Vorant - 3. Most Things Are Uncontrollable

Carsyn:

Things weren't always so complicated. We used to just be friends. Nothing more, nothing less. But, it all changed one day. I didn't expect it, and I didn't want it. Things were better before. Before it was so complicated. Everything was wrong now.

"Zeke..." I whispered. It was too late. His eyes were blood shot, like he had been crying.

"Carsyn. Just, leave. Get out of my room." He muttered.

"But Zeke, you have to understand." My voice trembled.

"No, I understand! You're a fag and you wanna do me, or whatever!" He shouted. I froze, and he continued.

"And to have to hear it from the whole school! Everyone calling me a queer! You know how that makes me feel?"

"I..I didn't want you to find out this way!" I cried, tears in my eyes.

He turned to me his face hard, i could tell he was holding something back. I was afraid to find out what.

"Just leave before I do something I'll regret." He said.

"Like what?" I asked. "Would you really do something to hurt your best friend? How can you be this cruel to me? We've known each other since we were kids!"

"I would never do anything horrible to you Carsyn." He whispered. "You...don't understand..."

"Then help me to!!!" I pleaded.

His face suddenly turned soft.

"Carsyn. It's not that I don't love you. I just don't want to be labeled. I don't want people to think less of me, and I don't want them to think less of you." He whimpered.

I stared into his hazel eyes.

"So, does that mean you love me?" I asked. His face went red.

"Well, uhh...you see I..." He stuttered. "Ye-yes..."

With this I slowly walked toward him, his eyes watching my every move. I stopped in front of him, my eyes never unlocking with his. I raised my hand to his face resting it softly on his cheek.

"I...love you too..." I whispered as I gently pressed my lips against his. He kissed me passionately as his hands went up my back and around my neck pulling me closer. I took my other hand and put it through his hair pulling him closer to me.

"Stop!" He said, pushing me away.

His face was a bit angry, but his eyes said something else. He sat down on his bed and I slowly followed.

"We can't...we can't do this." He said as his eyebrows frowned. "We can't. We can't." He kept repeating.

"Why not!" I yelped. "Why can't we? What's so wrong about it?"

"Nothing!" He wailed. "I just don't..." He started.

"You don't what?" I demanded.

"I don't want people to think things. Things that could destroy us, and I don't want them to hurt you! You know what people can do when they don't understand things. They don't try to understand, they try to get rid of the problem!" He whimpered.

"I don't want that to happen to you. I can't let it happen to you." He whispered. "Not you..."

I raised my hand to his cheek, bringing my lips to his ear.

"You don't have to worry about that." I whispered, running my free hand through his hair.

He looked at me for a few minutes. His face seemed to be fighting emotions. He reached up and grabbed my hand on his cheek.

"No." He sighed. "I...I can't...deal with...anything happening to you." He brought my hand to his lips, kissing it gently.

I sighed softly, bringing my face against his cheek.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"We wait." He replied. "We try and keep cool. I don't want people to figure out what we really are. Not until I know we'll both be free of all the people who can't deal with us."

"So, is there an us?" I questioned.

"Sort of...I want us to be 'us', but I...I'm afraid."

"I understand." I breathed. I brought his lips to mine, kissing him intensely, and then I pulled him into a tight embrace.

"I'll leave now." I said standing up breaking my embrace. "Guess it's a dead give away if I'm here with you." I laughed.

He smiled. "Just a bit, but it's still okay if we hang like we used to."

"Wait..." I said. "What about what Ikana said? How are we going to fix that?"

"We'll figure it out Carsyn, don't worry." He said grabbing my waist and pulling me back onto the bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked, completely confused by his actions of the past few minutes.

"I couldn't resist, you're just to adorable..." He smiled.

My face went red as I lay down beside him. I turned toward him on my right and rested my hand on his chest.

"We're going to figure this out." I stated, then I quickly kissed him on the cheek and stood to head home.

I turned and caught a glimpse of his face as I left, he was smiling. His face was so happy it looked as though it would break his face, but his eyes. His eyes were terrified, just like I am.

I quickly ran out of the house and started walking home. It would only take around ten minutes. I really needed a car. It never occurred to me to get one since Zeke drove me around everywhere, but since things were about to get extremely weird it might be a good idea now.

I arrived home just when it started to rain. The skies had been gloomy earlier, so I was glad I got home fast. It was around the afternoon, and I defiantly wasn’t going to go to school today. I ran up to my room after peeking in my front door. My parents usually worked at this time of day, but sometimes I find them taking days off without my knowledge.

When I got to my room I went straight to my movie bin. There was nothing that cheered me up more than a movie marathon. I grabbed a movie and popped it into my TV. I needed to clear my head. There was a lot to deal with, and I needed to prepare myself for the worst. Zeke and I will be fine; it’s everyone else that wouldn't be.