Predators: 2-14-9X - 4. 4

Later they were walking their way through a whole section of carnival games and temporary rides. The fun sized traveling stuff that sets up in parking lots. Everything was decorated with pink, red, and white hearts, Cupids, and balloons, all the usual suspects. There were even stands peddling overpriced chocolates and artificial "roses for your sweetheart." The whole thing, even though he'd known about it in advance, made Aiden vaguely uneasy when they reached it.

Instead of ignoring that flutter he tried to look through it, behind it. Just like they'd been teaching him at Ravenwolfe. Look for the reason behind a feeling, and then look again. Don't stop at the first answer. He looked around. Beyond the decorations. There were plenty of people still. It was cold, but this was Navy pier, on one of the year's first mandatory date nights. The kind of night guys dreaded. If you didn't have a date, you were supposed to man up and get one. Or be branded a loser. If you had one, you had to come up with a date plan AND a gift. Or be dumped and branded a loser. And the longer they'd been with their girl the more stress guys seemed to have.

At least that was how it looked. Aiden's social standing had put him in a no man's land of not having much chance at getting a date, but not catching the blowback if he didn't, or didn't even try.

That was one thing even the Ravenwolfe House couldn't change.

He saw groups of girls, walking and chatting. Groups of guys walking and being loud, trying to get their attention. All to split one off from the group and claim the bragging rights of being a "couple." For however long it lasted.

Here and there he saw guys with girls. Some pairs so awkward about it they seemed to look everywhere but at each other. Some others where one or the other seemed to be leading and the other just following. Some were in clusters. The popular cliches from some school or another. Cheerleaders hanging all over their jocks. Or jocks looking for the magic combination of romance and holiday magic and luck that would get them license to be all over their cheerleaders. There were older ones too. College aged couples. Parents aged. It seemed like the typical Valentine's mess.

So what's bugging me?

He kept looking, even turning around. It was so hard to get a good look when everyone, even him, was moving. He stopped. Peter's shoulder bumped into his as he tried to stop and avoid someone behind them that didn't at the same time. Peter stayed close behind him a couple of fingertips on Aiden's back from catching their balance. Then nothing. Just the sound of his breathing and vapor out of the corner of his eyes. The crowd mostly parted around this rock in the way of things. But occasionally Aiden or Peter would be jostled into the other.

"Aiden, are you alright?"

He turned enough to smile and waved Peter's concerned expression away. "I'm just trying to figure something out." He looked at Peter, and turned to the crowd. He flipped back through his searching as if he had a bunch of Polaroids on a rolodex. There were girls in pairs, girls not quite with anyone, hard luck guys alone, or shouting at a buddy three feet away, and big groups of either one.

What he hadn't picked out yet was any two guys moving close enough together to have that "couple" look. That was something. But he hadn't really looked at the crowd before he feltthe first twinge of uneasiness . Which was only getting stronger. Peter wasn't watching him anymore, he was facing away from him, eyes on the crowd. Somehow, even with his hands in his pockets, he was playing traffic cop, leaning or whispering to catch the attention of people that would have otherwise walked into them.

Aiden blinked and tried to recapture his train of thought. Just before he turned back he saw a girl headed right for them too busy talking to pay attention.

"Look out." Peter said softly. She jerked her head around, saw Peter and smiled before she moved to go around them. Walking past them, she fixed her already fine hair, and glanced back to see if Peter was watching. Aiden looked away from her chuckling, not wanting her to think he was interested. Not tonight,, anyhow. Those grey eyes would pop out of her head if she learned that Aiden had a better chance at Peter Dane than she did. Even if she did have a nice butt. He had a silly urge to stick his tongue out at her. He snickered.

"Aiden? What's the question, if you'd like to discuss it, I'm here. "

He jumped, feeling caught somehow, "Sorry, Dude." He said back. "I almost had it before... not important. Just gimmie a minute, ok?"

"As many of mine as you wish. Focus as you did in the coffee shop, find your answer. Or a better question." Peter said turning.

Okay, Aiden... Bring everything in, surround that place with a maze that leads only back out. Reflect others to keep distractions out. Safe in the center there's just you. Breathe. Think...

What could have bothered me when I got near? What could I have noticed?

Better, question: What was the first thing I saw over here?

"Come on." He murmured, and went back the way they'd come. Peter followed a step behind him. He stopped 30 feet from the start of the carnival stuff, looking at a sign he'd almost completely ignored.

Below the words it had a logo. It had two silhouettes a white heart bordered with a wreath of roses. There, unmistakably, was a man's bust in profile, done in red. Opposite a woman's in pink, slender shoulders, high ponytail, and an obvious hair bow. Where there lips touched was pink heart with a red heart inside it and a white in the center.

It said "Love is a carnival, enjoy yourselves."

He looked back. The logo seemed to jump at him from all over.

Telling everyone, even 30 feet away from a Valentine's themed carnival exactly who was supposed to be in love. He looked at Peter, his face and his eyes burning. How'd I miss it? Maybe before I was thinking about people who are different I could miss it. But how did I miss it now? "Pete..." he looked at the ground, using his hood to hide. "I didn't... see."

Peter gently lead him to a shadowed alcove for or five feet deep. Some garbage cans had spilled into a pile. Peter looked at it, and then then turned so Aiden's back was to it. "Aiden, it's al-"

There was a shift in Aiden as he realized he wasn't sad, he was angry. "Don't say that this is alright. " he was seething now. "Don't you say that!" He pointed past Peter out to the warm light of the attractions. "You... that manager... that was one guy and you... did something to fight back. Back there is 1,000 times worse. Don't tell me that it's alright."

"Genevieve's plan..." Peter sighed "is to get him fired for knowingly forcing an ill minor out in freezing weather based on the appearance of homosexuality. Or more precisely, forcing her to do it. He threatened to fire her, he meant it, Aiden. And she made the best choice for her life. Because if he fired her he'd just make someone else do it. So she kept her job, and kept the paycheck that feeds her son." Peter rubbed his shoulders. "Aiden, she's going to call, but only to ask us to confirm that I was sick. She knows it was because we seemed like a couple. But the company probably wouldn't care. They will care what people will think about a boy with a fever being turned out." Peter laughed "It won't matter that we left without a fight, or that you said I was ok. We're kids, they were the adults. Emerson's going to enjoy himself. "

Aiden's shoulders shook. "That... that's not the point." He sagged forward and learned his fists on Peter's chest. "It was because you're gay. Because we looked gay." He sighed, "You knew. How it would have to be fought. You being sick was your plan before she was even coming our way." He sighed. "Make a plan for that Pete." He gestured weakly.

"For that carnival there's no one to fight directly. Those decorations were approved by committee, after being designed by someone else, and someone told the artist what they wanted. And most of the people involved most likely never thought about a deeper meaning. They likely chose what was already familiar. Things like this happen. Teaching people is the answer, and it takes time."

Peter pulled him into a hug. Aiden blinked and put his arms around him. "Aiden, what's alright, is you. You've seen decorations such as those for years. Such things become simply background once one becomes accustomed to them. Instead of punishing yourself for overlooking something perfectly normal to you prior. Be proud that you noticed now. I am."

He blushed at the surge of pleasure the words created. And he knew he was smiling into Peter's shoulder, a small grin. Probably really goofy, and he was glad Peter couldn't see it. The hug was unusual. Or was it? That forgotten movie night proved he used to cuddle up with Peter like he was a pillow. Other times too, maybe every time there was somewhere he could. What changed? If an 11 year old can cuddle and hug another boy, without it being judged, why couldn't two teens, or adults, whatever their parts?

What changed? When did I stop doing what I wanted and start doing what I should? Why didn't I ever question if it was right? Suddenly his looks, or age, weren't what worried him. Not even, "What does Peter think?"

Aiden's new worry was How have I made him feel?

He stepped toward Peter and settled his arms tightly around his waste, hugging back as hard as he could. He pressed his face against Peter's neck. It's all so stupid! The carnival! Me! He shook. He was angry and he had no target for it. Nothing to hit, nothing to scream at. Except himself. So he took the anger and the pain. Took them and pushed them out a teenage boy's vent of last resort.

Peter didn't say "don't cry." No one at Ravenwolfe House ever told him not to cry. "Let it out, Aiden." "You can choose when and where, but don't hold the things inside that are pushing to get out. Feel them, examine them, know them. Know your joys and your pains, Aiden." Those things they said.

Well then... Right here, right fucking now... He shook. He gasped. He cried.

I ran! It was funny and nice, and I ran because I was afraid what strangers would think. Fuck!

This was all supposed to show him that I was ok, or that he was... or... fuck if I know. And, like a dumb ass, all I've done is remind him he's different. Crap!

I tell him 'it's ok,' like he can be himself, show me the things he doesn't have to hide anymore. And then I jump on each and every thing he's doing that isn't like 'Normal Peter.' 'You can be different, buddy, as long as you're completely the same.' Double crap! He sobbed. He screamed, breathless and keening, against Peter's coat.

Peter held on to him, rubbed his back, the back of his head. Peter said "I'm here.," "Let it all go.," "I have you, Aiden.", "Crying is fine.," "Breathe, remember to breathe." And held him. With Peter there, Aiden pushed the pain out. Sobbing turned to sniffles, and shaking subsided. He straightened, caught his breath. But he didn't pull away. He'd seen his mistakes. But that wasn't all.

Those arms that were around him, supporting him, protecting him. Like the car. Like after so many falls. Even after a few bad dreams. He liked things about Peter, facts, ideas, beliefs, attitudes, perspectives. He liked how Peter treated him, challenged him to be more. He liked how he felt around Peter, how Peter could help him recognize what felt, and then help him show it, and then understand it. With all that, what could be wrong about liking how it felt when Peter hugged him?

He shuffled his feet forward and pressed a little closer All this time to talk and... The toe of his right boot was just touching the inside of Peter's left, his left leg on the other side, And I haven't... They were touching from chest to thighs now. I haven't told him anything! One arm dropped towards Peter's waist, the other slipped up to grip the back of his shoulder. Not even... He took a deep breath. Say it! It started as barely an exhale "Ha-"

Peter's supportive hold melted away. "Here." Peter said softly. Soft fabric touched his face. Gentle pressure wiped his eyes, then his mouth and his nose. "Take this and blow." When Aiden had it, Peter gave him a small smile and turned, sliding around to his side "We should get moving." Peter's arm on his back drew him forward. "We'll get back to some light or a bathroom, and clean up. There's one..." Peter looked around. "This way." And with that arm behind him, Peter pushed him into moving. It wasn't until he'd finished blowing his nose that he looked ahead.

After a quick stop to get cleaned up Peter led him back into the carnival. A few minutes later Peter had him playing the first game, skee ball. Which gave him tickets to redeem later. Next a game with water guns, it seemed ironic in freezing weather. The game Aiden kept eyeing and passing was throwing baseballs at bottles. By the third time he looked at it, Peter noticed and dragged him over.

When they walked up, a short scrawny guy was getting ready to throw while a tall willowy girl waited behind him, clearly watching. Judging by the empty counter in front of him, he was down to his last pitch. Judging by the lack of prizes apparent, he had two foul balls. Looking at him he had a visible tension that Aiden attributed to the girl behind him. This guy wasn't a pitcher with the season on his shoulders. But his night was riding on that girl getting the bauble she wanted because he had skill enough to get it. Pitching instead of trial by combat. Ball control instead of just having the biggest balls.

The wind up, the pitch. Clanging metal as bottles fell. "That's a strike folks! And that's the game!" Aiden could imagine the guy's relief.

Girl hanging on his arm, he pointed out a baby penguin plush with too-big vividly blue eyes. The guy passed it to her with a goofy grin, she whispered something in his ear. Must have been good. When they turned to walk away the boy was adjusting the front of his paints. The strings of lights crisscrossing overhead weren't great light. But the boy's dark hair, dark eyes, chocolate caramel skin looked cute. A nerd wrapped around a pretty girl's finger. Polite way to say he was being lead around by his joystick. He smiled at them. He ignored Aiden. She turned to the sucker and smiled, but she made single-eyed contact with Aiden behind her date's back. Smiling at him too.

It shouldn't be that way... Making plans, finding gifts, putting on a display, they should be about making the other person feel good, appreciated. So why does it always look to me like they're doing it out of fear? It's like they're afraid that this one thing will sustain or herald the end of their relationship. One eye shouldn't be looking for Mr. Next. That's not a relationship...

He glanced at Peter. Friends. They'd been friends for years. Friends yesterday, and they'd be friends tomorrow. He could make a complete fool of himself, and it wouldn't change. No matter if tonight went badly, Pete wouldn't dump him. Isn't love basically best friends that wanna have sex? He colored and shook his head.

Peter turned to him. "Seems you're next, if you like."

He took a step back. "N-no. I wasn't going to."

"You've been gazing at it every time we go by."

Aiden licked his lips. Busted..."Ok. So? I wasn't going to play."

Peter didn't look anything but curious, and yet he felt like running.

"Aiden. There's no need to limit yourself."

"I'm not-" Aiden started, Peter crouched, the abrupt motion surprised him enough to stop. Peter was miming the stance and underhand rolling Aiden had used in skee ball. He'd dominated. He'd had a lot of practice. Peter stood. "The last time you threw a baseball, was it..?"

"It was after. With Simon. But I stopped." He said softly. He shuffled closer to Peter. It was a painful thing to think about. Happy games of three way catch. Aiden hadn't had much of an arm, and he chased about as many as he caught. But it was time with dad. He was patient, encouraging. Simon wasn't always patient, but he wasn't mean. Good times, juxtaposed with after. Games with only Simon. Then he was patient, trying to coax Aiden out of himself. But... it wasn't a game Aiden could play anymore. No amount of back and forth could change that.

He blinked, wiping itching eyes on his sleeve. Peter, beside him and distinctly not watching, put an arm around Aiden's shoulders.

Peter sighed. "Such things, form our bedrock, when they are stirred it unsettles all else."

"I can't decide if it's awesome or terrifying that you can do that."

Peter squeezed his shoulder. "There are some people, and some things, where it is not necessary." Peter's shoulder bumped his. Aiden turned to him. "As for what I can do, It's terrifying, I'm well aware of that, Aiden. It's one reason those worthy of trusting are taught... what you have been."

Aiden opened his mouth but Peter shook his head. "Not that. Not here. Not now. The issue now is, will you play? You can play. I can remind you how to play. So, do you have the will to do so?"

There would be no punishment from Peter if he said no, not even disappointment. They would simply move on. In a while, maybe next week, Peter would offer to discuss his decision, whatever he said. Looking into those eyes, having the perfect knowledge that it was truly his decision, he realized something. If he didn't try now, tonight, he would be disappointed in himself.

"Let's do it."

The first thing Peter did was test his shoulder. Helping Aiden stretch and bend it. Next he handed him a frozen bottle. With that Peter had him punch the air of all things. As Peter explained it. He wanted Aiden to get the feel of bringing his arm forward while turning his torso into it, without involving his shoulder. Next, with just the lid from the bottle. Peter had him practice throwing it. Demonstrating that when he let go controlled the path. Too late and it would go into the ground. Early it would go high but not far. A few other things and then Peter had him put it all together throwing the bottle. When Aiden was alarmed, Peter just said, "I'll catch it."

Eyes on the center of Peter's chest, as directed, He twisted back, raised his arm, brought it around, shoulder, elbow, wrist, release.

Peter took quick steps closer almost as he let go, seemed to wait for the bottle, and caught it in his hand. The motion, the weight, feeling the bottle leave his hand, seeing and hearing Peter catch it..."Cool!" He grinned and trotted over. "How was it?"

Peter smiled. "Good. You're strong and flexible. Very good."

"It didn't go straight. You had to move." He sighed. Never gonna hit anything like this...

Peter nodded, tilted his head to one side, and deadpanned softly "Straight is overrated."

Aiden laughed, there was nothing else for it. A laughing Peter rubbed his shoulder. "Aiden, this is a water bottle and it's half frozen. It was never going to go straight. I just had to watch your form."

"And?" Okay I know I can make a fool out of myself, but I don't want to...

Peter had a small smile, "Next on the mound, Aiden Desmond."

Aiden swallowed. "Yeah sure... Play ball."