Victor Frankenstein's Awkward Moments - 5. It's Alive!!! Well sort of...

Standing at the ramparts of the ancient castle, Victor and Igor looked at the boiling, black clouds, coming in fast.

"Looks like a doozy blowing in boss." Igor lamented.

Victor was silent lost in thought, but snapped out of it when he heard his faithful assistant. "What's that Igor?"

"The storm Doctor, it looks just like what you need. I think we will get lots of lightening tonight."

Victor smiled affectionately at Igor. "Yes my friend, I think tonight will be the night we secure our futures forever."

"Have you thought of a name yet for your creation Doctor?" Igor enquired gently.

"Yes Igor, I shall name him... Frankenstein!" Victor raised his voice into the blowing wind as the sky brightened with a suddenly flash of lightening and the crashing of the clouds created a thunderous applause that shook the very foundations of the earth upon which the castle stood.

"Ya, no shit, I get that his name is Frankenstein, but what about a first name? Like George or even Igor," Igor suggested

Victor looked at Igor in confusion, "Igor, Frankenstein will be his first name."

"Frankenstein Frankenstein? What kind of name is Frankenstein Frankenstein?" Igor asked unbelievably.

"Not Frankenstein Frankenstein you idiot! Just Frankenstein!" And once again the clouds offered their punctuation as the lightening and thunder accented the booming of Victor's voice into the valley below.

"Just Frankenstein?" Igor asked, now completely confused.

"Yes Igor, just Frankenstein. Can we change the subject please?" Victor asked exasperated at his assistant.

"Sure boss, shall we begin then?" Igor asked.

Victor's mood shifted to the excitement of the night's promise, "Yes Igor, let us go to the laboratory."

After hours in the laboratory, the last of the preparations were at hand, but a frustrated Victor was mumbling to himself.

"What's up doc?" Igor asked. Victor ignored him and continued to mumble. "I can help if you need," Igor suggested.

"I think Igor," the doctor began in his patronizing voice, "that you should leave the intricacies of the brain's neuro-electrical system to the trained professionals. We seem to have a misalignment somewhere in the system that would suggest a feedback loop has been created, and is short circuiting the system every time I try to test the firing response with an electrical stimulus."

"Well here's your problem right here Doc." Igor said triumphantly holding the monster's brain in one hand and a mouse in the other. "You see the little critter chewed through this red stringy thing." Igor pulled up the vestiges of the spinal cord from the cold corpse to show the doctor.

"Well yes, I can see that that may indeed be a problem," the doctor said sheepishly. "Let me sew that back together." Finally completing their preparations the doctor held out the last two accoutrements to Igor. "Put these on our creation Igor and at long last we will be ready."

"Really?" Igor looked skeptical. "Couldn't we go to the hardware store and get some nice hex bolts or something?"

"I am a scientist Igor, and the more we buy the less we reuse, I would like to contribute less to the waste on this Earth."

"Nice try Doc, you're just a cheapskate, and everyone knows it. We have two issues here. One, what are people going to say when they see it, and two, what are we going to use to cover our salt and pepper shakers?"

"Don't be ridiculous Igor, no one is going to see him, he will be my... companion here in the castle." Igor rolled his eyes annoyingly at Victor. "And as for your salt and pepper shakers just cover them with some cling wrap and poke some holes in the top with a toothpick."

"Hey, I brought those salt and pepper shakers from my mother's house after she passed away I'll have you know!"

"Enough with the salt and pepper shakers Igor! If it makes a difference I will buy you a new set when we next go to the village!"

Mollified somewhat Igor backed down, "Can I get the tall wooden ones with a grinder for the pepper?"

"Yes, yes whatever you want. Now then, screw the caps on each of the iron ends." Igor complied. "Much better don't you think?"

Igor stepped back from the table and looked at the massive creation of a man on the slab and shrugged, "meh."

Victor shook his head in frustration, but continued, "Hook up the electrodes and let's get this show on the road Igor."

"How come I have to always hook up the electrodes when there is a storm outside?"

"There, there Igor, we all have our part to play," the doctor replied evasively.

Igor looked up at the sparking contraption that was channelling thousands of volts of electricity down from the furious lightening storm outside, and into the waiting battery cells that stood between the monster and the coils of wire climbing to the high celling of the castle laboratory. He gingerly picked up the two metal clamps and placed one on each of the "bolt's" sticking out of Victor's creation's neck.

"How does this work exactly?" Igor said stepping back.

"Well you see Igor," Victor rubbed his hands together, "nature provides us with the necessary electrical impulse, due to the timely arrival of our storm, or from the store of batteries, here." Victor pointed to the battery cells on the floor. "We regulate the impulse through an inverter, and then send the charge to the receptors, here." Victor pointed to the two salt and pepper shaker heads, screwed on to the iron bolts sticking out from the neck. "Once regulated, the electrical impulse then travels through the body, essentially reinitializing the electrical and then neuro-electrical charges throughout the body and the brain, which are needed to accomplish the encoded instructions conveniently provided by the DNA within each of the cell nuclei. Then..."

"So we just flip the switch here?" Igor interrupted his boss' boring lecture.

Sufficiently deflated, Victor sourly responded, "Yes Igor, we just flip the switch there."

Igor flipped the switch and watched as the circuit was finally compete and the charge travelled down from the storm, through the coiled wires and into the batteries. Electricity jumped from one coil to the other trying to escape the confines of the contraption designed to funnel the energy of the sky into the being below. The connections from the batteries to the monster Frankenstein were reduced to the point where the body could cope with the input of electricity. A large dial on a stand was set to "Low" and Victor watched in anticipation as the energy of the heavens coursed through every nerve and cell of his creation. Small contractions of muscles began to occur and Victor slowly brought the charge up with the regulating dial to the halfway point. Electrical impulses coursed through the large muscles now in the body and the creatures arms and legs began to twitch and jerk violently. A large gasping breath was heard as the lungs contracted and relaxed as the waves of electrical impulse flowed through every ounce of the great fiend's cold blood. Victor directed Igor to raise the table to the vertical position and Igor laboured even with his strength to get the great beast upright.

Slowly Victor eased up on the electrical input and sound of crackling electricity waned until no noise at all could be heard in the vast laboratory. The silence was deafening as Victor and Igor waited and watched quietly.

Suddenly a great gasp came from Frankenstein and his large eyes opened for the first time and looked upon his creator.

"IT'S ALIVE!!!" Shouted Victor Frankenstein throwing his arms in the air to accent his point.

"How long you been hangin' on to that one Doc?" Igor said sacastically.

"Is been a while granted," Victor replied with a shrug.

The great monster of Victor's genius suddenly moved forward on wobbly legs, and began to stretch out his hand toward Victor.

"He recognizes his creator." Victor said in hushed tones and misty eyes. His vision of conquering death was becoming reality before him.

"Mmmmmm..." Frankenstein moved his mouth for the first time. His hand still reaching out moved to Igor and grabbed his man boob between outstretch fingers. "Mmmmm.... tities!" Frankenstein announced proudly.

Igor swallow uncomfortably, "Well... this is awkward." He met Victor's furious stare as Frankenstein's hand was still manhandling his moob.

"What the hell do I have to do to get my own man around here!" Victor lost it completely in his anger, and stomped out of the room like a child.

"Oh come on Victor," Igor called after him, but it was no use, the doctor had fled upstairs. Igor turned back to Frankenstein who was still fondling him. "Get your hands off me, you big oaf!" and Igor slapped Frankenstein's hand away from his chest.

"Mmmmm..." was Frankenstein's only response.

Happy Halloween Everyone   Pink.