Bork to be King I - My Little Gypsy Prince - 6. Chapter 6

The bright morning sun started to peek through a crack in our curtains, and tickled my eyes.
I woke up, yawned, stretched out lazily... and stared into a pair of very bright blue eyes, silently hovering over my face!
They looked like bottomless deep orbs, radiating a lot of intelligence, pride, fun, and love, all at the same time.
I could easily disappear into them; and continued to stare into their depths, almost losing myself!

Little Harry had positioned himself on top of me, looking at me with a big grin on his face.
When he saw I opened my eyes and looked at him; he started to beam.
He bent over, offered me a big morning kiss, and chuckled:

"I thought you would never wake up."

"Oh yeah? Really? Why would you think such a thing?"

"I'm only TEASING you, silly!"

"Oh. Well, then I think I should punish you with a tickle-torture!"

I freed my hands from under the blankets; and started to tickle his small ribs, being careful not to irritate his scars.
I detected he was not very ticklish.
He squirmed some, grinned, and started to tickle me back wherever he could reach.
He was relatively strong, for such a small boy.
I had some difficulty in defending myself against his cleverly aimed attacks!
He also seemed to know what he was doing, and effortlessly found all my sensitive spots.
Maybe, he had been romping before with Jack, or with his own father?

I looked at his beaming face, and my heart melted with joy.
I felt elated to see him enjoying our intimacy so much.
He seemed to crave it!
After a moment, I grabbed his hips, lifted him high into the air, and tossed him towards the other side of the bed.
Immediately, he crawled back; and again launched himself at my chest to perform the next tickle attack.
Trying to look mock angry, he squealed:

"I will get you back, as soon as I'm on top of you again!"

"What makes you think I would let you win that easily?"

"Because you are only an old grandpa, and I am too 'intellagent' for you!"

Grinning back at him, I ruffled his hair and tried to tease him a little bit:

"Oh yeah? I think you cannot even pronounce the word. It is 'intelligent', with an 'i'."

"You and Jack could be brothers! He was just as critical as you are. Your language is very difficult to learn, and I've only spoken it for two years.
"Now and then, I still make silly mistakes. But, Jack always called me his 'linguistic miracle', so I think I can't be that bad...
"Now, I am REALLY going to win!"

With triumph in his eyes, he pinned my arms to the bed and shouted:

"Gotcha! What are you going to do NOW?"

"Well, I think you won! You won my body, my heart, and my soul."

"Huh? My body, my heart, and... You really are a silly old grandpa; but I love you anyway. Now, wait for me and don't move, because I have to pee."

He jumped off my chest, slid down from the bed, and raced towards the door.
His naked lithe frame, with uncombed hair, looked like a wild savage, preparing to sneak out for a hunt.
His little backside full of scars playfully wiggled at me, before he disappeared.
I heard him race downstairs, to present his offering to the ceramic god...

I chuckled, realizing that I started to enjoy his playful company more and more.
Never before had I experienced so much fun with romping around, not even with my own daughters.
I hoped he would be with me for a very long time!

Within two minutes, he was back again, showing a mischievous grin on his face.
He clambered onto the wobbling bed, rose upright, and launched himself at me with a loud Indian yell.
I caught him just in time, lifted him high into the air, and threw him towards the other side of the bed.
Immediately, he returned.
Cheerfully, he jumped onto my chest, trying to pin my arms; while his little feet kicked the blankets away...

With a sudden look of disbelief, he stared at my white briefs:

"Why do you sleep in your underwear? Jack never did..."

"Jack never did? Well... To be honest, I didn't know how you would react to seeing a naked adult when you woke up in the morning..."

"I think you really are a silly old man! I've seen naked people all my life; and I bet you are nothing special or different than any other man I saw."

Ouch! There went my carefully maintained self-esteem...
Of course, I hadn't seen many naked men.
However, I always thought I was relatively well-built and had nothing to complain about...
Apart from this, didn't the honest comment from such a small boy sound a bit harsh?
I loved my little friend very much, and that would never change; but now I started to be a bit wary about his candor.
He clearly didn't mind telling the truth...

However, how would any other grown-up react to his antics?
In our over-prudish world, obedient children didn't speak about these things; at least not to a grown-up!
Besides, had he really seen that many naked men during his short life?
I thought he could be exaggerating, trying to look more mature...

Little Harry seemed to sense that he could have gone too far.
He stared at my face for any signs of anger, and looked relieved when I chuckled and winked at him.
He slumped down onto my chest, spread out as far as he could, and tried to melt into me.
His small head rested on my shoulder, his little distorted nose disappeared in my left armpit, and his short arms folded around my neck.
He heaved a deep sigh of content, and tried to intensify our bodily contact even more.

My arms spontaneously folded around his little body, and my hands automatically started to roam his back.
Slowly, I traced his scars, the wild flesh, and the raw marks the fire had left.
Now, I was sure he was purring like a little kitten!
I loved this little boy with all my heart, and nothing would ever be able to change it!

Little Harry fidgeted a bit; and, suddenly, I could clearly feel his little distorted pecker, proudly poking into my belly button.
I was elated!
His so damaged little penis was still working properly, as it should be...
Yes! He would still be able to marry and have children of his own!

I chuckled; remembering my own early youth, and how my 'thingy' always seemed to have a mind of its own.
Fortunately, I found a children's book about growing boys; and, after reading it, I didn't feel ashamed anymore of getting a 'stiffy'.

A moment later, I was severely shocked, and couldn't believe what was happening to me.
Heaven knows I didn't want it; and I was absolutely sure I couldn't help it!
Suddenly feeling awful, I realized that I started to have an erection myself...
Slowly, my 'thingy' started to come to life, forcefully pushing up in my briefs.
I tried to will it down, but it didn't listen and went on, coming up more and more...

Holding my breath, I felt betrayed, angry, and utterly ashamed of myself.
Why, for heaven's sake, was my body reacting to the innocent intimacy between a little boy and myself?
Was I suddenly becoming a 'pervert', lusting after little children?
Would the newspapers soon mention my name, as being a potential 'child molester'?
I knew how our society tends to react towards people who did these things...

Never before had my body reacted like this.
At least, not without any reason.
I had cuddled quite a lot of desperate children in my life, but none of them had ever aroused me before...
Now and then, I had a morning-erection; but that always went away after I peed...
What the heck was happening to me?
I didn't WANT to become a 'pedophile'!
Lord, help me...

What will little Harry think of me now; when he feels my still growing arousal?
Will he be disgusted; or will he be afraid of me, and run away from this old pervert?
What will Jack think of me now, seeing me in this unnatural state?
Jack told me he trusted me...
Am I now betraying his trust?
I don't want to do that!
What will I think of myself now?
Is this the result of all these years of working with children?
Then, I will immediately bring little Harry back to Trudy and Eric, to protect this innocent child from my further improper advances!

I felt more and more upset with myself, and didn't know what to do.
Shamefully, I tried to hold my breath, withdrawing my abdomen as far as I could.
That way, I hoped this poor innocent kid wouldn't be aware of my still growing member...
Would he know what it meant, when a grown-up started to be aroused like this?
Hopefully, he would still be too young to fully understand what was happening.
I didn't want him to think I was a pervert, and was betraying his trust...

Feeling very uneasy and panicking, I tried to push this innocent boy off my stomach.
I would try to leave our bed and put on some clothes, before he ran away screaming...
Of course, his parents had already taught him everything about 'good touch, bad touch', and he would know for sure that this kind of touch was very bad!

I pushed my hands in between his lithe body and mine, and tried to lift him up...
Immediately, he started to protest and tried to hold onto me even more.
He tilted his head, and looked at me with a surprised face:

"What's up? What are you doing?"

What was up?
What could I tell him, still feeling very ashamed of myself?
Could I tell him that, definitely, something very improper tried to 'get up'?
Could I tell him that I desperately tried to hide my sudden perversion from his prying eyes?
He would never understand what happened, and likely tell everything to John's parents!
They would immediately inform the police, and my peaceful life would be over...

I told him the first thing that came up in my mind, hoping to satisfy his curiosity:

"I am doing nothing, but let's leave the bed and get dressed. My stomach is hungry, and it wants to have some breakfast..."

Suddenly, he sat upright, with a bewildered look and slowly getting tears in his eyes.
His beautiful bright blue orbs stared straight into mine in sudden disbelief...
With a disappointed and quivering voice, he stammered:

"Why are you LYING to me? Don't you trust me?"

His disappointed eyes burned deep and painful holes into my soul...

At the same moment, a hot dagger cut through my heart, and I choked up from my sudden feelings of guilt.
This little Gypsy boy saw right through me; and he didn't like what he saw!
I had betrayed his innocent trust...

I started to tremble all over, swallowed hard, and didn't know what to answer.
Didn't I TRUST my little soul mate?
When was the last time I had REALLY trusted another human being?
I tried to remember, but couldn't.
I didn't even trust myself!

My little boy was right.
I WAS lying, again trying to hide my real self behind my words, as I always did.
I always tried to manipulate other people, doing my utmost to make the greatest impression.
I had always been afraid that others would think less of me, once they discovered who I really was...
Now, my little friend saw right through all my carefully built-up defenses.

Tears of frustration welled up in my eyes, and I started to sob.
The disappointed reaction from my little soul mate brought all my concealed bad habits to the surface.
I couldn't hide from myself any more.
I saw who I really was, and felt devastated.

I had already wasted sixty-five years of my life; and, now, I was turning into a 'pedophile', a filthy 'child molester', being the lowest scum on earth...
I buried my face in my hands and started to cry uncontrollably.
What would my little friend think of me now?

Desperately, I tried to stop my sobbing, but I couldn't.
Wave after wave of pain and despair overwhelmed me and made me cry even more...
In my despair, I decided to live as a hermit, from now on.
There wouldn't be any more children in my life!
I would bring little Harry back to John's parents, as soon as I had pulled myself together.
That way, I wouldn't be tempted to cuddle my boy and assault him with another erection.
I would rather KILL myself, than take any risk of damaging my little soul mate.
I loved him too much...

Suddenly, I had two small arms around my neck.
A little body pressed down upon mine, and a wet little face full of tears tenderly touched my cheek.
A quivering little voice sobbingly told me:

"It is okay to cry... Just let it go, and don't bottle it up. In a few minutes, you will feel a lot better."

Now, I REALLY started to feel ashamed!
I was a trained psychotherapist, for crying out loud; and certainly not used to being comforted by an eight-year-old and still naked little boy, lying on my chest and whispering soothing words into my ear...
My whole well known and comfortable world started to turn upside down!
Who was the therapist here?

I had to restrain myself from pushing him off my chest.
How would such a small boy ever have enough inner strength to be able to comfort a desperately crying grown-up?
Wouldn't he soon be drawn into my too strong feelings of despair and self-loathing, and completely lose himself into my emotional turmoil?
I didn't want to damage him even more than I already had...

However, my heart clearly told me to trust my little soul mate and let myself go.
He would soon be a competent and powerful leader, and he would absolutely be strong enough for both of us!
I could trust him even more than myself...

Of course, I started to doubt again.
Were my feelings correct?
Could I really do as my heart told me, and let myself go while my little soul mate comforted me?
Suddenly, I felt Jack's energy around, while his warm voice told me in my head:

"Trust your heart, as I've told you before, and let yourself go without thinking. This experience will be very important for both of you..."

Did I really feel and hear Jack?
Then, Jack was NOT disappointed in me!
Suddenly, I felt VERY relieved; and started to cry again, this time without doubting about fantasizing.
I let myself go...

Rivers of built-up frustration started to stream down my face.
Why was I always so wary about committing myself to others?
Why was I always playing the omniscient therapist, cleverly hiding my own feelings, and playing it safe?
I would have to change myself radically, to be able to look myself in the eyes without any more shame.
From now on, I would be open and honest to everybody, including myself!

I cried and cried, until I had no more tears left and the rivers stopped.
Slowly, I realized that I DID feel a lot better, as my little soul mate had predicted...
This little boy had been absolutely right.
During my whole life, I had always bottled up everything.
I had never really trusted other people, or really listened to them.
I had always been the professional, playing it safe and carefully hiding my own feelings...

All the time, my little soul mate tenderly comforted me, wiping my tears away with his small hands and softly stroking my hair.
All the time, his boyish voice continued to whisper encouraging words into my ear.
What wisdom in such a vulnerable and damaged little child...
Was he really only eight years old?

Never before had I felt so close to anybody.
This time, I was aware of a very strong bond between my little friend and me, now building even stronger.
Being together, we would be able to withstand quite a lot more than a little bit of crying and feeling ashamed.
Working together, we certainly would be able to change the world and make it a better place.
Our blossoming friendship would be able to survive anything, without any restrictions!
I would always be there for him, and he would always be there for me...

Finally, my remaining sobs ceased, and I pulled myself together.
Jack had been right!
It HAD been very important for both of us, to let myself go and continue crying!
Now, I started to trust the immensely strong bond between my little soul mate and me.
I could read in his eyes that he sensed the same thing...

Still feeling shivery, I took a tissue from the huge package on my nightstand.
I blew my nose in it, unintentionally making a lot of noise, and bashfully grinned at my little friend.
He grinned back at me, took a tissue, and blew his nose in it while trying to make the same noises...

Both of us started to laugh, and that released the remaining tension.
I took another tissue and dried his eyes; and he took another one and dried mine.
Still laughing, he climbed onto my lap and trustfully melted into me again...
Suddenly, I recalled the wise words Trudy had spoken:

'That boy needs you, and I think you need him as well...'

Well, Trudy had certainly proven to be right!
I DID need this boy; to free myself from my distrust, and have more insight into what I really wanted to be.
I also decided to always listen to my heart and stop thinking so much, as Jack had told me to do.
Right now, I only wanted to sit still and enjoy the company of my little soul mate.
Within a couple of minutes, I would try to have a serious and honest talk with him...

I put my arms around my boy, and slowly cradled him.
Suddenly, his little stomach started to grumble aloud.
Both of us sat upright at the same time, and started to laugh.
We looked at each other, saw each other's twinkling eyes, and guffawed together, slapping our knees.
Being able to laugh like this again, certainly felt like a most welcome release.
Little Harry hiccupped, still laughing, and declared:

"I think that my stomach is hungry. Let's go downstairs and have some breakfast."

That would be okay, but I wanted to have my talk with him first...
If we went to the kitchen now, we would be too busy with eating and all the other things we had to do.
Then, I wouldn't be able to tell him what I really had on my mind; and my heart told me it was important to do it NOW.
I decided to ask him a question first, to get his attention:

"What did you feel, when I suddenly started to cry?"

"Nah, nothing special... During the first year after the fire, I used to cry quite a lot, because I hated the people around me who always ridiculed me.
"Many times, Jack felt sad as well, and he started to cry with me. We always held and comforted each other, until both of us felt better.
"Then, we talked about it, trying to be honest about our feelings, without being ashamed of anything."

"Thank you for your honest answer. I think you are a very special boy, with a heart full of tender loving care.
"Your comfort helped me tremendously! For the first time since my own youth, I was able to let myself go completely...
"Now, I want to be honest with you, about my own confused feelings. You were right about what you said to me. I WAS lying to you."

"Yes, I know. You had a stiffy during our cuddle. I had one too; but you were ashamed of it, and I was not. You tried to hide your stiffy from me, but I felt it anyway...
"Then, I asked you about it, and you LIED to me..."

He fell silent, and wiped his suddenly teary eyes with a tissue.
Then, he went on:

"Jack taught me it is very important to be honest with each other and talk about everything, even if you feel ashamed about something.
"Trusting each other and being honest are the basics of our friendship! That is why I felt so sad; because I knew what you tried to hide from me, but you lied about it.
"I thought you didn't want to be my friend anymore, because you didn't trust me... Then, you started to cry, and I understood that you still loved me.
"You still wanted to be my friend; but you were afraid to enjoy my company, because your body reacted to our cuddling, just like mine...
"Then, I started to cry too, and wanted to cuddle again."

He took another tissue, wiped his eyes, and blew his nose.
Next, he offered me a couple of tissues; smilingly, but still having wet eyes...
He fell back onto my chest, replaced my arms around his body, and went on:

"Of course, Jack and I often had stiffies during our cuddles. One time, I asked Jack about them, and he told me it is because our hearts are enjoying each other's company.
"Our unconscious brains want to prepare our bodies for the possibility of sex, to ensure the survival of the human race in case the partner turns out to be a girl.
"Unconscious brains don't care about age or gender. Only the crazy beliefs of some silly people do that; and, unfortunately, we always have to reckon with them...
"Nobody else has to know what happens between you and me; because other people will not understand anything about our true feelings, and they would condemn you..."

He heaved a wary sigh, and wiped his eyes again with the tissue he still had in his hand.
Then, he went on, now with a hint of sadness in his voice:

"Jack taught me to always be proud of myself and of my body; but, sometimes, it is difficult, especially when people are laughing at me or calling me names.
"He also taught me to trust myself, and the feelings of my heart; but that is difficult as well. Sometimes, I am just too scared, and then I run away without thinking...
"During the past two months, I've missed Jack a lot. We always cuddled and romped around when we woke up in the morning.
"Fortunately, now I have you to cuddle and romp with; and I want you to be my new Big Friend until I am big enough to take care of myself.
"Please, don't die too soon, like Jack did..."

He fell silent again, drying his eyes with the same tissue.
Suddenly, he pushed my arms open and let himself slide down onto the floor.
He grabbed my hand and impatiently started to pull me towards the door:

"Now, my stomach is VERY hungry! What do you have for breakfast?"

My head was in heavy turmoil, and I couldn't think straight any more...
This had been too much information at once, about certain facts of life and other intimate things I had never thought of before...

In my youth, my parents never spoke about intimacies or sex.
Your body was something bad you always had to hide from everybody else...
The only time I could remember anybody else who saw me naked, was when my little brother Joshie and I showered together.
From his sixth year on, he could wash and dry himself, and then I never saw his naked body again, nor he mine, until he couldn't wash himself any more and I had to help him again.
I discovered sex on my own, and was always ashamed of my stiffies that seemed to occur at random and much too often.
I learned masturbation from a friend, in a barn behind the school, both of us giggling and afraid of being caught.
The first time the top of my penis got wet, I thought I had a sexual disease from playing with my friend.
I was terrified for weeks, until I discovered a book in a corner of the library about growing up, and secretly read it in the relative safety of my bed beneath the blankets.

During my marriage, my wife taught me to sleep in my birthday suit; and, after a while, I started to enjoy the freedom of it.
However, after the birth of my first daughter, we used to undress only when we were absolutely sure the children weren't around!
They never saw our naked bodies, and always behaved very shy about being naked in front of us.
I couldn't remember seeing any of them naked after they had gotten their first hint of breasts.
After we divorced, I was living on my own again.
From that time on, I started to jump straight from the shower into bed.
I enjoyed the freedom of it, and nobody else was around who might see me...
However, deep inside, I was still ashamed of being naked, even in my own house...

Now, I was sitting on a corner of my bed, clad in only my briefs and nothing else.
I was talking about sex with a little boy I was not related to, and who had seen me almost naked.
This little boy had just explained to me a whole bunch of intimate things I had never thought about before.
What would our society think of me now?
What would Jack think of me now?
What would I think of myself now?
Had I now damaged this little boy for the rest of his life, as our Big Brother society always tries to tell us?
Or, could this little boy be RIGHT, about never being ashamed of your body's natural functions...

Again, I started to feel uncomfortable.
Sixty-five years of exaggerated prudishness and social pressure about displaying your unclad body, were still demanding all their attention.
I just couldn't let myself go, and follow my still naked little friend downstairs, just like that...
I pulled my hand back, went to the chair, and started to gather my clothes.

Little Harry looked surprised; and gawked at me, open-mouthed:

"What are you doing now? Aren't we going downstairs? I am VERY hungry."

I was about to tell him some nonsense that hopefully would satisfy his annoying inquisitiveness...
However, his question 'what are you doing?' irresistibly brought into mind his next question 'don't you trust me?', and the impact that question had on me...
I had a difficult moment, but decided to try to be honest with my little soul mate:

"This is very difficult for me. I am not used to walking about naked, even when it is in my own house. My parents always taught me to hide my body to anyone..."

"Yeah, I know. Your parents taught you the same nonsense John's parents taught John; and, at first, Eric also tried to force it on me.
"But, Jack already taught me that I should always be proud of my own body; and of everything else, including pooping, peeing, and getting stiffies.
"Nothing is bad until you FEEL it is bad, inside your own heart. You always have to listen to your own feelings, and not to the crazy beliefs the so-called 'normal' people are imposing onto you...
"A very important thing is: You have to reckon with these people, because they can make your life very difficult.
"When other people are around, you have to be very careful. You can never speak of any private things to anybody else, including your best friends.
"It's a shame that even little children like me are forced to have secrets, but that is how this crazy world is...
"Only John and I know everything about each other, and I am sure I can trust my brother. Now, YOU know everything about me as well, and I am sure I can trust you too....
"But, let's go to the kitchen, before I start eating the furniture!"

This time, I started to bellow with laughter!
Tears were streaming down my face, and I started to hiccup.
This was too comical...
Such a small and naked boy, having 'THE TALK' with me, a grown-up, being almost naked and sitting on a corner of my bed.
Never before had I learned so much about intimacies, as in these few minutes.
This WAS my world turned upside down...

I lifted my naked little friend off the floor, took him into my arms, and had to be very careful not to squash him too much.
I ruffled his hair, kissed his face, and cuddled him, still laughing and now and then hiccupping.
He laughed with me, clearly enjoying all the extra attention he got.
Next, he threw his small arms around my neck and tried to smother my face with little kisses.

Never before had I felt so free and alive!
A heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders, and I almost started to float.
My chest felt freer, and I was able to inhale and exhale the air deeper than ever before.
For the first time since my early youth, I really could say that I was MYSELF.

Romping together, we frolicked towards the stairs, now and then bumping into each other.
We descended the steps, hand in hand, skipping the last one, and pushing each other like little children...
For the first time, I started to understand the so well known passage from the Bible:

'Be like a Child, for the Kingdom belongs to these.'