The Mystery in the Mansion - 1. The Ghostly Yankee

Jack and Brad ran across the street and across the lawn of the Thomason estate. The big white-columned mansion was in darkness, save for a light somewhere on the second floor. As another blood-curdling scream erupted from within the house, Jack was on his radio.

"This is off duty Unit 604 to dispatch!" He shouted.

"Dispatch to 604, go ahead," came the response.

"I need a unit to 402 Crabapple Street. I am responding now to a female in distress inside the residence."

"10-4, Unit 604. Will dispatch Unit 606 to your location immediately, over," the female dispatcher came back.

"Get behind a column and stay there, Brad!" Jack ordered seriously, and Brad did so, crouching low behind one of the enormous white porch pillars.

Jack beat on the big front door and shouted, "OPEN UP, POLICE!!!"

In a moment the huge, ornate crystal chandelier in the foyer blazed to life overhead, and Miz Vivian was at the door, trembling in her low-cut red satin negligee. "Oh,thank Gawd!" She drawled in relief. "I'm so glad you're here, Jack!"

A siren was approaching in the distance now. "What's wrong, Miz Vivian?" Jack asked, glancing around, his weapon in his hand.

"Nothing, now that you are here!" Miz Vivian exclaimed. Even at a time like this, Miz Vivian's overly enthusiastic appreciation of the male anatomy was ever-present. She was gazing down to where the handheld police radio that he had hurriedly jammed into his pocket, along with his badge, was pulling Jack's jogging shorts down on one side. This was causing a wide gap of the bare outer side of Jack's muscular, fuzzy upper thigh, still slightly damp from his hurried exit from the pool, to show between the top of the shorts on that side of his leg, and the bottom of the old t-shirt that he had hurriedly crammed down into them.

"Is there anyone else here?" Jack asked. Once Miz Vivian had told him that an intruder was not what had caused her to scream, Jack self-consciously yanked the side of his shorts up, hastily re-covering the upper reaches of his big furry leg. He told Brad he could come out from behind the white pillar now, and upon seeing him, Miz Vivian grabbed Brad up in a tight hug, mashing his head right into her ample bosom.

"I'm so glad ya'll are here!" She exclaimed.

By now, Officer Justin Earheart was coming up the sidewalk with his weapon drawn. "What's going on, Jack?" He asked.

"We were just trying to figure that out, Justin," Jack replied. "Me and Brad were in the pool when we heard Miz Vivian screaming. We rushed right over, but she says there is no one here but her though."

Upon hearing that, Justin lowered his weapon. "Come in, come in," Miz Vivian invited, and they all followed her into the huge two-story foyer with its enormous curved staircase which looked straight out of Gone With the Wind.

"What happened, Miz Vivian?" Justin asked.

"Well," Miz Vivian explained, "I was upstairs in my room in the east wing of the second floor, just getting ready for bed. The grandfather clock down here in the foyer had just chimed at 12:30. I had the window over across the room from me raised to enjoy the nice evenin' breeze, and I was sitting in the chair right by my bed, reading that new Danielle Steel novel - you know it is really good. Genevieve, the main character, was about to make love to this big handsome..."

"Miz Vivian," Justin gently coaxed, "there could still be someone around..."

"Oh, of course," Miz Vivian said, reluctantly getting back on subject. "Anyway, I was sitting there and was really getting into my reading, when I heard the most awful moaning coming from directly over my head!"

Justin nodded, and Miz Vivian continued, "I rushed right up to the third floor. It is all open, as it is the old ballroom." She was trembling now. Brad put an arm reassuringly around her as Justin and Jack listened.

"Anyway, there by the fireplace at the other end of the ballroom was this THING!" She exclaimed.

"What thing?" Jack asked gently.

"A GHOST!" Miz Vivian exclaimed emphatically, swooning dramatically into Brad's arms.

Jack helped Brad carry the old lady to the red velvet settee in the big front parlor just off the foyer. "Lock the door to this room behind us, Brad!" Jack commanded. "We're going to search the whole house and see if we can figure out what the hell is going on here. Don't let anyone in unless you know it is me or Justin, and if anyone tries to get in, call 911 and tell dispatch to let us know!"

With that, the officers rushed from the room, and Brad quickly locked the big old oak door behind them, and went back to Miz Vivian. In a few minutes, she was coming around, and asked him to get her a double shot of Woodford Reserve from a crystal decanter on a sideboard nearby. Brad got her the drink, and she slugged it back in one gulp. "Hell, baby," she drawled, "you and your man and that other handsome young cop all think I'm just plain ol' batshit crazy now, don't you?"

"Not at all, Miz Vivian," Brad replied, giving her a reassuring little squeeze. "I know you had to see SOMETHING the way you were screaming, for us to hear you all the way over in Jack's backyard."

"Well, old Barney Finkster told me down at the garden club the other day that he had heard you and Jack doing some screaming of your own out in that backyard a few times," she said with an evil grin, causing Brad to blush crimson. Miz Vivian still clearly had her naughty sense of humor, even at a time like this.

Brad was a little mortified to find out that Jack's other neighbor, across the back fence, had evidently overheard Brad and Jack's hot poolside lovemaking sessions a time or two! At least Mr. Finkster was an older, thoroughly queeny, and completely harmless, fifty-something gay man. Finkster, seemingly always with a tall hurricane glass full of a mixed drink in hand, liked to joke that he liked his drinks like he liked his men, "Long and strong, baby!"

He might tease them confidentially about what he had overheard when he got a chance, but he certainly would not have ever been offended by it. Barney Finkster sure wasn't the least bit sexually attractive to either Brad or Jack, but they both had to admit that the flaming old queen was funny as hell, though. He was, after all, pretty much a lushed-up version of Paul Lynde!

Miz Vivian got back on subject again, and explained that upon seeing the ghost in the third floor ballroom, she had run back down to her bedroom on the second floor, and had just completely lost it, screaming hysterically over and over. Her bedroom window having been raised was how her screams had been able to make their way over to Jack's backyard. Miz Vivian and Brad both sat there nervously for quite a long while on the settee. Finally, a knock came at the door to the parlor.

"Wh-Who is it?" Brad asked nervously.

"It's OK, it's me and Justin, babe," came Jack's deep voice.

Brad went to the door and opened it, with Miz Vivian right behind him.

"Well," Justin explained to Miz Vivian, "we've searched the whole house, cellar to attic, and didn't find anyone."

"Well hell," Miz Vivian said testily, "I coulda told you that. A damn ghost ain't gonna still be here!"

Justin and Jack exchanged glances as Brad looked on, and Jack spoke up diplomatically, "Sorry, Miz Vivian. We were just making sure no one was in the house. All the doors and windows are locked - except for the one you had raised in your bedroom, that is, and I just put it down and locked it - and nothing seems to be out of place."

"Of course, of course," Miz Vivian said with a wave of her hand. "The damn thing just scared the hell out of me. I apologize for my language, and for being short with you boys."

"It's fine," Justin replied. "But, could you please describe the, um, intruder, for us?"

Miz Vivian explained in detail that it had been the glowing figure of a rather handsome young man with blonde hair that she had seen standing by the fireplace up in the third floor ballroom. "He was wearing" - she shuddered, and then continued - "he was wearing the Yankee blue uniform, and it was stained on the chest - with blood!"

Brad quickly got Miz Vivian another stiff drink, which braced her back up. They all made sure she was OK, and as Justin radioed in to dispatch, Brad and Jack helped the old lady upstairs and into bed. She had given Jack a key to the front door, so he could get to her if he needed to in the night, along with her phone number.

"Try to get some rest now, ma'am," Jack said with a smile, as they closed the door to her bedroom.

Back down in the foyer, Justin told Jack that he would do the report back at the station. Jack used the key to lock the big front doors behind them once they were back out on the porch.

"Probably the poor old thing's imagination just got away with her," Justin said.

"Could be," Jack replied, not sounding at all sure about that.

Jack and Brad told Justin goodnight, and headed back across the street to Jack's house. While they stripped and got ready to head to the shower, Brad spoke up, "I don't know about a ghost, but I think Miz Vivian sure as hell saw SOMETHING," he said.

"I do too, baby," Jack replied, his brow furrowed in thought. "I just don't know what."

They were soon in the shower, naked and wet again in each other's arms. Brad was rubbing the warm soapy water across Jack's furry chest, and the excitement of the ghostly encounter was soon forgotten, as things between the two lovers quickly started to heat up again there in the shower.