Still Figuring It Out - 1. Finding Love By Finding Friendship

Finding love by finding friendship

I recently had a young man come out to me. We had been friends for nearly two years, and I had mentored him in a number of ways. There were ten years of age between us, but we had a great deal of interests in common. He felt that he could trust me when he couldn’t trust anyone else with his sexuality, because he knew that I was a member of the LGBTQ community, and because of our friendship.

After the initial conversation he began to ask me questions, many of which I’ve seen asked by youth time and time again, whether heterosexual or LGBTQ, and one comment in particular stood out to me. He told me that he’s afraid he’ll always be alone, because he doesn’t know how or where to talk to guys, or how to determine if they’re gay.

If you’re wrestling with this same or a similar question, let me assure you first of all that you’re normal, and that you’re definitely not alone. Most if not all of us have been through that exact thought process, and the task does seem daunting. It’s normal to feel this way, even as a teenager(perhaps especially), but you also have to realize that it’s normal to not know how to talk to people you’re interested in, and it’s normal to have to start from the bottom on learning how to do it.

But I wouldn’t worry too much about being alone for the rest of your life, especially if you’re still young and have most of your life ahead of you. You have plenty of time to learn how to talk to people, and to learn how to find the kind of people you want to be with. What you need to focus on is less the aspect of seeking for love, but rather finding people to fill your life with that bring you happiness, and that’s not as difficult as it sounds.

There are two major points here. 1) Be true to yourself. 2) Follow your passions.

Be true to yourself:

There's definitely truth in that old piece of advice of "Just be yourself" when you don't know what to do or how to act. I've always found that people who are true to themselves are easier to be around, easier to like, and easier to talk to. The more you fake being something that you're not, the harder it is to find something real, which is what I'm sure you're looking for in either a friend or a relationship. Think of every time you've tried to fit in with a crowd you didn't really agree with. They may have accepted you if you talked about the things they liked to talk about or did the things they liked to do, even if you hated doing those things. But then you're not doing what makes you happy, you're just doing it for the sake of human interaction, and there are much better ways. As soon as these relationships based upon false pretenses learn just how false your pretenses were, they tend to fall apart and dissolve. The way to avoid that is by being true to yourself. Stand up for what you believe in, and be proud of who you are and where you came from. If you're brave enough to show your true self, people will want to know how you managed to become that strong, and they'll want to be around you.

And they'll want to be around you for you. Who could want more than that in a friendship?

Follow your passions:

There's a fantastic lesson by Alan Watts that you can find on Youtube titled "What would you do if money were no object?". I highly recommend you look it up and watch it, as it pertains to a lot more than just this discussion. In that video, he asks that question in an effort to get people to analyze what they are passionate about. He then goes on to say that people can make a living off of their passions if they're willing to put forth the effort to become a master at whatever their passions happen to be. I would then ask you a similar question: "What would you do if finding someone your age to love were no object?"

LGBT people are everywhere, doing everything, just like everyone else. We don't need to look anywhere special to find them, because we're all normal people. So, what does that mean for you?

Spend your time doing things that you're passionate about. Immerse yourself in whatever form of art you enjoy, or the sport you like to play, or the type of entertainment you prefer to engage in. Do these things and become good at them, and explore every facet of the things you like to do or want to do. Do this, and stop worrying about finding someone, because you'll meet good friends along the way who will be just as passionate about these things as you are. You'll meet people who want to be around you because they like doing the same things, and are interested in your same interests. And some of those people will be LGBT, and some of those people you'll be interested in as more than a friend. As you continue to follow your dreams it's said that the universe opens doors for you to accomplish them. Well, in a sense that's true simply because as you follow your dreams you work hard, and your dreams become feasible.

If you do these two things, you won't have to worry much about being alone, because you'll always have others to share your true self and your passions, because they'll be out there for others to see. You will be there for others to find you, and it will only be a matter of time before that happens.

I hope if you’ve read this and had similar concerns to the one raised by my friend that you were able to gain some perspective. I only want you to find happiness in life, and if you have any additional questions you’re welcome to add them in the reviews, or send me a personal message. Whatever your path in life, I hope that you walk it with pride and determination, and that your journey may be fruitful.

Peace