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    CameronLuttz
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Demon Trail - 1. Chapter 1

The sun slowly disappeared behind the dark grey clouds causing a shadow to be cast over the town. Not long after the sound of thunder could be heard in the distance as the rain began to pour down from the heavens. A girl with blonde hair tied back in a neat ponytail, sat at her desk looking at her laptop occasionally looking up out her window to watch the rain pour down and leave long wiggling lines on her window. She smiled before going back to reading her laptop screen. Her friends had become interested in haunted places around the world but England only had so many places and they had already visited most around the country. She let out a long sigh as she looked at the article on her screen. ‘The Ancient Ram Inn – Most Haunted Place In Britain” it read. He had gone over and over the article reading each bit finding out every detail, only because her friends had gotten permission from the owner to stay there over night.
 
She didn’t believe in all this stuff of the paranormal usually but lately they had gotten some proof it could be real. They had photos of unexplained figures and recordings of disembodied voices. She looked at her phone for the time it was 6pm already her friend would be here soon to get her. She closed her laptop and put it in her backpack with a couple of bottles of water and some snacks and a spare jumper. She slipped her arms through the loop on the backpack and left her room walking down stairs and waiting by the door for her friend. Her cat wandered over meowing at her as it rubbed its face against her legs.
 
“What do you want?” she chuckles. “I already fed you”
 
She knells down to pat it, she can hear it purr but a sudden loud knock at the door causes them to both jump.
 
“Kristen you ready?” She hears from behind the door.
 
“I’m coming I’m coming”
 
She walks to the door opening it standing there is her friend. Her long brown hair grown past her shoulder her blue eyes standing out like nothing else. She was dressed in a leather jacket in her tight jeans and her black boots coming up to her knees with a tight white shirt showing everything off saying suck it.
 
“No over dressed are we Stella?” Kristen laughed as he closed her front door locking it.
 
“No I mean look at you” She gestured.
 
Kirsten looked down at her simple out fit just a hoodie and a blain shirt with jeans and what looked like men’s boots.
 
“What it’s simple and were going ghost hunting not to the mall or some party”
 
“Yeah I know but come on I want to look good if we capture anything” She says smirking as she unlocks her car.
 
Kristen just shakes her head as she climbs in on the passenger side.
 
“So are the others meeting us there?” Kristen says turning to look at Stella as he starts the car.
 
“Yeah. Jordan picked up Brad a while ago, they wanted some time alone” She said with a wink “and Laura, Kevin and Stewart said they would be there about 6”
 
“Don’t be mean to your brother and his boyfriend I find it cute” Kristen says.
 
Brad was Stella’s younger brother he had come out as gay a few years back and in the last year he and Jake who is one of the girls best friends since primary school started dating. Kevin and Stella were dating Kevin was slightly taken back at finding out his close friend that being Jake was dating a guy but he adjusted. Laura and Stewart are brother and sister. The whole group was close and they all had taken to ghost hunting as a hobby to keep busy.
 
Stella pulled the car around a few sharp turns luckily the Ancient Ram Inn was in the same town jut on the opposite side it had taken them a while to convince the owner to let them spend the night there. They hadn’t told the owner they wanted to use and Ouija board and an old ritual they found to try summon the so called incubus and the ghosts that roam there. Kristen, Stewart, Laura and Kevin were no believers they just thought it was all rubbish until they were getting clear evidence from other locations. Stella pulled up in the street opposite the house before she and Kristen got out of the car. They walked over to the house knocking on the door and waiting soon enough it opened and standing behind it was Brad with his black hair in his face and a smile in his face. He brushed it away revealing his blue eyes.
 
“Who is it?” Came a voice from behind him.
 
“Stella and Kristen” He yelled back.
 
“I hope you to haven’t been making out all this time” His sister said pushing past.
 
“No we were setting up the cameras and the recorders”
 
Since their first time they all invested in some night vision cameras and some recording devises to record everything that happens. Stella and Kristen walked in and Brad closed the door behind them before following into the main living area.
 
“So has anyone else arrived?” Stella said taking a seat.
 
“No you’re the first,” Brad said as he walked over sitting on Jake’s lap.
 
Jake wrapped his arms around Brad holding him tight. Brad was in his black skinny jeans and Jumper as usual. Jake was just in his plain denim skinny jeans and a sports jumper on nice and think to keep him warm. His brown hair was short and out of his face and his body was ripped compared to Brad’s, but they loved each other so they didn’t care.
 
“So did you bring the stuff we needed?” Stella asked nodding towards Jake.
 
He looked at her with a slight frown and picked up a backpack throwing it towards her. She opened it looking inside was chalk, candles, a knife an Ouija board and a wrapped up sheep’s heart. Kristen looks over looking in the bag.
 
“Don’t you think we are taking this a bit far?” She said worried
 
“Agreed” Brad and Jake said at the same time.
 
“Its okay I read about this online nothing bad will happen. We just want to talk to incubus roaming this house,” Stella says smiling as she zips up the bag.
 
“But what if it doesn’t go well? What if it all goes wrong?” Kristen says with an angry tone in her voice.
 
“Trust me it wont”
 
“It could, I mean I watched some of the ghost hunting shows. There was satanic worship here and sacrifices. Along with a witch” Kristen protested
 
“I’m sure everything will be fine” Stella said just shrugging off.
 
As Stella placed the bag on the table they all heard a knock at the door. Brad got up running to answer it. He opened the door and standing behind it was Stewart Laura and Kevin. Kevin walked in ruffling Brad’s hair, he was dressed like his sister almost tight jeans, leather jacket and a red shirt showing off his chiseled chest. Kevin walked in and picked Stella up kissing her.
 
“Hey babe” He said with a smirk on his face.
 
“Hey sexy”
 
Brad walked back in the room with Stewart who was dressed more casual, his brown hair kept short almost all of it shaved off. His sister Laura walked in behind him her reddish brown hair cut short just above her shoulders but she still looked beautiful. She was dressed simple in just a small cardigan and jeans and boots.
 
“Hey Kristen” Stewart said as he walked in smiling when he saw her.
 
“Hi” She said with a slight giggle and blushed.
 
They had been good friends for years everyone had said they should date but they never really thought on it. It was clearly obvious they had feelings for each other.
 
“Well were all here now” Brad said smiling as he sat back down on Jake’s lap.
 
“Well lets wait till it’s a bit later and then well set up for the ritual” Stella said as she stood next to Kevin.
 
“Well if we have some time” Kevin smirked grabbing Stella and dragging her towards the stairs.
 
“Well see you guys later” Stella said with a wink as they both headed to the bedroom up stairs.
 
“Oh okay, well it looks like those two are going to go yeah” Kristen said as she walked towards the back door. “I think I may go wait outside”
 
“Hang on ill join you” Stewart said as he grabbed his bag. “Do you want to come to guys?” He said asking the other 3.
“Yeah ill come” Laura said smiling.
 
“Were going to wait here and make sure all the cameras are working” Jake said pulling Brad closer.
 
“Okay” Stewart smiled as he and his sister followed Kristen outside to a small seating area which was lit by a small light by the table.
 
They all sat on the chairs around a small table looking up at the sky, which was starting to get darker and darker. Stewart pulled his bag onto hos lap and opened it pulling out 3 beers.
 
“Don’t tell the others” He said as he passed them around.
 
Both of them smiled as they took them and opened them.
 
“I find this ritual thing stupid, it could be dangerous” Kristen said before taking a sip.
 
“I know but there’s no way to convince them out of it” Laura said shaking her head.
 
“I’m sure it will be fine you two” Stewart says smiling “And I wont let anything bad happen to my two favorite girls”
 
They both smiled at him happily as they took another sip from their beers. Back inside Brad and Jake were checking over the cameras making sure they were all working. Brad suddenly jumped.
 
“What is it?” Jake said moving over to him.
 
“Camera 6” He said pointing.
 
Jake looked and there on screen was Stella and Kevin. Kevin’s pants down and Stella’s head bobbing up and down between his legs.
 
“Lets turn that one off for now you don’t need to see your sister and her boyfriend”
 
“Thank you” Brad said leaning on Jake. “I just cant get it out of my head now” He stuck is tongue out showing how it disgusted him.
 
“Well here let me distract you”
 
Jake said smirking as he pulled Brad close as he kissed him passionately slowly leaning him back down onto the couch. Brad kissed back wrapping his arms around Jake’s neck, but they were soon disturbed by the loud sound of something being knocked over in the next room. They both sat up quickly and looked in the direction they heard the bang. It was loud cause Kristen, Stewart and Laura came running in from outside.
 
“What the hell was that?” Kristen said looking at them.
 
“I don’t know it came from the next room” Brad said pointing.
 
They heard footsteps coming down the stairs and looked to see Kevin and Stella coming down Kevin looking eagerly satisfied.
 
“What the hell did you idols break?” Kevin said walking over to join them.
 
“It wasn’t us but something pushed the bookcase over in the next room” Brad said as he rewind the camera footage in that room over and over watching as a book case came crashing down.
 
“Well I think we best get started. The spirits are already getting restless” Stella said as she walked over opening the backpack full of the ritual stuff.
 
She walked over to the big empty spot on the floor and pulled out the candles, chalk, knife, Ouija board and the sheep’s heart placing them on the floor. She started to draw a pentagram on the ground before she placed a candle on each point and then grabbed the knife.
 
“Okay 5 of us just have to just well make a small cut and put our blood on the points” Stella said as she went first cutting her finger and letting the blood drip onto the point nearest her.
 
She passed the knife on and Kevin, Laura, Stewart and Kristen went a head and cut the tips of their fingers and dripping blood onto the other 4 points before getting Band-Aids and wrapping up their fingers. Jake and Brad refused to take part in this ritual they both thought it was to dangerous and that sacrificing their blood would curse them. As soon as everyone had put their blood on the points Stella lit all the candles and then put the heart in the middle of the pentagram.
 
“Are you guys ready?” Stella said stepping back.
 
“Ready as well ever be” Kevin said as the rest just nodded.
 
Brad and Jake got up taking the laptop with the camera feeds on it and went outside.
 
“My sister is taking it to far this time” He said worried.
 
“I know but its fine well stay outside while they do this” Jake left the front door open so they could just hear the others as they began to summon what ever it was.
 
“We summon the demon of this house the one that haunts and causes trouble to those who come here and stay and to those who live here. Come forward and show your self and take our sacrifice,” They all said.
 
When they finished the candles began to flair the flames just growing higher. They all took a step back as the pentagram seemed to catch alight. Jake and Brad could hear the sound of flames inside but as they went to go back in the front door slammed shut locking them out. Jake pushed on the door but it wouldn’t budge. Brad quickly opened the laptop looking at the camera feed of the main living area. He saw the whole group standing there as the flames grew high almost touching the ceiling and something seemed to be standing in the middle of them. It stood hunched a cloak covering their face, in their had=nds was the heart a bite could clearly be seen taken out of it and the blood dripping from inside the hood was obvious, but soon enough disappeared and so did the flames. Jake took one last push on the door and it flung open and he landed face first on the floor. Brad quickly ran to his side putting the laptop down.
 
“Babe you okay?” He said looking at him sitting him up.
 
“No I think I broke my nose”
 
“Well I’m taking you to hospital” Brad got up and walked to the living area.
 
He placed the laptop down and looked at the others as Jake came in behind him holding his bleeding nose.
 
“What happened?” Kristen said walking over.
 
“He fell trying to get the door open so I’m going to take him to the hospital. Well see you all tomorrow”
 
They all said goodbye as Brad grabbed his and Jake’s things and left the house getting in Jake’s car.
 
“I’m glad we left” Brad said as he started the car and reversed out of the driveway.
 
“Same but I do worry what will happen” Jake said leaning his head back to stop bleeding.
 
“Same, but ill ring them in the morning”
 
Brad drove off down the road heading towards the nearest hospital to get Jake’s nose looked at.
 
2014 CameronLuttz
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Hi Cameron

 

I like where you are going with this story and I am already looking forward to the next chapter. I like the story-line and the characters but unfortunately, in this first chapter there is a lot of mistakes made on punctuation, grammar and spelling.

Please do not see this as being hateful or wanting you to drop the story or anything like that. I just want you to improve the story, so that it makes more sense and develops into a wonderful story in the end.

I don't want to make you hate me for all the things that I pointed out underneath, as I recently joined the Beta Readers group and would just like to help out any kind of Author such as yourself to improve the story, not to tear it down.

I might be harsh on some points, but that's just the way I am, my brother always complains, when I correct him on some things, and I basically scream at him, if he looks at me funny... lol

I placed the mistakes as I read the story so just follow the story, paragraphs and phrases and you will find everything I pointed out as the chapter flows...

All the mistakes are pointed out as bold words.

So here we go...

First paragraph, phrase; "She let out a long sigh as she looked at the article on her screen. 'The Ancient Ram Inn - Most Haunted Place in Britain' it read. He had gone over and over... The He should be a She as we're reading about a girl.

Fourth paragraph or second line after paragraph two; "... a sudden loud knock at the door causes them to both jump." I suggest correcting the sentence as follow; "a sudden knock at the door cases both of them to jump."

Phrase; "no over dressed are we Stella?" Kristen laughed as he closed... the he should be a she

Is it a blain or plain shirt with jeans and man's boots?

Phrase; "What it's simple were going haunting not to..." Correct the following so that the sentence makes more sense... "What, it's simple, we're going haunting..."

Phrase; "So are the others meeting us there?" Kristen... Stella is again pointed out as a he and not a she

Phrase; Brad was Stella's younger brother... he and Jake who is one of the girl best friends... correct it as follow; Brad was Stella's younger brother... he and Jake, who is one of the girl's best friends...

In the same paragraph; Kevin and Stella were dating Kevin was slightly... Please consider putting a full stop between dating and Kevin

In the following paragraph; Stella pulled the car around a few sharp turns luckily the Ancient... Please consider putting a full stop or comma between the words turns and luckily... There is a spelling mistake in the following as well; the Ancient... was in the same town jut... please correct the word jut - just... Please consider putting another full stop or comma further down the paragraph between the words; " opposite side and it had taken them...

Please correct the word in the same paragraph between; they wanted to use and [to an] Ouija board... and correct the following as well; They walked over to... and waiting soon enough it opened... Please start a new sentence between the two bold words.

Phrase; "Trust me it wont." wont - won't

Phrase; "I'm sure everything will be fine." Stella said just shrugging off. I would suggest you insert the word it between shrugging off so that it sounds as; Stella said just shrugging it off.

In the paragraph; As Stella placed the bag... He opened the door and standing behind it was Stewart Laura and Kevin... Please insert a comma between Stewart and Laura and further down please insert a comma between the following words; he was dressed like his sister almost tight jeans...

Phrase; "Well were all here now" Brad said smiling... Please correct were - we're

In the next phrase; "Well let's wait till it's a bit later and then well set up for the ritual"... Please consider correcting the word well - we'll

Two phrases down; "Well see you guys later"... Well - We'll

Two phrases down; "Hang on ill join you"... ill - I'll as well as the second ill - I'll in the same phrase

In the next phrase; "Were going to wait..." Were - We're

Two lines down in the short paragraph, second sentence; Stewart pulled his bag onto hos... hos - his

Five lines down in the phrase; "Ans I wont let anything bad happen..." wont - won't

Phrase; "Lets turn that one off now you don't need to see your sister and her boyfriend" Please consider putting a comma between now and you

In the following phrase I would consider taking out the two Bold words, so that the sentence makes more sense.; "Okay 5 of us just have to just well make a small cut and put our blood on the points"

Three lines down, two, after the paragraph, in the phrase; "Ready as well ever be"... well -we'll

Three lines down in the phrase; "I know but its fine well stay outside" correct its - it's and well - we'll and consider putting commas in the sentence so that it looks as follow; "I know, but it's fine, we'll stay outside"

Two lines down, in the paragraph; ... It stood hunched a cloak covering their face, in their had=nds... had=nds - hands and put a comma between hunched and a

In the phrase; "He fell trying to get the door open... Well see you all tomorrow" Well - We'll

In the phrase; "Same but i do worry..." Jake said leaning his head back to stop bleeding I would consider putting the word to between stop and bleeding so that it looks as follow; Jake said leaning his head back to stop the bleeding.

I hope this will help, i did not intend to destroy your story, but rather to improve it, I can't wait to read the next chapter... Thanks for an awesome story so far, even though you're just beginning it, I surely want to see, where this leads to...

Lots of hugs...

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