Song In My Heart - 1. Chapter 1

It was a Monday morning when I first saw him. He was standing across the street in the pouring rain in a simple black jean jacket, white t-shirt and black semi skinny jeans with the belts hanging off them. He was shivering, I mean he had to be, it was cold only about 49 degrees and without a jacket and with the rain he was bound to catch a chill. I wish I could have beckoned my legs to move forward, to offer him my umbrella and start up a conversation but I was stuck. Never once in my life had I been stuck before and this frankly scared me. The bus rolled in front of him and took him away from me and I ran home, with tears running down my face or maybe it was just rain I don’t know, but I ran home, ran through the door and threw my backpack, rain jacket and umbrella right in the middle of the foyer. I ran upstairs to my room took out a pen and paper and wrote down a song.

There is a song in my heart, it sings for you it bleeds for you

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2:30 pm. I would have just been getting out of my AP History class. Btw, my name is Kristen; I’m a senior at Raven’s High School home of the Flying Ravens soccer team in which I happen to be the star player and captain. I had considered myself a pretty average guy. I had popularity ever since my freshman year starting on the varsity team. “Teen Soccer Wonder” they said but I never really thought much of it. I just like to play the game. Nothing like the sun beating down on you in an open field with slightly dewed grass and the dance of kicks, sprints and footwork to get your senses going. Average guy really. Though I’m popular I treat everyone the same, I’m not one of those high school jocks that go around acting like there better then everyone and picking on kids that are way better then they will ever be. Nope that’s not me.

I’m tall at 6’2 strong legs of course, nicely defined calf muscles and quads. I have straight black hair that falls over my eyes a bit but I keep it swooped to the side, or its sticking up in some strange fashion because I tend to not care much about my looks. I have an angled face that makes me look interesting I guess, but mostly...people love my blue eyes. Just the right tint of blue that’s not to dark but not to light, and in the dark you can see that they shimmer slightly. The rest of me is ok I guess, tall, lean, tanned skin, slightly muscled develop soccer boy with a killer smile. At least that’s what the girls say right.

Girls.

I didn't have a girlfriend, and to be honest I never really thought about girls, or even boys for that matter. I guess you can call me a dreamer to wrap up in my fantasy worlds to think much about the reality. Outside of soccer I love music. I write songs often, play the guitar, piano, and as I've been told have a pretty good voice but I don’t believe any of them. I’m a smart kid if you judge by my grades, straight A’s, all Ap classes and I hardly miss any of them. On the road to valedictorian but of course I’m going to pass on that one. But as I said, I’m a dreamer. Most of the time I sit in class writing a song or drawing and it really baffles me how I manage to pass anything.

Rainboy is what I decided to call him since I had no idea who he was. Since it was raining I couldn't get a real good look at his face which saddens me and I really don’t know why. I feel like today I don’t know anything, like my world has been completely turned upside down without a warning and I’m still hanging upside down instead of right-side up. I kick myself still for not being considerate enough to walk over and offer him the umbrella. Not because I’m like… in love or anything…I mean that’s crazy right? But that would have been the right thing to do. I hope he doesn't get sick…God what am I thinking!

“Kris…KRIS!”

I jerked up sitting at my bed and look towards my door and there is Rose. Rose has been my best friend for like…years. Since we were 1 years old together learning how to walk as the stories are told. I tend to tell her everything and she one of those worry omg the worlds going to end if you don’t do something now types. She is a sweetheart though, always considerate of other feelings, always volunteering her time to those in need, she is a great girl I tell you.

“Hey Rose” I said leaning back on the bed staring back up at the ceiling like I have been for the past few hours.

“Where were you today? You could have given me a heads up if you were going to bail on me on our history presentation!”

“Shit! I’m sorry babe, I just…” I let out a sigh. I did totally forget about presentation. In my state of thinking it seems like I forgotten about a lot of things I was supposed to do today, like practice but I’m sure it’s still raining considering Rose is in her full rain attire consisting of a pink raincoat with white flowers all over it and a pair of pink and white rain boots. Total girly but that’s Rose. I call her Babe all the time cause she is one. The typical bubbly hot blonde that normally wore their hair in a ponytail…that’s Rose. Most would consider her beautiful always has the perfectly sun kissed skin unlike some of the girls I see that look more orange than anything, her brilliant white teeth and light blue eyes that seemed to twinkle. She was a cheerleader of course, and also a great dancer, smart, nice rack from what I heard but she isn’t small but she not to big either, but to me…she is just Rose.

“Did you oversleep or something Kris God, you know that project I really depended on you to sprout that vast knowledge of Ancient Greek since that’s just..you know…”

“Naw Rose, I was on my way to school, it was raining like cats and dogs this morning and well…I came home”

“Came home!” It was then she came over to the bed and hit me right on the forehead. She always did that as she called it “Popping some sense into me” But then she stopped and really looked at me. She had this detective thing about her, she would first start off by yelling and screaming, and then she would take a step back and analyze the situation in details that I don’t even know how she picks up.

“So you came home, judging by the mess I tripped over in the foyer, you lying in bed with your shoes still on, and the wet spot under and…” she looked around the room and picks up the piece of paper on the desk with that one line of lyric I begun to right before my world shut down “And the beginning of a song…what happen Kris…spill.”

I know than she was not going to let it go. Even if it wasn't for me standing her up on a project she never lets things go…EVER. You either tell her or you will never hear the end of it. I sighed to myself, closed my eyes, turned over and screamed into the pillow. What is wrong with me! And how do I really begin to tell my best friend that a Boy of all reasons and things is the reason why I haven’t been able to get out of bed since I got home. It was then I felt her sit on the bed gently and placed her hand on my back stroking it softly. This always calmed me down when I was having one of my fits, or when we would lose a game because some idiot doesn't know how to take directions and cues.

“Kris, you know you can always talk to me right. Now what’s eating at you? Is it your mom, news from your brother…what is it?”

I cringed when I heard her speak of my brother. He has been gone for an entire year and we have not heard a single word from him. He is in the military and he got a notice that they wanted him to go on this top secret mission. He couldn't tell us what…but he said that he would be gone for tomorrow. We had dinner; we laughed and wished him good luck expecting to hear from him in a month or two but 1 year later and not a word. We tried our best to get in contact with his officers but they will not tell us anything. So, we don’t talk about it, and keep hope he is alive and ok.

“No it’s not him, I wish I was something about him or even a Hey I’m okay, but….Rose I think I’m losing my mind or something.”

“Well, you know the best thing for losing your mind is a little sit down with good ol Rose. Now spill, what’s going on in that dreamer mind of yours.”

There was no getting out of it now and perhaps that was a good thing because maybe she could make sense of all this. I turned around slowly and she crawled further in bed so that I could rest my head in her lap while she stroked my hair and I closed my eyes. Rose really was the best.

“I was standing in the rain about to cross the street to catch the bus when I saw him. He was just standing there in a jean jacket and jeans, black hair soaked and falling across his face and my heart stopped. I couldn't move, I couldn't think I just stood there staring at him. When the bus came and took him away I just ran home and I tried to write the song that was in my head. After one line I just…"

I cried again and I hardly ever cry…meaning never. I’m normally the support system for people I’m the strong one, but this…this is something beyond me that I’m not sure how to handle. I could hear her voice telling me that it’s ok as she leaned down and kissed my forehead and wiped my tears.

“Kris, don’t freak out but…that sounds like love at first sight to me”

Love. I didn't know the first thing about love, and if this is what misery it puts me through I don’t want it, ever.

“That also sounds like the new kid in school. Whose name happens to be Chance by the way. He came in all soaking wet when I was hovering around the dean’s office and he seems to fit the description. I manage to find him a decent outfit from the lost and found to wear while his clothing dried. Poor thing looked so lost; he is very shy and quite type you know. Cute to.”

I honestly stopped hearing and understanding what she was saying right after she said his name. Chance…my Rainboy is Chance...No...NO…not my I mean…his name is Chance….Next thing I knew she was waving her hand in front of my face yelling “Kris…KRIS! Snap out of it will ya… geez you got it bad.”

“Got what bad? You don’t honestly think I’m in love with a guy I haven’t even met do you? I mean he is a guy, come on Rose.” I got off the bed and moved back over to my desk mostly in desperation. To say that my mind was racing was an understatement, I felt like my thoughts were almost eating me alive someone…crazy huh.

“Kris….” She whispered my name. She normally dose this when she about to lay something heavy on me that I don’t want to hear. “It’s ok you know if you like guys. Times have changed a lot and people are a lot more accepting of those kinds of things.”

I really could not believe what she was saying at all and the more I tried to ignore her the more I couldn't get the possibility out of my head. She got off the bed and moves to hug me from behind kissing the top of my forehead. “I have to go, I got a big test tomorrow and that’s means a night of cramming. But Kris if you need me, I’m a phone call away. And try not to miss school tomorrow don’t make me ditch a class just to come drag you to the campus cause you know I will for your own embarrassment.”

She always had her ways of making me laugh, but I still couldn't really let words form out of my mouth. I just nodded and kissed her hand and watched her bounce out the door. That is when time seemed to slip from me again as I heard the familiar “Kristen I’m home!” shout from my mom. It startled me a bit and looked at the clock and it was already 6:30, which meant I had been sitting in this same spot for about 3 hours now. I sighed to myself forcing myself to get up and run down stair.

“Hey Mom how was work?” I asked as I hugged her. I really had the best mom in the world. She was always supportive in everything I do, and was really my biggest fan. In return for her support I try to do what I can to help her out around the house since she works so much, and I don’t see her on weekends when she away at business trips till late Sunday evenings.

“Fine, fine dear. Are you ok though? I got a call from school saying you didn't come in.”

“Yea, I was just feeling a bit under the weather this morning so I decided to take a day.”

“Well don’t make it a habit ok.” She kissed me on the cheek and went off to the office. Her normal work all day comes home to work until late evening routine. It was then I realized that I haven’t eaten since breakfast. Damn this day I tell you. I took out a frozen pizza and popped it in the oven and went into the living room to watch some TV to try to get my mind off things. 30 minutes and a hot shower later I was on my way to dreamland with my mind whispering his name.

I got a song in my heart, as it bleeds for you, it sings for you

I got a whisper in my soul, calling your name….

(Chance’s Point of View)

Well…my first day of school was hell. But my life is hell so I don’t know why I expected anything different. God damn rain. I don’t own much of anything let alone an umbrella and of all days it decides to pour down. No wonder no one really talk to me, soaked boy walking through school, ending up wearing some old smelly clothing that some extremely way to awake girl gave me out of the office. Guess it was better than walking around wet all day, and to make matters worse some cute idiot stood there on the other side with an umbrella and didn't even bother to come over and try to help. Common decency but people these days have no morals what so ever.

Yea I said cute. I’m a typical fag though I hide it pretty well. I keep to myself, I don’t talk much, I don’t let people get close because I don’t want them knowing the hell I live in. And by hell I mean living in a house with a drunk good for nothing father that would kill me if he ever found out I was gay kind of hell. He wasn't always like that though, this only started about 5 years ago when my mother died in an accident. He never has been the same sense then. What does it matter anyways, it was my fault she dead….all mine and mine alone and I deserve every single hit, punch or beating he decides to give me….