The Long Trip to Goodbye - 5. Chapter 5

My moan filled the little room. I was in Bangalore and my body was being sent into ecstasy by the hands of my once regular masseur in a dingy one-room apartment that he lived in. Raj was a shy young man of light complexion and an ever ready smile when I had last seen him. There was a lot more ruddiness to his person now. When I hunted him down after all these years he was surprised and elated in equal measure. I had not counted on him to retain the same phone number; Or to still be living in Bangalore for that matter. Maybe it was destiny. A wry little smile formed on my lips as he started caressing my buttocks, his master fingers straying occasionally between the legs to send jolts of pleasure through my body.

“So you have a son now?” I asked.

“Yes, Sir. He just turned two.”

“Does your wife work too?”

“In a school, she cooks lunch and does other odd jobs there. They live with my parents back in the village.”

“Nice.”

“It is good to see you again, Sir. I thought I will never get another chance.” Saying so his hand moved under me to hold my member. I adjusted my body to give him easier access.

“I’m glad I found you. My friends don’t yet know I’m in the city. I thought I’ll meet you first.”

“That was a good idea. This early in the morning I’m always free.”

As his ministrations gained momentum I turned over and our eyes connected. I loved this part. I always tried to egg him on silently. That much had not changed. With a shy smile he bent down to take one of my nipples into his mouth.

As he slid down further, anticipation built inside me. Would he? In the dozens of times we had done this he had never agreed to fellatio despite obvious interest. I wondered if time had weakened that resistance. I got my answer within a few seconds. With a groan he engulfed me. I did not move and let him do his thing. I felt as if I was giving him a gift. I felt teeth occasionally and it told me he had not done a whole lot of this. I was touched and felt not a little proud.

Once we were done I gave him a sum that made his eyes bug out.

“This is too much, Sir.” He said.

“Don’t worry. It’s not much in dollars. Plus I want to give some gift for your wife and kid.”

“Thank you, Sir. I hope to see you again soon.”

“Maybe in another five years?” We both had a hearty laugh at that.

The good mood lasted only till I hit the road again. As an autorickshaw zig zagged through still sleepy streets, with me in it, I allowed the anger for my parents rise within me. My mother had not come out of her room when I left for the bus station the previous night. Father too had a defeated look on his face as he kissed my cheek and saw me off. Their behavior was not a surprise but it still frustrated me to no end. Earlier that day after lunch I had asked my parents to stay put on the table. Mother’s eyes turned steely the moment I made that request.

“What is this about?” she asked.

“I want to talk to you two. I… I know that it is tough for the two of you to deal with the fact that.. that I’m Gay.”

Mother immediately tried to get up.

“Ma! Stay right where you are because this is one last chance I am giving to the two of you.” I was well prepared for her, or so I thought.

Father tried to diffuse the situation.

“Son! It is tough for us as you say. But we are trying to deal with it the best way we can.”

“I’m sorry to say this, but you’re not. I’ve given you two years to get used to this fact. To you my private life it is like a disaster zone which you avoid at all costs. You are ashamed of me and Mother does not even accept who I am.”

“What do you want me to accept? That my Son is a Hijra? How can a Mother accept that?

I took a deep breath to stay calm. At least we were talking. “I am not a Eunuch. I’m very much a Man and happy to be one. I just happen to prefer Men over Women..”

Tears started welling in her eyes and her voice trembled. “How can you expect us to get used to that fact? That our son isn’t normal, which parent can be happy about it? You don’t want a normal life, you can’t have a family.”

I got angry again and raised my voice. “I have told you before I want a family and hopefully will have it one day. Just not with a woman.”

“The day that happens your father and I will hang ourselves.” With that parting shot she left the table and locked herself in her room.

“Father! What non-sense is this? So you guys want me to sacrifice my life because you two cannot stand up for me?”

“What do you want me to say, Son? You know how it will be here if people found out.”

“You guys felt the same way about inter caste and inter religious marriages before. Remember when Radha told you about Dinesh?”

“This is different.”

“Be as that may, Dad. You’re still asking me to sacrifice my own happiness and worse still, want me to spoil a girl’s life and live a lie.”

“Can’t you at least try? You might like it.”

At that note I had to accept my defeat. I needed at least one of them on my side or I had no hope whatsoever.

I let the regret get better of me.

“Father, I have been a good Son! I went to a good college, have a good job and have been providing for this family since I turned twenty two. If that does not make me man enough for you two, then tough luck. In fact you’re being so hypocritical…” I choked a little at that point, “ I expected it from Mother but from you? I’m ashamed of you.”

Those words were ringing in my ears as I collected the keys to my Hotel room. I was hoping to not be the only one to arrive early. The receptionist told me that Priya had already checked in. That cheered me up a little. As I made my way out of the elevator and into the lobby my feet led me to her room first. She was just the pick me up I needed. Her, and a strong Bloody Mary.