Maddog & The Pope (Learning to fly on Broken Wings) - 11. Chapter 11 Come on, Dude, Man Up!

After they showered they had to make do with a meagre breakfast, something they would have to get used to. Niki’s fridge became frighteningly empty within a few days and Inno warned his boyfriend he’d better get accustomed to being less well off.

“Every euro we don’t spend is a euro we still got in our pockets!” was his reasoning.

Ever since that morning Niki would stare disgruntled at his two slices of brown bread, some cheese and a mug of tea. Fresh fruit cocktails were long gone, sliced smoked salmon was something from the past and freshly pressed orange juice had been abolished as superfluous luxury.

The first morning Inno had put the spartan breakfast plate in front of him, Niki had looked at it in disgust:

“Inno, how did you manage to become eighteen in the first place?”

The remark made Inno burst out laughing. After he regained his breath, he replied:

“Because I’m used to it. Don’t you worry, angel… you’ll get used to it as well. But like I said, it is a bit like going cold turkey!”

“I can live with ‘cold’ for breakfast,” Niki muttered annoyed, “but I’ll be happy to pass on the turkey.”

Then he tried:

“Can we at least have a breakfast a bit more luxurious on Sundays?”

Inno shook his head and casually replied:

“No! You know, smoked salmon or trout costs as much on Sunday as it costs on Thursday.”

Niki gave up; this was the kind of argument he couldn’t disagree with.

Inno turned out to be right, in a way he got used to it, but he sure didn’t like it.

On this particular early morning, he chewed on his tasteless bread and washed it down with tea, but he was mulling over something while eating.

Once his morning ration was consumed, he pushed the plate a little away from him, looked at Inno and asked:

“Sweetheart, is that caravan free right now?”

Inno’s eyes betrayed he was somewhat surprised by this question, but he recovered very fast, assuming the teasing twinkle that Niki liked so much.

“OK,” Inno spoke slowly, emphasizing each word, “you’re really trying to break away now, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?” Niki asked, feeling a bit caught in the act.

The smile stayed on Inno’s face when he replied:

“One of your typical impulsive reactions. I’m pretty sure you are thinking right now: ‘If he wants me out of his life, then let’s do it right away. And if he starts to regret it, he doesn’t know where I am and he’ll be worried sick.’ Something like that, angel?”

Niki blushed and dropped his eyes… he wasn’t only feeling caught in the act, he actually was!

“How… how did you… know that?” he stammered.

Inno looked at him for a few seconds in silence.

“Your eyes are an open book to me, angel… a book ready to be read!”

Then he pushed his own plate away, rose and exclaimed cheerfully:

“Come on! Let’s go pack!”

It turned out to be not so easy. Inno explained that next to the small caravan they had a tiny patch of ground on the camp site which included a minute shed where they could stow some things, but generally speaking space would be at a premium. It meant they needed a few days to select which things they would take with them, putting the chosen items on a list.

Of course, their clothes were on it, as was the bedding, the laptop, Niki’s camera and drawing materials, some of Inno’s books and personal items. Last but not least Inno’s ATB. But as for the furniture? It was crystal clear they lacked the space for that. Niki took it stoically:

“We’ll leave it here. It was here when I arrived, so I assume it belongs to my old man.”

A mean grin came over his face:

“And when he terminates the rent, then it is his problem how to get it out of here, not ours.”

But then he saw an unexpected problem.

“But… if we find another place to live… we have nothing!”

“We’ll just have to buy new,” Inno said with a shrug.

“How…?” Niki asked, “with what? We have no money.”

“Cheap stuff, second hand stuff…,” Inno thought out loud. “There’s always a solution.”

“Second hand?” Niki cried out in disgust. That was something that was very far away from his world of designer furniture.

“Hey…,” Inno defended his point of view, “a chair is a chair if you can sit on it. Doesn’t really matter how old it is. We’ll just have to see. First we find a place, then we see about how to furnish it.”

He pinched his eyes slightly.

“Let me think that over. I’ll get back to you on that!”

In the end it took them eleven trips with Niki’s car to get all the selected things to the caravan. Then they simply deposited the apartment keys in the janitor’s mailbox with a short accompanying note.

Once everything had found its place in the caravan and the shed, Inno stretched, expanded two garden chairs on a spot in the sun and said:

“Come on, let’s enjoy the sun and have some tea. And maybe talk things over.”

It didn’t take long before they were sat sipping their tea and basking in the sun. Niki looked around with dreamy eyes.

“This is so different from the city! All this green with the trees and the bushes, all these birds singing around us, this is real tranquility. I like it over here!”

“Nice to hear,” Inno grinned. “But I sure hope we won’t have to live here in the winter. You might change your mind, because if that happens we’ll really suffer.”

“Why’s that?” Niki asked, having difficulty envisioning this paradisiacal place becoming dreadful in winter.

“When Oskar closes up at the end of the tourist season, there’s nothing here,” Inno explained. “We can’t shower, we can’t wash, we can’t go to the toilet, there’s no water. And that until he opens up again next March. So, let’s hope we find another place of our own before that happens.”

“And what will you do with the caravan then?” Niki asked curious.

Inno shrugged and said matter-of-factly:

“Sell it! We can sure use the money. Talking about money…”

Niki looked at him, reading from Inno’s eyes he had analyzed the problem and had found a solution.

“We need something like savings,” Inno reasoned with slightly pinched eyes as if he was thinking really hard. “A kind of piggy bank where we can take money from if we can’t earn new cash fast enough or need extra money to buy new furniture and the like. If we have that we can keep our heads above the water for a while. Is there something we can sell?”

“I can sell the camera,” Niki suggested.

Inno held up his hand as a clear sign of disapproval. With resolute voice he exclaimed:

“No, don’t!”

Niki stared at him, not getting his point and muttered:

“Why not? It’s a pretty expensive thing, even second-hand.”

“Could be,” Inno reciprocated, “but it is a part of your art, essential for your future career. Maybe it brings a nice price now, but you would have to buy yourself a new one later for a much higher price. So, the camera stays!”

“Maybe the car?” Niki thought somewhat hesitantly, fearing another stern rejection.

“Are you sure?” Inno asked surprised.

Niki just nodded:

“Yeah. It should bring a very nice price that gives us a chance to survive for a while.”

“But…,” Inno muttered, still not convinced, “it was a present from your father.”

Niki smiled wryly and growled:

“You just gave me the best reason to sell the damned thing!”

With a sigh he said:

“I’ll have to get used to going by bus. And we still have the ATB.”

Inno signaled his approval by sending him one of his enchanting angel smiles. It sealed the fate of the car once and forever.

 

Niki’s assumption proved to be correct, the car brought a very handsome price. Even better, it was paid cash!

It hurt him a bit to hand over the keys. It was a great car, but apart from the fact that they needed the money, it also personified his father’s bribes. As a result Niki had always had a love-hate relation with his set of wheels, it was a marvelous vehicle, but he detested the way he got it.

The next thing they did was to go to Niki’s bank where he changed his account to a joint one in both their names. Then they opened a savings account and deposited the money from the car, giving them a rather comfortable cushion to cope with extra expenses, if any would occur.

On their way to the bus station to get back to the camp site, their temporary home, they passed a shop, where cell phones were sold. Niki muttered:

“Wait a minute. I’ll be right back.”

Before Inno could react, Niki had disappeared into the shop. It took longer than a minute, but when he came out again he had a broad, happy grin, over his face.

“What was that all about?” Inno asked.

“I just did it,” Niki replied cryptically.

“What?” Inno pressed the matter.

“I took the company’s SIM card out and got a cheap subscription of my own,” Niki replied with the grin that stubbornly refused to leave his face.

Niki had never seen Inno’s eyes gleaming so brightly. His boyfriend embraced him, his nose resting against Niki’s.

“You did it!” he whispered.

“Well,” Niki reacted in wonderment, “it wasn’t that hard to change that SIM-card. A child could do it.”

“That is not what I meant,” Inno continued in a low whisper.

Niki looked into the thrilling grey eyes, from their glance he understood that apparently he had done something extraordinary, but he had no idea what.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Inno asked grinning.

He could only shake his head… no, most definitely he didn’t get it.

“For the very first time you fought effectively,” Inno explained excited. “You cut all ties with your father. For him it looks as if you’ve disappeared from the earth’s surface, you are unreachable. You took control of your own life. You finally took your freedom, the freedom to shape your life the way you want it and to love who you want to love.”

“Jesus…!” Niki muttered, his eyes blinking from the realization.

Inno kissed him impetuously and whispered:

“I’m so proud of you, my sweet angel.”

Then he let go of the embrace, took Niki by the hand and said cheerfully:

“Now let me introduce you to the blessings and nebulosity of the public transportation system.”

Snickering they continued their way to the bus station, ostensibly impervious to all disapproving glances around them.

 

Gradually the days became shorter, the first sign of an approaching autumn. It didn’t mean daytime temperatures were unpleasant, even nighttime temperatures were more agreeable than during the height of summer, when they tended to be hot, humid and sweat generating. Now they were pleasantly mild and at least they could sleep undisturbed in the metal cookie jar on wheels which their caravan actually was.

Inno had started his new job as a trainee-nurse. No matter which shift he had, every day he came back from the hospital on his ATB, simply radiating he liked what he was doing.

“You really love that work, don’t you?” Niki asked him one morning, after he got back from night shift.

Inno nodded, juggled one of his gorgeous smiles on his face and answered:

“Yeah…. you know, it is so fulfilling. You are really doing something practical to help people. Not complicated things, I’m not allowed to do that yet, but even simple things, like bringing an old gentleman to the toilet, can result in a grateful smile. And when you get that, your day is made!”

There was one notable exception. After an early shift Inno came back in the afternoon, close to tears.

“What happened, sweetheart?” Niki asked worried, “Tell me about it!”

“Old Mrs. Braun died…” was the only reply. “She was such a sweet old lady, the kind of lady I would love as my nonna - my granny.”

Only after some gentle pressure it became clear, it was Inno’s first direct and face to face contact with death. Although this was shocking enough in itself, it also triggered painful memories of the recent death of his mother. It took a long time and a lot of comforting, rocking and kissing away the tears before Inno calmed down again. On the positive side, for all the attention and understanding he had given, Niki was rewarded with another round of their boisterous way of physically celebrating their love… in bed that is! By the time they were finished he was only able to mutter, still breathless:

“I sure hope you don’t have to work the early shift tomorrow!”

Inno giggled, only to set his mind at ease:

“No, angel… I have the night shift tomorrow!”

“Oh shit…,” Niki moaned, “another night of hardship!”

“You must take some rest,” Inno smiled teasingly. “You’re getting older, angel!”

“Fuck you, sweetheart,” Niki growled.

With a naughty smile Inno replied:

“You wanna give it a try?”

 

Being most of the day at home alone, Niki got bored. His new surroundings were peaceful and beautiful, but after a while also somniferous and not very inducive to create new art. He started to miss the city, the place which was alive and gave him the impulse to create and paint new works. He was getting restless and frustrated. And even if the campsite had inspired him, it would be hard to do the actual execution of the design. As an artist the night hours were his natural habitat and one of the ‘nebulous’ aspects of public transport was there were no busses to downtown at night. He tried to sketch, he attempted to think out designs, he even made some nature photographs, but in the end it was useless.

Again, it was Inno who gave him the much needed push in a most unexpected way, although initially it resulted in a sharp, but luckily very short conflict between the two of them.

It all started on one of Inno’s free compensation days for his weekend shift. With Niki absorbed in drawing he had nothing better to do, so he strolled to the little office at the gate to have a friendly chat with Oskar, the campsite owner. On his way there he passed the wall next to the entrance. It was a wall, that was incredibly ugly, consisting of dull drab grey masonry only and a wall that reduced the attractiveness of the campsite as a whole.

“Unless..” Inno thought with a twinkle in his eye and a large smile over his face when an idea was born.

He entered the office and started his planned friendly chat, discussing things like the fine autumn weather and the like. But gradually he came upon the topic that had crossed his mind while passing the grey wall.

“Oskar,” he started, his most innocent smile over his face, “don’t you think that this wall next to the gate must be the ugliest wall in the country?”

The man grunted and with his rasping deep baritone voice he answered:

“Yeah, it is. But what can I do about it? I can paint it white or blue or even pink as far as I am concerned. But it’ll stay an ugly wall.”

“Really,” Inno said, his smile still over his face, “is that so? I don’t think so. I’ve got this little idea.”

“What do you wanna do about it?” the man inquired curious.

“Me? Nothing!” Inno grinned mischievously, “But I happen to know someone who can make something beautiful out of it. Listen up!”

After about an hour he came back whistling, cast a knowing glance on Niki, who was still caught up in his work, and sat down on the garden chair in front of their caravan. Then he said out of the blue:

“I’ve got you a commission!”

Without looking up Niki uttered a “Huh?” so Inno explained what he had set up:

“I was discussing this ugly wall next to the gate with Oskar. He doesn’t like it either. I told him you could make something beautiful out of it. He wants you to paint the thing with something cheerful. He’s paying you two hundred and fifty euros plus material expenditures.”

Not believing his ears Niki looked at him. But his reaction was not what Inno had expected. Vehemently he let his anger flare:

“Inno, are you out of your mind?”

Inno looked at him in shock. He had expected that his lover would be happy, but it seemed to turn out totally different.

“I’m not doing commissions,” Niki continued angrily. “And I will never do them! I’m a free artist. I only paint what I think is necessary and when I want to. I’m independent and I won’t take orders from anyone when I paint. Goddamn, commissions will only corrupt me into compromises, I have to follow guidelines and wishes. I’m not that kind of artist. I do my own thing, without compromising or approval. Commissions in street art, ridiculous… where is this world going? Forget it, I’m not going to do it!”

“But…,” Inno asked, not understanding what this was all about, “Why don’t you want to do it?”

“I’ll tell you!” Niki screamed, “I’ve been bribed all of my life and my art was my way out of it. And now you want me to take a bribe for making art?”

It was one of the few instances where Inno’s eyes lost their glamorous magic, when they turned angry. Sharply he said:

““Now hold it right there, pal! May I remind you, that it was you who complained once that nobody is paying you for painting walls. Oskar isn’t bribing you, he is only paying you for some work you do for him. So refusing the commission sounds pretty inconsistent to me!”

“It has nothing to do with it.” Niki ranted on, “Nobody pays me, because I make my own things on walls, not what some shop owner wants me to paint. That is exactly what makes me independent! I’m not doing it. Did I make my point clear enough for you?”

By now Inno’s eyes turned reproachful when he yelled:

“In case you forgot reality, I will be more than willing to remind you beggars can’t be choosers. We simply need the cash!”

“I’m not doing it!” Niki screamed stubbornly.

Furiously Inno yelled:

“Goddamn, get off your high horse! Come on, dude, man up!”

Suddenly, Niki realized he had gone too far. He felt ashamed and dropped his eyes. Rationally he knew damned well Inno was right, they needed the money, they needed it desperately. He had only received part of his monthly wages, up to the last day he worked. And Inno’s first salary would only come at the end of the month. In other words, they were flat broke now. Besides, it had degenerated into their first shouting match, not something he had expected and it shocked him. Any other couple? Yeah, sure! But not between the two of them. It shouldn’t be possible between the two of them, it was unthinkable that something like that actually happened.

But on the other hand, giving up his independence as an artist was a bit too much, or maybe just too unexpected and sudden.

He tried to buy time, but even more he tried to save face, grumbling:

“Let me think it over!”

“Fair enough.” Inno replied, but his voice made it obvious he was still angry and hurt. He sat down sulking, not giving Niki another glance.

The thinking things over took less than an hour. Actually, was much shorter but Niki used the remaining time to consider how he could make that wall into something attractive. His muse pushed up ideas at an incredible speed. Some were rejected as too cliché, others were accepted, like the image of the thatched beach bar, where it wasn’t a badly paid black man who was serving wealthy white tourists, but an equally underpaid white bar tender serving black tourists. The artist in him had taken over!

Only then Niki did officially climb down.

“I’m sorry, honey. You’re right. We need the money, so I’ll do it!”

Inno’s fascinating smile was instantaneously back on his face again:

“I knew it! It was just one of your impulsive reactions. But I’m glad you saw reality at last. Shall we make up for our little fight?”

“Now…?” Niki asked surprised.

Inno giggled and replied:

“No, silly, not that. But a wonderful kiss would do, don’t you think so?”

Yes… it did… it was another fierce kiss that was their private version of the old Indian peace pipe. But it worked just as well, maybe even better!

“You’re not angry with me?” Niki asked timidly.

“No,” Inno grinned. “Actually, I never was really angry. Yes, I was annoyed. But the anger was acting, to make sure you got your feet back on the ground.”

“You damned devil!” Niki chuckled.

And that solved the whole matter between them.

And so the days slid into October with Inno doing his job at the hospital and Niki designing and painting the campsite’s entrance wall. It really satisfied and pleased Oskar, so much so, he even topped the agreed fee with a fifty euro tip.

When the project came to an end, Niki started to wonder how he would sign it. As far as he was concerned ‘Maddog’ was out of the question. Maddog was the uncompromising artist, the critical painter who wanted to evoke emotions in the onlookers, approval or anger… that was not of importance. The main theme was about ‘emotions,’ that was the only thing that mattered! What he was making now was pure advertising, a paid job on top. For him it were two irreconcilable spheres: the independent and provocative artist and the painter-for-hire. He was clear about one thing, this project on the campsite’s wall would never bear the tell-it-all poster with the snarling dog head. Using that trademark on a marketable shit job would canker the real artist’s mystic reputation. No, Maddog had to stay pure unconnected to any form of commercialism! He had to find an alternative.

In the end he solved the quandary easy enough: he would sign his paid job with ‘Niki,’ nothing more, nothing less. The answer was as simple as it was effective, just as he once split the artist Maddog from his real personality, he split his artistic activities into two different painters, the provocative and the commercial.

One evening he discussed his reasoning with Inno who listened intently and finally settled the matter with his wholehearted approval and another angelic smile, when he cried out:

“That is a real curious but also great way of solving the problem, angel!”

 

By October it was not only the days that grew increasingly shorter. The nights turned colder and the weather became bleak and inclement. Inno came home regularly from work on his bike, soaked from biking through rainstorms and fierce head-on autumn winds.

One evening, halfway through the month, was particularly awful. Strong autumn storms rocked their little tin can and the rain rattled on the sides and roof, its noise making talking barely possible. In the caravan the atmosphere became cold and damp. Their only heating, a small electric stove, almost surrendered, hardly giving any warmth. Gradually, but unstoppably, the chill penetrated their clothes, the cold reaching right to the bone, making them shiver and their teeth chatter. Both felt miserable!

Shortly after ten, Inno suggested with a despondent sigh:

“Let’s go to bed. Maybe we can get warm again under the duvet.”

But they didn’t. The shivering continued and they both started to wonder if they could get any sleep under these circumstances. Suddenly Niki heard Inno’s quivering voice in the pitch-black caravan, he sounded like he was laughing.

“Can you stop your teeth chattering. You’re keeping me awake with all that noise.”

Niki found it a very good attempt at black humor and broke into laughter as well.

“You better stop! You’re hearing your own.”

“Come close to me…,” Inno said softly. “I really mean skin to skin. Maybe we can warm each other up.”

It seemed like a good suggestion, so they did. It helped somewhat, the chattering teeth finally stopped, but the shivering continued. With a deep sigh of sadness Niki muttered:

“It looks like I haven’t brought you much good, did I?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Inno reacted sharply.

“Well, here we are, in a cold and damp caravan, only because my father kicked me out of my apartment. If you hadn’t met me, you would be somewhere cozy in a warm room.”

“Bullshit!” Inno hissed vehemently, “if I hadn’t met you I would have been in the same caravan, but then completely on my own. Or did you think I could pay the rent of my mom’s apartment? Her landlord would have kicked me out as well and I would have ended up in the same place I am now. With the big difference we’re in this place together now. And that, angel, makes it a lot more bearable! So, stop your gibbering nonsense!”

“Why are you so strong and I’m so weak?” Niki asked, his voice almost breaking and the tears hiding under the surface.

“You’re not weak,” Inno replied insistently. “You’re just not used to poverty, like I am. And, if you pardon me for saying so, for a kid that was pampered from birth you’re doing quite well at getting used to it. OK, you’re having a tough time now, but so am I. I told you, it’s no fun to live in the caravan once winter is approaching.”

There was a short silence, then Inno called out:

“Wait a minute… I remember something!”

Without any explanation he jumped up from under the duvet, opened a drawer under the bed and with unexpected excitement cried out:

“I knew it! A sleeping bag! This will relieve our misery, angel.”

He spread the sleeping bag over the duvet and crawled back beside Niki. He was right, they both felt how the temperature in the bed started to rise, slow but unmistakable. After a few minutes they heaved a simultaneous sigh of relief with something that came near to feeling happy.

“Inno…?” Niki whispered carefully.

“Yes, angel?” was the immediate reaction.

“Do you really believe things will turn out all right? Honest?”

“I just made things better, didn’t I?” Inno giggled. “It’s warmer in bed than it was.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Niki objected complaining. “I mean life, will we be happy again? And will we laugh and party again? You know, just having a good time, the two of us.”

Inno reacted as Niki could have expected, he thought it over, but in the end he answered:

“Don’t ask me why I feel it. I can’t explain it. But yes, life will turn around for us. It will be beautiful again, as it was before we came here. And what’s funny, I sense it will turn around soon, very soon! Much sooner than we can anticipate this evening! But again, I can’t explain the feeling. Maybe it is just that it can’t get worse than it is now.”

Niki nestled himself in Inno’s arms, enjoying the body warmth his lover radiated and whispered:

“Thank you!”

While stroking Niki’s hair Inno said:

“I’m tempted to invite you to one of our passionate games. But being a smart boy, I won’t. The alarm will go off at five. So for the time being I can only give you a raincheck.”

“Five o’clock,” Niki cried out indignant, “that’s inhuman!”

Inno chuckled,

“Yeap. But I have an early shift tomorrow, so I have to be at work at seven.”

“What a lousy job.” Niki complained. “It makes us miss all the fun!”

“But it is the job I love, angel.” Inno answered with one of his irresistible smiles.

Niki acquiesced with a softly muttered:

“Then it’s OK. I’ll accept the raincheck.”

 

Had Inno been bluffing, had it been wishful thinking or was he clairvoyant? It didn’t really matter. What did matter was that only a week after that terrible night he came home very excited with the news that a colleague had tipped him off about an affordable small apartment downtown and had even given him the phone number of the landlord. It really started to look as if their lives were turning for the good! Of course, they called the man immediately and made an appointment for the next day to have a look at the place.

Next day, Niki took the bus to meet Inno who was already in town for his work. He felt thrilled. He linked up with Inno at the bus station and they walked to the given address. They found themselves in a very familiar place, the alley Niki had run down and crashed into Inno. That night when he had fled the police after finishing his painting of “The Reaper.”

“Right on that spot, in the middle of the street!” Inno pointed, his eyes shining enthusiastically. ”This has to be a good omen.”

The apartment turned out to be a couple of attic rooms situated directly under the roof of a large building. The two small rooms with equally small windows looked onto the same kind of apartment on the other side of the alley with only a few meters between them. The kitchen was squeezed into a corner of the living room and there was a cubicle, that served as the bathroom. Last but not least was a very tiny hallway, hardly large enough to contain a coat rack. The whole place looked as if nothing had been done to it for ages.

Inno didn’t seem to mind. He walked around with glistening eyes, planning the rooms’ use and how the furniture could be placed. Niki trod behind him with a face that showed a lot less enthusiasm.

“Well, angel, what do you think?” Inno asked in the end.

Niki shrugged, shook his head and muttered:

“I don’t know. It looks pretty run down to me, don’t you think so?”

Inno laid his arms around Niki’s neck, looked him in the eyes and whispered, carefully staying out of the landlord’s earshot:

“I don’t think so. No, it is no castle, maybe it is only a castle’s tower room but that’s it. And it is no mansion. But with some hard work we can make something out of it. On top of that the rent is reasonable and affordable. And… it will be the very first place of our own, angel! The very first place where only we call the shots. I say: let’s do it!”

He topped it off with a soft kiss on the end of Niki’s nose and a heavenly smile for good measure, before the landlord coughed discretely, giving them a not too kind look, which they really didn’t register, being preoccupied as they were in their discussion. It was especially the smile that made Niki surrender and with a resigning smile of his own he said:

“OK, honey, we’ll do it.”

They bargained over the monthly rent and the deposit and once this was settled, they were told they could have it from the first of the coming month… in exactly one week.

“We’re going to be damned busy,” Inno snickered.

Feeling happy, even festive, they walked outside on their way back to the bus station. But while on their way Inno made one concession to his austerity policy. When they passed a coffee shop he said with mesmerizing eyes:

“Let’s have a coffee and some cake to celebrate this.”

“Man…,” Niki laughed, “that is the best idea you had since you started to cut on breakfasts.”

Hand in hand they strolled in at leisure. Inside an elderly couple having coffee stared at them with aggressive, disapproving eyes. Both boys overheard the woman say in a half-whisper, clearly meant to be heard:

“Look at those two. It’s goddamned shameful! Disgusting.”

The man looked at them and growled:

“Behave decent and do that at home, boys.”

Coincidentally both boys looked at the two elderly people in unison, without saying a word but with an expression of total contempt in their eyes. It turned out to be a very effective trick: their combined glances were more than enough to let two pairs of eyes drop and the oldtimers refrained from any new verbal unfriendliness. Inno looked at Niki, a satisfied smile on his face. Without agreeing previously they had found their common defense for this kind of situation. Niki showed he got the point as well, his own smile mirroring Inno’s in complete understanding.

Without considering the woman and the man worth another look they selected a table from where they could see the street and enjoyed their coffee and cake, alternately discussing their moving plans and staring in each other’s eyes in silence, drinking in the love that was read in the other’s vision. What they both saw was much stronger than the coffee in front of them.

 

Niki might have been bored during their time on the camp site, but those days were over. On the very first day of November they started a flurry of activity when they began to move their things from the caravan and the shed to their new place. Oskar the campsite owner was kind enough to lend them his van, since he didn’t need it in the winter anyway, but only on the condition they:

“Would bring it back in one piece!” Then he added with a good-humored grin, “but you boys keep it there as long as you need it.”

And they sure needed it. Actually, it made things a lot easier to have this van. Once they had unloaded the things from the campsite, they went directly to a paint shop to buy what they needed to renovate their apartment.

After only a few days it seemed Inno was right, as usual! Even Niki had to concede the place looked a whole lot better than the first time they saw it. Now it only needed a few finishing touches and then they could turn their attention to getting some furniture.

They had their disagreements about what to buy. Inno was delighted to find an old table with four matching chairs.

“How about that table and the chairs?” he asked excited. “They are so cute.”

“No, honey…,” Niki objected. “They are so… old-fashioned. It’s the kind of thing my granny had in her living. Don’t do that to me.”

“But,” Inno said with a broad smile, “they’re not only cute, but they’re cheap as well. Only a hundred euros for the whole bunch! It’s a real bargain.”

“OK,” Niki sighed, “you win. We can always throw them out again when we’re fed up with them.”

And so the whole shopping tour continued… yes against no, really awful against really beautiful, Inno took some losses as did Niki. In the end they drove back with the van completely full of furniture. Then the hard part started: each item had to be carried up to the fourth floor using the stairs, with the building lacking an elevator.

After about three hours of strenuous work all was up and in place. Exhausted, but satisfied they flopped down on their newly acquired couch. Their new, own place was ready now! Apart from some tiny details which they planned to take care of later.

“Wow,” Inno muttered. “that makes a boy really tired! How about some tea? I think we earned it.”

He rose and walked to the kitchen counter when Niki’s cell phone buzzed.

“It’s yours!” he cried out over his shoulder.

“Yeah, I know.” Niki replied muttering. “But I don’t know where it is. Besides, I don’t feel like phone calls, only like having a good rest!”

But after finding the thing by its irritating buzz he answered it nevertheless. He looked at the number, but didn’t recognize it, the display showed it wasn’t from Hamburg but a local number. He hit accept and heard an unfamiliar voice.

“Hi, this is Peter Steinmann from Steinmann Photography. Is this Niki?“

Niki confirmed it, wondering who Peter Steinmann and what Steinmann Photography was. He was enlightened soon enough when the stranger continued:

“I got your number from the job center. It seems you are looking for a job in the photo business and I happen to have one. How about if we meet and talk it over? Would you like that?”

Niki was stupefied. He was only registered as looking for a job in the photo business, because that is where he had worked. He had his doubts if he wanted to continue that. But this man sounded so different from Snake Eyes, so kind and friendly.

“Why not say yes? I don’t have to take it if I don’t like it. But why throw the chance out of the window right away?”

“Yes, yes, I’d love to,” he stammered. “When? And where?”

“How about tomorrow, about two in the afternoon,” the Steinmann-character answered. “Can you come to the shop? Gives me a chance to show you around!”

“Yes, fine,” Niki was muttering, still somewhat confused. “What’s the address?”

He listened and jotted it down on the first available piece of paper, which happened to be the receipt of the furniture shop, because he found nothing else.

“Then see you tomorrow!” Peter Steinmann said.

“I’ll be there!” Niki replied.

He only noticed that Inno was standing next to him when he put down the phone, two steaming mugs of tea in his hands.

“Who was that?” he asked, curious.

“Some guy who offered me a job.” Niki replied, still trying to understand what was happening so unexpectedly and so fast since Inno had made his prediction in that awful cold and chilly night.

“Cool!” Inno exclaimed. “What is it?”

Niki was too overwhelmed to answer right away. He sat down on the couch, took a mug of tea and only then he started to explain slowly. That is… what he knew, which wasn’t incredibly much at this moment.

“We’ll just have to wait and see tomorrow,” Inno concluded the matter.

But in the evening the subject reoccurred, when Niki suddenly cried out rather panicked:

“Honey, I don’t know how I should go to this Steinmann!”

“Walking I guess,” Inno answered pragmatically, not understanding what his lover was hinting at.

“That’s not what I mean,” Niki said annoyed. “I mean…”

Inno looked at him and saw a certain distraction.

“Tell me!” he urged invitingly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…,” Niki tried to explain, “should I go as the standard perfect candidate for the job? You know, as a good, polite and well-educated boy? Or…?”

“Or?” Inno exhorted.

“Should I go as myself? I mean, the boy who could well be a girl? The whole thing, with ear ring, eyeliner and clothing exactly on the sharpest possible dividing line between masculine and feminine? I’m afraid it would be pretty risky. It might turn against me.”

Agitated and with a fair twinge of frustration in his voice he added:

“But I don’t want to hide any longer. I want to be who I really am!”

Inno tilted his head and muttered business-like:

“Give me a few seconds!”

By now Niki knew the signs all too well. Instead of his impulsive thoughts and reactions Inno would consider the options and give him some balanced advice. He also knew he had to shut up now, he shouldn’t do anything that might disturb the thinking process. So, he waited!

Inno didn’t need long to think it over. With an approving smile he said:

“Then don’t!”

“Don’t go?” Niki asked, confused.

“No, silly! That is not what I meant.” Inno put him at ease. “I mean, don’t hide!”

“But…,” Niki said, feeling damned uncertain, “isn’t that risky?”

“Depends on how you look at it,” Inno grinned. “Do you remember I once told you you have a unique aura, exactly because you combine your masculine and feminine sides?”

Niki had to dig in his memory, but in the end he nodded.

“Now let us assume you go like any other boy,” Inno said. “You would do yourself wrong, because then you ignore your own identity. In that way you’re just another applicant, just pretending, as a matter of fact, and you wouldn’t show who you really are. Got that?”

Niki thought it over, but wasn’t really convinced he really got it. Despite that he nodded slowly.

“Now, on the other hand, if you go as yourself, if the guy is threatened and shocked by how you look, he’s the wrong boss for you. Else, you would go from one Weber to another. I can’t imagine you are looking for that. If he accepts the way you look and has the ability to see past that, discovering your unique possibilities then, hey, he is the right boss for you. In other words, the worst thing that can happen is he throws you out in two minutes and you don’t get the job. Don’t feel sorry about it! The best thing that can happen is he likes what he sees, he discovers the talents you possess and you got the job!”

“So…,” Niki muttered, still in doubt. “You’re saying, just do it. Go as myself.”

“That, angel,” Inno grinned, “is your decision!”

 

And he decided! But man, was he nervous about it. Partly because he was going to a job interview, like most people happen to be tense at such a time. But the main reason for feeling edgy was from the way he looked while going there. His hair was carefully styled, his eyeliner applied, his ear ring in and his clothing was on the cutting edge between boy and girl, male and female. But despite his nervousness he felt confident. He was himself! His prospective employer could take it or leave it. The time for compromising was over!

He had to search for the address. It was not one of the main streets of the shopping district, the streets where all the large fashion outlets were and his father’s local branch. The photo shop he was looking for was in a small back street, behind the cathedral, the kind of street that was characterized by many small shops. He almost missed it!

It was an enormous contrast with his father’s store, which was a large, modern and business-like building. Even by the standards of this street the shop was puny, but Niki found it had a certain attraction the second he saw it. It had something homey.

The moment he took the door knob in his hand his nerves gave him stomach cramps. It was a kind of now or never, acceptance or rejection. When he walked in, he heard a convivial jingling of an old-fashioned shop bell, which brought a young man out from the back of the shop. He was in his late thirties, large, with long, blond hair and a pair of friendly blue eyes which Niki tried to gauge right away. What he was looking for was clearly not in them: there was no surprise, shock or disapproval; the only expression they offered him was an inviting, friendly and curious smile.

“You must be Niki!” the man said, with a sympathetic low baritone voice.

He confirmed it with a nod of the head and shook hands and they introduced themselves.

“Let’s go to the back,” the man, who was indeed Peter, said. “If a client comes in, I hear the bell and I’ll be back here soon enough.”

With a modest grin he added:

“This place isn’t that large.”

After they had tea, the interview took its normal course with Niki explaining what he had done up to now. To his surprise Peter reacted with rolling eyes, exclaiming:

“So, you worked for Markus Weber?”

“You know him?” Niki asked astonished.

“Yeah, I do,” was the suddenly not too friendly reply. “He’s the worse asshole I’ve ever met. Like you, I started as a trainee there, but after two weeks I was so fed up with it, I quit and decided to do my own thing.”

The obvious anger over the memory evaporated immediately, when his smile reappeared.

“And that brought me to this little store.”

Peter started explaining he sold cameras and photo equipment, but only for part of the week. For the rest of the time he was a photographer, doing weddings, portraits and the like.

“And to have more time as a photographer I’m searching for someone to run the shop, but it is only for twenty-eight hours a week. As compensation I’m happy to teach you photography free of charge if you don’t want wages for that. You know something about photography?”

Niki nodded, saying without thinking:

“I do it as a sideline to what I normally do.”

“Oh,” Peter asked, clearly interested, “what do you do then?”

Niki considered his answer very briefly. Not the contents, he knew that, but if he would answer in the first place. Since he judged Peter to be a guy who could be trusted he decided to reply:

“I do Street Art.”

“Really?” Peter exclaimed pleasantly surprised. “I love street art. It cheers up this dreary town. There’s this one guy active here in town… man, he’s a real icon. If you’re half as good as he is, then you’d be damned good. Maybe you know him. It’s some guy who calls himself Maddog. He has a small fan club. Not hundreds of them, just ten or fifteen. And I’m one of them.”

“God, please, don’t make me blush!” Niki thought somewhat in panic, almost choking on his tea, “Help me not to blush!”

It seemed God didn’t answer his prayer, since Peter had an amused smile all over his face all of a sudden as he looked at his prospective employee with twinkling eyes. But Niki got off the hook because the man politely didn’t press the matter.

“So,” he asked, “you want the job?”

“Yes!” Niki cried out enthusiastically.

“When can you start?”

“How about the first shop opening day next week?” Niki suggested.

“OK,” Peter closed the matter. “That’ll be Wednesday then.”

They exchanged some pleasantries and said their goodbyes after which Niki left the store, once again accompanied by the jingling bells.

Alone outside, he couldn’t hide his excitement any longer. He jumped in the air and at the same time stuck his fist up, roaring:

“I’ve got it!”

A man, who just passed him, looked at him with clearly startled eyes and muttered:

“I don’t know what he got, but it sure seems the boy is excited over it… or is it a girl?”

Niki didn’t care. He grabbed his cell phone and called Inno. He wanted to share the good news right away, not wanting to wait until early evening. But Inno didn’t pick up the phone.

“Damned, honey…” Niki muttered frustrated, “Answer it! I’ve got great news.”

He dialed again with the same result. Then he shrugged and started the walk home. The news would have to wait until Inno was home from work.

But after ten minutes his cell phone buzzed.

“Hi, you called?” he heard Inno’s voice.

“Honey, I’ve got the job. I start next Wednesday!” Niki cried out thrilled.

A wild rebel yell clamored through the small speaker, almost deafening Niki in one ear. It took Inno a few seconds to get quiet again, but then he said:

“We’ll celebrate that tonight!”

“How?” Niki wanted to know.

“First you are going to find us a good bottle of wine.”

Inno’s voice became low and husky when he continued:

“And after we’ve finished that bottle… I can think of some other ways to celebrate!”

Their world had become beautiful once again!