Brother in Awe - 2. The Gaze

"In ancient Greece, depictions of the nude male form were often explicitly or implicitly homoerotic. Instead, artists almost always depicted the young male body as an erotic form. In some paintings, groups of men would massage each other. In others, they would embrace as lovers. " Said the sculpting class teacher as she paced back and forth around the room, snapping her thumb as the slides flicked on the back wall.

James' body lay over the classroom table with his chin suspended ever so lightly over one of his delicate folded hands. With the other hand, he held a pencil he would occasionally carry into his mouth and chew, slowly caressing it along his plump blood red lips. He could faintly hear the teacher's voice in the back of his head, but James' mind was engaging in the images displayed. He was enthralled, particularly with the statues' backs and their muscle structure. James had been entrapped in these thoughts for the last two weeks since he jerked off to Brian's back, moving as he went down on his sister. It was all he could think of since then. The way his shoulder blades displaced, glossy from all the sweat. How Brian's muscles conceded outwards, adjusted with the spine, broadening and making his back look colossal. James had jerked off to that specific instant multiple times after it happened. And the mere vision of Brian's back moving seemed to make him tip over the edge into a nearly guaranteed climax. Despite the blatant problematic nature of his voyeuristic incident and the invariable "throwback jerking sessions," the truth is James had no sense of guilt about it.

On the contrary, he was sipping every bit of that moment to his obscene enjoyment. This urge had nothing to do with his sister, which helped even out the bizarreness. But it had everything to do with Brian. Be that as it may, it was becoming progressively more challenging to hang around him at home without feeling embarrassed and downright fiddly.

The slide apparatus went dead, and after a brief moment of complete gloom, the lights in the classroom came back on, too bright for James's eyes' comfort. He rose, body swaying, and slugged himself through the school hallways and into the street, linking his usual kit composed of a jumper, headphones, and a "school to home" playlist on Spotify. He would usually run home, but given the circumstances, he made a point to linger a bit in some places on his way to the apartment, trying to make sure Brian left for work before he set foot in the door.

After twenty minutes of a very slow stride, James arrived at the flat, internally wishing that once he turned the key, Brian wouldn't be home. But, to his astonishment, an odd and uncharacteristic commotion was occurring around the house upon opening the door. Vanessa was pacing frantically around, opening drawers and hauling small piles of clothes towards hers and Brian's room, where a small traveling bag lay flat open on the bed. James stood in the modest hallway, looking both left and right with a troubled look.

"Hey." He said, his voice getting lost in all the commotion. "Are you guys going somewhere?" He proceeded to inquire.

As she passed her little brother, Vanessa abruptly stalled, almost as if she didn't even realize he was there until now.

"Hey, you!" She greeted, going in for a slovenly hand gesture to say hello. "Sorry. Yeah, well, something came up at the firm. I'm going out of town for a week. I need to assist a colleague on an important case." She heralded as she resumed running around.

"Ok..." James uttered, the strain visibly building in his voice. He couldn't evade the obvious follow-up question, "And hum...is Brian going with you?" He sought, hoping to hear her say yes. It was one thing to fantasize and daydream about him in an intimate and private sexual realm. But, spending one week alone with Brian in the same small house, bumping shoulders, without at least the solace of Vanessa's presence to fill in the unavoidably cumbersome silences, was entirely different.

"Nah. Brian's staying around. He took the week off from work." She declared nonchalantly.

The words hit James like a slap in the face. His head became dizzy and blurred with questions, and all the potentially embarrassing scenarios between him and Brian for the next few days started to pile up.

"Fine." He indolently muttered, accepting the inevitable. He slithered away to his room, defeated. As he entered, he shut the door, indiscriminately throwing his backpack into the floor, stripping his hoodie, and declining his body on the bed. While he lay there with his eyes fixated on the ceiling, James tried his best to reason with himself. "I mean, how bad could it be?" He mumbled to himself. He would generally spend most of the day in art classes and at the coffee shop. In the worst-case scenario, he might have to spend three to four hours alone with Brian at the end of the day, and if push comes to shove, he could always make an excuse and retire to his room. He suddenly felt better, and as his heart rate subsided, he fell into a comfortable sleep.

James woke up. The room was now totally dark. Lying on his back, he tipped his neck back, trying to catch the time on the bedside alarm clock. It was a quarter past three. He had fallen asleep with his clothes still on. Lagging, he heedlessly stripped until his body was bare, dropping his clothes around him as he went. He stretched and took a deep breath, his slender and pink shaft resting soundly on top of his stomach. Breathing in that pleasurable sensation, he closed his eyes again. He was about ready to resume his slumber when suddenly he heard a keychain turn on the door to the flat. Brian was home. Almost instantly, he felt his taint contracting. He turned around, his stomach facing down on the bed. His head sideways, facing the door to his room. The hallway light perused slightly through, which made James realize he had left it open. Not a moment later, James heard treading moving towards the door, and from it, Brian emerged. For a brief moment, he just stood there with his six feet tall shadow obstructing the light from the hall. James kept his eyes closed, trying to muster the strength, persuasively pretending to be asleep. Even then, he could sense Brian's movements, smell his musky perfume and hear his worn-out breathing. His heavy body, slanted against the bedroom door frame, jolted forward and stepped toward the bed. Slowly and affectionately, he grabbed the bedspread and covered James's bare body. Eyes locked and shivering from the inside, James could feel Brian's hands inadvertently stroke his skin, from his feet, along his stripped legs, and up his undisclosed back as the stud drew the white duvet over his smooth body. As he went along James's body, his skin would ripple into goose pimples, and his modest, barely noticeable blonde hairs prickled up in alignment. Masked under his now sheltered body, James was sporting the most severe erection. Brian turned around and exited the room, shutting the door calmly behind him. James just lay there, shaken by the unforeseen tenderness of that moment, eyes wide open in the now dark room, precum leaking down his thigh.

Contrary to what he expected, James felt during the subsequent day a sense of urgency. Between work and classes, he couldn't help but feel restless and uneasy, like when one forgets something or has some unfulfilled circumstance pending. All James wanted was to get back to the apartment. As soon as his shift concluded, he ran home, and for the first time since he moved to Vanessa's house, he forgot to put his headphones on the way there. The boy opened the door to the flat to find it notably quiet, which was briefly discouraging. He tipped his head over to the tiny living room and kitchenette to find it empty. The apartment was hot despite all the windows being half-opened. He swung his stuff into his room without even entering it and was undressing his jersey on the way to the bathroom when he abruptly stopped. He saw the door to his sister's bedroom open on his left. As soon as he took one step further, he saw it.

Brian, with his entire heavy and naked body sleeping soundly, his belly down and right leg and arm bent like an Egyptian figure. His impeccably round and robust ass partially covered by a slice of bed sheet. His body caressed by the little streaks of sunlight attempting to enter through the window blinds. It was the most beautiful thing James had ever seen. He stood there for what seemed like ages, mesmerized by that beautiful and sensual image, with his hand stretching slowly towards his groin where his cock was already waiting, totally rock hard. James started scrubbing it over his pants, and as his hand went over it, the boy could already feel the mist of precum coming through the fabric. He walked forward just a couple of steps and had decided at this point that he would jerk off and unload to the sight of Brian sleeping when suddenly one of his feet squeezed the old wooden floor at the worst possible angle, and before he knew it, a high cracking sound echoed through the house. Brian's rested body shot up from the bed, his head faintly searching for the source of the sound while trying to hold itself raised from the haze.

"Oh, hey, Bud." He said, his voice trailing and his head turned sideways towards the door where James stood, with his now-soaked pants hidden behind the doorway, only his head popping inside the room.

"Hey. Sorry, I woke you. I was on my way to the bathroom." James uttered, about ready to vaporize when Brian stalled him.

"Hey, come here." He signaled to James to approach him. James could have perished right then and there, his heart racing as his brain imploded.

"I hum...I need to piss". James expressed in an almost indecipherable tone. Brian lay there, his ass almost entirely displayed as the last slice of bedsheet pulled further from him.

"Ok. Sure, well...wanna hang out tonight? Watch something on Netflix and chill? I could cook us something?" He grilled with his deep but mellow voice, still wrestling to open his eyes.

James was petrified, his head spinning, knees bent and weakened. He needed to answer something fast to evade an even worse and more uncomfortable situation.

"Fine!" He barfed before withdrawing briskly into the bathroom and shutting the door vehemently.

As he sat on the toilet, he couldn't help but think that of all the potential scenarios he had imagined could happen; this was the worst. He raced to the bedroom and rapidly changed his underwear before popping his shorts and an oversized T-shirt on. He also pulled out some warm socks because his feet got chilly during the evening. While doing so, he could hear a row in the kitchen. He took a deep breath and exited the room. As he approached the living room, Brian stood there, cladding the kitchen counter, sweatpants, and nothing else. His large back faced James in all its splendor, a perfect reversed triangle of naturally tanned skin, broad, bare potency, and manly blessing. His shoulders towered above James' eyesight, and his luminous dark hair loosely encased in a bun. Detecting James' presence, Brian turned around to hail him enthusiastically.

"Hey, Bud!" He welcomed, beaming.

"Hey!" James responded, trying to sound excited but failing pitifully. Hearing himself responds in such a way made him realize right then and there that he had gone accustomed to handling Brian from a distance. As such, the boy could come off as estranged when trying to be more personal. Attempting to reverse the tone, he proceeded. "Thanks for making us dinner. Looks great." He added, staring at the chicken salad Brian had produced.

"Hey, no sweat Bud. Anything for my brother-in-law." Brian teased, sticking his tongue out.

James could see it happening again in slow motion as his groin clenched inside his briefs, and once Brian's moist tongue receded into his mouth, he fired, "Don't call me that. It sounds weird. You're not even married to her." He poked, trying to come off as breezy.

"Not yet, anyway. But if I marry Tess, we'll finally be one happy family." Brian joked, giggling harder after seeing James' vexed face. "Eat. I know you're starving. Don't lie." He said, pointing at James, who nodded in agreement.

Both of them sat there enjoying their meal, cracking jokes, laughing, and, for the first time, James felt at ease around Brian. He didn't even remember to check his stripped chest during dinner, which dumbfounded even himself. They finished, and Brian started clearing the table. James attempted to help, but as soon as he reached the sink, Brian took the plates from his hand and nudged him with his pelvis to the side. James imprudently peeked down at Brian's six-packed stomach, then looked up to find that Brian was looking straight at him, with green eyes glaring and smiling. He winked and signaled with his head towards the couch. Convinced his ineptitude around Brian had been resolved, James couldn't help but feel like a fool once his chest squeezed anxiously, having experienced so much proximity with the man from his sexual fantasies in such a short time. He sat on the couch, feeling utterly embarrassed, twitching in every position until Brian finally popped up from behind, went around the sofa, and let his bruising body fall on it like a heavy tree. He took a deep breath, and when he exhaled, James felt the scent of his breath near him. It smelled like musk and cinnamon. It was utterly intoxicating, and James' pelvic girdle twitched inwardly. He immediately got hard, and to hide it, he brought his knees to his chest, drawing them closer with his arms. Brian tipped his head to the side, looking at him straight on.

"You ok? You seem nervous." He questioned.

"Oh. No. Just tired. Might go to bed soon." James announced, trying gravely to evade the situation. He lowered his left leg towards the floor, flagging his body to try and attempt to get up from the couch. And all of a sudden, it happened. Brian's hand emerged from the other side and collared his leg, the entirety of his palm landing on James' thigh.

"No, you're not," Brian commanded, his hand resting on James' leg. "Here." And with an expeditious move, he slithered his hand down James' leg to his left foot and pulled it towards his groin area. "Lay back." He commanded.

Completely stunned, James did as instructed. To his wonder, there wasn't a single shred of resistance from his side as he slid his body along the couch, planting it along it, with his smooth milky legs now facing Brian, who was still holding his left foot near him. Once James' awkward movements started to subside, his right leg still trying to find a steady position, Brian took his left leg in the air.

"Who the hell wears socks in June?" Brian taunted, making James giggle. Whatever Brian was doing was working because, much to his surprise, James was beginning to unwind and accommodate that weird new setting.

"Shut up. I get cold during the evening." He answered, smiling. Brian looked at him for a brief moment. He seemed to observe James' smile intently.

"You know, that's the first time I've seen you smile in a long time, Bud." He said, shifting his attention back to James' foot. "Let's take this off." He heralded, pulling in one swift move the fluffy wool sock he had on. He tossed it on the table, and before James could react, Brian's huge hands touched his foot, completely encasing it.

James couldn't help but seal his eyes in complete surrender. Brian's hands were warm and cordial as they pressed the front and base of his foot. Softly at first, then gradually becoming longer, more steadfast, and profound compressions. Faltering in his speech, James muttered, "I needed that."

"Anytime, Bud." Brian responded, beaming at James as he lay there, eyes closed, his arms crossed over his belly, and his right leg swaying on the side of the couch.

The two men were finally connecting. They lay there for several hours, cracking jokes and teasing each other while Brian massaged James' tired feet. They watched two movies back to back and were still going by the end. They would occasionally get up to grab a couple of beers from the fridge and then run right back to the couch, almost as if that couch had become their entire world for those hours. James was glowing. From time to time, Brian would peek at him contently, like he had cracked James' code. In turn, James would chuckle at Brian's jokes thinking of all the wasted time he spent trying to avoid his presence and company. Finally, time flew, and both started getting foggy and weary. James slid further to his side of the couch, nestling his head on a small pillow. Brian managed to hold on a little longer, ultimately falling asleep himself, his body dropping opposite James, the boy's feet underpinned right between his groin as his hands embraced and warmed them.

James woke up, his eyes heavy. The lights in the living room were down while the TV was still playing, the sound muted. He rose a bit and just endured there, squinting his eyes. The only thing he could hear was Brian's heavy breathing. He started slowly unlocking his legs from Brian's grip, and by doing so, he undisclosed something he wasn't expecting. There, hidden underneath his feet, was Brian's rock-hard 9-inch prick, only scarcely concealed by the thin fabric of his sweatpants. It was massively thick and widened towards the tip. James couldn't look away even if he wanted to. It was twitching and throbbing, inviting itself to be touched. And James yearned to do it. He knew that if he went for it and acted on what he desired at that precise moment, then everything would change. He plucked forward and sat, his left leg crossed and the right on the floor. Brian shifted his stance a bit, grunting. His robust arms rested behind his neck. He held back, hoping his movement wouldn't wake him up, but he seemed drunk enough, so how wrong could this go, the boy thought. He leaned forward again, steadily, as his hands grabbed Brian's sweatpants, pulling them down. Once he did, James unleashed Brian's gigantic dick that instantly bounced forward in his direction. Uncut, massive, thick, and engorged. It was the epitome of perfection. The perfect cock for the ideal man.

There was no verdict to reach. James pushed his head forward, and with his nose almost touching it, he whiffed it in. Musk, mixed with sweat and salted cum. The scent went through his body like wildfire, propelling his pelvis forward in an irrepressible spasm. His dick was immediately hard, and he could feel small bullet shots of precum firing inside his shorts. He opened his mouth, sticking his tongue slightly forward, prepared to lick it. But, as he went in, he peeked at Brian's face. A violent jolt took hold of James' body. Staring straight at him was Brian, with his eyes protruding and in shock.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Brian emitted.

"I'm...sorry..." James uttered. He stood up immediately, turning his back to Brian and fleeing to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him and locking it from the inside. He paced around the room, venting. Then, unexpectedly there was a modest knock on the door.

"Bud, open up." Brian pleaded calmly from the other side. James' body halted to a stop with complete silence in the room. He could hear Brian's breath on the other side as he could sense his discomfort.

"I think we should talk." Brian noted, still maintaining a mild and steady tone. James's body was cold, his muscles tightened, and tears progressively grew. Finally, he bit his lip, quivering while trying to bring out the words.

"Go away, Brian." He let out as his voice swamped with embarrassment.

After a brief silence that seemed to last indefinitely, Brian's shadow slowly faded, leaving James' room in utter darkness. He crouched against the bed and started wobbling his body uncontrollably. He began having a panic attack and felt like his heart would give in right then and there. All the while, thoughts were ruthlessly running through his head.

How could he have been so thoughtless?
How could he have let himself reach that point?
How could Brian ever forgive him? How sick was he?

The feelings and thoughts overpowered him, and just like that, James began to weep uncontrollably. He grieved like a child as his body lay on the floor, curled up like an embryo. Then everything came crashing in, unannounced. He mourned for his parents. He sobbed for his loneliness. He wept for the intimacy lost with his sister. He cried for Brian and the regard he had gained from him after the beautiful moment they had shared and that he had now forfeited. He had never felt so alone as he did at that moment. Finally, rattled, distraught, exhausted and worn out, James let himself go to sleep, collapsing on the floor, skin drenched in his tears.

There were still four days left until Vanessa returned from her business trip. James' shame regarding what had happened subsided gradually, yet he still couldn't bring himself to confront Brian or acknowledge his presence. The boy had used every excuse to avoid being home longer than required. He had managed to slip between the cracks between work and art classes. Despite that, there were still two occasions during the evening when James felt Brian's presence outside his bedroom door. He would casually pass by and linger outside. On one particular occasion, he felt his hand reach for the doorknob and twist it, but James had purposely closed it. James had deliberately pushed Brian away. And even though he knew he had to, the pain it was causing him was immeasurable.

A few days went by, and as the end of the week came, James regaled in the thought of having his sister back in the house. Even so, in his head, he dreaded the thought that Brian might tell Vanessa what had transpired that night. And that would unquestionably shift the dynamic. James even started hunting for low-rent apartments that week in case things became excruciatingly uncomfortable. After drawing class, he left art school and walked home. It must have taken him about 40 minutes to make a 15-minute walk. Finally, he entered the building and launched up the stairs to the flat. He reached for the keys and inadvertently dropped them on the floor outside the door. As he went to pick them up, he heard a very familiar sound.

Inside the flat, Vanessa wailed.

He steadily inserted the key and rendered the lock. He sealed the door and removed his shoes, trying to make as little noise as feasible. But Vanessa's loud moans and snivels couldn't possibly be surmounted. James stood there, staring at their bedroom door and reasoning. He knew it was erroneous, but deep down, every fiber of his being propelled him to it. The boy walked slowly but with intent. There was no concern in his step, and he wasn't fearful. Instead, an inconspicuous assurance drove him towards the door. Upon reaching it, he could see that it was wide open. As he approached, his entire body already underneath the door frame, he composedly leaned on it and rested his body.

Right there, in front of him, was Brian. His head was facing the door, his massive body coating almost the entirety of Vanessa's small frame, her head drowned on his chest and sheltered by his lengthy murky hair. His robust ass pounded her pussy in steady but deep motions. James could hear the slovenly moist sounds of his pelvis striking her between her legs. Her whimpering became more severe and unintelligible. She was zoned out.

But once again, James' eyes were on Brian. And as he watched him, he acknowledged how much he had missed him, as if years had enacted since their last night together. And suddenly, amidst James' thought, Brian's head erupted, unleashing all his glorious hair away from his face. He was now staring directly at James.

In any given moment in the past, James would have shied away. But the dread and the apprehension were unexpectedly and surprisingly gone. And Brian's eyes had no shock or surprise this time either. Instead, James relied his head on the ligneous door frame, never once taking his eyes off of Brian's, and just smiled. Once that happened, both men's eyes latched. And Brian's tempo picked up intensity. He was hammering Vanessa relentlessly, holding her head to his chest and obstructing her view completely. He was fucking her, but his eyes were on James, who kept smiling and licking his lush, plump pink lips. Brian gazed at him, and his face warped in rapture. James knew he was about to climax, and with an understated yet reassuring nod, no words required, he permitted Brian to cum.

Brian let out a deep, profound growl, guttural and beast-like, that seemed to have been tucked deep inside him and waiting for release since their last night together. He started to discharge, maintaining his eyes open and fixed on the boy's tender smirk. James could sense the ropes of jizz sputtering from Brian's shaft. As the high subsided, so did the sounds around the room. And then everything became quiet and still. Both men exhaled at the same time, their breaths becoming interwoven and one. And in that instant, as they gazed at each other, James finally understood.

They had finally seen each other.
He had unlocked himself to Brian again.
James brought him back in. For the first time in his life, he wasn't afraid. And he didn't feel alone anymore.

James knew that even though it was his sister's body in bed with Brian, it was him that he had just fucked.