Strive - 1. Chapter 1 - Freshman Year, First Semester

Connor Lewis clicked away on his computer, staring intently at the screen presenting college visit information. The office was dimly lit by a golden glowing desk lamp, sitting on a desk that took up the far corner of the room. Two armchairs were in the corner diagonal of that, with bookcases lining the open walls.

 

Connor paused and looked over his shoulder as another student passed by his room. It was his first month at this new school as a counselor, but he had gotten hardly any visits from students. The ones he did get were seniors asking for passes to college visits being hosted in the library.

 

At his previous school, he’d been a popular counselor. He was twenty-three, on his second year and second school as a counselor. His short black hair made his skin look slightly pale, and that paired with the dim light created dark and almost inhuman shadows on his face. He was tall too—probably about six feet and three inches—with a thin frame covered in sinewy muscles.

 

Another student bustled by outside, and Connor sighed, deflated. Granted there were five other counselors and they all split the students by grade, and then alphabetically by last name—Connor being Freshman and Seniors, names H through O—shouldn’t he be getting more visits?

 

An hour passed at his computer before Connor looked over his shoulder again, only to find a student standing in the doorframe. The kid looked scared to death now that he’d been noticed, but he didn’t move.

 

“Hey,” Connor greeted warmly and spun around in his computer chair. “Come on in.”

 

The boy hesitated before shuffling inside the room and gently closing the door behind him. He was fair and on the short spectrum for a guy, maybe around five-foot two-inches tall. He had blond hair that hung down into his eyes, and pale skin. He curled up his slim frame into one of the armchairs after setting his backpack aside, still not speaking.

 

“What’s up?” Connor pressed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. And still no answer. The kid just stared at him. Connor tried to open up with a casual conversation. “What’s your name?”

 

“Justin Miller,” the boy finally spoke up. “Freshman.”

 

“Are you adjusting to the new school well?” Connor figured that wasn’t really it if Justin’s attitude was anything to go by—but it allowed for Justin to correct him and open up whatever topic he was there to talk about.

 

“No.” Justin sunk into the armchair, wedging his shoulders between the back and arm of the chair with his legs dangling off the other side. “I mean,” he paused and shifted in the seat again. “I don’t know,” he admitted quietly.

 

Connor rolled his chair out from the desk and lined it up with the armchair. “You know if you’re here.”

 

Justin pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, biting it nervously. His eyes flickered up to the narrow rectangular window by the door—mostly covered with papers—as someone walked by outside.

 

“Whatever you say here is confidential, as long as there’s no harm to yourself or others,” Connor explained and waited again for Justin to speak.

 

“I’m gay,” Justin finally blurted out. He shot Connor a worried glance before averting his eyes again.

 

“Alright,” Connor sat back in his chair and let Justin expand.

 

“And some kids found out, and…” Justin trailed off and hung his head down between his shoulders, hands nervously pulling at an invisible string on the hem of his shirt.

 

“They’re harassing you?” Connor asked, just to double check, but he was sure of it already. Justin nodded mutely and didn’t look up from his lap. “For how long?” Connor rolled back over to his desk.

 

“Since the start of the school year,” Justin mumbled, a hand reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. “But they found out end of last school year, so it was then too, and any time I would see them over the summer—“ He paused and sucked in a shaky breath. “I didn’t even want them to find out! Now they have to go and be dicks about it.”

 

“Have you talked to the administration about it yet?” Connor asked.

 

“No,” Justin answered quickly. “It’s not going to change anything. They’re football players, and the school has the Homecoming game this Friday. They aren’t going to punish varsity players the week of the game.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Connor pointed out. “A lot of anti-bullying campaigns have been going on. If an administrator doesn’t do anything to enforce the issue when it comes up all because of a sport, then they shouldn’t even be in that position.”

 

Justin shook his head and wiped at his eyes with the heel of his hand. “You can’t do something about half the fucking school.”

 

Connor tapped a finger against his desk, trying to think of something to say. For all his wanting someone to need to talk to him, he couldn’t think of much to give Justin. Both of them were new to the school, and Connor was new to his job as a counselor.

 

That only made him feel worse. He wanted to help, to tell Justin something useful, but he couldn’t. Connor glanced back at his computer before opening an Internet window. “Come here.”

 

Justin sniffled from the chair before unhappily making his way to lean over Connor’s shoulder. “This site,” Connor began to type in the website, hoping the school didn’t block it. “It’s pretty good for some support. It—” Connor broke off, stopping the words it helped me. He didn’t quite have it in him yet to admit his sexuality in a new workplace, and in a profession where parents could complain about someone like him being around their kids.

 

Connor sighed to himself and pulled up a video link. He would hear it from the school tech guy later for streaming video and hogging bandwidth—as it had already happened about playing games—but this was more important. He double-checked over his shoulder to make sure Justin was watching as the video buffered before hitting the play button.

 

The two sat through a couple short length videos on the site in silence. Justin was still wiping at his eyes on occasion, but he seemed to be calming down with them.

 

The bell ringing interrupted them, and Justin jumped back. He hurried to pick up his backpack and head for the door, but stopped on his way out. “Uh, what website was that?”

 

Connor smiled and jotted the address down onto a sticky-note before handing it to the teen. “Sorry I wasn’t much help talking wise. I’m new at this myself,” he admitted a little sheepishly. “But come back to talk or… just hang out any time you want.” Connor pointed to a sign hung outside his office door, reading, “Safe Place.”

 

Justin nodded and darted down the hall and out of the counselor’s office area.

 

Connor scratched the back of his head, sending a self-conscious look up and down the hallway to the other counseling offices. He glanced down at the rainbow flag background that was behind the words, “Safe Place,” on the sign. Sighing, he ducked back into his office.

 

***

 

“Hey, I was just heading out for lunch,” one of the other counselors, Mrs. White, announced into Connor’s office. He perked up from his desk hopefully. “You want to do a food run with me?” Mrs. White held up a list of food requests, clenched in her hand with a wad of gathered money.

 

“Yeah.” Connor hopped up from his desk, stumbling over his chair slightly. He stepped out of his office and turned to close and lock the door behind him, but hesitated. Justin was a freshman, and this was probably his lunch period—it was when he had come in the week before. It might be the only time he could come in without missing a class… if he showed up.

 

Connor frowned and locked the door. He followed the older woman out of the office area and into the surging crowd of students to get to class, as it was passing period for some and the start of lunch for others. Mrs. White seemed much more experienced at dodging the slow and stopped students that clogged the halls as they made for a back entrance out to the faculty parking lot.

 

Connor slowed to a stop—and promptly got run into—but he stormed his way across the lane of traffic to a corner near the bathrooms where three red letterman jacket jocks huddled suspiciously. Connor peeked over the shoulders of two of them as another began to dump out a backpack.

 

“Faggot,” one of them spat.

 

Connor grabbed the collar of his jacket and yanked him back. He stumbled and looked ready to attack, but recognized Connor as faculty. The others dropped the backpack and it’s contents as Mrs. White finally made her way through the crowd. “What’s going on here?” She demanded.

 

The three boys began to stutter guiltily, trying to formulate an excuse for the angry woman. Connor started to pick up the strewn papers and notebooks, eyeing Justin as he huddled back into the corner trying to meld with the wall.

 

Connor stuffed everything back into the teen’s backpack and handed it over to him. “Come on.” Connor stuck his hand out and helped Justin up. Mrs. White was leading the other three boys towards the main office. Connor put a hand over Justin’s shoulder and began to bring him back to the counseling offices.

 

Justin waited silently as Connor unlocked the door to his office and showed the boy inside. Connor unloaded his wallet and keys back into a desk drawer before plopping down into his chair. Mrs. White knew where to find him when she was done dealing with the others, or she could go without him.

 

“Shitty lunch period already,” Connor commented.

 

Justin looked up at him, surprised for the use of language. “…Yeah,” he agreed anyways.

 

“Unless freshman have started taking steroids, I assume those were upperclassmen?” Connor asked.

 

Justin could only shrug. “I think so. Not freshman, I think they might be seniors… this is their off hour.” The latter statement made it clear they were able to get to him then, probably every day.

 

An awkward silence filled the room for a few moments before Connor spoke up again. “You could lunch in here, or there’s a conference room that some people will go in to eat just down the hall.”

 

Justin gawped before shaking his head quickly. “No. I don’t… I’m not going to just hide. I can…” his fire died off and he ran a nervous hand through his blond hair. “Maybe every once and a while…”

 

Connor smiled encouragingly, and Mrs. White poked her head into the office. She sent a look over at Justin, before questioning Connor with her eyes.

 

“Get me something,” Connor said and pulled out his wallet, handing her a ten. He gave her a quick order of what he wanted, and Justin started to grab up his things.

 

“Sorry for taking up your lunch—” he began guiltily, but Mrs. White barred him from leaving.

 

“Sit back down,” Connor coaxed waiting for Justin to fall back into the armchair. Mrs. White nodded and left, closing the door behind her. “I can eat any time I want,” Connor explained. “So you’re not taking up my lunch.”

 

Justin curled up on the chair and stared down at his knees. “…I’m sorry.”

 

“Nothing to apologize about.” Connor shrugged the words off. “Anything you want to talk about? Doesn’t have to be school related.”

 

Justin didn’t answer right away. Connor knew it was hard to talk about things, personally, especially when the person was considered a stranger. Connor sighed, and sat forward with importance. “You can talk to me,” he began sternly. “In fact, you want to know something about me?”

 

Justin only looked up at him curiously.

 

“I’m gay too.” Connor hoped he said it confidently enough.

 

Justin narrowed his eyes. “You’re just saying that,” he accused darkly.

 

“I’m not. You think I just happened to know that website I showed you? That helped me through high school.” Connor explained. “But then again, as old as I am, that was before they had videos on there,” he joked in an attempt to light up the mood.

 

He got a small quirk of a smile from Justin before it faded. “You’re not old,” he corrected, and paused. “You’re not out though… are you?”

 

“I’m out to my family. I was out in high school, college.” Connor sighed, a little frustrated with himself. “But not here. I… I heard it’s not very good for people that work at schools that are homosexual. A lot of prejudice parents that might accuse me of things… so I’m not out right now, but maybe once I get some roots planted at this school, you know?”

 

Justin nodded slowly and went back to looking at his knees. “My step-sister told them I was gay. She’s a junior here. Er well, she’s one of two stepsisters. The other one is a freshman too. Both are kind of… bitches.” He sent a cautious look at Connor, but he didn’t make a comment on the language.

 

“Are your parents divorced?” Connor asked.

 

“Yeah, since I was about nine. Split custody. Two days a week with dad, three days with mom, alternating weekends and holidays,” Justin rattled off his schedule tonelessly. “It’s a pain. Mostly my dad. I just don’t like his house at all, but I can’t really do anything about the custody.”

 

“What don’t you like about it?” Connor pressed.

 

“Everything is different there, with my step mom and sisters. If I forget something at my mom’s house, he calls me irresponsible… like I should be able to do it right after five years. Like he doesn’t fucking forget anything, ever.” Justin stopped and blushed with embarrassment. “Sorry.”

 

“Hey, people get angry.” Connor chuckled and relaxed back into his chair. “Why don’t you go get something from the lunch line and bring it up here, okay?”

 

***

 

“So those three boys that were bothering you won’t be playing in the game tomorrow,” Connor announced proudly that Thursday.

 

Justin looked up from home packed lunch with interest. “Seriously?”

 

“Yeah. The principal is new this year too, and her big thing is respect. Tomorrow I think there’s a school assembly, and I’ve heard in past years the upperclassmen yell, ‘freshman suck’. She’s banning that.” Connor smiled at the announcement.

 

“That’s good,” Justin murmured.

 

“How are things at home?” Connor switched the topic.

 

Justin poked at his lunch. “Fine, I guess. Back at my mom’s for a few days.”

 

The conversation died off, and Connor fiddled around his desk trying to think of something to keep them talking. “Are you going to the game tomorrow?”

 

“Oh no.” Justin shook his head.

 

“What about the dance Saturday?” Connor asked, but already knew the answer.

 

“Hell no,” Justin ground out. “Way too many people in one place, plus my step sisters are going and I’d rather just have the house quiet.”

 

Connor nodded and pulled out his lunch from a desk draw. He unzipped the childish lunchbox depicting some Marvel super heroes.

 

“Really?” Justin criticized jokingly from his chair. “That’s like a five year old kid’s lunchbox.”

 

“What can I say? I’m a child at heart.” Connor laughed and unloaded a bagged sandwich onto his desk. He unwrapped it and held it in one hand, while slowly typing on the computer with the other.

 

Someone knocked on the door to Connor’s office, interrupting his lunch with Justin. A girl peeked inside, face tear streaked, and watching Justin tentatively. “Hey, Sophie,” Justin greeted her and began to pack up his things. “I was just hanging out in here; I’ll go to the library instead or something.”

 

Sophie sniffled without a word and entered the room, waiting by the door as Justin left. He closed it on his way out.

 

“What’s up?” Connor asked from his chair, lunch temporarily forgotten.

 

“You’re not… technically my counselor. I mean, I’m a junior and—” she paused and tried to steady her breath. “Justin said you were cool about… things.”

 

It took Connor a moment to catch on, since she wasn’t admitting it, but he understood nonetheless. He motioned for her to take a seat in Justin’s abandoned armchair.

 

“I asked this other girl out, she was really nice as just friends but now…”

 

***

 

A week later, and Connor then had two kids in his office for lunch—Justin, and now Sophie. The two shared an elective class together in the morning, and as far as stories went that’s where Justin had hinted to Sophie that Connor wasn’t going to look at her differently for being a lesbian.

 

It took her a few days to actually say the word, but she hadn’t cried since.

 

She was seventeen and had a few inches of height on Justin. Her dirty blonde hair fell down to her shoulders, and she had a few freckles dotted over her cheeks and petite nose. She was a cute, a doll-like girl, but was no longer as popular with her friends as she used to be.

 

Sophie and Justin were friends, though there were a few roadblocks. Justin wanted to talk about guys, and Sophie wanted to talk about girls. After some time they just learned to avoid that subject all together. Justin would get homework help from her, and he would give her some insight on her artwork.

 

Winter break was still a little ways off, and would bring the two what felt like a short break from the bullying and harassment.

 

Connor went through checking his e-mail Tuesday, to find he would have a daylong conference with some other teachers and counselors from the school county. Sighing, he knew he couldn’t give Sophie or Justin the keys for his office for them to eat lunch that day.

 

When they came by later, Justin took up the armchair closest to Connor while Sophie took the second chair.

 

“I won’t be here at all tomorrow,” Connor announced unhappily. Even if he didn’t participate much, he liked to hear the two talk while he worked. It made him feel a little bit better that they could come to his office for lunch, since he couldn’t do much else.

 

Justin and Sophie both replied with an owl eyed stare. “Where are we supposed to eat then?” Sophie croaked out nervously.

 

“I can talk to some of the others, and let them open up the conference room for you guys to eat in… I won’t even be in the building tomorrow—I’ll be at a different school for a conference,” Connor explained.

 

Sophie and Justin both shared a look. “We’ll eat in the library or something,” Sophie decided. “It’s too much of a hassle for you to get us a conference room just to eat lunch in.”

 

“It’s not a hassle,” Connor protested.

 

“It’s one day, we’ll be fine.” Sophie brushed it off and gave an encouraging smile. Justin nodded in agreement and went to picking at his school lunch.

 

Connor sighed and went back to working at his computer for a few minutes. “How are things socially for you two?” He probed.

 

Neither of the two answered right away, but both answered, “Fine.”

 

Connor knew enough that it wasn’t. Justin had come in the day before during passing period after being reduced down to tears by some jocks—again. He had stayed until he’d calmed down enough to go to class, and Connor had written him a late pass. It was taking everything Connor had to not walk Justin and Sophie from class to class.

 

He knew neither of them would want it—Justin would categorize that under ‘hiding’, or say that he didn’t need a body guard. Sophie was proud and trying not to let anything bother her, and would try to out run Connor in the halls.

 

Connor chuckled to himself at the thought. Justin was too shy to do anything like that, but Sophie was turning out to be a rather loud and fearless girl.

 

***

 

Connor happily walked into his office Thursday, glad the conference was over. It had been annoying, sitting in classrooms and talking about what needed to change at schools and how. All of it was academic talk, and only a little touched on the bullying he had to help with.

 

He waited anxiously for lunch to come around and make sure Sophie and Justin had gotten through the day okay. Unusually, Sophie showed up in his office first, looking sullen and unhappy.

 

“What happened?” Connor asked. “And where’s Justin?”

 

“He’s not here today,” Sophie grumbled sourly and threw her backpack into the chair where Justin normally sat. “Some dickheads did something to him during lunch yesterday. I’m hearing a lot of rumors, but I don’t know what actually happened, and no one will tell me. Not even Justin… I tried texting him.”

 

Connor grabbed his key ring and locked his door from the outside. “I’m locking you in, okay? I’m going to go talk to a vice principal or the principal. Don’t let anyone know I let you stay in my office without me.”

 

Sophie nodded and started to eat her lunch as he locked the door. Connor went down the hall and turned right, taking a shortcut hall to the main office. Connor found the vice principal in charge of freshman and stuck his head in. “Did something happen yesterday with Justin Miller?”

 

The vice principal—Mr. Summers—flipped through a few papers on his desk wordlessly. “He got his clothes stolen and he was locked into the girl’s locker room.” Connor clenched his jaw and tried not to let his fury show on his face. It was unprofessional to favor certain kids, after all.

 

“The boys that did it got suspended for six days, but Justin wasn’t here at school today,” Mr. Summers added and looked up at Connor expectantly.

 

“Alright,” Connor mumbled angrily and left the office.

 

Connor returned to the office, and while it was against policy, he filled Sophie in on what had really happened. She puffed up angrily. “Seriously? That’s the one I didn’t believe! I mean how did they even strip him?”

 

“You two should have just taken my conference room offer. Next time, I’m setting that up, got it?” Connor pointed a stern finger at her. Sophie nodded sheepishly and glared down at her knees.

Justin was back at school the next day, and Connor called the teen into his office for a talk. Justin wouldn’t look him in the eye and refused to speak first, out of embarrassment.

 

“You want to talk about it?” Connor asked.

 

“No,” Justin snapped. “Hell, I didn’t even want to come to school today but my mom made me. It took two hours of begging to not come to school yesterday! Do you know how many people have been laughing at me today?”

 

Connor frowned and slouched back in his chair. “They already got suspended, though. That should give you a few days grace.”

 

“Except now all their friends have it out for me too, since I’m the one that got them suspended… and no one is going to go forgetting it any time soon, either! It’s going to take a fucking school shooting to get everyone’s attention off of it.”

 

Connor mulled over that for a few moments, trying to discern if Justin was making a threat. Justin noticed and forced a sarcastic smile. “I’m not going to do anything like that. I’m just saying it’s going to take a lot for it to pass over.”

 

“No it won’t,” Connor assured him. “It’ll take a few days, maybe a week, and everyone will be bored and tired of it.” Justin shot him a disbelieving look.

 

“Contrary to popular belief, high school is not the end of the world,” Connor added and tried to give an encouraging smile. He remembered the feeling of hopelessness associated with being stuck in high school—and Justin still had four more years to go.

 

***

 

Justin and Sophie almost completely refused to leave Connor’s office during lunch. Sophie would walk with Justin on the days he had to go to the lunch line for food on the days he didn’t have a packed lunch. Buying food provided the two much entertainment.

 

“Dude, my fries are like warm mush.”

 

“What the fuck is that?”

 

“I think it’s supposed to be a bean and beef burrito…”

 

Connor chuckled to himself at their conversations as Sophie and Justin tried to figure out what was on the Styrofoam tray.

 

Most of the drama Justin feared eventually passed. He still got harassed, but like Connor had said, the locker room incident had dissipated after a few days.

 

“What kind of things happened to you?” Justin asked meekly while waiting for Sophie. “You said you were out in high school…”

 

Connor huffed and sagged in his seat. He didn’t feel like talking about it, even if it was someone going through the same issues. He felt he needed to answer for that reason though. “I had a few locker room incidents myself. The harassment was pretty sexual for me—condoms in my locker, Playgirl magazines…” Connor shrugged. “I would eat outside. I didn’t feel comfortable going to a counselor or anything.”

 

Justin nodded, and Sophie burst into the room so they could go buy lunch. Shortly after they left, the principal poked her head into the office. “Connor, can I talk to you in my office?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Give me a few minutes though?” He asked unsurely. He talked casually with her sometimes, but this seemed more serious. She left, and Connor waited for Justin and Sophie to come back.

 

“I need to go talk to someone. I’m locking you guys in here. Don’t let anyone in, okay?” Connor said on his way out.

 

The two agreed and took over the armchairs as Connor locked the door. He nervously headed through the back hall into the administration offices, and to the principal’s where Mrs. Reed was waiting for him. She asked Connor to shut the door behind him, and he did, before taking a seat across from her.

 

“What’s up?” He asked, trying not to sound too nervous. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but still being asked to talk to the boss on formal standings never boded well.

 

“Your relationship with two students is being called into question,” Mrs. Reed informed him grimly.

 

“Justin and Sophie?” Connor murmured, but really, who else?

 

“Yes.” Mrs. Reed sat forward and leaned on her desk. “I would understand if maybe you were counseling them, but apparently they are in your office, closed, every day during lunch. Now, you’re a young teacher and nothing against you but… it’s illegal for you to have any relationships with a student.”

 

Connor flushed with embarrassment. “I am not that way towards either of them!” he protested. “You should be able to see that! You know Justin has been getting bullied; you even suspended some kids that were harassing him! The same goes for Sophie. They eat in my office so no one bothers them during lunch!”

 

Mrs. Reed stared at him carefully for a few moments. “Still, it seems quite personal. You’re not even Sophie’s designated counselor.”

 

Connor groaned and rolled his eyes, trying to figure out some way that didn’t give away anything on Sophie or Justin. What they talked about in his office was in confidence. He was even more afraid of admitting his own sexual orientation, not knowing Mrs. Reed’s views on it.

 

“They come to me because I’m the only one they think they can talk to,” Connor explained harshly.

 

“They should be able to go to any counselor,” Mrs. Reed pointed out.

 

Connor scowled. “Do you know what the bullying is even about?”

 

“Their sexuality,” Mrs. Reed announced confidently.

 

“Right. They don’t know how other people are going to act about it. They’re already having enough troubles with it, socially. I went through the same things in high school.” Connor watched the woman carefully, wondering if she would understand the last bit.

 

“Are you gay?” Mrs. Reed asked after some time.

 

“I am. Justin was hesitant to talk to me about his sexuality, so I told him and he opened up to me. When Sophie started having trouble, he recommended me.” Connor tried to keep his voice steady, but he was starting to panic inside. What if that called the nature of his relationship with Justin into question even more?

 

Mrs. Reed let an almost relieved sigh. “Alright. That makes more sense as to why you would all be so close, I guess. Just be careful with it, with parents… some might make a scene out of it.”

 

Connor took a moment to reply, a little slowed from shock. “Okay,” he answered slowly. “So I mean it’s not… there’s no problem with me? I—I’ve been keeping it on the down low to avoid conflict…”

 

“None that I have. Schools are supposed to be professional places, so as long as your relationships with students is nothing more than you trying to help them…” Mrs. Reed left the rest open.

 

Connor nodded stiffly, some of the panic starting to subside. He left her office and returned numbly to his own, closing the door again. He paused then, before propping it open.

 

“You okay?” Sophie piped up curiously, but both she and Justin were giving him a worried look.

 

“Some people were questioning my relationship with you two,” Connor admitted quietly. Sophie immediately looked angry that someone could think that. “But I explained to Mrs. Reed why you two… related to me so much.”

 

“You came out to her?” Justin asked carefully.

 

Connor just nodded and sunk back into his seat, watching the door. Justin and Sophie probably weren’t too happy now that it would be staying open for the most part, but it needed to be done apparently. Connor zoned out the rest of the period, still a little on edge of someone coming in and making a racket.

 

By the time lunch ended, Sophie had whipped out a quick sketch. She tore it from her sketchbook and dutifully handed it over to Connor. It was obviously supposed to be for support, but as it had quotes about homosexuality rights over it… he wouldn’t be hanging it in his office, but he was still grateful for it. Connor gave Sophie a thankful smile as she headed out to wander around the rest of her off-hour and to walk Justin back to class.

 

***

 

After that, Mrs. Reed starting paying a little more attention to Connor. She wasn’t singling him out in a bad way, but tried more than with others to talk to him casually or ask him how ‘things’ were going. Obviously she was trying to make Connor see that it was okay—but he still stumbled along in conversations with her.

 

If Connor admitted he was single, would she think he was targeting students? And some of Mrs. Reed’s questions seemed to revolve more closely around Sophie and Justin, and Connor couldn’t answer those.

 

That went on for a few weeks; trying to hold awkward conversations, as she talked about them with people in earshot. Connor sometimes wanted to tell her to shut up and stop talking about things where people could hear and figure out he was gay.

 

“Is she bothering you?” Sophie asked seriously one day. By the look on her face, if Connor answered yes, Mrs. Reed would suffer from some ‘anonymous’ prank.

 

“She’s just trying to show me she’s accepting of it,” Connor protested. “I’m just a little uncomfortable.”

 

Sophie snorted and kicked her legs up, landing them in Justin’s lap. He jumped and carefully adjusted her feet away from a dangerous area. Justin went back to scrolling through his iPod, occasionally making a face at it.

 

“Your iPod is so old, jeez,” Sophie commented. “Get a new one already.”

 

Justin shot her a look. “Those are expensive.”

 

Sophie held up her iPod. “Christmas is coming up, ask for one.”

 

Connor pulled up the school calendar on his computer. Now that Sophie had mentioned it… “Winter break starts next Thursday,” Connor announced to the two of them.

 

“Seriously?” Sophie exclaimed and started to go through her phone’s calendar. Justin didn’t look as thrilled.

 

Sophie started to chat away about her break plans, and some of the reading assignments she would be doing. Justin listened along quietly, hands still fidgeting with his iPod. The bell rang and Sophie jumped up from her seat. “Shit, I have to go retake a test before the period ends,” she said and started to file through her bag. She pulled out a sheet and started to skim over it, rushing out of the office.

 

Justin started to follow and pack up his things, though not as quickly.

 

“Hold on.” Connor made him wait. Connor got up and closed his office door before returning to his seat.

 

“I’ll be late…” Justin mumbled.

 

I’ll write you a pass.” Connor waved a dismissive hand. “You okay?”

 

Justin shrugged and didn’t answer.

 

“You’re not excited for the holidays?” Connor tried again.

 

“Holidays suck,” Justin answered unhappily. “Shared time between my parents… and this is going to be the first Christmas with my stepfamily, and the girls are brats and—I’m just not looking forward to it.”

 

“You still have the presents to look forward too, right?” Connor pointed out hopefully.

 

“I… guess. I still get them, but some things I can’t take with me when I go to the other parent’s house…” Justin stopped to wipe his eyes quickly.

 

Connor drummed his fingers on his desk for a moment, trying to think. Once winter break hit, they wouldn’t be able to talk until January, and if Justin was that upset about it now… Connor yanked a sticky note from its pad and scribbled out his cell number.

 

“If you need to talk to me over the break,” Connor explained and handed over his number. “And only then, okay?” He didn’t want to get in trouble for calling this more than a student counselor relationship. Some students just needed a little outside of school help.

 

Justin nodded and pocketed the paper, and Connor wrote up a late pass.