The Price of Love - 1. Story

THE PRICE OF LOVE - QUONUS10

“Stop!” I shouted. Something was wrong. We were leaving everyone with no explanation. Why wouldn’t he talk to me?

“Barh,” I tried again. “We can’t leave them, they will die!”

“They will die even if we stay.” Barh’s flat affect stung like a slap in the face. He was never this cold to me.

Magic took us high enough for me to see for miles. Stretched below my feet the combined armies of three kingdoms gathered to meet the Degari; a swarm of evil the world thought vanquished long ago. Gathered to die, I thought. Without Barh they had no hope. So why was he running away?

“BARH!” I screamed. “We can’t abandon our friends!”

My words finally reached him. Slowly he turned. The strain of the last year was visible in every crease on his face. He was the last Magi and this war was killing him.

“Jackson,” he smiled at me for the first time in days. It was the saddest smile I ever saw. “If we stay, we won’t survive. No one will. We will be swept aside and the world will be lost. Our salvation lies with Chenoth.”

Had Barh’s mind finally snapped under the demands placed on him? Chenoth was a myth. Everyone from the Scholars of Hendry to the Magi, including Barh, searched in vain for some clue where to find Chenoth. Years of work revealed nothing.

Treading carefully, I whispered, “He is not real Barh.”

His icy façade seemed to melt a bit more as he smiled at me again. “Chenoth is real Jacks.”

Barh never felt so distant, it was as if he were leaving me, one thought at a time. He risked everything to be with me so why was he suddenly acting like he didn’t care about me?

Of course when we met I had no right to expect him to care about me. Barh, Barhingolis actually, was a Magi and not just any Magi, he was a legend. Attaining full Magi status at seventeen was the first of many accomplishments to his name before we met. Me? I was no one; the son of a cooper from a small village in the far western province of Wesmer. My village had the dubious honor of being the first village attacked by the Degari.

Barh led the force that saved what was left of my village. I can still see that day in my mind; etched forever as both the saddest and happiest of my life. In shock and alone, I stood over the broken, bloody bodies of my father and younger brother when this kid - Barh was barely twenty at the time - walks over and tries to comfort me. His compassion and gentle touch helped heal my pain.

For weeks we denied our feelings for each other because admitting them created more problems than it solved. Magi were discouraged from falling in love because getting married meant almost certain loss of their powers. In the hundred generations of recorded history, only three of the dozens who took the oath of marriage remained a Magi; just three. Barh made four, adding to his legacy.

Barh was everything he promised; husband, lover, friend, companion. Even the constant grind of the war couldn’t diminish our bond. Of late, however, he kept apart, isolated in his thoughts.

Looking down, my knees shook. No matter how many times Barh took me flying, I still felt a moment of panic when I saw nothing beneath my feet. Years of practice taught me it was best to focus on something other than the air under foot so I trained my eyes on our army.

Barh persuaded the three kingdoms to put aside their distrust and hatred for each other to stand as one. Every soldier who could swing a blade or pull a bow was massed just beyond the Northern Pass. In a different time, Barh would have been praised for what he achieved. Today his efforts would prove futile.

Beyond our army, moving quickly, a swirling mass of black covered the land. For as far as I could see, the Degari blotted out the snow.

“Our help will not stop that.” Barh’s breath was warm on my ear.

Still watching the Degari, I answered, “Fleeing feels wrong; cowardly even. We abandoned them when they needed us most.” Turning, I added, “Without you Barh, the warriors’ morale will fail.”

Peering into his eyes, Barh was still far away. “Jacks, this is the only hope for everyone. Even I can’t stand against that for long.” He pointed weakly toward the Degari. “What would happen to their spirits if they witnessed me cut down?”

“Besides,” He took my hand and kissed it gently. “Word is being spread throughout the army that I go to summon Chenoth. His name will strengthen their hearts.”

Barh stepped back causing my heart to skip. How could I have missed how gaunt the war made him? Alone in our tent at night I never noticed the change. He was always lean and wiry but now he looked starved. Seeing his pale blue Magi Robe gathered loosely around his leather belt, I understood fully the price he paid.

Although handsome, Barh’s most amazing feature was his piercing eyes; the eyes of a Magi. Crystal blue, they captivated my soul. With just a look he would soothe my fears, making everything seem better. Now all I saw was a deep sadness that wrenched at my heart.

Unable to bear the pain I saw in his eyes, I turned to see our destination looming ever closer. Floating above the center of the continent, the Island in the Clouds reminded the world that the Gods left behind special beings to protect us.

If the guardians lived here, no evidence was ever found. Birds and insects were all that populated the lush forest surrounding the lone mountain in the center of the land.

“Barh, we searched here before.” I reminded him trying desperately not to sound worried. “Chenoth was not there.”

He turned away, but before he did, I thought I saw shame in his face.

“Yes, he was.” His words were barely audible. “I refused to hear him.”

What did that mean? We were here last year and left with nothing; not even a clue where to go next. I tried to make eye contact, to see what was going on with him, but Barh closed his eyes tight. Eleven years together taught me it was not safe to disturb him.

Soaring over the clouds, I was still fascinated by the sight. Last time we came, Barh went slowly to give me time to soak in all the details. Today he didn’t slow down at all, making straight for the solitary peak I knew to be our destination.

Halfway up the eastern slope, a large cave held a lonely vigil over the land. Throughout the cave I found wide talon marks Barh said belong to a dragon that once lived there.

I knew without being told that the cave was our goal. Our last time here, Barh told me that was where we would find Chenoth. We didn’t; so why was he coming back?

As we rounded the mountain, the mouth of the cave became visible. Maybe now Barh would explain why we came back.

Gently he lowered us onto the ledge. Glad to be on solid ground, I stomped my boots into the earth. Barh stood next to me smiling.

“You never did like to fly, did you Jacks?” He asked.

“Flying isn’t the problem,” I told him with a chuckle. “I just prefer seeing something solid under foot.”

My laugh was cut short when I felt a presence in the cave that was not here before. Someone or something was here. Barh was right, but how did he know?

Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t realize Barh walked further inside. Shaking my head to clear the daydream, I quickly caught up to him. Nothing was as I remembered, but it had to be the same place. There was only one cave in the mountain; this had to be it.

I nearly bumped into Barh when he abruptly stopped inside the dimly lit cavern. His eyes were almost closed as he searched the empty room. Barh’s soothing voice broke the silence.

“Chenoth,” Barh kept his gaze on an empty patch of rock in front of him. “As you said I would, I have returned.”

As Chenoth said? What was going on? If Barh spoke to Chenoth a year ago, why didn’t he tell me before? More importantly, why hadn’t Chenoth helped us yet?

My lungs burned and I realized I was holding my breath waiting for something to happen. Running my eyes around the cavern, I searched for some sign Chenoth was here. Barh never moved, as if waiting for something.

“Welcome Magi Barhingolis.” I nearly jumped through the rock ceiling when I heard the inhuman voice. “Long has been your journey child, be at ease in my home.”

“My thanks Chenoth, but I shall find no comfort this day. The hour is short and our need is great.” Barh didn’t turn, still fixed on the same spot. “I have come to secure your help and restore balance to our world.”

“What do you offer?”

“All that I have and all that I ever will.” Barh’s words were spoken with such reverence that I shivered.

“As is proper.” Chenoth said. “This day you understand what is necessary.”

“I do.” Those two little words held so much sadness I knew something terrible just happened.

White vapors suddenly appeared all around the room. Transfixed, I watched them gather, gaining substance as they moved. A vast dragon took shape, filling almost the entire space with its mass. Before I could protest, the dragon spoke.

“I accept your offer.” Chenoth said as the last wisp of white was sucked into his body. White as the clouds his home rested on, the dragon looked pleased.

“Will you allow me to say goodbye?”

Say goodbye? To whom? There was no one here except me. I tried to find my voice but I couldn’t speak. All I could do was watch as my worst fears unfolded before me.

“You have earned this small boon and more.” Impossibly, Chenoth stood up and stretched his enormous wings. Awe replaced my fear for the briefest instant as I saw the cavern expand and open to the sky.

Barh was staring at me when I looked down. “Goodbye?” I croaked.

“I can’t go back with you Jacks.” He told me.

Jaw open, I could only stare at him.

“All that I have and all that I ever will,” Barh repeated softly. “Someone must give everything to save the rest.”

“No,” I shook my head. How could this be happening? “Not you, no! Let someone else. Let someone else!”

My voice bordered on hysterical. Barh gave me the barest of smiles as if that was all the joy he could manage.

“Oh Jackson.” Tears gathered around the edges of his eyes. “If there were any other way.”

“No!” Shaking my head violently, I refused to hear him. “NO!”

Gently he took my hands. “Forgive me please.”

“Please.” He pleaded.

“No, no no NO!” It was all I could think of. “Barh don’t do this.”

“I have no choice, there is no . . . .”

He never finished, I wouldn’t let him. “PLEASE!” I begged in vain.

“Jackson,” His whisper was barely audible over my grief. “I need you to tell me it is okay.”

Shaking my head, I repeated his last word in my head? Okay? How could he think I would ever tell him this was okay?

“Last time we came here I realized what was necessary.” Barh swallowed twice as he tried to contain his emotions long enough to explain. “I couldn’t . . .I couldn’t do it.”

I watched in shock as the man I loved began to cry. During the war, Barh suffered pain beyond any I could imagine; demonic burns, sword cuts, even the lost of his closest friends. Nothing reduced him to this state.

When his sobs no longer wracked his body, he continued.

“I couldn’t do it,” He repeated through his tears. “I couldn’t leave you and because I was weak, thousands died needlessly.”

So much made sense that I didn’t understand before. Since we were last here I would catch Barh staring at me as if he wanted to capture my image forever.

“I failed you and everyone else who looked to me for help.” Now he wouldn’t look at me.

“Barh,” I whispered between my own sobs. “You never failed me.”

Despite my attempts to get him to look at me he refused to meet my gaze. “Yes I did. Chenoth came to me last time we were here. He explained everything.

“The Elementals, beings like him tasked by the Gods to watch over our world, are limited in their ability to act. Only in times of great need could they help and only if those they protect are willing to share the burden. It is for our benefit they intercede. The Degari pose no threat to Chenoth and his kind.”

I stood transfixed, listening to every word for fear it would be his last. Barh sniffed twice, wiped the remaining tears from his face and continued.

“The Magi exist to serve the people. This we always knew. What we didn’t know was that for Chenoth or any of the Elementals to act, they require a Magi to be their earthly form.”

I gasped. For more than a year Barh had been the last Magi. The Degari must have known the Elementals needed a Magi. Since the war began they targeted the Magi with unwavering devotion.

Barh finally looked at me. “It is not because I am the last Magi that it must be me. Three others still live; hidden, one in each of the kingdoms. The Council quickly recognized we were targets and faked the deaths of three who were our best teachers. Fifteen of the brightest novices were sent with each teacher, living in secret so our talents would not be lost.”

“If you are not the last why does it have to be you?” Hope filled my heart that another, someone who was alone, without a lover, could take Barh’s place.

“Because what I give life to, you must lead.” The profound sadness I saw before me robbed his beautiful eyes of their life.

“Me?” I was too stunned to say more.

Barh started to cry again. “Forgive me Jacks. Please.” He pleaded with me in a whisper.

I was so numb I couldn’t speak.

He must have mistaken my silence for a refusal to forgive him as I watched his body stiffened and he struggled to compose himself.

“In times of crisis, a Magi may marry and keep his powers because the spouse is needed to aid the Elementals. We were meant to be together so that we could be parted today.”

What cruel twist was this that we were allowed to love only so we could be ripped apart?

“I didn’t know.” Barh’s voice was that of a man resigned to his fate. His eyes were glassy and unfocused as he stared at anything but me. “If I knew loving you would cause you such pain, I would have pushed you away at the start. Even if you can’t forgive me, believe that I never meant to hurt you.”

Barh started to turn away and my mind screamed at me to stop him. “I do.”

My voice was so soft I wasn’t sure I spoke out loud. Barh stopped. “I forgive you Barh.”

Tears ran down my cheeks in small streams as I tried to get my eyes to focus. If this was the last time I would see him, I didn’t want to waste an instant.

“You gave me a reason to live when I wanted to die. In you I found someone to love after all the love was taken from me.” My forced smile probably made me look crazy. “All you did was make me happy. If we die today, I am content. There is nothing to forgive.”

Gently he used the thumbs from his scarred hands to wipe the tears from my cheek. “Oh Jacks.” His tears were back. “I am not coming back, but you can’t come with me either. One of us has to stay behind. One of us has to live with a broken heart . . . .”

Seeing him in such pain lent me a measure of strength I didn’t feel. It wasn’t his sacrifice he couldn’t bear, it was the pain he would cause me. To the end he thought more of my feelings than his own.

“Barh, I forgive you.” I pull him into me so I could feel him this last time. The sound of the medallion around his chest striking my armor reverberated against the wall. Chenoth was still a spirit until Barh became his host and was consumed by the exchange.

“Please don’t hate me Jacks, please don’t hate me for leaving you.” He sobbed on my shoulder. “For the last year I searched for another way, any way, but there was none.”

“Barh,” I pulled his face up so I could stare into his eyes. “I will never hate you, not now, not ever. You are the finest person I know. It was my privilege to share my life with you.”

That was all I could manage. Before I was reduced to a blubbering mess, I kissed him, saying my goodbye in the only voice I had left. That I can’t remember how long we kissed bothers me. Was it over quick? Did we linger? I can’t recall. All I remember was the feel of his lips on mine and how his hands held my face tight as if afraid to let go.

Barh stepped back when we broke and pulled the chain from around his neck.

“I won’t need this anymore.” He struggled to get the words out. Carefully he spread the chain wide and slid it over my head. “Keep this to remind you of my love, our love. Know that I loved only you Jackson.”

All I could do was nod. My tears seemed to sap the moisture from my mouth so I could barely speak. “I will.”

“Promise me you will love again.” He suddenly turned serious.

“Barh. . . .” I shook my head at his request.

“Promise me you will love again,” He repeated. “Do not let my death stop you from finding joy in the world.”

I nodded. “Because of you I will cherish every day, remembering it was your gift to me and the world.”

Barh’s smile brought life back to his eyes. This is what he needed from me; he needed to know I understood why he was doing this. Knowing our last moment together made him happy evoked a small laugh that he quickly copied. Together we laughed to celebrate the joy we gave each other during our lives.

Our last kiss brought me back to the truth. This kiss would have to last me a lifetime. Too soon it ended. Fingering Barh’s amulet, I stumbled toward the entrance, refusing to look back, fearing I would never leave.

Barh voice was loud enough for me to hear him say, “I am ready.”

There was no sound, no flash of light to tell me it was over, but I knew Barh was gone the moment it happened. It felt as if someone blew out a candle in my soul, leaving a void I can never light again.

A solitary tear rolled slowly down my right cheek to mark his passing. He deserved more than one, but it was all I had left.

Sunshine peaked above the rim of the cave trying to rekindle my spirit. It was Barh reminding me not to let darkness consume me.

Not knowing what to do next, I leaned back against the wall trying to picture Barh’s face. Without him, I had no way back. How could I lead if I was stuck in this cave? Forget the cave, even if I could climb down, there was no way to get off the island.

If I was stuck here, the Degari would overrun the world and Barh would have died in vain.

A sound from inside the cave interrupted my thoughts. Could Chenoth be so insensitive he would take possession of Barh then walk out for me to see?

When I got the courage to look, I realized it was not Chenoth or Barh. Instead, a blue dragon walked slowly toward me. Smaller than Chenoth, it was nevertheless many times the size of the largest horse. It lowered itself before me, an invitation to mount. Not an invitation, a demand. Barh said I must lead what he unleashed; here was my way home.

Numb from my loss, I somehow found a place to sit. Ridges on either side of the dragon acted as stirrups even as I grasped a pair of boney spikes before me. Slowly my new companion rose, wiggling just enough for me to test my hold.

Whatever the Dragon thought, it did not speak to me. Instead it burst into a full gallop straight for the mouth of the cave. When it reached the lip, I could hear its talons dig into the rock as it thrust us skyward. Once clear of the mountain, the enormous wings snapped outward, catching the wind to keep us aloft.

The times I flew with Barh did nothing to prepare me for the sensation of riding a dragon. Long, powerful strokes quickly took us north even as the wind tried to tear me from my seat.

Despite the sensation, I searched for Chenoth and the other Elementals Barh freed with his life. Grateful as I was, I felt betrayed when the skies were empty but for myself and the blue dragon who carried me.

Barh sacrificed everything and this was all it was worth? I expected an army led by Chenoth to fly out of the mountain to overwhelm the Degari. Meaning no insult to my companion, I felt Barh was far more valuable than a lone dragon.

Anger replaced sorrow as we neared the edge of land. Resigned to the travesty Chenoth perpetuated, I felt ashamed when the top of the mountain seemed to explode before my eyes.

Struggling against the wind, I kept my focus on the mountain. A continuous stream of white, not clouds, nor snow nor ash, but a river of solid white, shot from the peak. What appeared to me as one solid mass slowly revealed itself as much more.

Leading the way, Chenoth cut through the air with his massive wings. Even at this distance I could tell he was bigger than what I saw in the cave. Behind him, an army of . . . I don’t know what they were. They were unlike anything I had seen before. Whatever they were, they were beautiful. Some resembled horses, cows, wolves and other animals I recognized. Among those I didn’t know I saw giant felines, striped horses, creatures with long necks, or massive arms or sharp horns. There were more creatures than I could identify. All were white with small, delicate wings that impossibly kept them aloft.

Dwarfed by the dragon who led them, the aerial army continued to grow until they covered the sky for miles. Chenoth’s roar was both angry and triumphant as it filled the air, daring someone, anyone to defy him. His challenge was echoed by the ever growing army at his back.

My ride, whose name I never learned, did not join the call as he carried me away. So great was the size of Chenoth and his followers, it took me a moment to realize we were not joining the attack. Instead, we slowly angled toward the army of my people.

At first no one noticed our approach; Chenoth and his legions commanded everyone’s attention. Then someone, followed by others, pointed toward us as we drew closer.

“Show yourself to ease their fear.” A voice told me. The voice was familiar, yet not, as if I knew the speaker but could not say who it was. Was this another manifestation of Chenoth?

There was no time to delve further into that mystery; I needed to do as told. Standing as best as I could, I waved my arms and shouted.

“To arms! To arms! Chenoth has answered our call.” A dozen times I cried out struggling not to choke. Chenoth hadn’t answered our call; Barh bought the help with his life.

Despair changed to hope, then to joy as soldiers from three ancestral enemies waved their weapons and cheered as one people at their unexpected salvation. We swept over the rejuvenated force, landing just in front of the assembled army.

My ride slowly turned around so we could face the troops. Men and women ran toward us, caught up in the euphoria of the moment. I stood up feeling a profound sense of loss that my beloved was not among their number.

“Address them.” The familiar voice instructed.

Drawing my sword, I did what was expected of me; I instilled hope in their hearts. Waiting for the soldiers to stop, I observed the three kings and their retinues press forward. I saw shock in the faces of more than a few.

Before I could speak someone called out, “Where is the Magi?” The question echoed throughout the crowd.

A knife through my heart could not have caused more pain than those four simple words. Barh was gone, how could they ask me to say out loud what I had yet to reconcile in my heart? There wasn’t even a body for the world to honor with a proper burial.

“The Magi did what was expected of him.” Tears forced themselves to corners of my eyes against my will. I pointed skyward hoping no one would saw my weakness. “Behold! Chenoth answered the call of the Magi. Salvation is at hand.”

The last few words came out cracked and broken. Even saying his title was too painful.

“You must take the fight to your enemy.” The dragon told them. “Chenoth cannot fight this battle alone. When you take to the field, he will strengthen your arm and shield your body.”

Another cheer erupted before the soldiers surged forward, ready to do the impossible. Chenoth was here; they were invincible.

As the dragon promised, as soon as our soldiers met the Degari, Chenoth and his followers struck. Some swooped in to shield the soldiers, while Chenoth led the others in destroying the black demons. Everywhere I looked I saw Barh’s hand, protecting the people he loved enough that he died for them.

Those who were there told me I rode the blue dragon as it flew across the width of the enemy, erupting blue hot flames as he passed. I have no memory of the fight other than it was brief. The white avatars fanned out across the globe, weeding out any Degari who sought to hide.

Sitting on the edge of a parapet in the Magi Citadel I can’t stop thinking about him. I lost him the day the war ended. Another bittersweet day in my life.

Chenoth and the other Elementals left when the last of the Degari were defeated. No explanations, no words of wisdom, nothing. The blue dragon, three months later and I still don’t know his name, remained with me, adding to the growing legend around me I can’t quell. It is Barh the bards should sing about, not me.

The three Magi who survived became the new Magi Council. After offering words of praise for Barh and sympathy for my loss, they told me I could keep our quarters in the Citadel.

Although it is the only home I knew for 11 years, it is time for me to find a new place to live. There is no peace for me there among the memories. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of him; the chair beside the fireplace he used to read, his books, trinkets from our travels, weapons we practiced with and of course our bed.

I notice my hands rubbing the medallion around my neck. Whenever I think of him, I unconsciously reach for it. Turning the gold circle over to read his name inscribed on the back for the thousandth time, it feels warm to my touch.

My thoughts are interrupted by the familiar sound of the dragon winging his way toward me. As the hulking blue form, framed by the waning hours of daylight, drew close, I wished yet again Barh could be with me.

Landing on the battlement, he moved carefully so his talons did not crush the stone wall. Wasted effort, I muse, the Magi enchanted the tower centuries ago.

Staring up at the Island in the Clouds, silent as always, the dragon appeared content to sit quietly in the coolness of the early spring evening.

“You should stay in the old rooms, Jacks.” His words caught me by surprise.

The voice, the tone, it couldn’t be. Did he call me ‘Jacks?’ No one did that, no one but . . . “Barh?”

Slowly the giant head swung around so I could see his face. The crystal blue eyes that warmed my heart for eleven years stared anxiously, waiting for something from me. When his expression shifted, I could see Barh smiling at me.

“Barh!” My voice echoed throughout the complex. Pushing myself up, I wrapped my arms around the blue scales of his neck. “Why . . . .”

“I wasn’t sure you would still want me.” He said hesitantly.

Squeezing his neck tighter I felt my eye start to water. “Barh, how could you think I wouldn’t want you? You always had my heart and always will.”

“I can never go back, Jackson. A dragon I shall be until I die.” He explained. “Can you love me like this?”

For the first time since Barh died, I felt tears run down my cheeks. These, however, were for me.

“Yes,” I whispered. “Of course I can.”

© 2010 Quonus10

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