Christmas in Zonei - 4. Chapter 4

Nothing Kim did made Raeden happy. Dinner, pasta with sautéed vegetables, was terrible, apparently. The fact that Kim didn’t have a computer or network connection was an abomination. Kim pointed out that even if he could afford those things, he couldn’t afford the power to run them. He didn’t think Raeden believed him. The big man, sober now, was as dark a soul as Kim had ever met.

He’s in pain, Kim told himself. Which he was, but that still didn’t explain the horrible emptiness in his eyes.

That night when it was time for bed, they argued about where to sleep. Kim had been freezing the night before, sleeping on the floor with only one blanket. Tonight it was supposed to get even colder, with temperatures dropping to single digits. He really wanted to sleep on the futon, but he didn’t want to kick an injured man out of the only comfortable sleeping surface he had.

Raeden, to his credit, volunteered to move to the floor, but Kim wouldn’t hear of it. Finally Raeden suggested that Kim share the futon with him. “You’re tiny. You’ll hardly take up any room at all.”

Kim, ever sensitive to comments about his size, huffed and almost declined, but the giant scooted over and patted the empty spot on the futon. Kim had already figured out that Raeden put out a lot of heat. The place next to him looked like heaven.

Before he could change his mind, he climbed in, turned his back on his guest, and settled. Raeden covered them both with the two blankets. It was the warmest winter night Kim had ever spent and he would have slept soundly if Raeden hadn’t been so restless. He tossed and turned and moaned in pain, sometimes cursing under his breath. Kim felt bad for him, but he’d given him a full dose of aspirin and there was nothing more he could think to do.

By the next morning, Raeden’s fingertips and toes were black, with huge blisters on them, and he was more morose than ever.

“Do you know how to treat frostbite?” Kim asked him, his stomach churning as he looked at Raeden’s feet. He wondered if he should buy some gauze so he could wrap them.

Raeden grunted and scowled, and Kim thought he wasn’t going to answer. Finally he said, “Normally I wouldn’t have to worry about an injury like this. My body is built to heal itself quickly, but I am no longer … whole.”

Kim saw his eyes darken with sorrow before he closed them. He wondered if Raeden would ever tell him of the tragedy that haunted him so. He hated feeling helpless, but Raeden’s problems were beyond his ability to fix.

Before he left for work, he put food and water within Raeden’s reach and also a bucket, telling him not to pee in his water pitcher anymore.

“I’m going to work. I’ll be back before dark.”

There was no response from the big man and Kim tried not to let it bother him. He couldn’t help thinking it would be nice if another human being cared what time he was getting home. Raeden clearly did not.

*****

“Seek immediate medical attention,” was the advice given on the website. Yeah, right. That didn’t happen … even non-immediate medical attention is not going to happen. Kim backtracked to the search engine and tried one of the other links.

Ten minutes later he’d discovered the most effective way to treat the devastating damage caused by severe frostbite was a new, groundbreaking technology called electroregen. Studies claimed it could reverse at least some of the damage, but when Kim looked at the cost, the bottom dropped out of his stomach. A single treatment would cost him half-a-year’s salary and most people needed multiple treatments.

On a whim, Kim typed, “mods with scale patterns” into the search box and clicked on the first link that came up.

“Mods are a myth disseminated by competing corporate states to frighten the good citizens of K-Corp.” The article went on to describe how the other corporations spread disinformation to the uneducated masses in the hopes of causing dissention and unrest. This was typical K-Corp propaganda. There was no actual information about mods. Kim backtracked in disgust and tried some of the other links. The information in those pieces was almost identical to the first, some word-for-word. Mods were certainly not a myth; he had a real live one in his unit, eating his food, sleeping in his bed, and occasionally growling at him.

A red box popped up in the center of the screen informing him that his time was up and requesting approval to charge his account for another twenty minutes. Kim declined—he needed to get to work. The terminal switched to a thank you screen and Kim drained the last of his rich, dark coffee laced with cream, savoring the taste of it on his tongue. He almost never bought anything to eat in Zonee, but he’d stopped at the small coffee shop on his way to work because they offered infonet access. Their beverages were expensive but customers could sit at a terminal for a reasonable rate, or access the infonet over wifi if they brought their own laptop.

Kim couldn’t help but stare longingly at the sleek teal and silver machine being used by a nearby customer. What he wouldn’t give to have his own machine and infonet access at home. That was a pie-in-the-sky dream though. He would never be able to afford the machine or the power. He had no hope of getting a better job than the one he had as an IT grunt. The training he would need to be considered for a higher paying position was beyond his means. K-Corp discouraged upward movement between zones. Born in Zonei, he was destined to live his life there unless something devastating happened to make him unable to work. In which case, he’d probably be assigned to Zonen or Zono and wouldn’t last a week.

He sighed and looked away from his dream machine. It did no good to lust after things you could never have.

Somehow that thought made him think of the beautiful, broken man he’d left snoring softly in his bed.

*****

The next few days passed in much the same way as the first day had. Kim noted bitterly that living with Raeden was almost like living by himself, except more expensive. The giant rarely spoke. When he did, it was usually to complain that there was no meat with their meal or to growl about the lack of booze and drugs.

Kim cleaned up after Raeden and prepared all the meals. He was appalled at how quickly his food was disappearing. Even though the giant didn’t seem to have much appetite, he still ate much more than Kim alone. The only positive aspect of having the morose man living with him was that his unit was ten degrees warmer than it otherwise would have been.

Kim had read online that he should abrade any clear blisters that Raeden acquired and leave all of the dark ones alone. He had bought a few medical supplies on his way home from work that first day, but he was hard-pressed to talk Raeden into letting him touch his injuries. The giant finally agreed to let Kim put antibiotic cream and loose bandages on them, but he refused to let him puncture his blisters. Most of the blisters were dark anyway, except for a few on his fingers. Kim was happy to have them hidden behind the bandages. It turned his stomach every time he saw the damage that had been done. He was worried that Raeden might lose parts of his hands and feet altogether.

If Raeden entertained such thoughts, he kept them to himself, like he kept everything. Kim knew almost nothing about the giant. He had found out his last name was Dearborn, but he never talked about his past. He never talked about his abilities. He seemed to have no dreams or desires beyond getting stoned out of mind. He was bored and restless and ill tempered.

He would sit in the chair in front of the window during the day and either stare listlessly at the street below or read one of the small stash of paperback novels Kim kept on hand. In the evening he would sit on the futon and watch Kim make dinner, but when Kim tried to engage him in conversation, he would close his eyes and shut him out. At night he was a restless sleeper, often waking Kim up by tossing and turning and muttering in his sleep.

On Raeden’s fourth night in Kim’s apartment, in the middle of the night, Kim awoke with sheer terror crashing through him. Raeden’s large hand had slipped under his loose sweats and was caressing his bare ass. He felt a very large, hard bulge pushing against the back of his thigh as Raeden started to rock against him. His panicked scream drowned out Raeden’s mumblings. Before he was fully awake, he’d launched himself off the futon and twisted, putting his back against the wall and his hands out in front of himself to ward off an attack. He stood there panting, his heart trying to pound its way out of his chest, as he stared at Raeden fearfully.

Memories of the intense pain that accompanied being impaled with a hard cock swept over him, leaving him shaking and gasping. It was all he could do to keep himself from running, screaming, into the night.

But Raeden was not attacking him—apparently not trying to rape him. He had obviously been asleep, dreaming. As Kim fought to quiet his panic, Raeden stared at him in confusion. “Lyzel?” he said clearly. Then a look of such sadness Kim had never seen its like came over his face. “Lyzel,” he said again, but this time it came out as a moan of loss and sorrow. He rolled over onto his stomach, buried his face in his arms, and began to sob, deep gut-wrenching sobs. The sound of them reached inside Kim and squeezed his heart in a painful grip.

He stared in shock at the giant in his bed. He had never imagined a man like Raeden would ever cry, let alone sob like a small child. He didn’t think he himself had ever cried like that, but clearly he’d never lost what Raeden had. The big man sobbed as if his world had ended. And maybe it had. Kim found he was blinking back his own tears. He wanted to offer Raeden some comfort but wasn’t sure the big man would welcome it. In the end it was fear that kept him away. Raeden was clearly emotionally unstable at that moment, and although his terror at feeling that huge cock knocking at his backdoor had ebbed, it had been a close call.

After some time, Raeden’s sobs quieted and turned to hiccups and sniffles, and eventually he appeared to drop back to sleep. Kim stood frozen against the wall for a long time, pondering Raeden’s past and remembering the reason for his own fear. Finally he became aware that his body was shivering violently with chill. Swallowing down his fear, he knotted his sweats more tightly around his slim waist and cautiously crawled back into the warm place next to Raeden on the futon. The giant did not stir, but it was a long time before Kim settled enough to fall back to sleep.

Raeden was still sleeping when Kim left for work the next morning, but Kim was determined to ask him questions about Lyzel when he got home that evening. Raeden was clearly suffering from heartbreak but was keeping it all bottled up. Kim’s mother had been adamant that telling your troubles to a sympathetic ear eased them, and Kim had found that after sharing his problems with her, he did feel better. He was hoping to give Raeden some relief.

Kim broached the subject carefully that evening while they shared a meal of rice, beans, and fried apples. “Do you remember what happened last night?”

Raeden’s eyes flicked to his in surprise, then he shut down. His face became a blank mask, his eyes cold and hard. An involuntary shiver ran up Kim’s spine. Raeden looked just like a mod, as Kim had always heard them described: a cold, emotionless killer. But Kim knew that Raeden was far from emotionless. His feelings ran as deep as any normal human, maybe even deeper.

He pushed forward in spite of Raeden’s forbidding countenance. “You called out someone’s name in your sleep.”

“No.”

“You called—”

“No!” Raeden cut him off more loudly. “You will not speak of this. This conversation is over.”

One look at the expression on Raeden’s face was enough to kill any protest Kim was about to make. The giant looked decidedly dangerous. Pushing him on this subject would be tantamount to pulling a tiger’s tail—just plain stupid.

With a small sigh he stirred some of his apples in with his rice and took a bite. When he was finished chewing he tried a different tact. “I’d appreciate it if you kept your hands to yourself when we’re in bed together.” He took another bite.

To his surprise, Raeden smirked at him. “Why? I thought a little girly-boy like you would enjoy the attentions of a man like me. Don’t you want a big hard cock pounding into your tight little ass?”

At the visual that Raeden’s words evoked, nightmare memories flooded Kim. His sharp intake of breath caused him to choke on his food. He set his plate on the floor next to himself and fought to regain control over his coughing and his emotions.

“I’m sorry.” Raeden’s voice was softer than Kim had ever heard it. “I didn’t mean to … I’m sorry.”

Kim glanced up at Raeden in surprise. The big man’s face was full of remorse and … sympathy?

“You’ve been hurt,” Raeden said. “Raped.” It was not a question.

Kim nodded and looked away. “Twice,” he said. He’d never talked about it before and wasn’t sure why he volunteered that tidbit of information now.

Both times he’d been attacked on the street. The first time, at age sixteen, he’d been gang-raped by a band of quents. He’d been in such bad shape afterwards, he’d barely made it home. His mother, of course, knew immediately what had happened. When she’d asked him about it gently, he had confessed that his own greed, his desire to save money for something he wanted, had caused him to forego hiring Carlos and Pablo. She had pursed her lips and said nothing more, but had kissed him on the cheek and given him a tight hug. He had clung to her and cried.

He had wanted to save the money so he could buy his mother a birthday present, but he didn’t tell her that. There was no point in making her feel guilty. He had, of course, lost all of the groceries he’d just bought, and while he spent the next few days recovering, his mother had gone to the store herself, the expensive one in Zonei. When her birthday arrived the only present he’d been able to offer her was a hug and a “Happy Birthday.” She’d assured him that that was enough.

The second time he’d been raped had been just a week after his mother’s death. He had been on his way home from work and had been so wrapped up in sorrow, lost in his own world of melancholy, that he hadn’t been paying attention. He hadn’t noticed the shadow lurking in the alley until it was too late. That time it had been just a single, deranged man, but he was much bigger than Kim and he hadn’t a chance of fighting him off. It hadn’t been as bad as the first time, but bad enough.

“I am sorry,” Raeden said. “I’m sorry I’ve teased you for being afraid of me. You have good reason for your fear.”

Kim took a shaky breath. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not really,” Raeden said, his brow furrowing. Then he followed up with a question that marked the first time he’d ever broached an intimate discussion with Kim. “Have you ever … ever had good sex?”

Kim looked up at him in surprise. His face was more open that he’d ever seen it. Kim had not been planning to answer that question, but the words came out of his mouth anyway. “No, never. Not unless you count sex with myself.” He followed that statement with a quiet noise that could have signified either frustration or disgust.

“That is a shame,” Raeden said. “There is no better feeling on earth than joining with your heart-mate, body, mind, and soul.”

Kim felt his jaw drop and he stared at Raeden, but the giant closed his eyes and appeared to be trying to school his features back into the angry mask that he usually wore and Kim knew the discussion was over. But Kim had caught the wistful tone of his voice. Raeden had loved very deeply—this Lyzel person. Loved and lost, and it had destroyed him.