Those Left Behind - 24. Moving on

The following week was all go, in the neatest and most unobtrusive way possible. After asking round at work, Ludo had found a firm of professional movers who came, packed Jackie’s stuff from the garage and transferred it to a rented storage unit. All whilst Damian was at school. Ludo had wandered around the house afterwards and found all sorts of other bits and pieces, which needed taking to the storage, but it had been pretty painless.

Except, of course, the message to his work WhatsApp group asking about professional removals had prompted a series of sarcastic comments from his mates at work about keeping Arthur from them. Though, of course, the WhatsApp thread ended up crazy with others pointing out that Ludo had enough going on in his life, didn’t they read the newspapers. But it was all harmless and rather uplifting, taking him out of himself. The upshot was that Ludo agreed to bring Arthur to town soon to meet up with everyone for a drink. It was something he and Arthur had talked about, but what with one thing and another, it had rather fallen off the radar.

At the same time, Arthur was packing. He had taken time off work and insisted on doing the packing himself, saying that there wasn’t that much. Ludo had been shocked when Arthur had said that he didn’t want to bring much furniture. But Ludo insisted that some of the stuff Jackie had chosen for the house could go.

That had required him to sit down with Damian and explain. It’s not that he wanted to forget Jackie, just that for every day they needed to have things that were theirs as a family, Ludo, Arthur, Damian, and Adam. It got enormously complicated, entailing getting the boys to ‘help’ them sort the furniture, with Damian and Adam choosing things to take from the house. Damian got a bit upset and tearful, unable to explain what was wrong, which was understandable but meant that Ludo spent more time helping his son through what was a traumatic time than actually sorting out the moves. What should have been a week’s job stretched into two or so, despite Arthur being fearfully organised, and instead of the planned short sharp shock, ripping the plaster off, it was a slow burn. But they got there. Eventually.

By the time they’d finished, having rented a van for a day to ferry things around, Adam’s house looked spick and span, but slightly alarming to Ludo as some of the furniture was his and Jackie’s whilst some of Arthur’s was in the house they were sharing. Along with the odd space where they needed to buy something. It was a work in progress, but what the hell.

There had come a point where the two of them were sitting in Ludo’s house, the final batch of things to go to Arthur’s in the van, the empty spaces (largely upstairs) rather striking. Ludo sat down heavily on their bed, what had originally been the spare bed.

“You OK?” Arthur sat next to him and put his arm around him.

“Sort of. It’s just finally hit me. That Jackie’s gone”, he paused, then added hastily, “I don’t regret doing this, it’s just…”

“All a bit final.”

“The gaps bring it home. I would not have wanted to keep any of the stuff, and we had to make room for your things too.”

Arthur laughed, “Not that my stuff is much to write home about.”

“And we’re going to have far too much stuff, you know that don’t you?”

“Of course. We can spend the next few years bickering about what to keep and what to chuck out.”

“Like an old married couple. You don’t think Jackie would want any of it, do you?”

“Search me, but you’ve stored the more personal stuff and frankly, after what she’s going through, I doubt she’ll be worried about a dressing table or a desk.”

“True. I just…”

Arthur put his hand on Ludo’s knee, “Leave it. Her solicitor could easily have arranged things. And when its gone, its gone.”

“And she’s gone. Fucking hell, she’s really gone” and Ludo started laughing, perhaps a bit hysterically. Finally, he calmed down, “Sorry, don’t know where that came from.”

Arthur chortled, “Think I do. You need to get a bit more out of your system.”

“How?”

“Sorry, not my field. Psychobabble? Primal screaming? Just talking…”

“Primal screaming, me?”

“Going out into the Fens and really giving it some welly?”

“You and me both” and they both started laughing again.

Arthur would have to spend a few days sorting out his old house, tidying it and presenting it but it would soon go on the market and that was that.

On Friday, both of them met the boys from school, Arthur took Adam to their old house so the boy could help him sort things out, but really to say goodbye, whilst Ludo had a project with Damian. He had encouraged the boy to select things he wanted to keep, to remember his Mother. The result had been not quite what Ludo had envisioned, not things really, but ephemera that conjured moments that Damian remembered, along with a few photos.

So, once they were home, they sat down with them and looked through. Then Damian suddenly stopped.

“You OK, love?”

The boy drew his lips together, “She won’t be coming back here, will she?”

“Not to here, I shouldn’t think. Whatever happens.”

“If… If she doesn’t go to prison?”

“Too much has happened, hasn’t it? Your Mum and I will get a divorce but stay friends. I expect we’ll do things like meet up for coffee and that.”

“Like Lesley?”

“That’s it. Your Mum will get her own place, and all her things can come out of storage. You’ll be able to visit her there and stay, all the regular things. OK?”

Damian nodded, but was thoughtful, “But what if…” He pulled a face. “What if she wants some of the things that are in Arthur’s house?”

“I doubt she will. The things she brought from her Mum and Dad, and from her Gran, are all in the storage. The things at Arthur’s are the furniture we bought for this house. I remember choosing them. I don’t want them here to remind me, and I doubt she will either.”

“How will you remember?”

He ruffled Damian’s hair, “Like you, I’ve kept a few things.” The boy made to speak but Ludo continued, “Personal things, that you’ll get to see when you get older, OK? Photographs, special mementos.” Truth be told there wasn’t a lot. He had a few photographs, stuff from their wedding and tourist tat from early holidays and the honeymoon. He’d looked at some of it and wondered why the hell they bought it, but it also brought a smile to his face. Remembering.

Damian was still serious, he nodded thoughtfully, “OK.”

“Now, what do you want to do with all this, eh? I plan to put a few pictures up, but you can have whatever you want in your bedroom.”

“Would it be OK if I didn’t?”

“You can do anything you want, love. So where shall we put them? In the spare room there’s a little cupboard that we bought when you were tiny. It’s too small for your stuff now, but I didn’t want to get rid of it.” Ludo could still remember going to buy it with Jackie, when Damian got to the point where he was sleeping in a bed in his own room, alone. Life had seemed so full of promise then.

“You mean put it in my room with my special things in it?”

“That’s it, love; a special place for special things. You can organise them how you want.”

There was space in Damian’s room, now that they had Adam in the old guest room, with Ludo and Arthur back in the main bedroom, albeit with different furniture. It would take some getting used to, and more than once, Ludo had got confused when going to the loo at night.

So, they had moved things around, a bit, and Ludo had left Damian to put his special things into the cupboard whilst he went to make their dinner, just the two of them. Damian was quite some time, Ludo suspected that the boy had taken up Ludo’s suggestion of writing some notes about what was special and why.

“OK, love?”

“Fine, thanks, Dad. I was writing things, as you suggested.”

“Get it all done?”

A look of concentration, “I don’t think so. There’s more to add, I might need another exercise book.”

Ludo laughed, “I think we can manage that.”

Ludo and Arthur had decided that there ought to be a weekly time when they split up, each to do different father and son things. Today had been a good start, but they meant to get into the habit, without making a big thing of it. The talk of taking Arthur to London had set Ludo thinking, and he wondered about taking Damian one day. The boy would be Ok for an hour or two in the office whilst Ludo had a meeting. There was bound to be someone around to keep their eye on him, and he would get to see Ludo’s office and afterwards they could go for a wander.

“I’ve been thinking, how you like to come to the office with me one afternoon in your holidays?”

“The office? You mean your London office?”

“That’s it. You’d have to read a book for an hour or so, whilst I had my meeting.”

“But I’d be able to see where you work?”

“Of course, though I warn you, it’s not very exciting.” Damian rolled his eyes at that one. “Then we could perhaps walk for a bit, Kensington Gardens isn’t far away, and we’d have a pizza or something near the railway station.”

“Just you and me?”

“That’s right. And Adam will do special things with his Dad.”

“But we’ll do things, all four of us, as a family.” The last three words were almost a question.

“That’s right. As a family. Arthur’s my boyfriend and we’ll get married. At some point. So don’t get all excited.”

Damian giggled, “That mean’s Arthur will be my step-Dad.”

“He can be whatever you want him to be. Call him whatever. OK?”

“Thanks.”

The Saturday after the final move, Gordy announced that he would take the boys for a long walk, and that they’d get their tea at the fish and chip shop in town afterwards, eating in (which made a double treat for the boys). So, Ludo and Arthur had the prospect of afternoon and early evening together.

“What do you fancy, a lazy day at home, go to the cinema, a meal out?” Arthur looked at Ludo quizzically. The boys were upstairs, supposedly getting ready for Gordy to collect them, but from the noise, it sounded as if they were playing a lively game.

“The cinema, on a day like today? And I think going out, we’ve spent too long at home. I fancy a walk?”

“What about the earth works?”

“King Arthur’s Castle?” It was a local landmark. Some sort of iron age fort that had acquired a mythic name that bore no resemblance to reality. But the earth works themselves were impressive and remarkably substantial.

Arthur shrugged, “Well, they think it was probably some sort of defensive ditch or wall, rather than any sort of castle. Iron age fort, probably. But yes. That. There’s plenty of it.”

“And food?”

Arthur rolled his eyes, “Picnics, you’ve heard of those.”

Gordy was prompt and the boys were excited, the man hustled them away and said that he’d keep them a good while. As the three left the boys were eagerly asking where they were going but Gordy refused to say. In fact, Gordy had a good walk planned for them, around the edges of a private estate; he knew the head gardener and whilst they couldn’t visit the whole estate, he was able to take the boys through a few short cuts away from the public footpath.

Arthur and Damian did what they cursed others for doing, they drove down to the High Street, parked in the short-term parking, and ran to the shops to buy a picnic. When they got to King Arthur’s Castle (duly signposted as such by English Heritage), they didn’t do that much, simply parked, and then walked along the earth works, stopping constantly to look at the views and enjoy the quiet.

They had left the picnic at the car, and only brought a drink and a biscuit with them. The walk along the top of the earth bank was brisk and breezy, but it blew cobwebs away and the views across the Fens were amazing. When they fancied a pause, they slithered down the bank and found a nice little cubby-hole cut out the side of the earth work and sat there having a drink. It was quiet, and they were sheltered. Ludo leaned over and kissed Arthur, who responded. It went far further than either of them had planned. A sticky mess was avoided because Arthur, always well prepared, had brought wet wipes.

“Did you plan for this?”

Arthur laughed, “I wouldn’t have dreamed. These are the results of bringing up a messy kid. Don’t you carry them?”

“Sorry. I have a draw full of handkerchiefs with the remains of disgusting stains on them, like failed tie-dye.”

Arthur shook his head, “I can’t believe we just did that.”

Ludo wiggled his eyebrows, “Perhaps we should have done it months ago.”

“Well, it certainly relieved tension.”

They strode briskly back to the car but kept laughing and at one point were holding hands. Picnic retrieved, they found somewhere to sit, ignoring whether it was private or not this time. All they were going to do was eat weren’t they, but the meal was full of unintentional hilarity and giggles.