Michael + Jason: Beyond Brotherly Love - 2. Jason's POV

Mike and I have always had a strong connection. What can I say about the boy next door? I've been in love with him since I was thirteen. I never imagined that he would mine at nineteen. So many thoughts and emotions come along with finally being with the man of my dreams. We talked a great deal about what it meant to change the status of our already established relationship and what it meant going forward. We both decided to proceed. We didn’t want there to be doubt looming over us because we didn't take this chance.

 

I wasn't a virgin in the traditional sense when Mike and I got together, but he is the one whom I consider to have taken my virginity, and I've had to adjust to my new role as a bottom. He took me the first time just over three months ago on my 19th birthday, after we secretly dated long distance for three months, while I was away at school.

 

Now that I'm back home for the summer, we can't keep our hands off each other. We've made love almost every day, sometimes twice a day, and in every imaginable position. However, there are times when it's not making love, but a primal desire for a long, deep, and hard fucking.

 

Mike has an insatiable sexual appetite, which I'm more than willing to help him satisfy, but his stamina is insane. He laughed when I told him the porn industry would love him for his ability to get hard at the drop of a hat, even after he's come just moments before. There are times when I wish his battery wouldn't recharge so quickly, if only to give myself a chance to recover, but other than those rare times, it's a fucking turn on to me.

 

I love everything about him. I accept him faults and all, except for one thing…

 

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The smell of sex hangs heavily in the air and it's intoxicating. The sound of skin on skin and moans fill the room.

 

Today, we've already had sex twice, and are currently in the midst of number three.

 

I know having his body on top of mine, pressing it deeper into the mattress is supposed to be wrong and feel wrong, but it doesn't, it feels so right. I love feeling his warm breath on my neck, and to hear his deep moans, feeling his muscles flex in his back as I hold onto him. I especially love his thick, hard cock as he lovingly fucks me in to another mind-blowing oblivion. Our panting breaths are in perfect sync. I fist his short, brown locks pulling him in for a feverish kiss.

 

"Shit, baby, your ass is so tight. You're gonna make me come again," Mike announces. Our eyes lock, I try to speak, but I can't because it feels too good. He whispers, "You're all mine. Nobody else gets to have you. Say it. Tell me, you're all mine.”

 

He releases my legs, grabs my wrists, pulls them above my head, interlaces our fingers, and with a sharp snap of his hip, I cry out with a mix of pain and pleasure. "I'm all yours. It’s only you. There's nobody else, baby," I whisper breathlessly.

 

From then on, I can only emit a low sustained whimper, as he continues to drill me. Less than thirty seconds later, Mike's guttural breathing fills the room, while he spasms uncontrollably with erratic thrusts, calling out my name, and collapsing on top of me.

 

I wrap my long legs around him and roll my hips wanting his still rigid cock to hit my sweet spot because I want to come so badly. Mike sensing my urgency, props himself up clumsily, and thrusts deep and hard inside me. My mouth is agape as he continues to graze my sensitive gland with nearly every thrust.

 

"Oh my god, right there, baby, don’t stop," I plead, clawing up his back, and he hisses. My hands continue their journey gripping his hair firmly in my fists. His head falls to my shoulder and his teeth sink in to the sensitive spot of my neck. I reach down grabbing my hard cock and feverishly beat off. I murmur repeatedly, "You're gonna make me come."

 

I shudder beneath him, claiming his lips, as my orgasm rips through my entire body, both of our moans smothered by our kiss. My warm release sprays all over my chest. I wrench my mouth from his; throwing my head back against the pillow while clutching the sheets in my hands. My throbbing hole continually clenches onto the still hard invader inside me. I love coming with Mike buried deep in me. It's a pleasure that's hard to describe, but the closest word: extraordinary.

 

Mike's partial weight lying on top of me makes it hard to get air. "I can't breathe."

 

"Shit, Jase, I'm sorry." He gives me a quick kiss on the neck before rolling from atop me. I whimper involuntarily at the sensation of his cock sliding out of me. His latest release slowly trickles out; I clench and drop my legs not wanting to lose any more of his essence.

 

"Damn!" I exclaim looking down at the splattered cum on my chest and rub it in. He takes my hand and licks it clean making me laugh.

 

Mike chuckles. He props himself on his knees and slowly strokes his semi-flaccid cock. "You alright, baby?"

 

Euphoria courses through my body. I smile, closing my eyes, and tell him, "Mm-hmm, that was the best one yet."

 

"Jase, open your eyes," he beckons softly.

 

I shake my head. "Not yet. Let me enjoy this for a minute."

 

"C'mon, baby, open your eyes!" Mike's hand rests against the spot he bit on my neck. The bed shifts when he leans forward to lick the spot gingerly. Goose bumps develop from that simple maneuver, and I tremble.

 

I look straight into his warm amber eyes. "There. They're open. Are you happy?"

 

"Yes, because I have something to say to you."

 

"What?" My hand moves along his thigh.

 

"I love you," Mike states, looking affectionately into my hazel eyes, his large hands caress over my sweaty body up to my face, skimming over my full bottom lip before smoothing back my unruly blond hair. He rolls onto his side, pulls me with him, and runs his hands down my back to cup my toned ass. When he kisses me, I melt into him.

 

I whisper against his lips, "I love you too." Mike nuzzles in closer to my neck and he sighs. I rub my cheek against his. I laugh at the feel of our stubble scratching together. "I didn't touch myself until the end, you made me come hard."

 

A shit-eating grin spreads across his face when he pulls back to look at me. "What can I say, I know how to fuck."

 

He licks the shell of my ear and nibbles on the lobe. I arch instinctively into his body. I mutter, "Yeah, you do." I lean in, latching my lips onto my favorite spot on his neck, and I begin to suck hungrily. Mike gasps and grinds against me.

 

"Jase, come on, no hickeys!" He laughs trying to pry my mouth from his neck. "I won't be able to explain why I have one."

 

My lips travel seductively across his neck. "Why not, you marked me."

 

"Come on. I didn't mean to. I got lost in the moment," he moans when I flick my tongue just under his ear.

 

"How about I leave my mark where only I’ll see it?"

 

I straddle Mike with his cock nestled nicely between my ass cheeks. Rolling my hips elicits a sharp groan from him. His massive hands instinctively grip my waist to grind our hips together. Biting my bottom lip does not mask my soft whimpers at feeling him harden under me. Slinking further down, I draw a line with my tongue down his neck into the light groves of his abs making him squirm beneath me. He inhales each time I suck and bite his nipples down to the fleshy part of his hip. When I reach my destination, I take him wholly into my salivating mouth, and can taste a mixture of us both on his beautiful stiffening tool. I wonder if it's possible to fall in love with a body part. If it is, then I'm most certainly am in love with his dick. I should have it declared one of 'The Wonders of The World".

 

"Jason," he mewls bringing me back to the moment. His head turns to the side and his mouth tightens before moaning. He undulates slowly meeting the bob of my head with his thrusts. He grips the sides of my head firmly. Our eyes lock, he licks his lips, and blows out a slow breath. It's not long before I’m swallowing the small load he shoots into my mouth. This is the fourth time today he’s come today, and it surprises me he still had anything to shoot. He runs his thumb over my lips. I lick it before playfully sucking and releasing it with a loud pop. "Shit, baby, I love your mouth."

 

"I know you do." I laugh mischievously.

 

Mike lightly massages the nape of my neck. I sigh happily. Exhausted from our marathon session, I crawl up and crash on top of him. He reaches for the blanket and covers us. He plants a kiss on my forehead. I tilt my head back, pull him towards me, and kiss him softly. I settle in his arms falling asleep in seconds.

 

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The annoying buzz of the alarm causes me to groan loudly. I cover my head with the pillow and back away from it. Mike’s warm body reaches over mine to stop the loud intruder. He hugs me close to his chest while kissing the back of my head.

 

"I loved having you all to myself this weekend, Jase," Mike whispers groggily.

 

"I loved it, too. Will we ever have another weekend like this?"

 

"I hope so, baby. I hope so."

 

I grab his hand hug it to my chest, and he snuggles in closer; lazily kisses my neck and shoulder. I realize we've ignored the alarm and I check the time. The clock reads 5:18pm. They should be home by 6pm. I turn around to rest my head on Mike's shoulder. I draw random shapes through the smattering of hair on his chest. "I guess I should hurry and get cleaned up before Mom and Dad come home. I smell like sex and sweat."

 

He inhales deeply tightening his hold on me. "You smell amazing. Wait a few more minutes. I don't want to let you go… not yet."

 

I can't risk Mom and Dad finding out about Mike and me. I reluctantly pull myself away from the security of my brother's arms to detangle my legs from the blanket.

 

"Jase, c'mon, five more minutes." He pulls me back down making me laugh. One of his hands glides over my chest while the other takes my flaccid cock in hand, and strokes it slowly. My head falls back to his shoulder and he takes advantage by nibbling on my ear.

 

"Mike, stop," I mutter. My eyes close involuntarily, but I force them open. "Five more minutes will turn into another five and we can't risk getting caught." I struggle against the strong arms holding me, but I manage to get free. I sit on the edge of the bed and stretch.

 

"Hey, Mom and Dad put me in charge 'cause I'm the oldest, so you have to listen to me." Mike's hand skims the middle of my back. I feel the shiver move through my body. He makes me feel so desired, but I can't give in, not this time.

 

I turn to face him. "You're only eleven months older than me."

 

"It would’ve been a year but you had to be impatient and come early. A problem you no longer suffer from in case you’re wondering.”

 

I punch him playfully in the stomach. “Shut up, I’m gonna go clean up. You don’t get five minutes.”

 

Mike shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll take it tonight when I'm eating your ass out. We both know how much you love it when I do," he smirks, "because either way your ass is mine. You said so yourself, remember?"

 

I sneer at his audacity. How could he take something I said in an intimate moment and cheapen it to get sex? "Go fuck yourself, asshole." I walk angrily towards the bathroom.

 

I'm halfway across the room when I hear Mike tumble off the bed with a heavy thud.

 

"Stop! Jason, it was a joke." He runs over, grabs my shoulders, spins me around, and cups the sides of my head firmly in his large hands. He gazes into my eyes. "Don't be mad. It was supposed to be funny. I honestly thought you’d laugh. Sometimes, I forget how sensitive you are. Baby, I'm sorry."

 

My anger wanes quickly. I know I overreacted. This is all still so new to me. Even though we've been close our entire lives, when it comes to the sexual aspect of our relationship, I'm self-conscious about where I truly stand with him. I have to learn to get past my insecurities.

 

Stepping in closer, I wrap my arms around his neck. "Mike, you have nothing to be sorry about. I'm just being overly sensitive. I'm the one who's sorry." We sway slightly, as we stand there looking into each other's eyes. I kiss him. His arms snake around my waist. His hands move up to grasp the back of my head. I break the kiss. "Can we forget that I threw that stupid hissy-fit?"

 

My unease must be evident in my eyes because Mike smiles tenderly and winks. "Babe, it's already forgotten," he answers, kissing the tip of my nose.

 

"Good. I'm gonna go cleanup, okay?" I whisper, swallowing a small audible gulp of air.

 

"Okay." I haven't moved as his amber eyes stares back into my hazel eyes; I give him a peck on the cheek. He gives my ass a swat as I walk away.

 

I know he's watching me, when I hear a low growl, as my long legs stride to the bathroom that connects our bedrooms. I grab a towel wetting it to wipe the sweat and cum from my chest. I purposely make a show of it, wiping myself deliberately, bending over to wipe my legs down, and raising my arms to stretch out my long, toned body.

 

"Hey, we're definitely not gonna need any lube tonight with the amount of cum you dumped in my ass," I say, rewetting the towel. I bend over with a slight arch of my back to clean myself of the small trickle that escaped from me earlier. An involuntary moan passes when the warm towel touches my sensitive hole.

 

With a frustrated grunt, Mike calls out, "You don't fuckin' play fair, Jase!"

 

I look over at him trying my best to feign innocence. "Mike, what the hell are you talkin' about?"

 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, you goddamn cock-tease. You're doing that shit on purpose with arching your back and moaning like that. Get over here!" His eyes roam up and down my body lustfully taking in every inch. If I weren't already naked, I'd swear he was undressing me with his eyes.

 

I throw the towel into the hamper and saunter gingerly over to the bed. I cup the left side of his face. "I moaned because you fucked this tight ass of mine three times today. That doesn't include the other times we went at it this weekend. I'm lucky I can walk at all. So if me moaning and arching my back while I cleanup is anybody's fault, buddy, I'd say it's yours." I teasingly poke him in the chest.

 

"The hell it is," Mike yells, as he wraps an arm around my waist, and flips us so he's on top, yet again.

 

Laughing loudly, I say, "Well, I, for sure know that it's not mine."

 

"Uh, yeah, it is. All you have to do is walk by me and I want bend you over and fuck your ass." Mike reaches under me to cup my firm, round ass.

 

"You know, you should consider writing poetry, ‘cause that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard anyone say." I roll my eyes exaggeratedly.

 

He chuckles, nuzzles my neck, and whispers, "Don't be a smartass. You know what I meant. I can't help it that I want you all of the time." Mike grinds his hips against me while licking and kissing my neck. I close my eyes. My hips rock in time with his. I pant lightly and my breath hitches when he quickens his pace. My body longs to have him inside me. My heart races in anticipation. His forehead presses lightly against mine, and he whispers wantonly, "Baby, please, let me have you one more time. I need you."

 

He teases my hole with his fingers. I groan at the delicious ache caused by our numerous dalliances this weekend. My dick hardens as he skillfully fingers me. The pre-cum weeps from my swollen cock and onto my stomach, he slides down and laps up the trail hungrily. I go to stroke myself only to have him swat my hand away. He winks at me before diving down and sucking on the fleshy, velvet tip. My hands roam my chest pinching my nipples until they harden.

 

"Mike, we can't. They'll be home soon." I clutch and pull him closer to me instead of pushing him away.

 

"I'm gonna make you come so fucking hard." The look in his eyes is pure lust. When he looks like this, I know there's no turning him away, but I also know how to get what I want, while satisfying both of our needs.

 

I hold the sides of his face looking him straight in the eyes. "I don't want this to be another quickie, okay? We had way too many of those this weekend. I want you to make love to me." I don't wait for a response. I run my hands down to his neck, pull him closer to me, and kiss the tip of his nose and the corners of his mouth before working my way to his ear. Mike moans, as he slides inside me with a single fluid thrust, causing my senses to rejoice at feeling, smelling, seeing, tasting, and hearing him all around me.

 

"Oh, you’re so big. Take me, baby," I mewl as he kisses my neck.

 

He hooks my legs over his arms and does exactly what I ask. He kisses me tenderly. It's hard to tell where he ends and I begin, as our bodies meld in to one. This is what I enjoy most about being with Mike when he's attentive and selfless.

 

"You're so fuckin' sexy," he whispers against my lips.

 

"You're not so bad yourself," I say, earning me a throaty laugh from Mike.

 

He takes me on a thrilling sexual ride. He brings me right to the edge without pushing me over. The only sounds are my gentle random moans of ‘oh, baby', and 'yes' in Mike's ear.

 

About five minutes into our lovemaking, out of nowhere, a sudden wave of dread creeps up my spine making me light-headed. I don't know what the dread represents or how it'll manifest itself, but I know I need to get away from Mike, and ASAP.

 

I'm not in the best position to stop his agonizingly slow thrusts but I try to no avail.

 

"Mike, get off me," I plead.

 

"Get off you or get you off?" Mike asks, grinding his hips into me and strokes my cock. He's not picking up the urgency in my voice.

 

"Mike, stop, get off me... now!" I say, pulling his hand away from me turgid thickness.

 

"Why? What's wrong with you?" He asks curiously, the concern evident on his face and voice. His thrusting comes to a stop, which allows me to string together a coherent thought, but before I can tell him what was wrong, his phone rings. He leans over to check it. He curses quietly and shows me the screen. It's Dad. My heart pounds out of abject fear.

 

Mike places a finger over his lips and answers, "Hey, Dad. No, you caught me in the middle of a workout. When do you and Mom get back?" He catches me off-guard by moving his hips slowly causing me to moan deeply, his hand clamps over my mouth. "What are you talking about, Dad? I didn't hear anything," he replies casually with a big smile, and continues with his deep, slow thrusts.

 

My eyes flutter when he grazes against my prostate several times. Mike removes his hand from my mouth in order to hold himself up when he begins to falter.

 

I glare at him. "You're such a fucking a-." He cuts me off with a deep kiss. I groan when he nips my bottom lip. Mike thrusts in again making me moan louder. I point at the phone. "He can hear us."

 

"No, he can't, I put it on mute," Mike replies with a mischievous arch of his left eyebrow. He begins moving again.

 

The dread I sensed moments earlier all but forgotten. My whimpers begin to intensify. I continuously tighten my hold around his cock making Mike grunt and shudder, which causes me to smirk in triumph. My fingers dig into his biceps. I can taste blood from biting my lip. His eyes are wild with lust. He's not paying attention to whatever Dad's saying, and it's not until he yells, does Mike come out of his trance.

 

"Yeah, Dad, I'm sorry. I muted my phone by accident, but I'm listening to you," he says smiling down at me. "Yup, you had a late checkout and you hit major traffic. You should be home in about two hours. Okay. Yeah, Jason's out with friends. I saw him earlier when we worked. Yeah, I put his ass through the wringer. He could barely walk when I was done with him," he says smugly.

 

I couldn't care less for Mike's double entendre smack talk because I'm close to coming. Mike reacts quickly when he notices my spasms and panting breaths becoming more frequent.

 

"Ok, Dad, we'll see you when you get here. Gotta get back to my work out before I lose my rhythm. Ciao," Mike hangs up. "Now, where were we?" He revs up the pace, but right when I'm ready to come, he stops.

 

I whimper a frustrated whisper, "Don't. Mike. I’m close."

 

"I know, baby. I know." In an unexpected move, Mike drops my legs, hooks his arms under my shoulders, and flips us, so he is now on his back with me straddling him. "Go on. I'm at your mercy now."

 

I rock my hips in wide, slow circles. It's not long until I'm riding him hard with reckless abandon. Mike's hands are everywhere: my hair, back, shoulders, waist, and ass. The deeper I take him, the harder I jerk on my swollen member that's begging for its denied release. He runs a finger down my face and brushes it against my lips. He captures my chin pulling me down for a kiss.

 

A couple of minutes later, I come hard with a high-pitched squeal all over his chest and neck. My eyes cross. I nearly forget to breathe as my orgasm makes its way through the rest of my body. My heart pounds in my ears. I collapse on top of him with uneven breaths.

 

Mike laughs huskily into my ear, "Are you okay? You looked possessed. I thought your head was going to start spinning around while you vomited pea soup."

 

I smile slightly. "You already know this is how I get when I'm on top, you bastard. I just need a minute to catch my breath."

 

He holds me in his arms waiting for me to come out of the sex haze surrounding me. I listen to the rhythmic beating of his heart, and fight the urge to fall asleep. Five long minutes later, his cock slides out of me, and I roll off him in a heap on his side.

 

He chuckles. "That was kinky being with you while talking to Dad, and, I never want to do it again. It takes too much work to keep you quiet." I laugh along though it’s not really a laugh. Mike turns to face me grabbing my hands. He looks serious. "What was that back there with you wanting me to stop?"

 

"It was nothing." I sit up but don't get far.

 

Mike's hold on my hands tightens. "Jase, don't lie to me. The way you acted during and even now, you're being weird."

 

I pull my hands away from his. "I'm not lying, okay?"

 

"Yeah, you are. Why won't you tell me?"

 

Sighing heavily, I say, "Because it's ridiculous, okay? If I tell you, you'll think it crazy, so I'm goin’ to my room." I give him a quick kiss to his forehead, and stand to walk away.

 

"Jase, please, tell me," Mike begs.

 

Against my better judgment, I stand at the foot of bed while he sits on the side. "I can't be here with you because I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen."

 

His brows furrow questioningly. "You know that's sounds crazy, right? What do you thinks gonna happen?"

 

"I don't know but I don't want to risk it."

 

Mike looks unsure. "This isn't you freaking out because Mom and Dad are coming back?"

 

"No, this has nothing to do with them."

 

He stares at me. He's trying to decide what he should say, but he finally relents. "Go. But once you find out you were freaking out about nothing, I want you ready to make it up to me tonight."

 

I cross my arms in front of me. "How do you want me to do that?"

 

His face lights up. "I want to play out my Harry Potter fantasy."

 

I can't help laughing. Mike's a devout Harry Potter fan from way back. He loves the movies and frequents fanfiction websites. He's wants me to play out a story he read a few months back. Mike will be 'Harry' and I’ll be 'Malfoy'. With a wave of his wand, I have to perform whatever tasks he wants without question or hesitation. I don’t understand his fascination with the whole thing. It’s weird.

 

"Dude, you’re twenty. Doesn’t that sound just a little juvenile? Besides, I'm don't think I'm ready for role-playing. I love it when we’re just ourselves in bed."

 

He smiles sweetly. "Do you trust me?"

 

I nod. "Of course, I trust you with my life."

 

"Then you know I would never take things too far. The second you tell me to stop, I will. Let's try it once. If you don't like it, I'll never bring to up to you again, deal?" He says, holding his hand out.

 

I stare at him while thinking over his proposal. What's the worst that could happen?

 

"Okay, it's a deal, but only if you leave me alone for the rest of the night. I'll come to you when I'm ready." I go to shake his hand, but I pull it back. "Don't try anything sneaky or it'll be you and your hand alone tonight, understood?"

 

Mike nods. With a firm handshake, he smiles before pulling me to him and kisses me. I lose all sense when the kiss becomes passionate. He groans when I pull away. "No one else has ever kissed me like that, not even Kenny," he pants through heavy lids.

 

That’s it. The dread has made its ugly appearance.

 

My heart drops. The mention of my rival's name for my brother's affection instantly sours my mood. I roll away from him. "Can you not mention his name while we're in bed together? It's bad enough that you're still with him."

 

In a huff, I grab my shorts from the chair in the corner.

 

Mike groans, "Jason, don't do this. I love you, but you knew how I felt about Kenny before we even started. C’mon, I'm sorry. Forget I even mentioned him."

 

I slide my shorts on. I've held in all of my emotions when it comes to Kenny. Mike has to know he made a mistake by staying with him, when he can have me, whenever he wants me. I can't hold my tongue anymore.

 

"No, Mike! You can't have it both ways anymore. Yeah, I knew you were with Kenny, but he's not here, I am. I'm the one in your bed every night not him. I thought once you realized you have the real thing with me that you’d cut him loose. We've been together for over six months and you're the only one I want. I hate knowing that you still want him when I'm here giving myself to you. He chose to leave you here alone for the summer. I wish he’d meet someone else so you and I can finally be together."

 

"What the fuck’s wrong with you?" Mike roars, pushing his back off the headboard. Startled by his anger, I quickly recover. "Why’d you even think something like that?"

 

My anger starts to boil. The angrier I get, the more I want to cry, because I know things will never be the same after today.

 

"You, you're what’s wrong with me. Your cum is in my ass, and you're upset at me because I want your boyfriend, whom you're cheating on, to dump you. That makes absolutely no sense to me. Who do you want it’s either me or him?"

 

Mike whispers angrily, "Jase, it's not as easy as you're making it out to be."

 

I take several steps until I'm directly in front of him, cupping his face in my hands. "I can take care of you and love you the way you deserve. Baby, we can have every day together. You'll never have to worry about where I am because I'll be right next to you. You'll never have to want for anything because I'll give it to you. I'll take care of you when you're sick. I'll always be there to listen when you need to talk. I'll make you laugh when you're sad. You'll never be alone as long as you have me. Can Kenny offer you all of that?"

 

Mike sniffles and shakes his head. "I can't ignore the fact that I love Kenny too. I can't just break things off with him. He means too much to me. He came in to my life last year when I needed him the most. He helped me through my depression," Mike states somberly, grabbing my hands but I pull them away.

 

I wipe away the lone tear from my eye. "You can't stay in a relationship out of gratitude. You want me all to yourself, but I can't want the same thing in return? I'm all yours remember that? Nobody else gets to have me, right? You said those words to me two hours ago. We just made love ten minutes ago. You weren't thinking about him then."

 

Sneering, he shakes his head and says, "Jason, you're so oblivious. You have no idea what I went through last year. I owe my sanity to Kenny. He kept me from going over the edge."

 

Mike's affection for Kenny is like a dagger to my heart. "Then tell me. What is so special about Kenny that you can't let him go? Why am I not enough for you?" I ask, as I sit on the corner of his bed.

 

He paces the room before he sits at his desk but doesn't speak for a long time. I stand to leave when he says softly, "Jase, I've done some things in my life that I'm not proud of, but loving you is not one of them. I need you to know that.”

 

Mike looks at me briefly, lets out a deep sigh, and continues, "When I realized my love for you was more than brotherly, I didn’t know how to deal with it. I fought hard against those feelings by throwing myself into basketball to win a scholarship so I can get away from you. I was so happy when I got it, ‘cause it meant I didn’t have to feel those feelings any more. Um, after my injury and lost my scholarship, I became depressed. It meant I’d be here with you and not being with you the way I wanted. I didn't handle it in the best way. I abused my pain meds to help numb my feelings for you, which only made my depression about not being able to play basketball professionally worse, and I did things. I'm not gonna tell you what I did, but it was stupid, dangerous, and reckless, and I stopped that part of my life. Seeing Dr. Collins helped a lot, but when I went on sabbatical to Europe and I met Kenny, I didn't know he would be the one to help me forget about you, if even only for a little while. Besides you, Kenny is the only other person who I've developed true feelings for and I'm not ready to let him go. I don't know the right thing to do here, Jase."

 

I whisper, "All you have to do is choose me.”

 

He wipes tears from his eyes. "You and I can never have the open relationship I have with Kenny. I could never hold your hand in public. I could never kiss or hug you. We'll always have to hide. People will wonder why we haven't settled down not knowing that we have only it's with each other. We'll always be the gay Chambers brothers who live together and who never have boyfriends. Are you ready to answer the questions we don't want asked? I'm not."

 

I wasn't expecting his confession of doubt or his confession about his depression and relating it to his feelings for me. He’s right. I am oblivious. I had no idea I was the cause of his depression. I'm on information overload. There's so much that I didn't know about Mike.

 

Exhausted, I release a heavy sigh cover my face with my hands. The tears flow steadily. He kneels in front of me and caresses my shoulders. I cry harder. "I always thought your injury was to blame for your depression but it turned out to be my fault! All the shit you went through was because of me?"

 

"Don't. Baby, I didn't tell you this to make you cry. I needed you to know why Kenny is so important to me. Jason, I love you so much it hurts, but I love Kenny, too. I need time to sort this all out. Can you give that to me? Can you give me time?" Mike asks standing up and pulling me into a tight hug. "I have to talk to him face to face. He comes home in three weeks. Give me 'til then. Please?"

 

As much as I hate what I've learned about what he had gone through last year, I whisper and shake my head, "Mikey, I don't think I can. The longer you take, the more I won't be able to let you go. With each passing day, I'll fall more in love with you. If I give you another three weeks, there's no telling how deep my love for you will have grown."

 

The distress in his voice is palpable. "Jase, c'mon, don’t do this to us!"

 

I take a step back and put my forehead against his. My voice breaks as I say, "I'm doing this for us. I want all of you or none of you. I don't care if we have to hide. I'm willing to because that's how much you mean to me. Being with you is all I’ve wanted for six years. Now I have you but not really. I deserve to have you 100% in mind, body, and soul without another man in your thoughts or your heart. If you can't offer that to me, then we end this now before we end up hurting each other."

 

My hot tears roll down my cheeks. I see the hurt in Mike's eyes, but I can't have him hurt me down the road. My hands instinctively move to his face, and down to rest at the base of his neck.

 

"We're already in too deep. Why does it have to be you or Kenny? I can't make this decision, not now. There are so many changes coming in a few weeks. You leave to go back to school in a couple of weeks. Kenny will be back a few days later. You want me to dump him for you and you're not even going to be here?" Mike scoffs, taking a couple of steps back from me.

 

My brows furrow. "So, what, I'm just keeping his side of the bed warm for you?"

 

"Goddammit, Jason! All I'm saying is you'll be gone. It would be an easier decision to make, if you were here, but you won't be," he says seizing my shoulders firmly in his grasps.

 

I shrug him off and sit at his desk. "You know I would transfer to a local school in a heartbeat to be with you but my scholarship is in California. Mom and Dad can't pay for another tuition if I transfer here. Not with you going full-time too."

 

"So what do you want me to do? Wait around for you to come back home every few months for an easy fuck?" Mike asks angrily. Caught off-guard, I don't know how to react, but I can't hide my shock. He's contrite as he stammers an apology, "Shit, Jase, I'm so sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean it."

 

My anger boils over. I'm standing in front of him trying my best to control the urge to beat the shit out of him. Mike takes an involuntary step back. I seethe, "How did you mean it? An 'easy fuck', is that what I am to you?"

 

"No, you’re not! Baby, I'm sorry. I’m so sorry," Mike whispers, trying to hug me but I push him back.

 

"Stop calling me that. You don't get to call me that anymore," I hiss. "I guess you don't feel the same about me after all. I’m just a piece of ass to you."

 

I shove him hard enough that he stumbles back and hits the wall. I walk away, but soon he is behind me, smashing my back against his chest with his arms wrapped firmly around my waist. I struggle against him but he has a lot of upper body strength. Even though there's only an inch difference in our heights, he outweighs me by close to twenty pounds, all of it muscle.

 

"God, Jase, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Baby, I didn't mean it," Mike whispers desperately into my ear.

 

"You've said a lot of shit you don't mean. Let go of me, Mike," I yell, thrashing in his hold.

 

His grip tightens around me. "No, not until you listen to me. Please!"

 

"I think you've said enough, you fucking asshole. I'm an easy fuck, right?!" I manage to pry his arms from around me. I glare at him. "Why should I listen to anything you say? You'll just lie to me. You've done it before and you'll do it again!"

 

"I've never lied to you, Jason,” Mike takes hold of my right hand, “never.”

 

I scoff loudly, jerking my hand from his. "You've never lied to me? You lied when you said you loved me. You lied when you said you wanted me. Don't you ever fucking touch me again! Go to hell!" I scream in his face. Before I have time to think, my fist connects with his face.

 

"Shit! What the..." Mike shouts, but I don't stay around to hear the rest. I'm too shocked and in a haze to care now.

 

Breaking down as I walk through the bathroom, I slam both doors behind me as hard as I can. I’ve never felt this level of heartbreak before and I never want to feel it again. I can’t believe things turned that quickly. I curl up on my bed sobbing heavily. He called me an 'easy fuck'. On some level that must be how he sees me.

 

If I hadn't confessed my love for him, in a drunken stupor after that New Year’s Eve party, we never would've started. He would've gone on with his life and not acted on his feelings for me. My moment of weakness is why I'm here lying on my bed crying over him.

 

Mike’s not some random dude off the street. He's my soul mate. My person and means everything to me. I dreamt about us spending the rest of our lives together. I don't know what I'm gonna do now. Do I avoid coming home? If I do, that means no more family vacations, birthdays, holidays, or special occasions, no more to all of it. I'll have to go cold turkey, and maybe then, I can begin to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

 

My sobs subside leaving a pounding headache in its place. I don't realize Mike’s in the room until I feel his weight on my bed. I move away from him, but he's still too close. I flinch when he touches my shoulder.

 

Seconds pass before Mike stammers, "Baby, please, I, I… we can get past this. Talk to me."

 

Angrily, I reply through clenched teeth, "I told you not to call me that anymore. I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone, Michael."

 

"Since when do you call me 'Michael'?" He tries to laugh the unease from his voice, but he can't.

 

I close my eyes. "Michael’s your name, isn't it? Didn’t you know that easy fucks don't have pet names for one another ‘cause it's all about the sex and nothing else right?” I wince at my own words, knowing I was purposely trying to hurt him, the way he'd hurt me.

 

Mike lets out a choked gasp, "Jase, don't do this. Please?" He grabs my shoulder forcing me to face him. He cups my face in his hands. His amber eyes remorseful and pleading for me to say everything will be okay, but I can't.

 

I zero in on the red bruise developing on his cheek. I reach out but pull my hand back. My eyes well up. "Our whole lives, you’ve always been the one to protect me from getting hurt, but I never thought in a million years it would be you who’d hurt me in the worst way possible. I understand you love Kenny, believe me I do, but you can't keep stringing me along while you figure out your feelings. You'll destroy me, if I let this go on. I don't want to hate you because I love you so much," I whimper pathetically.

 

Mike leans in for what I anticipate to be a kiss. I evade his advances turning back on my side away from him. "Kissing and touching me won't change how I feel. There's only one thing that will and until you're ready to make that decision, I want you to leave me alone. Whether you choose me or you choose Kenny, just make a decision, Michael! Leave me alone, please just... go away!"

 

The tremble in Mike's voice matches my own, "I can’t do that. Please don’t ask me to." He leans in closer, places his forehead on the back of my neck, drapes his arm and leg over me. I tense up, trying not to relax into this comfortable and familiar position. "I can't take back what I said. God knows if I could, I would. I didn't lie to you. You mean everything to me," he says crying. "I'll do whatever else you want me to just don’t ask me to go."

 

The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but I have to protect myself.

 

I pull from his hold and sit on the edge of the bed mustering the courage to walk away from him. Mike runs his hand down my arm before gripping my hand. I shut my eyes tight and stand up, tugging my hand gently away; his arm falls on the bed with a soft thud. I quietly get dressed. I don’t look back. If I do, it will be my undoing. Nothing good will come from me staying here with him. Nothing will get resolved. It'll be a vicious cycle of jealousy and self-loathing on my part. I can't live like that. I won't live like that.

 

When I'm finished dressing, I reach my bedroom door and pause. My forehead falls to the door.

 

"I love you so much. I don't think I’ll ever love anyone as much as I love you. I asked you to choose me and you couldn't. I'm not going to ask you to anymore. I'm not giving you an ultimatum. I want you to choose me freely because I’m the one you want, and you can't do it, at least not now. You probably think what I'm saying is unfair." I begin to cry. "But I can't be with you anymore."

 

"Jase, don't leave me, baby, please! Don't leave me," Mike sobs but I ignore his pleas.

 

"I have to. Don't try to talk me out of this. Don't try to kiss me or hold me. Don't try to get in my bed. Stay away from me, and I'll stay away from you." I nearly choke on the words as I say them knowing they're the opposite of what I want. "This isn't a punishment. This is about you deciding whom you want in your life as your partner. Of course, I want you to choose me, but if you choose Kenny, go and be happy, because you deserve it. You have a big heart, and it's a reason why I fell in love with you. But while you're working through your feelings, I need to work through my own, and find out who I am without you. I'll wait for you but please don't take too long."

 

“I love you, Jason,” Mike says quietly through his tears.

 

With my wallet and car keys in hand, I walk out my room, down the stairs and sprint out the front door into a very different world than the one I woke up to earlier today.

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED…