Oscar - 1. Part 1

I was the first gay kid at my school.

The first people knew about.

Where I’m from, word gets around quick. People talk: it’s human nature. When someone in my class caught me leaving a bowling alley toilet cubicle with another teenage boy on a Sunday evening, red-faced and with a bulge down my jean leg, even if we’d only been snorting coke the rumours would have spread like wildfire.

And boy did they burn.

Luckily for the other kid, he went to a different school. A posh, private school with tuition running into the tens of thousands of pounds per term. Less than a mile from the gates of mine, but so socially and economically distant, he may as well have been royalty. Cut off from the peasants.

Cut off, hidden and protected.

Unluckily for me, we hadn’t been snorting coke. And, while I hadn’t had a choice in what happened next, if I could, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

It made me who I am today.

It wasn’t the easiest: understatement of the fucking century. Especially at an all-boys grammar school. Free education served on a plate of high expectations and expected gratitude, surrounded by a steaming, undulating throng of testosterone.

But, school had been fine up until that Sunday evening. Not good but not bad. I’d never been much at making friends, so I’d kept to myself. Stuck to the shadows. Stayed out of trouble.

I’d known I was different since I’d figured out how to wank. I’d tried, beating off to pictures of girls on the Internet. Grainy videos of desperation that proved one thing and one thing only.

Look at the boys.

And I had. I’d looked and thought about them plenty. Talked to plenty whenever I’d had a chance. Watched them in the classroom and on the field. Outside of school and on the bus home.

I’d relished it. Knowing I was different. Silently enjoying the spoils from the background. Until I hadn’t been able stay in the background anymore. Until my body had yearned for more than stolen glances on rickety, old coaches and blissful but agonisingly brief brushes of skin against skin in noisy corridors.

Until I’d discovered Gaydar and my world had expanded like a supernova. Until I’d finally been able to talk to other people like me. Learn from them. Meet up with them.

Get caught.

When I walked in the next day, the Monday after, naturally there were problems. The kid who’d seen us didn’t hold back. He told everyone.

First came name calling. Then segregation. Then violence.

But even though it hurt, and the rage of revenge simmered and boiled for years after, there was another feeling. A feeling I hadn’t expected.

Relief.

Even when a gang circled me in the quad at break, and did what they did to me, a part of me didn’t care.

I’m free.

Free from normality. Free from pretending to be the person everyone else had wanted me to be. Free from the mundane crap fed to me on TV and in movies and by society.

Grow up. Have kids. Work like a dog to buy a house. Keep working until its paid off. Slowly get old and fade into nothing.

The same shit on repeat every day until I die.

And, like the juiciest cherry on top of the whole sweet and sour situation, I soon found out there were other perks to being the first openly gay guy at my school.

I wasn’t shocked when my MSN messenger started bleeping with friend requests from lads that had never spoken to me in their lives.

Naturally they didn’t dare speak to me in person. And I didn’t blame them after what had happened to me. But behind the anonymity of a keyboard they unloaded all sorts. All kinds of hormone-enriched desires and fantasies.

It was like I’d suddenly become the only flame in a world full of adolescent moths, and life was getting hotter by the days.

My favourite came a month after I’d recovered from the incident in the quad. Three weeks back to school.

Adam Stanmore.

Adam, was special. Not because we fell in love, oh no. Our story’s not one of sunshine and lollipops. It was what he represented.

Adam was the leader. The head of the pack and King of School. Six-foot-six, he was the guy every boy wanted to be and every girl wanted to be with. He was captain of the rugby team and his house parties were legendary.

I was a social outcast that no team wanted, who had turned to the solitude of swimming and jogging to keep the Gaydar messages coming. We couldn’t have been more different, but, as it turned out, he and I shared something very striking in common.

It began, like the rest, with a message on my computer screen:

Hey Oscar. I hope you don’t mind the add.

Unlike the rest, however, Adam took time to crack. The others would get to the point almost instantly. They’d get caught up in the excitement and then beg or threaten me to stay quiet. But tempers and fears were easily subdued with logic:

If I talk, we stop fooling around, and neither of us want that, right?

Boys like logic.

I guessed Adam had more to lose. Social status means a great deal, especially at eighteen. He talked to me for hours on end, almost every night, but he never gave anything away. Not even a hint.

He talked about sports and school and which girls he fancied. Others would do that too, but they’d usually end with something like “but she’s so frigid” or “I heard she gives shit head”. Something for me to latch onto.

But not Adam. Adam was a real gentleman.

I replied to everything, pretending to care, waiting and waiting for my chance. I asked about his home and his family, about what he wanted to do with his life and where he wanted to go. But it was always just chat.

No leads. Nothing.

Until one Friday. One Friday when I was close to giving up, I learned his parents would be away and he had the place to himself for the weekend. When I asked what time his inevitable party would be starting his answer was surprising.

No party.

Why not?

Can’t be bothered.

Fair enough. What you gonna do then?

Watch movies. Chill.

Then the little on-screen pen started moving. There was more.

Wanna join?

My heart missed a beat. My cock twitched. Bingo.

Sure. What time?

7?

Sweet.

And it was. Sweeter than sugar. Sweeter than manna from heaven.

Not that I let myself believe it off the bat. I was cautious. Wary. I’d heard horror stories, about guys getting tricked or lured to places. Had my own. So, when I turned up the next night, I watched his house. To make sure he really was alone.

He was.

Knock, knock.

I can remember what he was wearing like it was yesterday. Immaculate white sport socks covered his feet, size thirteen at least, heading up and underneath grey tracksuit trousers. The ones that cling in all the right places. To his thick calves and his bulging thighs.

His crotch.

Around his torso was a tight, white t-shirt that fit over his wide pecs like an extra layer of skin. His biceps bulged out either side, supporting two powerful arms, and his shoulders rose like a flawless peak beside his strong neck.

His jaw, square, was smiling, and his blue eyes twinkled under the hallway light. Beautiful blue eyes below a full head of thick, dark brown hair.

‘Hey,’ he said.

His voice. I’d heard it hundreds of times before. In class, on the field, but never at me. Deep and commanding it reverberated through my body, sending chills down my spine.

I don’t remember what I said back, but it must have been funny. He laughed, showing off a full set of gleaming white teeth. Then I remember following him down a narrow hallway, past a small living room and into a kitchen. He got a couple of beers out of a fridge.

I remember watching the vein on his right arm, and his triceps and deltoids tense as he pulled the shiny metal door open. We drank on aluminium stools around a kitchen island, facing each other. Our knees centimetres apart.

I remember the clink of glass as we toasted the weekend. I remember the tour he gave of his house. The sound of the stairs creaking beneath us, the click of a doorknob as he showed me into a bedroom. His bedroom. I remember the double bed, unmade, with a plastic Tupperware box sitting on top.

He asked me if I smoked pot.

‘Fuck yeah,’ I said.

Picking up and opening the box he sat on the right side of the bed and patted the space next to him. His mattress was firm, not hard, and I could feel the heat of his body down my side.

He smelt good. Too good. I had to fight every urge to touch him. Taste him. I watched his hands instead.

They selected two short rolling papers and turned them so the strips of shiny glue gleamed towards us. Then he lifted them to his mouth. Stuck them together after a single stroke of his tongue. He smiled: I was staring.

Saying nothing he continued, placing the L-shape down and grinding the pungent green before mixing it with tobacco. He rolled it together quickly.

It was textbook. Expert hands.

‘Here. After you,’ he said.

‘Piss off,’ I said. ‘Roller’s rights.’

He chuckled, placing the small white spear between his thick lips, and lit it. Breathing in deep he closed his eyes and exhaled, billowing white into the air around us.

He looked like a model as his hand brushed against mine, passing me the smoking stick.

‘That’s what I like about you,’ he said.

‘You what?’ I said after blowing out my own cloud; a gorgeous sticky, gloop beginning to drip through my head already.

‘You don’t take any shit.’

It was my turn to chuckle. He came to that conclusion after I smoked second?

‘What’s funny?’ he said.

‘Nothing.’

‘Bullshit.’

‘Honestly, it’s nothing.’

But I couldn’t stop: the giggles had got me already. Way quicker than usual. I couldn’t believe I was sat next to Adam Stanmore, captain of the rugby team. Smoking his weed. Drinking his beer. In his house. On his bed. And like all laugher, it was contagious.

The rest I’ll never forget.

The joking and sniggering as we finished the joint. The play fighting and shoving. The give of his mattress as he pushed me onto it. The smell of his deodorant as he pinned my arms above my head. The weight of his body on mine; him six-foot-six, me six inches shorter.

His pleading stare.

I took my chance. He didn’t pull back. Didn’t stop me.

Lying between my legs, our cocks hard as stone and grinding against each other under layers of fabric, we kissed.

He was a phenomenal kisser. No wonder all the girls wanted him.

One hand supporting my neck, his thumb caressed my cheek, and the other ran down my chest, my stomach, under my t-shirt and behind onto my back. All the while his tongue glided over mine and explored my mouth.

He tasted like victory.

Releasing his hold his hand joined his other. Gravity pushed him down onto me harder and I threw my arms around his neck. His back tensed as he lifted us away from the mattress with his core and his fingers grabbed my t-shirt. Then, whipping it over my head and breaking my link, we were horizontal again. And I was shirtless.

Expert hands indeed.

Enormous and dominating he knelt over me as the cool air of the room tickled my naked skin. Grinning he pulled up his own shirt. Slowly. Two, four, six-pack. His pecs, hairless and smooth, gleamed like golden silk in the dim lamp light. Throwing the crumpled material to the floor, he remained kneeling.

Licking my lips, I took in every inch of his perfect body through my wide, blue eyes. I followed his V-lines down and under his waistband to his bulge almost ripping open the thin grey cotton. I opened my mouth a fraction.

He got the hint.

Shuffling up towards my face, knee-step by knee-step, his towering figure grew. Bigger and taller until I could smell him: a faint trace of washing detergent mixed with the cum-infused sweat of his crotch.

‘You want me to fuck your mouth?’ he said.

‘Yes.’

A huge hand struck my face. Hard, but not painful. A heat prickled over my cheek. Pre-cum beaded onto my leg.

‘Yes, what?’ he said.

‘Yes, please.’

‘Good. Take them down.’

Taking hold of his waistband either side of his thick quads, I peeled downwards. He wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Thick, long and straight his cock swung free and landed on my face with a thud. I kept pulling. His balls, big and full swung against my chin.

Without hesitating I licked them into my mouth and rolled them over my tongue. Gently and carefully I gave them the occasional tug, sucking a little harder and revelling in the way his body shuddered.

Thud-thud went his cock as he smacked himself against my cheek.

Opening my mouth, I shifted direction, letting his balls hang against my chin, wet and sticky. I licked him from base to tip. Six inches, seven inches, eight inches, nine, until I felt the satin softness of his head and tasted the saltiness of his pre-cum.

I can’t wait any longer.

Grabbing hold I opened my jaw as far as it could go and wrapped my lips around him. He was big. The biggest I’d ever had.

I sucked and sucked, running my hand up and down his shaft as more and more of his pre-cum mixed with my saliva and snaked down my throat. Every taste bud savouring every molecule.

Then, seizing my wrist, he threw my hand away from him and grabbed a tuft of my hair. Pulling me in he drove himself in deeper until his pubes prickled my nostrils. My gag reflex tried to kick in but I didn’t let it.

Not with him.

I put my hands on his legs, to steady myself, but he let go of my hair and a vice-like grip tightened around my wrists. My shoulders strained as he lifted my arms above my head, shackled together by one of his hands.

I didn’t resist. I didn’t want to.

Looking up I watched. Watched him pump in and out of my mouth. In and out. Over and over. His eyes locked on me. You are mine, they said.

And I was. I would have let him do anything to me.

He could tell.

Letting go of my wrists he grabbed the back of my head and pushed in the final inch-and-a-half. My throat stretched and my eyes watered as he choked me from the inside. Groaning deep and guttural and grinding into my face.

Still holding my breath, I pushed my jeans down and took out my cock. He pulled out, letting me grab a quick gulp of air, but quick it was. He thrusted back in. Built his speed: Faster and faster to match the rhythm of my beating hand.

Back and forth, back and forth, I took it like a pro. My lips kissed the base of his stomach each time he smashed against the back of my throat. His balls slapping against my chin. My mouth gurgling and gulping: full.

‘Wow,’ he said, sliding down so far he pushed tears from my eyes.

Digging my fingers into his arse cheeks he let go of my head. Arching my neck I took a long, full breath.

For a few seconds he watched me, lying on his bed. Panting. My body shaking and my own muscles tensing as my hand continued to jerk.

A strand of saliva dripped off him and into my open mouth.

‘You want my load?’ he said.

‘Yes please.’

‘You gonna blow too?’

‘Yes, sir.’

This time he put both hands around my head, lifted me up and let rip. No mercy.

As my tonsils squeezed around him, his breath grew heavier by the second. I felt the blood rush to his cock from inside my mouth. The surge of my own climax began to crescendo. My cock tightened. My hole clenched. My fist pumped as fast as it could.

He pulled back, just in time, and, no hands, blew as my own load hit my abs and poured off in ten different directions. Hot and salty his filled my mouth. It cascaded over my tongue and down towards my stomach. But I closed my throat and let it pool.

Not yet.

Black spots speckled my vision. Blood whirred through my head. My synapses flared into overdrive, flooding my body with pleasure. I closed my lips around him and sucked out every drop.

For what seemed like minutes I unhurriedly licked him clean. His body jolting each time my tongue swept over his tip. Until he could bear the sensitivity no longer.

Pulling out he bent over me and, with two thick fingers, wiped back in a gooey line that had spilled over my cheek. I opened wide and let him play with my mouth. Let him push himself and his load down until his knuckles knocked against my front teeth.

Then, his fingers still inside of me, I swallowed.