To Last - 1. To Last

It was a couple of minutes before noon and I was on my way home in one of my limos. I had an early pick-up the next morning, so despite the fact that it was Sunday I had decided that buying myself an extra half an hour in bed was worth the trip to the office. Unfortunately there was a lot of traffic for some reason and I was starting to regret that decision. The weather was also pretty awful. It was cold, dark, and raining cats and dogs. None of it could make my mood any worse though, because I was already at my lowest. Two hours earlier I had had a really horrible fight with my partner and every thought of it was crushing me.

...

"Are you finally going to look for a job today? It's been three weeks," I said during a mostly silent breakfast.

"No, I'm meeting my fireteam later and we'll try to break the speedrun record for Crota's End again."

"You've been playing Destiny non-stop the entire week already."

"And whose fault is that? You were busy catching up with paperwork, so what was I supposed to do?"

"Find a job?"

"Why rush it? I was laid off, so I'm getting unemployment benefits, which means I have like months before I actually need to find another job, and till then I'd like to get some serious video gaming done."

"How can you be this irresponsible and immature?"

"I'm just not a stuck-up square like you, so mind your own business, will ya?"

"No, you're a loser and a complete disappointment and I can't love you like this anymore!"

...

The words were still ringing in my ears and I couldn't believe that I had said them. I had never regretted anything more in my life, but what made it even worse was that I had stormed out right after and just left things like that, which was not something anyone deserved, least of all him. And the irony was that I only had his best interest at heart and that I was just really worried about him. He seemed to have absolutely no ambition and he never planned ahead, he just took each day as it came without a care in the world and spent most of his time playing video games. I was just the opposite, I had started my own business before I was 30, constantly worked myself into exhaustion and was stressed out more often than not. But it gave me a sense of great accomplishment and that's what I wanted for him, to get off his butt and do something with his life, so he wouldn't end up with nothing but regrets some day.

Thinking about it now, though, made me realize that I had no right to tell him how to live and that maybe we were just so different that being good at playing video games was enough for him. In a way I even envied him, because I wished I could be as easygoing as he was sometimes and his free spirited nature was one of the reasons why I loved him so much.

The more I thought it over the angrier I became at myself. After a while I started to feel slightly light-headed, so I turned on the radio, hoping it would distract me. There was a cheerful up-tempo pop song playing and I tried to follow the ridiculously cheesy lyrics, but I had a hard time concentrating on them.

Suddenly the song stopped and after some distortion a cold, monotonous, male voice came on.

"We are God's servants… We were chosen to execute his commands and he has ruled that mankind has become a cesspool of iniquity that can only be purged by conflagration… As I speak a series of nuclear bombs are being detonated and they will wipe out all life on this earth… You can pray for mercy, but he will not lis…"

Before he could finish there was a deafening explosion close by. The light was extremely bright and everything was trembling. A moment later a wall of fire hit the limo so hard that it flipped over. I could feel my skin burning from the intense heat, but then my head got smashed against the steering wheel and I was knocked unconscious.

When I opened my eyes again I was hanging upside-down in my seat and blood was slowly dripping out of my broken nose. The first thing I thought of was him, his beautiful face, filled with fear, and his soft voice, desperately calling for me. I started to struggle, but my whole body hurt so badly that I tensed up and moaned in pain. I waited till I had recovered slightly and then I tried to unbuckle my seat belt, but I was too weak to press the button hard enough. After a few failed attempts it finally worked though, but I dropped on my head and passed out.

The next time I woke up it was really dark and I could hear rain pattering against the outside of the limo. I immediately thought of him again and that I needed to get home somehow, but I felt incredibly weak and I could barely breathe, so I decided to rest for a few minutes to gather my strength before I would begin my journey. I knew it was unlikely that he was still alive, but it wasn't impossible. I was still alive too after all, probably because the limo was armored. I had to tell him how sorry I was and how much I loved him. I was more afraid of him not knowing that than of dying.

It made me think back to the moment I first saw him.

...

Four years ago my friend Jeanine had dragged me to this fancy night club, because she wanted me to finally meet a nice guy. I was always so busy that I had never really tried to find one on my own. The night club wasn't my thing though. The strobe lights were annoying me, the music was too loud, and I didn't want to dance, so we just sat at the bar, sipped light beers and watched the crowd, which got old pretty fast.

But then he walked in and it was like the music had suddenly stopped and everything except for him turned black and white. He was in his mid-twenties, tall, and normally built, like me. He had shortish dark-blond hair and his face was neither too manly nor too feminine. He was beautiful and there was some mischief in his eyes, the intriguing, fun kind. Compared to him I was pretty unattractive. My brown hair was always neatly parted to the left and I was wearing a full beard, mainly to appear older. I had been told that I was handsome, but I thought my face was rather plain and not very interesting.

Suddenly our eyes met and after a second or two he smiled at me. I was so startled by this that I quickly looked away. When I felt brave enough to look at him again he was gone, but it didn't take long before I found him sitting across from me on the other side of the bar. He waved, grinning, and then started to write something down on a piece of paper. Soon he finished, got up and walked over to me. He handed me the note without saying a word and then just left the club.

On the folded piece of paper it said "Wait 5 minutes before you read this," but I was too excited, so I opened it right away. "Hi, I'm Mason, your future boyfriend. The music was too loud and I didn't want our first conversation to be us screaming at each other. I also didn't want to just hook up, because I'll have you know I'm very good at masturbating, so I'd rather have someone to talk to than just someone to have sex with. If you're still interested, call me. I'll be waiting by the phone till you do and I have to pee really badly, so please hurry. No pressure though. Haha, made a pun, I'm so smart. My number is 548-555-785." I was smiling from ear to ear, immediately told Jeanine that I needed to go and then hurried home.

When I arrived at my apartment, about 15 minutes later, I went straight to the phone, without even taking off my jacket, and dialed his number. To my delight he picked up during the first ring.

"Hello, this is Mason," he answered. His voice sounded like he was smiling.

"Hello, my name is Scott, you just gave me your number at the club?" I said, slightly nervous.

"Yes, I remember it like it was yesterday."

I laughed.

"You gave it to me 20 minutes ago."

"Oh really? I must've been joking then."

"I'm sorry, I don't have a great sense of humor."

"No, that's good, because I don't have a great sense of seriousness, so we should even each other out pretty nicely."

"I guess. Now, do you want to tell me a little bit about yourself?"

"I'm 25. There, that was a little bit, now tell me a lot about yourself."

I laughed again.

"Alright, I'm 26, I work as a limo driver, but I came into some money recently and I'm planning to start my own company with it in about a year or two. And… That's pretty much it."

"What kind of company?"

"A limo service."

"And you know how to run a business like that?"

"I hope so. I'm taking classes online and my boss is pretty bad at running his company, so I'm learning a lot from his mistakes too."

"And what do you like to do for fun?"

"I don't know, I like to listen to music and watch TV I guess."

"Who doesn't? What else?"

"I also like to cook and tend to my plants. I have a couple of very exotic ones that are really hard to cultivate and I'm kind of proud of them. I know, pretty boring, right?"

"No, not at all, I'm impressed actually. I mean, I couldn't keep any kind of plant from dying even if my life depended on it. And the closest I ever got to cooking was trying to heat up some stew my mom had made for me. I managed to put it in a pot and to turn on the stove, but after ten minutes I had forgotten about it and left and when I came back an hour later the fire department had broken down my door with an axe."

I chuckled.

"I'd be happy to cook for the both of us and I have so many plants I could always bring you fresh ones."

"Sounds intriguing, but what would I have to do in return?"

"Nothing. Make me laugh sometimes maybe?"

"Great, I can do that in my sleep… No, wait, I can't… I can do it in your sleep though… No, wait… What were we talking about again?"

I laughed.

"About you making me laugh, but I have a feeling that that won't be a problem at all. Now, do you want to tell me a lot about yourself?"

"Sure. I'm a painter and I'm trying to become a pro gamer, which takes up most of my time, so there's not much else to tell I'm afraid."

"Painter as in artist?"

"No, I mostly paint walls and ceilings. Not very impressive, huh?"

"Well, I've painted my apartment once and I was sore for days afterwards, so I have a lot of respect for people who do hard work like that for a living."

"It's not that hard and I'm pretty good at it. I can paint a medium-sized room in like half an hour, so I usually spend most of my time at work playing with my phone."

"Now that does sound impressive. And what about becoming a pro gamer, how does that work?"

"It's silly, really."

"Let me be the judge of that please."

"Fine. There are these tournaments where you can win like a million dollars, so I'm training as much as possible to be good enough someday."

"Have you ever won something playing video games?"

"No, because there are just too many people who want to become pro gamers, so I need to get a lot better first. But we did hold the speedrun record for Gears of War 2 on the hardest difficulty once. It was just for recognition though and someone beat our time only three hours later, which was a bummer."

"How many were you?"

"Two."

"So for three hours you were one of the two best people in the whole world at that game?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I've never been the best in the world at anything and I probably never will be, so I hope you're proud of that."

"I kind of am. Does that mean you want to be my boyfriend?"

"Of course, very much so, but do you? I mean, are you even attracted to me? I know I'm not an attractive guy."

"I do, I am and yes you are. Listen, when I saw you, you were not looking at me like all the others, like I was some piece of meat, you were looking at me like you wanted to come over, go down on one knee and propose to me right then and there, and that told me everything about you that matters to me. Ok?"

"So we're boyfriends now?"

"You betcha!"

We talked for hours after that and when we finally hung up around seven the next morning I could already feel myself falling in love with him.

...

The memory made me smile, but then I had to cough and my face contorted from the pain in my chest. I knew I didn't have much time, so I crawled to the door and tried to open it, but it was stuck. Thankfully the limo was an old model that still had a crank to roll down the window manually. It took me about five minutes, but I finally did manage to open it and climbed through. Outside I slowly got up, but I was so dizzy that I had to brace myself on the limo. When I had caught my breath I looked around. Everything was completely burned, which felt unreal somehow, like I was looking at a model city that a kid had torched to play apocalypse. Aside from the lack of color the sky was also covered with dark clouds and even the rain was black. It probably was still daytime, but all the remaining light was getting drowned in the darkness and it was pretty hard to see.

I was only about four blocks away from our apartment, but in my condition it might as well have been 40. I didn't care though, I was never more determined. I needed to get there and fast, so I pulled myself together and then carefully started to walk. After a few steps I almost collapsed, but reached the next car just in time to support myself.

I kept going, but I was moving so cumbrously and at such a slow pace that I felt like a decrepit old man. I had to think of Mason, because if he could've seen me like that he definitely would've found a way to make fun of it. He was always very silly, but I couldn't get enough of his crazy jokes and there was never a dull moment with him around. It only took me about a week before I realized that I loved him and I wanted to tell him right away, but I was worried that it might be too soon and that it would just freak him out, so I waited two more weeks and then I couldn't keep it to myself any longer.

...

I had thought about letting him know all day and I was really nervous when I entered his apartment after work. But then he waved at me from the couch, smiling, and in an instant I was completely fine.

"Hey Mason, how's it going?" I said, smiling back at him.

"Amazingly. I was in the mood for some Gears 3 multiplayer again earlier and I haven't played it in a while, but I'm still kicking all kinds of asses… Sit down, I'll chainsaw you in half real nicely."

"I don't want to play video games right now."

"Who said anything about playing video games?"

We both laughed and I sat down beside him.

"Would you mind pausing that for a moment?" I asked.

"You can't pause multiplayer."

"Quit then? Please?"

"Fine," he said and adjusted the microphone on the headset he was wearing. "Listen, guys, I need to go, but don't you dare report me for quitting, because I'm a cop and I will find you and arrest you for murder, ok? Have fun now, bye," he continued and then turned off his console. "I hope this is important, because you just made me commit a felony."

"Yes, it is, I have to tell you something."

"Ok, my body is ready. Go!"

"Mason, I love you," I said softly.

"That's awesome," he replied and smiled at me, but I stayed serious.

"Oh, but you don't feel the same way about me yet. I understand," I said, somewhat disappointed.

"Of course I do! Do you not feel loved by me?" he asked, frowning.

"Well… yes, more than I ever felt loved by anyone actually."

"There you go."

"So you just don't want to say it, is that it? You don't have to, it's totally fine."

He reached out, gently stroked the back of my head down to my neck and then gave me a very tender kiss on the lips. Like every other time he had done that I instantly had goose bumps all over.

"Did that feel better than hearing it?" he asked, smirking.

"Yes, definitely," I said and smiled from ear to ear.

"Listen, if you want me to, of course I will say it, I just think showing is always better than telling, but also, hearing it can be such a powerful thing and such an easy way to make you feel really happy and safe and special, so in my opinion it should never turn into something you tell to each other casually and more out of habit or reflex than anything else, because then it slowly starts to lose its impact, which is a waste. And that's why I would like to save it, for when you really need to hear it and it'll mean the most to you, you know? Is that ok with you?"

"It is, and I'll try to show you more often, but I'm just not as good at it as you are, so I'll probably still tell you a lot."

"You're better at it than you think," he said, took my hand in his and kissed it. We both smiled.

"Do you want to make out for a while?" I asked.

"Does the pope poop in the woods? You know, when he's in the woods and there's no toilet around and he has the runs from drinking out of the holy water stoup?"

We laughed and then started to kiss each other.

It was a special day and it was just the beginning. We seemed to get happier by the hour and Mason kept finding new ways to tell me that he loved me without saying it.

...

Suddenly there was an explosion a few buildings behind me that violently brought me back to reality. I tried to spot the source, but the fire was so bright that it stung my eyes too much. My best guess was that it came from a broken gas line, which meant that the whole block could blow up at any second. I moved faster, but I had to be really careful not to stumble and fall and even though I was still walking pretty slowly, after maybe six cars my feet felt heavy and my legs were burning. I was about to take a break, but then there was another loud explosion across the street from me, so I kept going. When I had finally made it far enough to feel relatively safe I was exhausted and my whole body was aching. I lay down on the hood of a car, but didn't close my eyes, because I was afraid that if I fell asleep I might not wake up again.

I looked around and realized that I was only two blocks from our place, which made me hopeful for a brief moment, but then I remembered that it was on the sixth floor and it hit me that I probably wouldn't be able to climb that many stairs in my condition.

...

The day our realtor showed us the large and expensive studio apartment I was already so annoyed by the lack of an elevator that I wanted to turn it down before we even saw it. But then we entered and Mason's eyes immediately lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Holy guacamole, pardon my French, but this place is the shizzle," he said excitedly and started to run around like a child. I couldn't help but smile.

The realtor showed us everything and then she went outside so we could talk in private.

"What do you think? It's perfect, right?" Mason asked and looked at me expectantly.

"Yes, it's pretty nice," I said with as much conviction as I could muster.

"Oh no, why do you hate it?" he replied, alarmed, and I had to laugh.

"I don't, I like it."

"I can read you like an ebook, remember? So what do you hate about it?"

"Well, I guess I'm not thrilled about climbing that many stairs every day and I don't like that it's one big room, because when I cook something for example the whole apartment will smell for hours. And what if one of us wants to stay up late and watch TV?"

"Ok, first of all, I know it sounds totally crazy, but I've heard exercise is actually very healthy. Go figure, right? Second of all, your food smells delicious and wouldn't it be nice to wake up to the smell of fresh coffee and bacon in the morning? It's not like the toilet is in here too, now that would be kind of really gross, but it isn't. And last of all, ever heard of headphones? They're like phones, but for your head… No, wait, that doesn't make any sense…"

I laughed.

"Fine, I'm sold, let's take it."

"No, you're just saying that, you still hate it, so we're not taking it."

"Mason, all I care about is that you're happy and that we're together, so I wouldn't mind living in a dumpster next to a fish factory if that's what you really wanted."

"Hold on, that's an option? Because that sounds kind of cool."

We both laughed.

"I'll tell the realtor lady that we'll take it, alright?" I said.

"No, Scott, I was joking, we can't live in a dumpster."

We laughed again.

"This place then?" I asked.

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"I really am," I said and gently kissed Mason on his head, which made us both smile.

We moved in a week later and at first I had to get used to the open space, but after a while I started to appreciate it and even the stairs didn't bother me anymore. Living together was the beginning of a new chapter in our lives and we both couldn't have been happier. It quickly became very clear how strong our love for each other really was and that despite our differences, or maybe because of them, we seemed to be a perfect match.

...

The memory made my eyes fill with tears, but I wasn't sure if it was because of all the joyful feelings it brought up or because of the crushing reality that Mason was probably dead already, that he had died alone and that so would I soon.

I silently cried for a few minutes, but then I realized that I was slowly starting to resign completely and I became really angry at myself, because for all I knew Mason could still be alive, which meant I couldn't just give up, I had to fight to my last breath. My hands and clothes were too dirty to wipe my eyes with them, so I just squeezed them shut to force the tears out and then I got up. The second I put my weight on my feet a stabbing pain flashed through my body and I had to scream. I almost collapsed, but managed to brace myself. After a minute or two the pain had slightly subsided and I started to move again. My legs were burning terribly, but I just ignored it and pushed on.

What felt like an hour later I had made it at least one block, but I was totally exhausted and could barely walk anymore, so I decided to take a short break. Instead of sitting down, though, I put my arms on top of the roof of the car I had stopped at and then rested my head on them. I had closed my eyes for a moment, but when I opened them I suddenly saw a horrifically burned, dead woman pressed against the window right in front of me. It startled me so much that I quickly backed away and while I was trying not to trip over the edge of the sidewalk I twisted my ankle. I screamed, lost my balance and fell to the ground. The pain was intense and I squirmed and gasped for air. Finally I just curled up in a ball and waited for it to be over, but after maybe half an hour my ankle still hurt really badly, which meant that I would no longer be able to walk at all. I was overcome with desperation and I wanted to cry, but I didn't let myself.

I had to think of Mason and wished he could be there with me. Nothing could ever bring him down and not only was his cheerful mood infectious, he also loved to figure out new ways to make me feel good.

...

"Quick question, you really love your iPhone, right?" Mason asked while we were sitting on the couch together after dinner.

"Yes, I'd say I love it a very inappropriate amount. Why?"

"No reason. Hey, wanna see a magic trick?"

"Sure."

He picked up my phone from the coffee table and smashed it against the wall hard enough to definitely break it.

"Oh my God, why the heck would you do that?!" I said, shocked.

"It's magic?" he asked innocently.

"What exactly is the magic part?"

"Your face?"

"You know, you're a real jerk for doing this, I can't believe..." That's when he pulled my phone out of his left pocket and showed it to me. "Oh, thank God, I haven't done a backup in months and I have hundreds of photos and important…"

Before I could finish he smashed it against the wall again.

"That's for calling me a jerk," he said sharply.

"No, I won't fall for this twice, that wasn't mine," I replied, chuckling.

"Fine, you got me, here."

He pulled another phone out of his right pocket and handed it to me. I tried to turn it on, but the screen stayed black.

"Wait, I don't think this is mine either," I said.

"Of course it is."

"No, it's off, look."

"Oh shoot, I must've accidentally smashed yours then. I'm so sorry," he said, laughing.

"That's just great," I said, trying to sound annoyed, but I had to grin too. "Is this at least working or do I have to buy a new one?"

"No, it's broken, I got it off eBay."

"I see."

"Are you mad at me?" he asked sadly and looked at me puppy-dog-eyed, which made me chuckle.

"I guess not, no."

"Good, because technically this was all your fault, you know?"

I laughed.

"How?"

"You distracted me with your hotness," he said matter-of-factly.

"Well, in that case I'm sorry for making you destroy my $800 phone."

"It's ok, I forgive you."

We both laughed.

"Now," he said, "how about you check your weather app to see if it'll be nice enough to go to the park tomorrow?"

"Very funny, you can no longer do that, remember?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, frowning. And that's when I noticed my phone lying on the coffee table right where I had left it.

"What the…" I took it and checked, it was indeed mine. "How did you do that?" I asked, amazed.

"Magic! Impressed, huh?"

"I really am. I hope those broken iPhones weren't too expensive, I know you've been saving for that gaming laptop."

"Well, apparently even broken ones are still worth a lot, because they can be used for repairs, so I had to pay 280 bucks for them. But don't worry, it only sets me back about two months."

"What? You spent $280 just to mess with me?" I asked, incredulous.

"No, jerkface, the point wasn't to mess with you. It was about that feeling when you wake up from a nightmare and you realize you're safe and sound in your bed and you're totally relieved. It's great, right? So considering that I just made you feel kind of like that two times in a row I'd say 280 bucks was a bargain."

"I really love you right now, you know?" I said, smiling.

"And I…" he started to say and then gently stroked my chest where my heart was and gave me the most tender kiss on the lips.

That was the moment I realized that he would do anything for me and that I would do anything for him.

...

The thought of it made me clench my fists, because it reminded me that accepting defeat was not an option. As long as my heart was beating I had to fight. I carefully turned on my side and then awkwardly got on my hands and knees. I waited till my breathing had steadied and then I started to crawl towards my destination. I didn't care that it would take me a long time this way, I was just glad that I was moving at all.

After what felt like hours I didn't seem to have come very far and I was so dizzy from the pain that I could barely see straight anymore. I was also shaking pretty severely and I was afraid that I might collapse soon.

Suddenly I noticed a big puddle that had formed by the edge of the sidewalk, so I dragged myself over to it. I climbed down the sidewalk and when I was directly in front it I tried to scoop up some water with my hand, but my other arm couldn't support my weight on its own anymore and gave out. I fell head first into the puddle, which was deeper than it had looked, and my whole face got swallowed by the water. I immediately wanted to prop myself up, but my arms were too weak, so I tried flapping around, which didn't work either. I was scared senseless, but with every last bit of strength I had in me I finally managed to push my butt high enough off the ground to leverage my body into turning on my side. The second my face was out of the water I gasped for air so hard that I had to cough. The pain in my chest was excruciating, but I was even too weak to convulse anymore. The whole situation felt like the final straw and I started to sob. After a couple of minutes everything just faded away and I lost consciousness.

When I opened my eyes again I was cold and stiff and too afraid of the pain to move. It seemed like I had reached the end of the line, because I had no more fight left in me, I just wanted to die already. My only consolation was that I had saved my favorite memory for last.

...

I had been looking forward to that day for a long time. I had told Mason that I would be working late at the office and he had decided to go to the movies with a friend, which finally gave me the window of opportunity I needed. I went shopping and arrived at the apartment with an hour to spare. But just when I was about to put down my four giant shopping bags Mason walked through the door, also carrying a couple of huge bags.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, frowning.

"The movie was boring, so I came home. What about you?"

"I was done faster than I thought."

"What's in those bags? They look heavy," he asked and I panicked a little.

"Garbage," I quickly answered. "I was just about to take them out."

"That's interesting, because I was right behind you and I could swear I saw you come in with them."

"Oh, yes, well… What's in yours?!"

"Snakes and spiders," he said without missing a beat.

"Oh really?" I asked, grinning.

"Yes, they were on sale and I figured you can never have enough snakes and spiders, right?"

"Right."

"So, you brought in a bunch of garbage just to take it out again, huh?"

"Exactly."

"Why?"

"I was bored and I just love taking out the garbage so much, you know?"

"Totally."

And then we just stood there and looked at each other.

"What now?" I asked after a couple of seconds.

"I'd say we keep lying, it's fun."

"How about you come back in an hour and I'll tell everything you want to know?"

"No, you come back in an hour, I need to feed my snakes and spiders."

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours?"

"Fine, but then I want to know what's in those bags."

I laughed and walked over to him. We put down our bags and opened them. His were filled with countless candles, as were mine.

"What do you need that many candles for?" I asked.

"To summon a demon, duh! You?"

"Alright, I guess you'll figure it out anyway, so I might as well tell you. I was going to propose to you."

He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and smiled the biggest smile.

"Seriously? That's crazy!" he said.

"It is?"

"Yes, because I was going to propose to you too. What are the odds?"

"You were?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, I still am."

"Hey, we could both do it, together, and then say yes at the same time."

"Sounds good to me."

"Wanna do it right now?"

"You betcha!"

We both smiled and then we went down on one knee in front of each other.

"Mason, you're the love of my life," I said softly.

"Scott, you're a jerkface." We both laughed. "But you're my jerkface, and more importantly, you're the best thing that happens to me every day. You inspire me, with your razor-sharp intellect, your endless patience and your extraordinary kindness. And even though you are lacking a bionic arm that shoots lasers, you're still perfect in my eyes and there are no words big enough to describe how strongly I feel about you."

"Mason, you're the most generous, caring and loving person I have ever met. You're also funny, sweet and just stunningly beautiful and being with you makes me happier that I ever thought humanly possible. If you let me I promise that I will always respect you, cherish you and treat you like the precious gift that you are to me."

"And I promise you I'll always be there for you, support you, no matter what, and make you laugh. Unless I'm asleep, then it's impossible."

"Mason, you're out of my league in every way and you deserve more than I could ever give you, but I'll never stop trying to make up for it and I'll never give you any less than all I have."

"Do you want to make me cry or something? You're such a jerkface. Let's wrap this up, ok?"

"Alright."

"Scott, I want to marry you with all my heart, my soul and my private parts and I've never been this sure about anything before in my life. So, wanna marry me too?"

"There's nothing I've ever been more grateful for than having you by my side and nothing would make me more proud than being able to call you my husband. So, Mason, would you please marry me?"

"On three, ok?" I nodded. "One… Two… Three."

"Yes!" we both said at the same time and then kissed passionately.

"Now the rings," I said when we had parted. "How are we going to do it, you'll wear mine and I'll wear yours?"

"Well, I could be wrong, but I think we have one ring finger on each hand, so we could wear them both. I mean, two are always better than one, right?"

"Yes, great idea."

"I'll go first, ok?"

"Alright."

He pulled a small box out of his pocket and opened it. The rings were half gold, half silver, and on the inside it said "Scott+Mason=" followed by a heart and an infinity symbol. He took one of them and put it on my finger.

"It's beautiful," I said, smiling, and gave him a kiss on the lips.

Next I pulled out the box with my rings and show them to him. They were all silver and in the middle there was a thin vertically placed blue diamond.

"Jeepers Creepers," he said, amazed. "Not to exaggerate, but yours look a billion trillion gazillion times better than mine."

"No, yours are amazing, I didn't even get mine engraved. I'm so sorry about that."

"Please don't be, I love yours. Are those diamonds real?"

"Absolutely. By the way, I'm completely broke."

We both laughed and then I put my ring on his finger. After we had kissed we got up and moved to the couch, where I opened the bottle of expensive champagne I had bought earlier.

"I'm pretty sure I've never been happier than I am right now, and that's saying something," I said.

"Me too."

"When we started dating, did you ever think we would get married some day?"

"Of course, I always knew that."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. You didn't?" he said, frowning.

"No, being with you was just so amazing that I didn't dare think that far ahead. Even now I'm still worried that you might change your mind about me. It all just seems too good to be true, you know?"

"But it couldn't be more true and it always will be, at least as far as I'm concerned. I mean, you had me way before hello, and that'll never change, I promise. Ok?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"You believe me, right?"

"I do," I said and smiled.

"Good. Now let's drink up, those sheets won't soak themselves."

I immediately downed my champagne in one go and we both laughed. He quickly did the same and we started to make out.

...

For a brief moment I had to smile, but then I remembered the last thing I had said to him. "I can't love you like this anymore." The thought of it hurt more than all the pain I had suffered through the past couple of hours combined. My face contorted and I broke down in tears again. He had brought me nothing but years of blissful happiness and I had repaid him for it by making him feel like he was a failure who wasn't worth my love. And the irony was that by doing so I had failed him and I was the one who didn't deserve his love anymore.

I cried for what felt like a long time, but eventually I realized something. I had promised him that I would never give him any less than all I had and by just lying there, waiting to die, I was breaking that promise. And maybe he was watching me from a window, or from somewhere much higher, so I had to show him that I had meant it and that even an atomic bomb couldn't stop me from being with him.

I carefully leaned down and drank some water from the puddle. It tasted bitter and dirty and after a few sips I had to cough. I tried to steady my breathing and then I slowly got back on my hands and knees. Everything was swollen and aching so badly I could barely take it, but I did and forged ahead.

Finally, a couple of torturous hours later I had arrived at our building. My knees were bloody from dragging them behind me, my hands were mostly numb and every single breath was a struggle, but I had made it. I propped myself up on the wall, unlocked the door and crawled inside. But then I was faced with the seemingly endless stairs that were shrouded in darkness and after the first few steps it felt more impossible than ever that I would be able to climb them all. I wanted to cry out in desperation, but I didn't. Instead I clenched my teeth and kept going. The pain and exhaustion were so overwhelming that I decided that I needed to distract my mind and started to think about better times.

...

As far as I remember it was on a Friday, late in the afternoon, and we were having coffee together in the living room.

"Mason, are you happy? In our relationship I mean," I said.

"Well, I'd say about 50% of the time I'm with you I'm at least 100% happy."

"What about the other 50%?"

"I'm asleep."

I smiled.

"But wait, neither of us has to work on the weekends, so we're actually awake for more than 50% of the time we spend together," I said.

"I know, but like 5% of the time I'm slightly less happy, because you're annoying me with your smart-assery."

"How much less happy does that make you?"

"About 0.00014328%, give or take 0.00000001%."

"Wow, how do you calculate that?"

"I have my ways."

"What if I'd start kissing you all over, by how many percent would that raise your happiness?"

"I can't do complex math like that on the fly. Do I look like some kind of genius or something?"

"I'm not sure. What does a genius look like?"

"You know, all geniusly and stuff."

"Geniusly is not a word."

"Technically it is a word, it's just not in the dictionary. Ha! I just smart-assified you. How do you like them apples, huh?"

"Well, it makes me love you 0,0000001637% less."

"That's a totally ridiculous thing to say."

We both laughed.

"I'm happy too by the way, at least 200%."

"Let me know if it ever becomes overwhelming, I'll beat some of that happiness right out of you," he said and stretched his fingers, making them crack.

"Eww, no, please don't do that."

"Oh come on, it's bad-ass."

"No, it hurts my brain."

"It does? Well, in that case we just have to desensitize you, now won't we?" he said and cracked his knuckles.

I pretended to have a stroke and fell over backwards on the couch.

"Oh no, don't die!" he said, sounding alarmed, but then I suddenly felt him pull my wallet out of my pocket. "Wait, never mind." I almost had to chuckle. "Goodbye my lover," he said dramatically. "Uhh, 20 dollars, score!"

I started to laugh.

"You're just the worst."

"Thank God you're not dead," he gasped. "It would've been such a pain to drag you to the dumpster."

I sat up.

"Can I have my wallet back now, and my 20?"

"What 20? Did I say 20? I meant one dollar, and I'd gladly give it back, but unfortunately an eagle came in through the window, ate your dollar and then flew away."

"Empty your pockets."

"You empty your pockets!"

"Fine, I'm just going to steal it back when you're asleep then."

"You would steal from me?" he asked indignantly. "That's despicable. And you promised you'd always respect me, which means you're a liar and in my opinion liars are just the scum of the earth. Besides, I told you, the eagle ate your one dollar. Ok?"

"Whatever, just keep it."

"No, I'll reimburse you with my own money. I'll even add 19 extra dollars as compensation for hurting your brain. Here."

He handed me the bill and I put it in my wallet.

"Hey, wait, where's my credit card?" I said.

"It was the eagle!" he answered, laughing, and I had to laugh too.

...

Despite all the pain I was in, the memory actually made me chuckle, but after a few seconds it turned into coughing and then I suddenly threw up an alarming amount of blood. It was excruciating and such a shock that I panicked and started to hyperventilate. I instinctively touched my throat, but it caused me to lose my grip and I slid down the stairs. I cried out every time I hit my head on one of the steps and I tried to grab the banister, but couldn't and before I had even reached the bottom I was unconscious.

...

When I came to again, the first thing I noticed was that I was lying on my back instead of my stomach, which I thought was strange. But then I opened my eyes and realized that I was no longer in the stairwell. I was in bed, in our apartment. I quickly turned my head to the left and there he was, on his side, looking at me. My heart began to race. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Mason? Is that really you?" I asked, incredulous, and he smiled at me.

"Yes, it's really me."

I burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry Mason, I'm so sorry," I sobbed.

"For what?"

"I never should have said those awful things to you. I have failed you and I'm so sorry."

"Scott, you haven't failed me, I know you meant well, you always do, and I could see it in your eyes how much it hurt you to say it."

"It wasn't true, I love you more than ever, it's impossible not to."

"I know Scott, just forget it ever happened. We're still here and we're together, that's all that matters now, ok?"

"Alright, I'm sorry."

He reached out and gently stroked my cheek, which calmed me down.

"That's better," he said, smiling. I had to smile too, but only for a second and then I frowned very deeply.

"I'm dying Mason," I said shakily and started to cry harder again.

"No, you're not, you're fine, we're both fine, you understand?"

"Yes… I'm sorry."

"Please don't be, be happy, because this will be cool, like in 'I Am Legend', but without the vampires."

"Sure, and maybe the radiation will give us superpowers."

"That's the spirit."

"But wait, if it'll be like 'I Am Legend', who's going to be the dog?"

He laughed, but it made him cough and he quickly held his hand in front of his mouth. When he took it away it was covered in blood.

"Oh my God, Mason, no!" I said, alarmed.

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine, remember?" he replied, cleaning his hand on his pants.

"No, I don't want to pretend anymore. Please?"

"Ok, we don't have to, but let's not talk about dying, I feel bad enough as it is."

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, it's probably safe to say that heaven will be pretty crowded, so we should figure out how we'll find each other up there as quickly as possible."

"The way I imagine heaven everyone gets to choose their own paradise, a place where they can be happy for all eternity. So, I'll be right here, in this apartment, waiting for you."

"No, Scott, you're going to make me cry too. You're such a jerkface," he said and we both grinned.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Mason?"

"Yes?"

"I think I'm ready to move on now."

"Ok."

He came closer and carefully cuddled himself against me.

"I'm scared Mason."

"I'm here, and I love you."

Hearing him say it for the first time was overwhelming and in an instant I was no longer afraid. Instead I just felt at peace and incredibly blessed that I got to be with him in those last few moments.

"I love you too," I said weakly and closed my eyes. I could feel his breath against my mouth, so I inhaled as deeply as I could and then everything just stopped.