The Long Trip to Goodbye - 4. Chapter 4

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. Anywhere, I’ll take a walk through the fields.”

“You’ll get lost. Don’t go anywhere. Sit at home. You’re going to Bangalore tomorrow anyway. Can’t you be patient for a day?”

“No.”

Despite Mother’s persistent nagging I pulled on a pair of shorts and boat shoes and headed out. It had been two days since we reached my parents’ house and I was getting stir crazy. Constant stream of visitors and relatives had not helped.

What do you do? Where do you live? When will you marry? I was sick of answering the same questions again and again. I had finished the two books I had brought with me. They were supposed to last a week! When the electricity went out for the n-th time I thought I might as well embrace the experience and with a layer of mosquito replant on my body and a bottle of mineral water in my hand, I headed out into the paddy fields that stretched behind our house.

Much of this land ahead of me had belonged to my ancestors till a couple of generations ago. Even in my childhood this place was a vision full of paddy fields surrounded by dense forests of teak, sandal wood and dense bamboo bushes that creaked scarily night and day. I remembered walking with my cousins, till my little legs hurt, to a small creak fed by a thin water fall. With father’s hazy instructions I tried to find my way back to that place still clearly etched in my memory.How I had squealed when little fish in the stream nibbled at my skin. Father warned me that the stream was probably non-existent now. I did not care. The sojourn was a chance to take stock of the last few days and plot my way ahead.

Mother and Father had avoided asking hard questions. I was fully expecting Mother at least to be complaining how much my bachelorhood preyed on her mind and ruined her night’s sleep. It had not happened. She had in fact been deflecting the prying inquiries and information supplies of unmarried girls with a stern “He does not want to get married right now”. To her brother, who was one of the people I most disliked in this world, she had said, “He probably has someone in San Francisco and isn’t telling us. I’m sure of it.”

It had thrown me off. You see, in this trip I had finally decided to give my parents the ultimatum. “Accept me as a whole or let me go!” were the words I had chosen to use. How much their non-acknowledgment of my sexuality and the life I wanted to live influenced me became clear when I broke up with Steve. For Steve, bless his soul, was as a little on the fem side. Now per se I find nothing wrong with that as evident from my attempt at having a relationship with him. But when push came to shove and I wondered whether he was the one, a rather stupid question had popped into my mind. “Would Mother and father like him?” The answer was a resounding “No.”

And it annoyed me. It annoyed me because much as I fancied myself as having the spine of a rebel, abject delusion was not my specialty. So after some alcohol laden soul searching I had decided that the time had come for me to call for a show of cards. I had laid mine out a couple of years ago and now it was their turn. Take me as I am. It was going to hurt no doubt. And I knew that no break in our family could be forever, we loved each other too much for that. But this momentary show of strength was necessary for guiltless pursuit of my true happiness.

I was building up the resolve to talk to them the next day. Twenty four hours later I’d be on an air conditioned bus to Bangalore and my parents would have three days to mull over their answer. Once I came back, if they still wanted to play ambiguous I would go back to Cochin for the remainder of my stay.

Shit, that was another two weeks! What would I do in Cochin? Maybe I'll go backpacking? Visit my friends in Delhi and Mumbai? Yea, why not? Why not!

After an hour or so I was covered in sweat and had managed to build up a nice headache. Lost in my thoughts I had not kept track of my path amidst the green fields and was right then finding myself facing the boundaries of an old little house with a thatched roof and a bamboo thorn fence. Helpfully, there was no network on my phone.

Someone came out of the house to check on me. It was a man clad in a 'lungi', which is a colorful cloth that is the main garment males and even females in these parts wear. It is a wrap-around covering waist and below. Women wear all the way to the ankles while men usually have it hitched up and folded over the butt leaving their legs exposed and balls breathing. This man had done the same. I assumed him to be easily over fifty and still earning a living off some sort of physical labor as evidenced by taut abs.

“Which house are you from?” he asked me in the dialect of those from a less educated background (read erstwhile lower caste). Words revealed buck tooth, not all of them there, stained in tobacco juice.

“Meleperambil”

I supplied my ancestral house name which was actually the sir name all of my father’s clan used. For that reason it was not enough.

“Which Meleperambil one?”

“Eh, my father was away for many years. He came back and built a new house here.”

“Oh, the new big house? Are you their son who lives in America?”

I should not have been shocked. People in these parts knew of everyone. Still I was curious how he knew of my family.

“I am the man who delivered fish to your house this morning. I come every other day. Your mother had especially asked me to bring any King Fish I found in the market. She said it’s your favorite. They’re nice people your parents. They never haggle with me over the prices and give me what I ask. I don't ask for too much mind you. But still, it’s nice to know they value my services. It is hard work, after all, cycling all the way from the city to here.”

I smiled politely. He took it as encouragement to talk and started telling me how he had been the main fish supplier for this entire area, hawking basket full of them on the back of his bicycle every day for the past thirty years. His son was working in some other business apparently, "He works in a store because he does not like smelling of fish the whole day. To each his own. I still managed to send him to college with this occupation. Does he think I enjoyed it?” After seeing that I was not likely to partake in this highly intellectual conversation he asked me if I was indeed lost. Maybe my now unconcealed fidgetiness gave it away.

Armed with somewhat complex directions, mainly because I did not understand half the words he used, I set off in the opposite direction from which I had come to find my way to a tarred road. That was the only information I was confident I had heard correctly. Once there I waited impatiently for an auto rickshaw to come and rescue me. I called my parents once there was some signal on my phone and let them know of my tidings. They had obviously become worried because the sun had gone down a while back. Father instructed me which direction to walk in to find a bus stop, which I did. After another ten minutes a loud honking bus, red and silver in color and so stuffed it was almost bursting at the seams, came to a stop in front of me. It had been years since I had been inside one of these. Taking a deep breath I dived into the herd of smelly sweaty bodies.

To save my smartphone and wallet from pickpockets I had been holding them in my hands. My phone buzzed with a text from Jake, “ow's it going sexy?” What timing! I was jostling amongst men in the most unsexiest of manners. It was all I could do not to elbow the guy behind me whose back was pressed against mine.

Luckily the next stop was one of the local junctions with shops and what not. In one corner I spied two auto rikshaws without passengers. After agreeing to pay thrice the meter fare I finally found myself heading back to my parents’ home. The little adventure had been a good distraction. My resolve had improved and I felt like there was a clear plan of action in my head. Once I reached home I went straight to the shower. Cold water on a hot body is heavenly! Everything was going to work out.

After enjoying the fish whose supplier I had met a short while ago I sat down and chatted with Father over scotch while Mother cleaned up. Soon she joined us (not in drinking alas) and we talked well into mid-night. They appraised me about the saga of my maternal grandmother’s death and the ensuing fight over her will. After they went to bed I still was not feeling sleepy and decided to reply to Jake’s text. He promptly facetimed me.

“What’s up hot stuff?”

“Having lunch at my desk.” He replied and as evidence showed me the sandwich he was eating.

“Then why are you wasting your productivity by talking to me?”

“I’m eating. It’s me time.” Saying that he bit into his sandwich.

“Mmm.. looks delicious. Doing anything fun later?”

“Yea. Meeting a friend for dinner.”

“What sorta friend?” My tone was teasing, not jealous.

“A friend friend, girl friend.”

“Ooh. No action?”

“Nope.” He stared right into the phone as he said this. There was a hint of a smile in his eyes. They looked golden with a tinge of green. I hadn’t noticed that before. “What about you?”

“Nothing. Nada. No action!”I groaned.

“Aww. Wish I was there with you.”

“Hah!” I scoffed. “Even if you were here my parents would have put you in another room.”

“Only if you let that happen.” He teased.

Jake and I had never really talked to each other. Sure we hung out a couple of times and actually enjoyed each other’s company. There had been no occasion for serious heart to hearts, however.

“You don’t understand. Things are different here. There’s not enough time to educate you.”

“Fine, then tell me about it later today. I’ll call you in your morning.”

“Why, you wanna have skype sex?” I used my gravelly sex voice.

“Not a bad idea. But then I’d want to hear all about what’s going on over there.”

“Alright. Deal. Talk in exchange for cam to cam. Get back to work now. Catch you later!”

“Bye.” He was beaming into the phone when we disconnected. It was a handsome image.

Once I woke up we did follow through on the idea. Afterwards we continued talking and I told him about my plan to talk to my parents later in the day. When I told him about my theory on why I had broken up with Steve he laughed. His take was that I was clearly not ‘feelin it’ for the guy. He went on to say that to him at least I did not come across as a push over.

“After all you did come out to your parents and be honest to yourself, if you felt strongly enough for a Guy you’d make your parents accept him.”

“You have a high regard for my character.” He confidence in me was quite flattering.

“Yes. I don’t think you’re just about your dick.”

“Touché.”

Just then my Father knocked to inform me that the tea was ready. After I let him know I’d be out shortly Jake and I resumed chatting.

“That was Father. Whatcha doing later? Going out?”

“No. I’m too tired. Just gonna Netflix it tonight. Do you have to go?”

“Yea.” I didn’t want to.

“Alright then. Good luck with what the whole ambush thing you're gonna do. Hope it goes well. Bye.” He didn’t hang up. We looked into each other’s eyes from thousands of miles afar. Maybe it was due to the anxiety about what was to happen later but I found myself feeling a little more strongly towards Jake than I had initially thought I could. “I’m gonna be awake for a while. Feel free to text me" he added after we had neither of us said anything for a few seconds.

Collecting myself I replied. “Okay. Catchya later hot stuff. Watching cum face was a nice start to my day.” I made a mock kissy face. He laughed but then blew a shy little kiss into the phone before hanging up.