In spite of the fear - 1. A light in the fog

In this particular evening he had come to my small apartment, as he did quite often when there was something special he wanted to tell me. As soon as he entered he walked straight to my lazy boy, sat down, put his face between his hands and started to cry.

- "I can't take this anymore. I feel so lonely," was what I was able to understand. His voice was almost muffled while he wept almost shamefully.

- "What's wrong?" I donned an almost clinical stance when I answered. It was the immediate, conditioned, attitude after so many years, even though Luis had stopped being my client for more than ten years.

The truth is that continued telling me about how he considered himself successful in his profession, been accepted, loved and respected by his immediate family, though admired but tolerated by his extended one but felt that he was becoming a failure as a human being for not having been able to find anyone suitable to form a permanent relationship.

I just listened and, as usual when he came to my place, I prepared some coffee, poured his cup and sat down by him while I started to drink mine. By the time I took the last swallow -- I drink my coffee very slow -- he had calmed down. Nevertheless, tears were streaming slowly towards his lips.

Crying hardly moved me whenever a patient had an outburst of emotional pain. Though something was different this time. Here was the boy that had told me many years ago that he would take care of me in my old age. Now I was old, or so I felt. Through is constant visiting he was taking care of me.

Sometimes you act without being aware of why. Perhaps that is my excuse for looking into his eyes and allowing me to feel something deep which I could not define. I took his face between my hands and gave him a kiss on his right cheek. After a few seconds he looked at me and barely smiled. I sensed his feeling of contentment. I hoped he did not pick up my bewilderment and fear.

My wife had passed away after a year in coma due to cancer. The children had moved out and I was left alone in this huge house now inhabited by fog, spirits and myself. Many of my friends took turns to spend the night with me because they were afraid that I would decide to follow one of the unseen creatures into an unknown path. The only one that never stayed was Luis.

- "The next time I come to visit I'll stay the night." That was his farewell note that evening.

I remember that I spent a restless night. At times very sad, at times very happy.