Moving Forward - 14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Scott and I were in the delivery room when Brandi gave birth. As we had hoped, everything went smoothly, and the baby was perfectly healthy. A nurse gave Brandi the baby to hold after she had been wrapped in a blanket. Brandi whispered something in the baby's ear, gave it a hug, and passed it to Scott.

"Her fathers should be the ones to hold her," she said simply when the nurse gave her a questioning look.

We named her Shannon Amelia Hudgins. Shannon was Brandi's middle name, and Amelia… well that should be obvious, since that was also Mia's full name.

Once the baby was taken to the nursery, Scott and I turned our attention to Brandi.

"How are you doing?" I asked hesitantly.

"Exhausted, sore, and tired. I definitely made the right decision, though. Y'all be perfect for her. I thought it might be hard to look at her and give her up, but I took one look at her, and it terrified me. All I could see was my hopes and dreams slipping away if I were to keep her. Does that make me a bad person?" she asked, beginning to cry a little.

"No, not at all. You just went through something physically and emotionally draining. The biggest reason you wanted to put her up for adoption was the fact you didn't think you were capable of taking care of a child yet, so it's not really a surprise that's what you saw when you looked at her. I can't speak explicitly for Scott, but I saw the exact opposite. I saw the expansion of my family, and it put me on cloud nine. Words can't express how happy you've made both of us."

"Have y'all thought if me an' Deshawne can still be in her life? I mean, I don't wanna be no momma yet, but she is still a part of me, if that makes sense."

"We do want you to be in Shannon's life," Scott said, "but we don't know exactly what sort of role you'll have. For now, it's easy, since you live like twenty feet away. We're going to have to play it by ear and figure everything out."

We did, in fact, figure it all out, but I'll get to that.

That night, I tried to pry Scott away from the viewing window for the nursery. I couldn't. I was exhausted, and needed to get home to Zach, so I left Scott there. I think there was a part of Scott that was worried if he left, something would go wrong with Shannon. Part of me felt that way, too. After Mia, Shannon just seemed almost 'too perfect'. I didn't fault Scott in the slightest for wanting to stay there all night. I kissed my husband goodnight, and promised to return first thing in the morning with Zach.

I didn't sleep well that night, away from Scott and the baby. It didn't help that Zach woke up with even more energy than normal. It goes without saying he was extremely excited to meet his baby sister. He even insisted we go by the store to buy her a new toy.

"Bud, we already bought her a ton of toys. Why don't you just grab one of those?"

"But I didn't get her one. I want her to know her big bro's got her back."

"You can choose any of these, and just tell her it's from you. She's twelve hours old; she'll never know the difference."

"I will. I'm not gonna lie to my sister, ever. 'Specially the first time I meet her."

I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to win this battle.

Unsurprisingly, Zach also insisted on getting her a card. He wanted to buy wrapping paper and tape as well, but I managed to convince him a gift bag would be sufficient. Considering how stubborn he was being, I can't figure out how I was able to do so. Although, in hindsight, maybe it would've been worth getting the wrapping paper, if only for the amusement of watching him try to wrap a large stuffed ball in the backseat of the car.

We met a very haggard-looking Scott in one of the family visitation rooms, where he was cradling Shannon and feeding her a bottle.

"Maybe we should look into one of those services that sell breast milk," he said, barely looking up.

"Hi to you, too. Why?"

"I've already had three people tell me I'm doing it wrong by not breast feeding her. I tried to explain I'm not lactating, but then they just looked at me weird."

"We'll figure something out," I said with a laugh. "Zach, do you want to help feed your sister?"

"Can I?"

"Sure, just sit next to Pops, and he'll hand her over."

As Zach was getting her situated, I couldn't help but add, "Be careful, bud, and make sure you support her head."

"Dad, relax; I got this. 'Sides, I've done this tons of times already!"

I tried to relax while he was feeding her, but that proved difficult to do. Zach beamed with pride the entire time, and I quickly took several pictures of our kids together for the first time. Normally, Scott would have been the one taking pictures, but one look at him, and it was clear he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Did you even sleep?"

"No. She was just so cute laying there. I couldn't stop watching her. She's so damn perfect, Noah."

"I know, babe. We have a great family, huh?" I asked, kissing his forehead.

"Yeah… you mind if I go get some coffee, and maybe some food? I'm starving."

"You didn't even leave the window for a coffee? Go! We'll be fine."

As soon as Scott left the room, Zach yelled, "Gross! Ew, ew, ew!! Dad, Get it offa me!"

Sure enough, Shannon had spit up a little on his shirt. I quickly took the baby, and wiped up the mess, but Zach still wasn't satisfied.

"It's still on my shirt, Dad! Grooooossssss!"

"That comes with having a baby in the house, bud. Sorry, I didn't bring you another shirt."

I distracted Zach by having him show Shannon her new toy. Of course, she simply stared at it blankly, attracted to the bright colors, but didn't really react otherwise.

"This is boring."

"She really likes it, bud, look at how she keeps looking at it."

"But shouldn't she giggle or try to grab it?"

"She will. She hasn't figured out what all she can do yet. Remember, she hasn't even been alive since you went to bed last night."

"That's not true. Uncle Tom made me go to my bedroom, but I didn't go to sleep until after you called to say she was born. I waited up."

"Give her some time, and I'm sure this will be one of her favorite toys."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because it came from her big brother. You're doing a great job, kiddo. Keep it up."

Of course, Shannon chose that moment to begin crying. I began rocking her, and making soothing sounds, and she calmed down as she drifted off to sleep.

Scott came back, a large coffee in his hand.

"Guess what?" he asked excitedly.

"Shhh. She just fell asleep."

"Deshawne told me they're going to discharge Brandi in the next hour or so. That means we can take Shannon home!" he exclaimed, not changing the volume of his voice in the slightest. It should go without saying Shannon woke up and began to cry immediately.

"That's great news," I said in the most soothing voice I could, while rocking Shannon gently. The baby quickly quieted down, but seemed content to just take everything in, instead of falling back to sleep. I held her, Zach at my side, staring intently at his new baby sister, while I made Scott run to the car to get her car seat so we could go ahead and bundle her up for the ride home.

Shortly after Scott returned, the doctor came in to take one last look at Shannon before giving us the discharge paperwork. On my way to get the car, I stopped by Brandi's room, but she and Deshawne had already left. Within twenty minutes, I was pulling the car up in front of the door to load up my family.

Fairly predictably, Shannon fell asleep almost as soon as the car started moving. Also predictably, Scott sat in the back so he could watch her the entire drive home. I was surprised Deshawne's car was not parked on the curb when I pulled up to the house. Shannon didn't wake as I turned the car off, so I had Scott and Zach try to calm Beso down. I didn't want him pouncing on her immediately.

Once Beso was occupied, sprinting around the back yard, I brought our daughter into the house for the first time. I sat down on the couch and just held my sleeping angel. Scott joined me a few minutes later.

"She's so perfect," he whispered.

"Yeah. You are too," I replied.

Before long, Zach brought Beso back into the house, who happily trotted over to us, wanting to be a part of the action. He spotted the baby, and leaned in close to sniff it. Shannon moved a little, but didn't wake up. I don't know if the dog was startled by the movement, but he decided he was not a fan of whatever was in my lap, and slowly backed away.

Scott chuckled, and walked over to the dog. He calmed Beso down, and encouraged him to sit next to me on the couch. Of course, Shannon picked that moment to wake up and cry. I never expected what Beso did next. He leaned over, and gently licked her face twice, before lying down partially across my body, providing a furry blanket for Shannon. Instinctually, she grasped at his fur, and in that instant, the two formed a connection that would never be broken. Sure, Zach was Beso's best friend, but he always seemed to go out of his way to be there when Shannon needed comfort. Even when she was rough on him as a toddler, pulling his fur and slapping him affectionately, he always took it, and even seemed to enjoy it.

Around dinner time, I decided to call Brandi, since they still hadn't come back to the apartment. I figured maybe they'd want to come over to eat, and possibly spend some time with the baby. Brandi told me they were going to spend a few days at her mother's house, since they figured we would want a little time to ourselves with our new addition.

– – – * * * – – –

Unlike when Mia was born, we purposely avoided having family and friends pour out of the woodwork immediately. Even though we were fairly certain the adoption was going to be finalized, we wanted to wait the requisite five days before telling everyone. While the majority of our fears that Brandi would change her mind dissipated in the delivery room, she still had a few days to do so under Georgia law. We would have been devastated had she done so, and we didn't want to share that misery with our family.

So we waited until the evening of January seventeenth to start calling family and friends and telling them about the new addition to the family. Obviously, Tom and Tina already knew, but had tacitly agreed to play dumb. It would've been impossible for the sleep deprivation and missed work to go unnoticed by Tom. Richard and Lynn were the first to know when the adoption was finalized by virtue of Richard being our lawyer. The five of them, including Stevie, showed up at our house about five minutes after we called. Suze, Solice, Will, and Jason all showed up within the hour. I swear we told each and every one of them they didn't need to come by, but they all did.

Scott's parents arrived a few hours later. Fey had insisted they rush to catch the last flight to Atlanta out of BWI that night. Despite all the gifts they'd given us at Christmas for Shannon, Fey had brought an extra suitcase filled with nothing but baby clothes and toys. Emma and Ethan were a bit more sensible, flying down with Justin and Adam on the nineteenth to spend the weekend with us.

– – – * * * – – –

The next several months were a blur. Scott and I were constantly sleep-deprived. We took turns working from home to take care of Shannon. She was continuing to develop almost exactly on schedule. We were exhausted, but it was worth every second.

Both of us contemplated quitting and becoming a full-time stay-at-home dad, however, Scott didn't want me to make that sacrifice, and I didn't want him to. We both loved our jobs, and although we wanted to do what was best for our family, neither of us really wanted to walk away from the successful business we had created. In the end, we decided it would be best to once again hire a nanny to look after our child. Unlike when we hired Terry to look after Zach, we both worked out of an office now, which made the search that much harder, since they would be solely responsible for Shannon all day. It took us a long time to find someone we were comfortable leaving Shannon with while we were at work.

We originally offered the position to Brandi, but she didn't want it. I think part of her regretting giving her daughter up, but she also had her hopes set on going to cosmetology school. During that time, we became something of surrogate fathers to her, too. Whenever she needed help, or wanted advice, she always came knocking.

About six months after Shannon was born, and still a few weeks before we finally found a nanny, Brandi knocked on the door one afternoon while I was staying home with the baby.

"Hey, Noah. I gots a question for ya."

"Sure, what is it? C'mon in," I responded. She entered, and she sat on the couch while I got us both some iced tea.

"Me an' Deshawne are gonna move out at the end of the month. I got accepted to a school, and we found a small apartment just down the street from it."

"That's great!" I said excitedly. About a month before, I had helped her fill out several applications. "So what's the question?"

"Y'all have been so good to us, letting us stay here, and all. But can you help us move?"

"That's not a problem. We still have all your stuff in storage, too. We'll make sure everything makes it over to your new apartment. So tell me more about this school."

As she began to go into detail, I realized the real question she wanted to ask but hadn't actually come out and said.

"Brandi, have you figured out how you're paying for tuition yet?"

She dropped her head. "No. I mean we got some money, and will be able to easily pay our rent and utilities and stuff. Deshawne's been doing a better job of saving, too. I think having a baby, even if we gave her to y'all really forced him to grow up a bit. He's even talking about wanting to open up his own business. I've applied for a couple scholarships, but the school hasn't gotten back to me on those yet."

"Well, I can call the school, and see what I can do to speed the process up, but I can't make any promises. So this new apartment… have you already signed a lease?"

"Yeah. We wanted to get out of your hair as quickly as possible after the baby was born, but things kept coming up. Even if I end up not being able to do school, it's still the right step."

"Even if the scholarships fall through, there's always loans. We'll help you figure something out. Now what's this about Deshawne wanting to start his own business? This is the first I've heard about that."

"He's been working for a landscaping company. He did it last summer part time, but they hired him this spring to work full time. He loves it, but gets frustrated because he's positive he can do a better job than his boss."

"Owning a company isn't as simple as just being able to do the job better. You have to be able to bring in customers, hire the right people who can do what needs to be done without having to micromanage them, and make sure you get paid for your work. With landscaping, he'd also need to be able to purchase and maintain the equipment he needs."

"I told him all that. He knows it'd be hard work, but he likes the idea of being in control of his own destiny for a change, instead of just working at the mercy of other people."

"I get that. Remember, we own our company. However, we're still beholden to others. We always have to make sure our clients are satisfied with our work. We're dependent on word of mouth, despite the fact we have a lot of high-profile clients. We need them coming back, and we need them to tell others that they like our work."

"Yeah, but I mean he almost got fired for telling the boss they should do something other than what the guy said he wanted. As Deshawne looked at the space, he realized it'd be better going a different route, and the guy didn't actually want what he asked for."

"Ultimately, I have to give the client what he tells me he wants, though."

"Yeah, but the guy hated it when it was finished."

"That happens. Client's sometimes think they know what's best, even if they don't. I'd probably fire someone who delivered a project that went against the requested specs and refused to change it, even if the client ultimately wasn't happy with what we delivered."

"That's just it, though. When you think one of your clients wants something different than what he requested what do you do?"

"I talk to the client, and give him some alternatives that I think may be better suited for what he's trying to accomplish."

"Exactly. Deshawne is positive he would've been able to convince the guy that his way was better, but his boss never gave him a chance. This guy barely even talks to the people who hire him. They tell him what they want and that's it. Trust me, Deshawne has given this a lot of thought, and researched a bunch. I'm not sure we'll ever be able to do it, but he really wants to."

"Have him come by this evening when he gets off work. And have him bring the research he's done. Scott and I can take a look at it. Maybe he's on to something."

After Brandi left, I called the cosmetology school she'd been accepted to. Sure enough, they had her scholarship application, but it was sitting in a stack they hadn't gotten to yet. It was a small school, and the woman I was talking to sounded a bit overloaded.

"What will it take to get her application approved?" I asked, implying I would be willing to make a donation.

"Honestly, I haven't even had time to look at them yet. They got me working on redoing the webpage right now, so I'm trying to figure out how to do that."

"Wait. You're in charge of admissions and maintaining the website?"

"It's not like we have the money to hire someone. I have a blog, and my boss figured if I knew how to do that, I could figure out the website."

"Let me reintroduce myself. My name is Noah Hudgins, CEO of Hudgins Design. What if I offered to redo your website from scratch, for free? Would you be able to approve Brandi's scholarship?"

"That's very generous of you, sir, but all I can promise is to give her the same chances as any of our other applicants. I can't just rubber-stamp her application because you're redoing the website."

"I'm sure she's more than capable of standing on her own merits. I just want her to have the opportunity to do so."

"If I may ask, why are you so invested in this girl?"

"She's the mother of my child. I just want to make sure doors open up for her. She has so many ambitions, but just needs a bit of a boost right now so she'll be able to accomplish them."

"Oh, so she's a mother. I always like to look out for women who are trying to do right for their children. If you can manage to help with the website, I'll ensure her scholarship application gets all the attention it deserves."

I had to smile. If it helped Brandi's case, I wasn't about to tell the woman that the child in question was adopted by us, and Brandi was a mother only in the biological sense.

I called Scott and told him what I had agreed to do for the school.

"You already said you'd do this? Not that you would consider helping them out?"

"Yes, Scott. I told them we'd redo their website for free. Can you get someone on it for me? I know this is your department."

"Since you're the boss, I will. Since it's for Brandi, I'll handle it myself. Since it's my department, I'm going to tell you this once. Next time, ask me first."

"Scott, I'm sorry. I was just trying to help out Brandi."

"We'll talk about this later. For now, I have to go. My boss just dropped a major project on my lap, and I have to get back to work."

"Scott…" I said as he hung up.

Sure enough, when Scott came home that evening, he was pissed.

"What the fuck, Noah?" he demanded, instead of his usual greeting.

"I'm sorry; I know I should have talked to you first. I figured I could just donate a little money and get her scholarship squared away. When she said they needed help with their website, it just seemed like a no brainer."

"Damn straight, you should have talked to me. You're not the one who does websites."

"I know, and I said I'm sorry. Is it going to be time-consuming? I didn't get that impression, but to be fair, I didn't talk to her for long."

"No. You're lucky. You told her we'd redo their entire website for free, but all she really wants are a few small modifications. It'll take me a few hours tomorrow to finalize everything, but I've already done most of the changes she wanted. That's not the point, though. We're a team. Both professionally and as a couple, yet you're involving me in this without even the decency to talk to me first."

"And I already said I'm sorry. I know I was out of line, but I don't get why you're so worked up about this."

"I don't even understand why you're doing this. We had an agreement with Brandi. We gave her money, she gave us her baby. We don't owe them anything."

"You're wrong, Scott. Besides, you're the one who went behind my back to set the apartment over the garage up for them if they needed a place to live."

"That was different. She was carrying our baby at the time. According to the agreement, they can stay as long as they like, and that's fine. I appreciate that she gave us Shannon. In fact, I'm more grateful than I could ever hope to express, but we no longer have any obligation to help them out."

"Again, you're wrong. I mean, technically, you're right. We had an agreement, and that agreement has concluded, but we still owe her and Deshawne everything. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't have a baby. We will continue to owe them the rest of our lives. They gave us something we desperately wanted and weren't able to obtain otherwise. Besides, you agree that they should play a role in Shannon's life, even if we haven't talked too much about what that should be. If we have the ability to help them out a bit, when it doesn't really set us back and can help them tremendously, don't we have the moral obligation to do what we can? Even if they're not technically our family, Brandi and Deshawne will always be family to us, if only because they helped to contribute directly to ours."

Scott stared at me, and I could tell he was trying to figure out how to respond. He started a few times, but finally, his shoulders slumped.

"I guess you're right. I mean, in the end, I'll probably spend maybe six hours on the website, and it ensures she'll be able to afford going to school, which she's been talking about wanting to do since we met her. It just really bothered me you did this without talking to me first, especially since you needed me to actually accomplish what you'd agreed to."

"I get that, and I already –"

"I know, you already apologized, which makes me the ass, but oh well. Sorry for freaking out. It's not like you offered them a bunch of money or anything."

"Actually, I did want to talk to you about that."

"You're going to offer them a bunch of money, aren't you?"

"No. Or at least, not necessarily. Did you know Deshawne has put a lot of thought into starting his own landscaping company?"

"No, but I guess that doesn't surprise me. I know he's enjoyed working with them. You're going to invest, aren't you?"

"Me, no. Us, maybe. Deshawne should be coming by sometime tonight to talk to us about it. If – and only if – he seems to have a sound business strategy, and it looks like a profitable venture, would I consider investing. As you know, owning your own business doesn't mean it's going to be easy. But if it looks like he has a serious chance to make it, then I was thinking we could either offer him a loan, or be silent partners, or something. This will definitely be a joint decision, too. I'm not about to just cut him a check without being sure you agree with me."

"Ok, I'll agree to that. I'm not sure he has what it takes, but I'm willing to at least hear him out. I'll definitely be honest with him if I think it's a bad idea, however."

"That's what I'm planning on doing, too."

– – – * * * – – –

In the end, we heard Deshawne out. Every time one of us pointed out what seemed like a gap in his plan, he had a solution in his mind. I'm not sure how many of them he'd thought about in advance, but even if he was flying by the seat of his pants, his answers satisfied us. He wasn't looking to start off big, but his plans to expand into something larger were logical, and seemed to be based on realistic assumptions for growth. He knew it wouldn't be an insanely successful business over night, but his ambitions, mixed with his realistic expectations, made us both feel like it'd be a worthwhile venture for us to invest. All he wanted to get started was a used pickup truck, a trailer, and a handful of tools. From there, he could grow as needed. Initially, it'd be a one-man operation, and he'd hire temp workers whenever he needed extra bodies. If his operations grew larger, he'd look into hiring additional workers and delegating tasks, but he planned on starting small.

It took several weeks to iron out the details and fine print of the loan we eventually gave to Deshawne. By that time, they were already settled into their new apartment, and Brandi was excitedly preparing for the beginning of the school year. With Richard's assistance, we helped him establish his company and purchase the equipment he needed. Tom even helped him learn to do his bookkeeping. We also became his first customers, signing a contract for him to mow our yard, trim the bushes, and rake leaves. Whenever he came by, I noticed how carefully he orientated the truck so as many people as possible could see the name of his company and phone number while he worked without blocking traffic. It wasn't long before several of our neighbors hired him as well.

By that point, Shannon had mastered crawling, and was slowly working up the confidence to use the furniture to move around while standing. Zach was great with her, and enjoyed playing with her much more than I ever expected from a boy about to turn eleven.

We still wanted Brandi and Deshawne to be a part of Shannon's life, and for a while, we struggled with finding the best way. However, we realized they were perfectly capable of giving us a night off every now and then. Zach was mature enough that he could mostly be left alone to his own devices, so long as there was someone nearby in case he needed something. In the end, we had Brandi and Deshawne come over to babysit Shannon two or three times a month. While Shannon always seemed excited to see them, the way her face lit up when she saw Scott or me made it clear she really viewed us as her parents. Brandi and Deshawne were great with our daughter, but they always seemed a little grateful to be able to return her to us at the end of the day. They were young and were happy to have found a way to avoid the burden of parenthood for now.

– – – * * * – – –

When Shannon was about nine months old, Scott and I were meeting with our reverend to discuss Shannon's baptism.

"Have you thought about who you want to choose as Shannon's godparents?" Reverend Shafer asked. Scott and I just exchanged blank looks at each other. Neither of us had thought much about it.

"I don't know," I responded. "What do you think about asking your brother and Emma, babe?"

"Actually, if I may interject," Reverend Shafer said, "you've mentioned to me a few times about finding a way to recognize Shannon's birth parents. What about naming them as her godparents?"

"That's not a bad idea. Now that I think about it, though, what exactly is the role of a godparent? I know I was baptized, but I have no idea who mine are," I said.

"Me neither, but it sounds like a perfect role for Brandi and Deshawne," Scott added.

"Today, the role of godparents is left almost completely up to the family to figure out. As far as I'm concerned, the only task I ask of godparents is that they commit themselves to help their godchild develop their spiritual self and guide them through the teachings of Christ. In olden days, a godparent was also expected to step in and raise their godchild if something was to happen to its parents, but that's not really the case anymore."

"So basically, it's little more than a title?" Scott asked.

"You can think of it as that, or you can establish it as something much more. An implicit part of selecting a godparent is you are telling them you trust them completely with the well-being of your child, so it's hardly something to take lightly. Most of my parishioners choose family members or close friends for the role. Obviously, your situation is more unique than most. I would not suggest it, except for the fact you've already told me of your desires to include Shannon's birth parents in her life."

"I agree with Scott. I think Brandi and Deshawne would be perfect for Shannon's godparents. It tells them we want them to have an active role in our daughter's life, but it's not assigning them a specific role. It's something we'll work out over time as Shannon grows up," I said.

– – – * * * – – –

Shannon's baptism ended up being quite an event. We had our usual contingent of family and friends, but our group was dwarfed by Brandi and Deshawne's families, who came to show their support as well. We all went to Brandi's mother's house for a cookout to celebrate. At first, Scott and I were a bit uncomfortable with the whole situation. We were worried the show of support meant people wouldn't recognize us as Shannon's parents, but we quickly came to realize we were instead gaining an entirely new family – a massive one, at that. By adopting Shannon into our lives, we were adopting her biological family. It was a large, but tight-knit, group. That fact would lead to minor confrontations and disagreements over the years that followed, but it ended up being far more of a blessing than a curse, and looking back, I wouldn't change a single second of it.