Consider Arbitrary - 1. Consider Arbitrary

Fantastic poem that you have here Bug. It's very emotional, whether you choose to read the left side first, or the right side first or read them altogether by just going left to right across the gulf in the middle.

I love your structure and stanzas and I did notice that if you used two words on the left, that you also used two words on the right and so on and so forth. I also noticed that structurally, it looked like a conscious effort to use the same kind of word, i.e. if you began with a verb on the left you started also with a verb on the right.

My comment mostly is that there were a couple of lines here and there that didn't quite match up. Like you started with a verb on one side and then a preposition on the other. Or, that you had three words on one and only two on the other. It made it so that in this particular stanza, it was asymmetrical and I thought perhaps that you were aiming for symmetry? But due to the content, you may have also been aiming for asymmetry? If you would like, I'll post which ones I noted didn't match up in the discussion thread. Otherwise I will assume that this was intended and won't point them out to you.

Anyways, a great read. I love poetry.

I hope you are not offended by this but this poem, I compare to some of Dylan Thomas little known poems. Dylan was a drunkard. It was said that he composed under milkwood and his rythming/alliteration poetry when he was drunk. When he was sober he wrote poetry based on form, where the shape gave meaning and could be read in different ways according to direction. This poem beats his poems outstandingly. I thinks this deserves a number of reading to get the full beauty of the peom. Beautiful.

On 01/14/2011 04:25 AM, Kavrik said:

Fantastic poem that you have here Bug. It's very emotional, whether you choose to read the left side first, or the right side first or read them altogether by just going left to right across the gulf in the middle.

 

I love your structure and stanzas and I did notice that if you used two words on the left, that you also used two words on the right and so on and so forth. I also noticed that structurally, it looked like a conscious effort to use the same kind of word, i.e. if you began with a verb on the left you started also with a verb on the right.

 

My comment mostly is that there were a couple of lines here and there that didn't quite match up. Like you started with a verb on one side and then a preposition on the other. Or, that you had three words on one and only two on the other. It made it so that in this particular stanza, it was asymmetrical and I thought perhaps that you were aiming for symmetry? But due to the content, you may have also been aiming for asymmetry? If you would like, I'll post which ones I noted didn't match up in the discussion thread. Otherwise I will assume that this was intended and won't point them out to you.

 

Anyways, a great read. I love poetry.

On 02/09/2011 07:35 AM, Red_A said:

I hope you are not offended by this but this poem, I compare to some of Dylan Thomas little known poems. Dylan was a drunkard. It was said that he composed under milkwood and his rythming/alliteration poetry when he was drunk. When he was sober he wrote poetry based on form, where the shape gave meaning and could be read in different ways according to direction. This poem beats his poems outstandingly. I thinks this deserves a number of reading to get the full beauty of the peom. Beautiful.