MythOfHappiness - Short Story Collection - 1. Dreams

Matt and I are somewhere. Our location doesn’t really make sense, there’s a pool but right next to it there’s a room with a tv and games and stuff. Matt goes into the room but I look at the pool. I think for not very much time then I strip down to my underwear and jump in. Swimming happens. Then my shirt somehow falls into the water so I swim down to get it. When I surface I find the principal’s face looking down at me. “What are you doing in there?” “Swimming?” “Well stop it.” I climb out of the pool and gather up all my clothes, putting them on. As we walk out of the room I focus on my shoes, which are a pair of sandals and soaking wet socks. The principal looks back at the pool and asks who the pair of pink flipflops floating in the water belong to. “Not me, they were there before I got here” And that’s when I wake up.

At the pool. Three guys and a little girl. Matt’s so sad, but then Matt’s always sad. I don’t remember most of it. At some point I get sick of Matt’s sadness and I climb up to the diving board where he sits and I run straight at him. I tackle him and we fly into the water, lips pressed together. We surface and he smiles at me and he’s not sad anymore. The girl says something about us being gay and the other guy brushes it off. Then, we both climb out of the pool and run together all the way to the building where our clothes are. In there we find our principal, and she looks nervous. Somehow I know it’s because her superintendent will be here any minute. “What are you two doing here?” She demands. “We’ve just come to get our clothes.” I say. She eyes our hands, which are conspicuously intertwined. “Ok, whatever boys. I don’t care.” We head to the changing rooms. And that’s where I wake up.

I’m swimming, up and up. The surface seems really far away and my lungs are aching. Suddenly it occurs to me that all I have to do is take a breath, so I do. Nothing bad happens so I take another. I glimpse a dark shape out of the corner of my eye and it’s Matt. He’s naked, floating just like me. He looks so sad. Why are you sad? Because you keep lying. Lying about what? He stops floating. He sinks fast, too fast. I can’t catch him. He’s fading away. I reach, but it’s too late. The blackness has him. I swim up and climb out of the pool. Turns out the surface wasn’t so far after all. The girl is there, she’s dripping wet but her blonde curls are bone dry. She says I shouldn’t open my eyes underwater. You’ll go blind. She smiles and her front two teeth are missing. There’s a hand on my shoulder and I turn and it’s the principal. Where has Matt gone? The blackness. Well is he going to be long, because the bus leaves any minute? I don’t know. She rolls her eyes and the backs of them look like my mothers. There’s a song playing now. I don’t know where it’s coming from, somehow no matter where I turn it always seems to be playing on my right, just out of my peripheral vision. I can’t make out the lyrics but it’s something I’ve heard before. Again, I wake up.

I’m on the diving board again. Matt’s next to me. His hand is on mine and we’re watching the lightening and listening to the thunder. It’s beautiful. The water below us shimmers with each bright, white flash and the rain on my skin feels warm and comforting. Matt kisses me and it feels right. He looks me in the eyes. Where we gonna go from here? Do we have to go anywhere? The song is back. I look behind me, searching for it’s source. When I look back, Matt is gone. Instead, the girl is there. You know, you really shouldn’t be up this high. You could fall and crack your head open and die. I’m not gonna die. How do you know? I just do ok. Sure, whatever you say. She pushes me, hard and I slip off the board and with a jolt and a shudder, I’m awake.

There’s something warm and pleasant pressed against my skin. The song is playing again, but this time it makes sense. We’re dancing, Matt and I. Just like in the parking lot at prom, when we were supposed to be with our dates inside. It’s the same song too. The carlights, in the driveway; wonderin’ who’s goin’, comin’ my way; tomorrow we’re turnin’ down the highway; with another bright stage, on a weekday; the green grass, and a radio; watchin’ it fly past, then away we go; 700 faces, 700 places more I sing the chorus and Matt harmonizes off-key. And we both get louder and louder, working to outmatch each other in an unspoken competition to see who can sing the worst. We come to a screaming crescendo with the final soulful question, Where we gonna go from here? The song ends. Our chests hurt from all the laughing and screaming. He looks at me. I kiss him. Then she’s there. What are you two doing?! I open my mouth, try to say something, anything. I can’t come up with anything, even the second time around. He runs after her, fades into the blackness. I’m left standing there with nothing to say. Again.

When I wake up this time, there is a wet spot beneath my cheek. I hate it when I do this. What am I even crying over? It’s not like there was a future there anyway. After that summer we both went different directions. Matt went to some fancy school in the east and I went west to get my Art History doctorate at UCLA. We didn’t speak once after that night. But I still dream about him all the time. And I still wake up with that stupid song stuck in my head every other day. I wonder if he still has that same number from high school? It’s still in my phone, I know because I’ve checked twice this week. Maybe I should call it, just to see. You know what, fuck it. What’s the worst that could happen? A dead number? A voicemail? I’m calling. There it is, the number's dialing. Oh, jesus. It’s like nine AM here, there’s no telling how early it is where he lives. I should just hang up. I’m going to wake him up at… wait. The sun rises in the east, dummy. It’s three hours later there. It’s still ringing. Maybe it is just a dead number. I’ll give it three more rings. One… two… click. Someone picked up. But I don’t hear anything. Then… In all of your ways and all your thunder; got me in a haze runin’ for cover; Where we gonna go from here? Where we gonna go from here?