Death Note: Blood Ties - 11. OVERKILL

Chapter 11: OVERKILL

Billy:

It had been three days since Hannah had reclaimed the death note from her thief. She had previously been in possession of the notebook, but yesterday she had transferred it to Jack. Based on how the cycle was, I should be the one with the notebook in seven days' time. Disappointment. It didn't look like that was going to happen. I remembered the words Jack had spoken to me.

As long as I'm alive, you won't have another turn at it.

If anything could be said about the death note, it was that it changed people. Ethan always seemed afraid by the influence it had. I was not ignorant to the changes the book was having on me, but I wasn't afraid of them either. For the first time in my life, I liked the person that I was now. I wasn't just some tag-along to the group. I was the most powerful piece in this game, I possess the Shinigami eyes! Powerful. Given that, I knew that they all would at some point need me to help them kill.

For that reason shouldn't I be the one calling the shots? I was not confident enough in myself to challenge Jack, but I was no longer the small timid boy on the inside. I was sure it didn't look that way on the outside either. I sat early in roll call and instead of hunching over the desk quietly with my long light-brown fringe obscuring my face, it had been brushed to the side. My eyes were now visible to everyone in the room, and I sat back in my chair confidently with my arms on the desk in front of me.

It seems Jack was right. The only way for me to become a regular turn-holder of the death note again, was if he were to die. He seemed adamant. Hannah still talked to me when I spoke to her, but she was distant and un-trusting. Ethan was the only one who was kind to me. Fluttering. I didn't want them to know how I used the death note. I was afraid they would judge me as a sicko. As for the raven-haired bespectacled boy, I don't know what I'd do if his friendly smile was replaced by a look of disgust.

It was pretty obvious that he liked Hannah. She either didn't notice or didn't care. It was how he would always defend her and care about her. He defended me too but that was because of his own goodness, not because he felt the same way about me that I felt about him. As winter had set in everyone had started wearing their maroon-coloured blazers and jumpers. Wasn't Global Warming supposed to be making everything hotter? It seemed that lately in Brisbane the weather had been acting erratic, unnatural.

Sure enough, it started to rain. There was a faint tapping noise against the glass as flecks of rain pattered against it gently. I watched them trickle down. Ethan would never feel the same way about me that he felt about Hannah. She didn't even care. If I could be liked by him, I would never let him be unhappy. Devotion. There was no way I would let Ethan know what I actually used the death note for. That was why I hadn't returned all of the pages I'd stolen.

Since I started using the death note to manipulate men, I had filled up a whole double-page and half of another one. I had thrown away the first page but I still had four more. I had given three of them back out of guilt.

There was no way I could show them the fourth page. Even if I tried to scribble out what I had written or tear it off, I just couldn't risk it. I was too ashamed, especially of what Ethan would think of me. I didn't notice Ethan until the start of this year, when we had been put into the same roll call class. He wasn't very tall, but I was still shorter than he was. He was slim but not quite as slim as I was either.

He always seemed so cold and quiet. I thought for sure he was having troubles at home or with family. I wasn't in any of his classes, but he seemed intelligent. Every roll call class I would stare at him when I thought he wasn't looking. Sometimes he would catch me and I would feel sick in the pit of my stomach, but at the same time I would feel terrifying excitement. I was sure he would have noticed my feelings by now.

Then I became involved in the death note after Hannah and I had found Jack and Ethan fighting over the notebook in the front office. Who would have thought that the mysterious and scowling boy would have been so nice to me? He even said that he considered me his friend. Stunning. Before I had known about the death note, being his friend was more than I could have ever hoped to be. Maybe it was the influence of the note, or the fact I had stopped using it for sexual gratification, but I wasn't so satisfied by just the idea of friendship anymore.

The fourth page remained unused. Hidden under papers in the bottom drawer of my desk. At first I was infatuated by Ethan. I couldn't envision sexual scenarios between us because just imagining his face had been too frightening. Messing with straight boys had been fun, but now I wanted to know what it would be like to be intimate with someone who could make my heart beat faster just by being in the same room with me. Not that I could ever write Ethan's name on the spare page I kept hidden away.

The door opened and he walked in. Ethan's hair was plastered to his head in a way that made me even more attracted to him. He paused once inside to take off his glasses and wipe away the droplets with the sleeve of his jumper. By the time he put his glasses back on he could see me waving to him from where I sat. He returned my smile and made his way to sit next to me.

"Good Morning, Ethan!" I greeted eagerly.

"Morning." He was more casual and dropped his bag as he sat down in the seat next to me.

What followed from that was meaningless conversation. I asked him about how his day had been so far, we didn't go into much detail.

I tried smiling a lot, but he seemed as clueless as ever. Maybe he was distracted by something today. We were forbidden by Jack to discuss the death note outside of our meeting place in the usually abandoned art room. As we talked Ethan didn't keep much eye contact. It seemed something really was on his mind. That made it easier for me to look at him. The line of his jaw, the nape of his neck as well as the contours of his collarbones.

As opposed to following his words, I found myself getting lost in the deep tones that his voice would make. Very subtly, I moved my knee until it was touching his under the table. Ethan didn't react. I pushed further until our thighs were touching. His dark eyes flickered to me and away from under his glasses before he shifted apart from me. I instantly recoiled and looked away, a blush covering my face.

Only he could still make me act like this! As if I was the same person and nothing had changed. We didn't talk for the rest of roll call, except for when Mrs Lee called out our names. Ethan responded with his usual 'here' while the rest of us answered simply with a 'yes'.

It wasn't true though. Not everything had changed about me. I still acted shy upon confrontations with bullies and talking with people I didn't know. The cutting hadn't stopped either, although I stopped crying when I did it. Release. The bell rang and everyone stood to leave. I let Ethan go in front of me and followed him out with the stream of students.

When we were outside I called to him again "Ethan."

He stopped and turned around "Yes?" I looked about anxiously as I waited for the other teenagers around us to head off to their classrooms. "What is it?" We were fairly alone, at the most no one was turned in our direction. His face observed me with curiosity and mild concern.

I stepped forward and onto the tips of my toes. I felt our soft lips crush into each other as I kissed him. My already hastily beating heart became unreadable. The whole world around me seemed to blur and it was as if my stomach had leapt into my chest. Nothing else existed. I felt light-headed and dizzy. My eyes were screwed closed. It had only been an instant, but Ethan's hands were soon pressed against both of my shoulders and pushing me away from him. I was wide-eyed while I looked up at him. His expression was filled with alarm and afterwards a fearful understanding.

He was too shocked to say anything to me, but there was something else that tainted his emotions. It was disgust. He only looked at me a moment longer before he backed away a few steps, turned and then hurried away.

I'd ruined everything.

Ethan:

It was lunch time, and I sat in the art room with Hannah. Gallu was seated in the corner of the room away from us, and he was acting unusually quiet. Hannah looked irritated and she began to tap her foot impatiently. It was understandable that she would be so uneasy. Jack was currently in possession of the death note, but it seemed like he hadn't come to school today. It was just the three of us alone together.

Recently we would receive updates everyday about the current owner's use of the death note. It was perfectly understandable that Jack might have been feeling too ill to go to school today. Maybe it was just the morbid weather, but for some reason I had a bad feeling. The slight rain from this morning had started pelting down loudly against the glass window. Even so, the curtains were drawn. Despite the fact that Jack was the owner of the death note, I felt more anxious that Billy wasn't here.

Or maybe it was better that he wasn't here? I had definitely hurt his feelings before, but what had he been thinking? I remembered all the times he had smiled at me, talked to me eagerly and listened to me just as eagerly. I remembered before I had even spoken to him, catching him looking at me in roll call. How could I have been so dense? I did feel a bit sorry for him but at the same time I felt extremely averted to the small teen.

He was always shy with me, but he had seemed that way to everyone. I really liked Billy, but that was because he was so nice and easy to talk to. Now that I think about it, I had only seen him talk like that to me. I wasn't judgemental. It was perfectly fine with me if Billy was gay. It was a bit off-putting that he liked me, I'll admit. The real reason I didn't want to see him was because he had kissed me! Who does that?

Surely there's no way he could have misinterpreted something and thought that I was gay and liked him too. Was there? I looked over at Hannah while she sat quietly with a scowl on her face. Hannah wasn't like other girls. That was evident to anyone just by looking at her. She wore black, her mascara might be a little too dark and she loves music. Her earphones are almost always in when she's by herself and the music she listens to is more often than not a bit gloomy.

Even when she wasn't listening to music she often has to ask 'what?' if she wasn't paying complete attention. Through all the walls she builds and all her attempts to keep people out I could tell that deep down inside she was just lonely. We were friends now, all four of us. Me, Jack, Hannah and Billy. Even if Jack didn't want to think it and even if Billy had randomly kissed me, all of us were friends. Hannah treated us all differently now, and I was sure she would be coming to the same conclusion.

Surely, soon enough she would open up completely. I noticed something in the corner of my eye and looked to see that Hannah had a strand of her long blonde hair in her fingers. Distractedly she started to twirl it around. Hannah's hair colour was blonde and too curly to be considered wavy, but straight enough that it reached half-way down her back. There were tints of brown in it that made it look darker than normal blonde.

Whenever we were in the sun however, I could see the tints of gold reflected in them. I watched her for a moment. I opened my mouth to say something, maybe to complement her, but I quickly stopped myself. She noticed I was looking at her and our eyes held. We stared for a few seconds before Hannah looked away. I felt incredibly embarrassed and my face flared up. If Gallu had noticed he didn't say anything, but remained as still as a statue in the corner of the room.

Hannah let her hair fall over her shoulder as if she was hiding herself from me. Whenever it was my turn to hold the death note I would check to see how many people the other three had killed. I recognised Hannah's neater writing. She had fully embraced Jack's ideals about using it for selfish reasons. She murdered and stole with the notebook's power. I have no idea what kind of person she was before she started using the death note.

Now that she's changed so much, just like the rest of them, I don't think I could ever bring myself to be with her. Not while she killed. Ever since I had used the notebook to kill Reece Caldon my life had taken a turn for the better. I was no longer afraid of getting beaten when I went home. Even if we had less money and my mother had started drinking more, I was sure this was a better life for both of us. My brother stepped in and eventually decided to help with my school fees. Something that surprised me, but I was grateful to him. Even if he didn't come by to talk anymore.

I think it was how much better my life had become because of that one death that convinced me that the death note wasn't all that bad. When I'd first used it I'd decided it was a thing of evil and had tried to get rid of it. When I found out Jack had found it I'd tried to get it back, but only so that it wouldn't be used against me. Now we all shared ownership of the notebook, but I was still too apprehensive to use it. Even after all this time.

I turned to look at Hannah again "Have you tried calling Jack? He might be able to pick up."

Her head snapped up "I have tried. His phone's been turned off."

I frowned. Hannah seemed to have thought of something and pulled out her phone. She dialled a number and started talking to someone. I wondered if Jack had managed to pick up. I tried listening in to the conversation but I couldn't gauge much as it was mostly one-word answers and questions from Hannah's end. Eventually she said "I'll be there." Before closing her mobile. She answered my questioning stare "That was Billy." My face fell slightly as I recalled earlier today. "He doesn't know where Jack is either. He's sitting in the library right now, there's probably more to do there then there is here." She stood up "Are you coming?"

"Maybe later." I told her. I still didn't want to see Billy at the moment. She nodded and then left without any questions.

The door closed behind her and it was just me and Gallu in the room. The red Shinigami didn't say anything and I didn't try to force him into conversation. I leaned back in my seat and yawned loudly. I sat there pondering for the next few minutes. With no talking between us the only noise was the deafening rain in the background. Eventually I was alerted to pounding on the door. I jumped out of my seat and hurried over.

I opened the door. A girl in my year with brown hair tied back into a ponytail was crying. I stared at her in horror. Her makeup was running down her face while she sobbed.

"Ethan, c-can I come in?"

I stepped aside to let the wailing girl inside. I closed the door behind her. I knew her, her name was Emma and she's in my Maths class. We've never talked to each other, but I knew from Jack that she was his girlfriend. The one he had been meaning to dump since forever. Perhaps he had finally managed to do it?

"Emma, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

She sat down shakily and wiped her eyes. Emma looked around the room and she paused when her eyes reached the corner by the window. Suddenly she seemed very uncomfortable and kept her eyes focussed on me.

"It's Jack." She said and tears began to flow again. Knew it. I thought to myself. She must have known this was going to happen though, he spent every day with Hannah, Billy and I. Well if I believed anything about love, it was that it's blind. Billy, my mother and Hannah had shown me that much. She started crying again.

"What's wrong with Jack?" I spoke calmly, trying to soothe her.

"He's dead."

I froze.

"What did you just say?"

"He died of a heart attack. His parents just called me!" She hid her face in her hands.

A million thoughts whizzed about my head. There's no way this could be a coincidence. A heart attack? Billy, it has to be Billy! Why would he kill Jack? So that he would be able to use the death note again? Jack had said 'as long as I'm alive, you won't have another turn at it'. So had he killed him? No, that didn't make sense. If Billy had killed Jack, why would he have done it with a heart attack? That's the most obvious indicator that Jack was murdered.

Also, if he wanted the death note, why didn't he kill Hannah and me so that he could have it all to himself? I recalled Billy kissing me only hours before and I gulped. Maybe he only wanted Jack to die? If he was the one that killed him and he intended to leave the rest of us alive, there would be no point in hiding that fact when I next see him. Another thought occurred to me: Jack was the one in possession of the death note. So where is it now?

Did Billy kill him with a piece of the notebook? He had stolen pages before so it could mean he has more. If that was the case why not just hand in one piece to begin with so Hannah could kill the thief? Unless he handed in three so that we would assume that was all of them. Handing in two pages to begin with would have been suspicious, and handing in one page would have become suspicious now. So was that his plan?

I turned to the quietly sobbing girl "I'm going to get two other people and bring them here. Is that okay?"

She nodded weakly, too traumatized to argue. If Billy had killed Jack, it was too dangerous to leave Hannah alone with him. Especially if he knows how I feel about her…

First things first, I have to go to the library. Then when I'm sure Hannah is safe, we need to find the death note if Billy doesn't have it already. If Emma's correct and Jack really is dead, the death note could already be in the possession of his parents or the police. I guess it depends on where he died. Before I left I glared at Gallu who was still sitting quietly in the corner of the room. Since Jack was the one who'd been in possession of the death note Gallu should have been with him.

I had thought it was strange that he had been here when Jack wasn't. Gallu hadn't said anything to me and Hannah when we were sitting in the same room as him all that time. Damn Shinigami. I turned and left the room, and the red demon-like creature didn't try to follow me.