Changing Seasons - 5. Winter- Door knob

The full moon was directly above my head, staring at me with judging eyes, eyes that looked deep within my soul, scrutinizing my thoughts, I didn’t feel safe, I’m so scared. Its wide red eyes slowly directed its gaze onto a towering two-story house which was strangely familiar. The door was ajar, I was terrified to go in but there was a force of attraction inviting me in, as if it’s the only thing I ever want to do in life. I walked slowly towards the door and I was welcomed by a long hallway that ended in a flight of stairs. I can still sense the faint smell of a freshly baked chocolate-strawberry cake as I passed by a door to the kitchen, odd how the scent relaxed me. I kept walking towards the flight of stairs, slowly, as if terrified of waking up the owners of the house. I slowly crept up the stairs and before I took my final one, I heard a thud. My heart began beating fast and I was paralysed there, my foot refused to take the final step as I heard screams of agonising pain. I wanted to do something, to help them but before I could muster the courage to step up the door opened and I was pushed by a black figure. I tumbled down the stairs, violently and I landed head first. There was a sharp ringing in my ear and I could feel blood gushing out of my head. My vision began to blur till I could see no more. Who were the people screaming? Who was the guy in black?

My eyes slowly opened, I was soaked in a puddle of sweat and tears again. Joey was nowhere to be seen. God, I needed him more than ever right now. I was so scared; the images were still vivid in my mind. I wanted it to go away but I know it’s not going to happen. I opened my door and was startled by the figure in front of me. I jumped a little which earned me a questioning look from Andrea.

“What was that about?” She raised a brow as she laid a plate full of over-cooked bacon- just the way I liked it.

“Just another bad dream” I sighed and refused to talk about such matters with my sister. She already has enough things going on in her life to worry about a psycho little brother like me. She never asked because somehow she knew I never want to talk about my dreams.

“The eggs will be done in just a sec” She smiled. This is what I like about my sister. She always changes the topic when things get touchy. I love how she was never intrusive with my life.

“Where’s Joey?” I asked as I shoved a handful of bacon into my mouth.

“That’s gross and he left early” She responded as she threw two sunny-side ups on my plate with a spatula.

“Did you ask why?” I started poking the yolk which exploded and distributed itself on my plate of bacon.

“I’ll answer that question once you learn how to properly eat breakfast” She rolled her eyes as she looked at my plate of goodness with disgust.

“Come on sis!” I whined. I really wanted to know where Joey was. He was never up this early. I don’t remember the last time I was alone in bed. Sigh, I hate having unconscious expectations.

“He went to visit nana” She said as she looked down while she shook her head. We called Joey’s nana our nana. She was from Melbourne; she used to visit Sydney very often and would bake for us the most delicious tasting cakes. Even better than Joey’s dad but she was getting older and she wanted to stay near her late husband so Joey and his family visits her every Christmas instead.

“Why? What happened? Why so sudden?” I was beginning to worry. My sister was a ray of sunshine and I only ever see her like this whenever there were real problems.

“She’s dying” A tear trickled down her face. I felt her pain. We loved the old woman a lot. She was always so warm and interesting, she loved us too and she never complained about the burdens of old age. She always had a positive outlook in life that inspired me whenever I think of her.

“Joey’s dad said she has a month to live” She started sobbing and I knew just what to do. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her from the back. I was terribly sad for two reasons, the old woman I had deep admiration for was about to be taken from us and I am denied of seeing Joey for a month.

“Get away from me, you greasy child!” She giggled as she slapped my arm lightly as a gesture to let her go.

I was afraid again, the darkness crept up on me and he wasn’t here to stop me from feeling this way. This was going to be a long month.

When Andrea left for work, I went back to my room and wore my headphones. I started listening to Lana Del Rey. Her songs were just so perfect. They were full of emotions with a deep emphasis on perpetual sadness. Somehow, I could feel her pain, the pain in her voice, the pianos and the violins. It was strange how it always calmed me down. I wanted to be like her, to express my feelings to the world, to stop concealing these horrible feelings in my heart. I want to feel free.

Lana was interrupted by the persistent ringing of my phone which I tried to ignore as I just want to be left alone in peace. It was a number not registered in my contacts list. I answered the phone.

“Hey” My heart started to fill up with warm feelings and a tinge of guilt. It was Gabriel.

“What’s up Gabe?”

“I’m back home” I could feel him smiling somehow.

“That’s great! So you’re fine now?” I was filled with bliss and relief, my pale hunk is up and running!

“I guess. Oh hey, I was wondering if you could come over with your cube thingy?” He asked in a nervous tone, as if too afraid that I would turn him down. Of course, I cannot possibly do that! This was Gabriel after all.

“You mean Game Cube?” I chuckled. I can’t blame the guy for not knowing. No cool person would ever touch a Game Cube.

“Yeah that one, if that’s okay with you?” He said in a very soft tone which I found adorable.

“You sure you want to challenge me?” I said in a mocking cocky voice. Smash is a way of life.

“Uh-huh!” His voice brightened up knowing that I took his offer.

“I’ll see you soon” He ended the greeting with a goofy giggle then I dropped the call.

SHIIIIT! I didn’t think this through! What was I going to wear?! How am I going to style my hair?! I don’t even have perfume! I don’t want to be late but I need time to soak my body with my sister’s body wash so that I’d smell real good. I panicked. I quickly got into the shower and lathered Andrea’s coconut and cinnamon body wash around my body. Wait, he’s going to laugh at me for smelling like a girl! Damn. What am I going to do now? I didn’t have time to take another shower so I quickly rinsed myself and got out but before I could reach the door to my bed room, I slipped and hit my bottom lip on the door knob. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Now it’s swollen! How did it turn out like this? I smell like a girl, I’m soaking wet and my lip is bleeding. I sobbed quietly to myself as I got up and searched for some decent clothing in my closet. God, I have shit taste in clothes. Why did I realise this just now? I kept looking till I got to the depths of my pile of clothes and saw Joey’s wool cardigan, they looked so sexy on him and it really brought out his powerful chest. Maybe it would have the same effect on me? I slipped them on and I was disappointed with the end result. I forgot that I didn’t have a powerful chest so it only looked baggy on me. I didn’t want Gabriel to wait too long so I just wore them with the skinny jeans I always wore with my battered black converse shoes which was the only pair of shoes I owned. I hurried to get out of the house and only then I realised, as I waited for the door to Gabriel’s apartment to open that I forgot to style or even comb my hair. It was just a towel-dried mess and I was so ready to just go back to my house but before I could leave the door opened and I was greeted by Gabriel, who was wearing a plain white shirt that had the moulding of his muscles and grey sweat pants which was tight around his calves. God, he looked so perfect with just those on. It was so simple but so beautiful. How could he be so perfect? In contrast with me who just looked shit with anything I wear.

“You’re here” He flashed the sweetest smile that I never deserved.

“Yup, I’m here” I nervously shook my dirty blonde hair which was a shade darker when wet.

“So where’s your game cube?” He asked as he walked further ahead of me which gave me access to look at his ass. I loved how I could see the full outline of his bubble butt since his gray sweatpants were too thin to even hide the muscles that change positions whenever he moved.

“Uh...” I started sweating, and I proceeded to unbutton Joey’s wool cardigan.

“You’re not wearing any shirt inside” He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Is that like a new trend?” He followed.

“Yeah! Things changed when you were in a coma” Okay, that last bit was a bit unnecessary.

“I see” He couldn’t stop looking at my chest so I quickly buttoned up the cardigan which caused him to look away very quickly. I couldn’t see his face but I saw how his ears turned significantly red. Oh god! He’s probably laughing at my stupidity! Can this day get any worse?

“So we can’t play with the game cube?” He quickly shifted the topic back to my Game Cu- OH SHIT! How could I forget the Game Cube?! It was my sole purpose of coming here! To bring the Game Cube over! How could I forget it? Okay, breathe... Think... Think...

“It wasn’t working anymore” My voice shook as I said it. I put my sweaty palms inside the cardigan’s pockets instinctively and felt a cold block of plastic.

“So I brought my 3DS!” I pulled it out with the biggest smile. A genuine one, as I managed to escape that predicament due to Joey’s manner of forgetting to take his stuff out of his pockets.

“Cool, then we can play this version instead” He said as he picked up his own 3DS inside his drawer. Damn, I was lucky. If he didn’t have one I would’ve been dead.

“Oh? You play?”

“I asked my dad if he could buy me the game. I got really bored when you stopped visiting the hospital so I practiced a lot during that time” He looked down.

“Also because it reminded me of you a lot” He blushed as he flashed me a grin. I was now filled with guilt. I stopped visiting because I couldn’t. I was always with Joey since he woke up, since I made that confession. I was a terrible person for not even thinking about Gabriel. He was stuck in the hospital alone while I was having my sweet time with my best friend.

I only gave a light grin as a response. Honestly, what were you suppose to say when a person basically tells you that they’ve thought about you?

“I’ll host” Getting back into the game of smash before this turns to another staring contest. Not that I mind except I was shirtless and he would probably think I was a pervert. Well there’s some truth to that.

We sat side by side on the carpeted floor of his room as we played. He played really bad and I had to teach him the whole mechanics of recovering to get back on stage which was a simple and integral part of the game. It was adorable seeing him die all the time, I swear I’m not a sadist, the thought just came into my mind that I was playing with a really good soccer player who can’t even play a simple brawler. I got bored after a while so my eyes drifted somewhere more interesting. I was tracing the contours of his muscles with my eyes, the shirt was especially tight around his chest which did not hide his nipples, next my eyes strolled down his abdomen area and it’s a miracle how all six of them still existed and then I saw his shirt was slightly lifted due to his vigorous movements as we played, I saw his snail trail and I badly wanted to see where it ended. It was getting uncomfortable down there since I was wearing skinny jeans and I was just lucky that Joey’s cardigan was so long it had hidden it from sight.

“What’s wrong?” He paused the game and looked directly at me. We dodged the first bullet and I am quite sure I can dodge this one as well.

“I was just looking whether you are pressing the right buttons” I said in a broken tone.

“Am I?” He gave me this smirk that made me nervous. I was quiet.

”Your voice shakes when you are lying” He sat face to face with me now.

“No it doesn’t!” My voice shook again. This was turning into the worst day of my life.

“There were multiple times in school where I saw you and your friend Joey was it? Skipping classes. Your voice shook every time you came up to the teacher to excuse yourself for your “music lesson”.” He said in a confident manner that made me sweat. I was done for. Before I could reason out that he did not have evidence, he cut me off and said.

“Our English teacher sent me on an errand twice and I thought of following you and I saw you climb the gates. Not just once but twice”

“Very clever, Sherlock” I said in a dull tone. My feelings were a mixture of being pissed and flattered at the same time. I learnt two things today: he now knew whenever I was lying and he was paying attention to me the entire time? This fascination is obviously insinuating something. It was now my turn to talk and make him feel the small guy like he did a moment ago.

“Why do you have so much insight about me?” I looked directly at his eyes anticipating the answer that could potentially change our relationship for better or for worse.

He sighed and placed his head above my knees. “Because I love you” He said in the sweetest possible way. So sweet I could taste the words in my mouth, words that echoed all over and over again in my mind, words that were strangely familiar, as if it was always there, as if it was meant to be. I didn’t realised I was crying, why was I crying? I always had feelings for Gabriel but they were never this strong. Oddly, it triggered very painful feelings, feelings that were so vague I have no words to describe them but I felt that they did not matter because Gabriel chose me! He loves me! And I love him too for the longest time.

“I love you too Gabe, I really do. Like a lot” I babbled in between sniffs and hiccups. I did not expect I’d do a terrible job with my confession.

“Your voice didn’t shake” He gave me again the blue summer sky that smiled with him. I wished I had a vast vocabulary. I just wanted to describe him in different synonyms of the words “gorgeous” and “beautiful” as much as possible. Instead of describing him, I gave him my lips, our lips stayed like that for a very long time and he wrapped his strong arms around me. They were like a barrier to protect me from the pain; they made me feel so safe and loved. I didn’t hate myself for once; I love myself for being me, for being me who Gabriel loves.

The kiss only broke when his lips pushed strongly against my lower lip which was still banged up by the damned door knob.

“Ouch” I yelped which made me shove him away from me.

“Was I hurting you?” He was now hesitant to touch me as he was afraid that he would hurt me again though this isn’t even his fault.

“No, no. You could never hurt me! It’s just... The door knob” I blushed and looked away. I did not want him to know about my little stupidity hours ago.

“I’ll get you something for your busted lip” He quickly rose from the floor. I didn’t want this to end so I sort of pulled on him to stay...

But his pants came off.