that I want to experience! I have to go Alfred, see you!” Sam excitedly exit the car as Alfred shook his head in mild disapproval.

“And Alfred, thanks again for accompanying me in my mad adventure. And don't bother picking me up, I'm taking the school bus home.” Sam said gratefully prior to closing the passenger-side door.

* * *

“Hi, I'm Sam!” Sam chirped as he extended his hand for Alistair to shake. At the first sign of recess after the first period, Sam had scouted the entire school for the auburn boy he had seen earlier in the day. He was determined to make his acquaintance on the very first day of school, and if he could not find him on the first recess he would have continued searching for the remaining recesses of the day.

Alistair was in the middle of swapping text books at his locker when an unusually quirky blond kid had introduced himself without cause.

“Hi, I'm Alistair,” Alistair accepted Sam's handshake with trepidation. Sam's idiosyncratic behaviour had already attracted the attention of a few students within earshot.

“Alistair, that's a nice name,” Sam said unabashed. “Can we be friends?” Sam lied to Lady Victoria, he was not at State High for a normal childhood – normal fifteen year-olds most certainly did not act like he was acting. Sam's blatant diversion from what a highschool student would define as “cool” had elicited a few giggles around them. Alistair frowned, and had believed that he must have been the subject of a prank or a joke. In a jolt, he retracted his hand from Sam's grip and walked away from the scene.

“Alistair,” Sam muttered. “At least I have a name.” Sam was not aiming for normal childhood experience at State High. He was planning for a year of whimsical adventures; and to experience life without fear of how others would think of him.

* * *

Sam boarded the school bus at the end of his first day as a high school student with excitement. Public school bus, wow. He could even feel the body hair along his arms tingle at the novel experience. Sam was even more thrilled to see that Alistair was on the bus with no one sitting beside him. His eyes immediately widened as he strode to Alistair and dropped himself down on the seat beside Alistair.

“Hi again,” Sam said exuberantly.

“What's your problem?” Alistair muttered.

“I thought we could be friends,” Sam said dejectedly, sounding like a puppy who had just been kicked by its beloved owner.

Alistair was taken aback by Sam's hurt expression, “Well... well... then maybe you shouldn't be so weird about it.”

The pangs of rejection – feels so good. Sam made an inward smile. “Sorry for being weird,” Sam pouted.

“Well... well... it's not your fault. Fine we can be friends,” Alistair said after a moment of hesitation. Oh God, what did I get myself into?

Sam's forlorn expression immediately morphed into a thousand-watt smile upon hearing Alistar's words. “Thanks!”

A moment of silence passed between them before Sam brought back the awkwardness, “So, can I visit your house today?”

“Geez! We've just been friends for two seconds and you want to get invited to my house already?” Alistair said with exasperation. Is this guy for real?

“Isn't that what friends do?” Sam inquired quizzically. “Besides, I don't have much time left,” Sam whispered to himself.

“What do you mean you don't have much time left?” Alistair drawled, to which Sam responded by simply shaking his head in contemplation.

“It's just I don't know how long I'm going to be able to attend this school. My parents might want me to transfer to a different one,” Sam said while still crestfallenly staring at the floor of the bus.

“Okay, fine fine, you can come visit my house,” Alistair yielded, eliciting yet another wide smile from Sam. As weird as it might be, Alistair did feel a sense of joy for being able to bring happiness, as simple as it might be, to the bubbly blonde boy sitting beside him. He came from a big warm family and his mamma had always thought him that the best kind of happiness was awarded when bringing a smile to another man's face. As such, Alistair decided that, risking social ridicule, he was willing to be friends with the quizzical and peculiar Sam.

* * *

One thing led to another, and a house visit led to dinner. Alistair, of course, had predicted it the moment he introduced Sam to his mamma. Big warm family. Sam sat at the dinner table together with Alistair's parents, Emma, Alistair's older sister by two years, as well as Theo and Leo, Alistair's younger twin brothers by five years. Sam made a mental note to himself that, other than Alistair himself, his siblings all had common Scandinavian names. Stop it Sam, no normal fifteen year old American would have caught on to that fact.

As soon as Olga, Alistair's mother had learned of the fact that Sam was in New York without a family and with only a butler as a guardian, she had requested that Sam come for dinner every day.

“Oh, I wouldn't want to impose like that,” Sam responded promptly.

“Nonsense!” Olga objected. “Are you suggesting that the Christensen family cannot feed another child? Or do you not like our company?”

“Neither, mam,” replied Sam timidly.

“Then you shall come for dinner every night,” Olga declared merrily. Sam tried his best to hide his smile but could not help bursting with joy within. I have a family! An actual family with a mom that cooks and a dad that talks!

And so it was that Alistair and Sam inadvertently grew closer and closer each day as they learned more about one another. In the short span of a month, they have become inseparable as best friends, and Alistair's family had all but formally adopted Sam.

* * *

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!” The renowned melody reverberated in the homey living compounds of the Christensen family. “Happy birthday to Leo and Theo! Happy birthday to you!”

As soon as the song ended, Leo and Theo had eagerly blown out all ten candles in the cake in front of each of them. Olga had decided to bake two cakes this year, both garishly decorated – one with a rainbow while the other with a unicorn.

So this is how a birthday is celebrated. Sam thought with bitter-sweet sentiments.

“Time to cut the cake!” Olga announced with feigned hysteria. Alex, Alistair's father had set up a camera on a tripod at the opposite side of the table. He had set the camera to snap every half minute and hence it captured an abundance of candid shots of Alex, Emma, Alistair and Sam clapping and cheering at the sides of the table while Leo and Theo were attempting to make as little of a mess as possible from pulling out the candles from the cakes. Olga busied herself with dividing the cakes into equal pieces as she served them to the family.

“Wow, these cakes taste delicious despite their gaudy decoration,” Sam had said a little too loud. A month of assimilating into the family had greatly diminished his inner filter around the people he felt more comfortable with compared to his own family.

“Samuel Matthews, how dare you doubt my baking abilities?” Olga grunted indignantly, eliciting laughter and giggles at the table. Nobody celebrated birthdays back home. No cake, no gifts and no laughters. Sam could almost feel tears forming in his eyes.

“Mamma, I do think that Leo and Theo are getting too old for rainbows and unicorns,” Emma chided in with cream smeared around her lips.

“My Leo and Theo are never too old for rainbows and unicorns, are they?” Olga teased as she started pinching the cheeks of the twins.

“Mamma!” Leo said, embarrassed by Olga's overtures; a smile was still plastered on his face nonetheless.

“Present time!” Emma announced once the family was done with the cakes. Sam had initially thought that he would buy the twins both a Nintendo DS but Alistair had warned him that those would be too practical as birthday presents in the Christensen family. “We usually just get and give sentimental junk for birthday presents,” Alistair had told Sam. Hence Sam resorted to a picture frame with a picture of Sam, Leo and Theo at one of Alistair's football games nestled within. The sentimental theme of his present fitted perfectly with Olga's home-knitted gloves with their initials, Alex's custom-made fridge magnets, Emma's custom-made shirts, and Alistair's lunch boxes adorned with pictures of the family.

Thank you Christensens for letting me experience what a real family is like.

* * *

“Careful!” Alistair bellowed, partially in jest, as Sam overtook him in a swift motion. Gentle wind ruffled Sam's blonde locks of hair as he turned his head backwards and stuck his tongue out at Alistair. The soft sound of water lapping at the nearby lake complemented the giggles and laughter from Sam and Alistair as they rode light-heartedly on their bicycles.

Sam steered off the main path into the rough patches of grass surrounding it and headed towards the direction of the lake.

“Where are you going?” Alistair shouted from behind.

“Picnic!” Sam shrieked hysterically. Alistair had no choice but to pursue Sam from behind. He failed to refrain himself from emitting sound of light chuckles as he gently shook his head at Sam's never ending supply of spontaneity.

It had been almost half a year since that memorable day when a stranger had rushed to Alistair in order to introduce himself and all but invited himself back to Alistair's home. As Alistair and Sam laid on the patches of dry grass around the lake, staring deep into the cloudy skies, he wondered what it would be like if he had rejected Sam's offer of friendship. Only six months in, he already had a difficult time imagining life without Sam. It was hard to imagine another person other than Sam beside him on the bus ride home everyday; another person with whom he would do homework together after school; or another person with whom he would gossip shamelessly while gorging through the delectable pastries baked by his mother. And he would certainly be missing that infectious and hysterical laughter.

Alistair turned his head towards Sam and took in the blissful sight of Sam resting on both his hands beneath his head while gazing thoughtfully into the sky above them. “What's on your mind?” Alistair broke the silence.

“Wondering how much Jenna would hate me if she had found out that I'm here laying next to you beside a lake,” Sam quipped, which caused both of them to burst into laughter.

“Oh man, she's even more persistent than you when you tried to be my friend on the first day of school,” Alistair said amidst his gales of laughter. “Do you remember?”

“Oh yeah, I was kind of a dork huh?” Sam said. “Though definitely nothing can beat Jenna writing dirty poems and putting them into your locker.” Sam's statement was all it took to initiate another series of laughter and cackles.

“Man, I already told her that I would be more than willing to be her friend, but that's not what she wants, is it?” Alistair said sarcastically and rhetorically.

“Nope, she wants exclusive humina humina with you,” Sam said as a matter of fact, and could not help giving out a silly laugh at his own statement.

“I guess being the tallest freshman who does not look prepubescent has its disadvantageous,” Alistair sighed.

“And handsome; don't forget handsome,” Sam added.

“Enough about teasing me, what about you and Liz huh?” Alistair attempted to disgress.

“I think her name is Lisa, and I'm not interested,” Sam said.

“So who are you interested in then?” Alistair inquired as he popped himself up to rest on his side instead, facing Sam.

Sam turned his head side ways in order to lock gaze with Alistair's hazel eyes. “If I tell you, will you promise not to look at me differently; and irrespective on how much you disagree with my choice of interest, nothing will change between us?” Sam's mood grew solemn.

“Oh man, it's not Jenna is it? Because I would never disagree with that; and if you can take her off my back I would be eternally grateful,” Alistair said in jest, but grew serious when he noted that Sam had barely chuckled at his comment. “In all seriousness Sam, you're the bestest, bestest friend I've ever had, and I don't think I'd ever want to stop talking to you.”

“You,” Sam barely whispered.

“What?” Alistair inquired, afraid that he had misheard.

“I'm interested in you.” Sam asserted. Alistair swallowed as his face inadvertently turned a shade paler. “It's no big deal though, I've been interested in you since the first day I met you. I don't need you to be interested in me back. I enjoy your friendship and definitely the companionship of your family. I hope you don't start feeling weird around me,” Sam continued, and had hoped to alleviate the growing awkwardness between the two of them.

“How can you be interested in me the moment you met me?” Alistair frowned.

“Haven't you heard of love at first sight?” Sam said in jest, and chuckled lightly himself. “Well, the moment I saw you walk into school, I pointed right at you and told myself that you're the person I'm going to fall in love with.”

“That's silly, how can you decide to fall in love with me before even talking to me?”Alistair inquired further. The awkwardness was beginning to subside, and was gradually being replaced with growing curiosity.

“Jenna did,” Sam joked once more. “Well, Al, a lot of us wander around trying to look for a suitable soul mate. We judge them against a list of criteria – funny, kind, handsome, cute, strong, and so on – in order to determine if it'd be a good match. And if one thinks that it is difficult to find someone to love who would love him or her back, he or she definitely has not tried staying in love for a long period of time; because staying in love is definitely much harder - it takes a lot of commitment and willpower. And so I decided to just choose someone... you know... and just make myself fall in love with that person and see if I can stay in love for the person for a long period of time. I don't really care if that person loves me back. Obviously I might be happier if he did, but it's no big deal if he doesn't. I just want to experience what it's like loving someone. And I happen to chose you.”

“That's one of the most profound yet most silly and ridiculous thing I've ever heard,” Alistair teased. “Nobody thinks like that! No 15 year old thinks like that. But then you're no normal 15 year old are you?” Alistair grew solemn at his last sentence.

A few months ago, Sam gave the Christensen family a full disclosure on his background including his family fortune, the tension between him and his family, and the possibility that this might be his only year with them; though he promised that he would fight until his last breath to continue his education at State High. Alistair was initially struck with a sense of disappointment upon the revelation. The knowledge that the budding friendship which brought him so much joy in his life might end in but a year was definitely not a happy thought. It took hours of consoling from Sam and dozens of ounces of ice cream in order to convince Alistair to simply enjoy the moment without putting too much weight and worry on the impending and uncertain future.

“Nope, I'm a precocious and crazy fifteen year old that does the most peculiar things,” Sam quipped. Sam jumped up in a swift moment and ran towards his bicycle, “Last one home bathes in cold water!”

“Hey!” Alistair bellowed as he promptly lifted himself to chase after Sam.

* * *

It had been a few weeks since Sam dropped the bombshell on Alistair. Much to Sam's relief, there were no residual tension between the two of them as a result of Sam's declaration of love. They continued to hang out every day, laughed as they had before, and were definitely nothing short of being the best of friends.

“Are you checking me out?”Alistair broke the silence. It was another typical school day evening when Sam was using Alistair's computer for research while Alistair spread himself across the bed and was nonchalantly throwing his football up into the air only to catch it within the second as gravity drew it back down onto Alistair's firm grip. He wore a white tank top, exhibiting his defined biceps as they flex to thrust the footfall upwards. His tank top was slightly lifted, hence revealing a hint of his dark brown treasure trail. Sam could not help himself but to steal a few glances when he needed a short break from his online reading.

“Everybody checks you out Alistair,” Sam prevaricated monotonously.

“Do you think I'm sexy?” Alistair inquired with a hint of mischief.

“Are you trying to send me mixed signals my dear friend?” Sam challenged.

“You know, I've been thinking about what you've said,” Alistair drawled.

Sam peeled himself off the computer screen in order to allocate his full attention to the supine Alistair. “And you're going to tell me that you've been in love with me since the moment we met too?” Sam said excitedly in jest while chuckling. “I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself,” Sam apologised earnestly as he refrained from smiling.

Alistair ignored Sam's quip. “I think I might be...” Alistair hesitated. “Asexual.”

“Dammit,” Sam cursed. “I was waiting for the word, gay.” Sam inappropriately giggled. Alistair was evidently mildly frustrated by Sam's frivolity and had rose up from the bed, aiming to leave the room.

“Alright, alright, sorry!” Sam stopped Alistair just in time by wrapping his arms around Alistair's waist. “In all seriousness though, in times like these, there's obviously only one logical route that we should pursue,” Sam said as he led Alistair back to the bed.

“And what would that be?”Alistair did feel mild embarrassment at his own admission. The truth was that he had never admitted having such suspicions regarding his sexuality and definitely had not bring it up in a conversation with another living soul.

“How do I know if I'm asexual?” Sam read aloud as he typed in the search phrase on google.

“Wait!” Alistair attempted to stop Sam from hitting the enter key but was one second too late.

“Relax, I'm on incognito mode,” Sam explained, fully aware of Alistair's fear as although the computer was in Alistair's room, it was shared amongst the siblings. “Do you want to come read this or do you want me to help you figure it out?” Sam inquired. When he turned back to face Alistair, he was presented with Alistair's puppy dog eyes nestled in a confused and pleading expression.

“Okay, okay, lay down and I'll play the psychologist,” Sam directed Alistair to lie back down as he quickly skimmed through some of the search results. After a few minutes of silence, Sam finally turned his chair around to face Alistair. “Okay Mr. Chistensen, shall we begin?” Sam asked in a mock voice a tone deeper.

“Sam...” Alistair pleaded, and had hoped that Sam would take this as seriously as he was.

“When was the last time you masturbated?” Sam asked earnestly without a tinge of ridicule in his tone.

“A long time ago. I think it was when Kevin, this friend I had in middle school. He invited me over to his place. We were just lounging around and got pretty bored. Then he took out this porn magazine he had and showed it to me. The next thing I knew, he was touching himself and prompted me to do so myself. Man, I got real hard quick enough when I imitated his motions. I don't think I've ever touched myself like I had before. And soon enough I felt weird, and started squirting all over myself. He told me that day that what we did was called masturbation or jerking off,” Alistair answered honestly.

“You had a mutual jerk off session?” Sam perked up slightly as he gulped.

“Don't start getting ideas,” Alistair frowned.

“Okay, ever since then, have you felt the need to masturbate again?” Sam asked.

“Not really, but sometimes I do have sexual dreams though – sometimes men, sometimes women, but nobody I really know from real life,” Alistair drawled.

“Hmm,” Sam took a moment to ponder as he scrolled through more search results.

“So?” Alistair prodded after a few minutes of silence.

“Well it does say here that some asexuals have less of a sex drive but can still be aroused by physical stimulation,” Sam stated. “Also says here that not all asexuals are impervious to romantic feelings and often are in love with their best friends without knowing it.”

“It does not say that!” Alistair rose up to take a look at the computer screen himself. He gave Sam a light shove when he confirmed that Sam was making the last part of his previous sentence up.

“Look, there's a whole forum on asexuality, Alistair,” Sam was rather impressed with the information apropos the subject that he had known nothing about prior to Alistair's revelation. “How did you even have the inkling that you're asexual anyway?”

“There was this brief session in school where they talked about sexual orientation. They obviously spent more time on being gay, transexual, etc. But they did talk briefly about asexuality. For a moment I thought I could relate to their description but quickly shoved the thought away at that time,” Alistair said as he took charge of the computer and was scrolling down the multitude of information and stories shared by other asexuals. “Do you think I should join this forum?”

“For sure man!” Sam encouraged. “And when you're ready to have mutual jerk off sessions, just let me know; and I'll even take care of you; if you know what I mean,” Sam winked, which earned him another shove from Alistair.

“Alright, we should head down for dinner before your parents start suspecting that we're up to some funny business up here,” Sam joked again before he went down to the dining room with Alistair to help Olga prepare for dinner.

* * *

Sam was but a moment away from deep sleep when he felt a tingling sensation moving along his arm. The growing sensation gradually pulled him out from the slumber. As he regained consciousness, he became aware that the tingles were a result of Alistair's fingers playfully brushing the length of his arm. “Al?” Sam asked groggily. Startled, Alistair's hand froze.

“I've been thinking,” Alistair muttered. Sam gulped, and had a feeling that they were about to revisit the topic of their sexuality after having left it dormant for almost a month.

“Yeah?” Sam asked huskily.

Alistair removed his hand from Sam's arm and proceeded to lie to his back. “I've been reading a lot on that forum.”

“And?” Sam prodded when Alistair stayed silent for a moment too long.

“Man, this sexuality thing is complicated,” Alistair said in exasperation. “Apparently some asexuals are aromantic as well. But some asexuals do form romantic relationships with other asexuals and even non-asexuals. But how is one supposed to know if it's a romantic attraction or simply friendship? It's harder when you don't have a sex drive that is tugging your mind and heart along.”

Sam turned himself to face Shawn. “It's alright, there's no rush in figuring it out, just go with the flow,” Sam said empathetically.

“You're right. It does say that asexuals often fall in love with their best friends without knowing,” Alistair swallowed audibly.

“No it doesn't,” Sam stammered; his cheeks turning a shade redder.

Alistair hesitantly moved his hand towards Sam's cheek. Sam closed his eyes, longing to feel Alistair's touch. Alistair, encouraged by Sam's expectant expression, proceeded to gently caressing Sam's cheek with his fingers.

“Do you even want to be in a relationship with a guy who has no sex drive?” Alistair fumbled with his words. “I mean, I guess I can always try. It doesn't freak me out or anything. And I mean, I do get aroused. And...”

“Shhh....” Sam placed a finger on Alistair's lips. “I'm happy enough to be your friend, and even happier to be the recipient of your caring touches. Let's not worry about sex for now, okay?” Sam soothed Alistair while attempting to hide the biggest grin.

Alistair smiled at Sam's words. Sam, you're the bestest, bestest friend I've ever had. I feel happy when you're around me and sad at the prospect of you not. I could be happy spending my life with you. I'm pretty sure this is what romance feels like. No, this is probably better than romance.

Alistair nudged himself closer to Sam and wrapped his arms around Sam's waist to pull Sam into his embrace. Sam reciprocated by entangling his arms with Alistair's torso while snuggling his head within Alistair's firm chest. Sam felt light headed breathing in Alistair's scent and feeling the thumping beat of his heart. It was too soon that both fell into deep slumber.

* * *

“I could definitely get used to this,” whispered Alistair in Sam's ears. The shade of the tree kept Alistair cool in spite of the raging sunshine. He could hear the rustling in the leaves above him as he laid his head back against the trunk of the tree. Sam was curled up between Alistair's legs, with his back against Alistair and his head resting peacefully on Alistair's shoulders.

“Me too,” Sam whispered back with a giddy smile plastered on his face.

The truth was that aside from the increased extent of physical intimacy, not much had changed for Sam and Alistair in the last few months. Alistair believed that they were best friends first, and boyfriends second.

“You know how you said you chose me to be your soul mate?” Alistair said.

“Mmhmm,” Sam responded, partially lost in reverie as he basked in the warmth emanating from Alistair's body.

“You know that I'm more than happy to be your friend and be a part of your life right?” Alistair drawled. “If you did unwittingly fall in love with someone else against your will, especially, you know... someone with whom sex wouldn't be a problem, I would like it if you explored a relationship with that person instead.” It was not a new topic for the couple. In the last couples of months, Sam had more than once insisted to Alistair that he was perfectly happy the way their relationship was though the insecurity was still prickling at Alistair.

“First of all, sexually, I'm fully sated. I could literally orgasm while you hold like this if I wanted to,” Sam said in jest. “And secondly, it's just you Alistair; you're the one. No one else.”

After a moment of comfortable silence, Sam turned himself around and wrapped his legs around Alistair's waist. He steadied himself by holding onto Alistair's shoulder. Staring deep into Alistair's eyes, he initiated a discussion that both of them had wanted to avoid for eternity if it were possible. “Al, I don't know what's going to happen after next week, but whatever happens, know that my heart will always be with you.” Sam never knew he could be so sappy prior to meeting Alistair. The end of the school year had befell the couple much quicker than they had hoped. Sam would be returning to his biological family – in his heart, he had long considered the Christensens to be more akin to family than his own – in a week's time. He was determined to put his dignity aside to beg and grovel in order to get another school year with Alistair. Though knowing his mother, he did not know what to expect.

Alistair brought his lips to Sam's and they exchanged one of the most gentle yet sensual kiss that they've experienced. “Don't worry about it too much Sam. There's still email, skype and all the other ways we can communicate. I'd be very happy just hearing from you even if it means never to see you again,” Alistair whispered huskily into Sam's ears.

Little did Alistair know that he would soon have to endure a year and half of not receiving a single word from Sam – electronic or not.

* * *

“You're going to Richmoore next year. You will not return to New York. You will cease all contact with the Christensens. I've already instructed Alfred to inform them of your sudden departure,” Lady Victoria asserted, her voice reverberated across the drawing room.

Sam's breathing grew heavy as he absorbed his mother's conviction. He had held a scintilla of hope that his mother would actually care for his happiness and allow him to spend another year with the Christensens. That tiny iota of hope had evaporated upon being struck by the cruelty of Lady Victoria's words.

“You're pushing it, Victoria,” Sam uttered; gritting his teeth in fury. Unwittingly, tears start forming in his eyes as he felt the pangs of betrayal from his very own family. It was not enough that they had never put his well-being anywhere near their priority, it had seemed to Sam that they were out to destroy it.

“Don't even think of disobeying me,” Lady Victoria continued. “You've lost your bargaining chips. If you do not comply, I will make their lives a living hell. You know what I am capable of. If you truly care for them, you will distant yourself from them or watch them suffer as a result of your disobedience.”

Sam's legs gave up on him and he collapsed on his knees. He felt completely and unequivocally defeated. No longer could he hold his composure as he let streams of tears cascade down his cheeks. It seems that I now endanger the people I love. Al, please forget me. I'm sorry.

Lady Victoria's right hand had a sudden twitch as a wave of guilt assaulted her. She quickly placed her left hand on top of her right to suppress the spasms. Unable to bear witness to her son's cries of pain, she shut her eyes tight. The thought of giving up everything she had worked for tempted her – she could give it all up and let Sam pursue his own happiness; and even pursue her own happiness. Though it was but a fleeting thought before she willed herself to purge such temptation from her mind. Be patient my son, in a few years, you'll have who you want. For now, hate me; hate me with all your heart.