Bork to be King I - My Little Gypsy Prince - 5. Chapter 5

Our street was almost dark, except for a couple of faintly illuminated circles below the glowing lampposts.
Little Harry still clamped my head with his small hands, slowly swinging his dangling feet.
As we approached our house, his swinging became less and less; until, at last, he stopped completely.
Apparently, he had fallen asleep on my shoulders, but his little hands were still gripping my hair.

Slowly, I started to doubt again.
For heaven's sake, what was I doing?
Here I was... a retired old grandpa, carrying a small boy towards my house; like a trophy, snatched away from Eric.
Would I be competent enough to raise such a small child on my own?
I didn't even have enough food in my house!
I still had to refill my refrigerator, and I had to search my cardboard boxes to find some towels.
In the morning, I wouldn't even be able to feed him properly, except for maybe some cereal...

Besides, would I really be the right person to educate an eight-year-old little boy and teach him all the important things of life?
During our marriage, my wife had made most of the decisions regarding our daughters' upbringing, and I always relied on her judgment and good sense.
My sole task in our household had been earning money and, now and then, a quick cuddle...

I started to feel more and more doubtful about my obviously too hasty decision.
Children's Protection Services would NEVER allow me to keep him!
Jack, his former Big Friend, seemed to have been very lucky avoiding CPS during those two years they had been together.
Besides, raising a growing little boy would certainly not be the same thing as keeping a pet!
I would have to buy a couple of learning books about how to raise little children, first thing in the morning...

Still worrying about my too spontaneous decision, I climbed the few steps to my porch.
Then, I lowered myself, and carefully lifted little Harry off my shoulders.
I had to put him onto his feet, to be able to get my keys out of my pocket.

He opened his eyes, yawned, and questioningly squinted at me with his bright blue orbs.
This time, he was just a vulnerable little boy, shivering from the nightly cold, and swaying from sleepiness.
He yawned again, and asked me with a small voice:

"Why do you put me down? Are we home now? It's cold here..."

"Yes, we are home now. But you will have to wait until I find my keys."

"Okay. But, please, hurry, because I am sleepy and freezing."

I started to search my pockets, one by one, but couldn't find my keys.
Where had I put them?
Had I lost them, while I was in John's house, or maybe somewhere outside?
Suddenly, I realized that I forgot to take them with me when John and I left my house!
They were still in my living room, lying on my desk next to the telephone...
What should I do now?

I suppressed my upcoming panic, and started to think of a workable solution.
Would a locksmith be able to open my front door, after I woke him up in the middle of the night?
However, how would I call one, while my phone was inside the house and I had locked myself out?
Now, I started to realize that I could have a serious problem!

Should I smash a window at the back of the house, and try to climb inside?
Or, should I return to John's house and ask Trudy or Eric for help?
Didn't my house have a basement hatch, which could be easily forced open?
Or, would I be able to force my backdoor open, using one of those white cobblestones?
Maybe, I had forgotten to lock the door, being only an 'old grandpa'...

I was relatively sure I had locked it during the afternoon, but one can never know.
This time, I really hoped that Thomas would be right!
Okay, let's find out...

I took little Harry's hand, and started to descend the porch steps.
After the first step, he reacted surprised, stopped, and looked up at me open-mouthed.
With a protesting face, he objected:

"Where are you going now? I thought I could have my own room back?"

"Sorry, but I forgot to take my keys when John and I left my house. Now, I hope the backdoor is still open, otherwise we will have a serious problem..."

To my surprise, the little imp immediately seemed to wake up completely.
He started to shriek with laughter, slapping his knees and almost hiccupping from the sudden fun!
Then, he took my hand and pulled me towards the backyard, chuckling:

"I think you are just as absent-minded as Jack always was! Now and then, we had to smash a window at the back of the house; and I had to crawl in to open the front door.
"Finally, I hid a spare key in the bushes, on a nail in the wall, in case he forgot his keys again! Nobody else knows about it, so I think it will still be there..."

Determinedly, he dragged me towards the back of the house.
He left me and headed for a thick bush against the wall, next to the backdoor.
Smiling from ear to ear, he returned, proudly showing a rusty spare key!
With a smug face and sparkling eyes, he unlocked the backdoor, telling me in his best French:

"Voila! Now, entrez, monsieur; and after you!"

He put the spare key back onto its nail, still grinning; and followed me into the house.
Next, he rushed to the living room, got my keys, and carefully relocked the backdoor from the inside.
Demonstratively, he wormed the keys into a back pocket of my trousers, without saying a word but still grinning...

Wow, what a very special boy he was!
I started to love his joyful spirit more and more!
I ruffled his hair, and he threw his small arms around my waist and hugged me.
Walking together, little Harry taking three steps to my one, we went to the kitchen.
There, he climbed onto a folding chair at the kitchen table, yawning again:

"Could I please have a cup of hot chocolate, before we go to bed?"

"Of course, you MAY; and I will have one with you. Do you want one or two helpings of chocolate powder?"

"Two helpings, of course, silly. I am a growing boy, so I always need some extra of everything, to help me grow faster!"

I chuckled at his playful but clever antics, and again ruffled his hair:

"You get the milk from the refrigerator, while I look for my chocolate powder."

He hopped off his chair, went to the refrigerator, and returned with the bottle of milk.
At the same time, I found a package of chocolate powder in one of my halfway filled cupboards.
I took an empty pan from the sink, and held it up in front of him.
Carefully, and tiptoeing to look at what he did, he poured just enough milk into the pan to have two cups of hot chocolate, without spilling a drop.
I put the pan onto my electric cook top, and praised him:

"You are an excellent helper, having a good eye for just the right amount of milk!"

"That is because Jack and I always cooked together, trying out different meals."

"Well, I'm afraid that I am not a very good cook. Maybe, you could help me with it, or even try to teach me how to cook properly?"

"Yes, of course I will teach you how to cook properly! Let's start tomorrow."

I chuckled and ruffled his hair again; presuming he bragged about teaching me.
Of course, he would still be way too young to be much of a real cook...

After drinking our hot chocolate, I put the empty cups and the pan into the sink and washed them.
Little Harry joined me and dried them adeptly, using the only kitchen towel I had been able to find so far.
He used a chair to climb onto the sideboard, and put the cups and the chocolate powder away into the appropriate cupboards.
Wow, he seemed to be just as tidy as John had been!

He jumped back onto the floor without any help, and grinned proudly:

"Now that I'm living here again, may I sleep in your bed tonight? My own room is still empty, and I don't want to sleep on the floor..."

"Well, I don't think that would be a good idea. You ought to sleep in your own room, in your own bed! I suppose, that will be upstairs, the second door to the left?"

"How do you know where it is? Did John tell you?"

"As a matter of fact; yes, he did."

"I thought so, because John knows everything about me. Okay, let's go upstairs."

He left me and raced up the steps, while I followed his galloping little legs at a more leisurely pace.
He had already disappeared around the corner, while I was still dragging myself halfway up the stairs.
I heard him open his door, and go inside...
Impatiently waiting for me, he pointed around in his empty room:

"See? Here, I HAVE to sleep on the floor, because my bed is still in John's room. But, I am only a very small boy, so I won't use up much space in YOUR bed..."

"Nice try! You are a very clever boy. But, did you ever sleep in a folding bed?"

"Of course, silly! I've even slept on a wooden bench in a park, after I fled from the orphanage. Until the police brought me back... Do you really have a folding bed?"

"Yes, I even purchased two of them. Shall we try to carry one from the attic?"

He rushed to the hallway; where he tried to jump up to reach the pulling cord.
Of course, he was too short to get hold of it, so I took over and pulled the sliding stairs down that lead to the small attic.
He clambered upstairs first, and looked around curiously at all the spare things I had been stowing away.

Next, we took one of the folding beds, and I dragged it down the stairs while he helped me from above.
Working together, we carried it into his room and set it up alongside one of the walls.
I got a couple of sheets and blankets from the hallway closet, and he helped me put them neatly onto his makeshift bed.

I went to my own bedroom to get him a pillow, and he followed me.
He started to walk around the room, appraisingly looking at my belongings with curious eyes...

Suddenly, I detected a huge packet of tissues, winking at me from my nightstand!
Now, I remembered I had put it there myself, and then I totally forgot where I had left it.
Obviously, I had really started to be a forgetful old grandpa.
Maybe, that rascal Thomas had really been right, after all!

I started to laugh; and little Harry looked at me with a questioning face:

"What are you laughing at?"

"Well. I just thought that I've started to be a forgetful old man. I had put those tissues onto my nightstand, and then forgot where I left them..."

The little imp laughed at me with a broad smile; and grinned:

"You and Jack could be brothers! Both of you seem to be way too absent-minded, having the same habit of forgetting everything."

I grinned back, lifted him off the floor, and tossed him onto my double waterbed.
For a moment, he looked shocked; obviously not knowing what to think of this.
His bright blue eyes pierced into mine, looking for any signs of anger...
Then, he felt the wobbling bed.
Immediately, he clambered upright and started to bounce up and down with all of his might.
He threw himself at the wobbles, enthusiastically shouting:

"Yippee, you have a WATER bed!"

"Look out before you punch a hole in it, and it leaks." I teased him.

Suddenly, he was very quiet.

"Really?" he asked in a small voice, carefully leaving the bed...

"Of course not, silly! I'm only teasing you. This bed can easily carry two elephants without any trouble."

He laughed; and started to test the waterbed again, by jumping up and down as high as he could.
It was a funny and joyful sight, and I enjoyed myself immensely watching his beaming face.
I started to love my so spontaneous and bright little friend more and more.
He was already working his way deeply into my heart and soul!

Enjoying his antics, I sat down onto a corner of my wobbling bed, and waited.

Finally, after he was satisfied, he jumped towards me and fell down onto my lap.
He leaned backwards into me with a deep sigh, and I put my arms around his small body and held him close.
Slowly, I cradled him, enjoying the happy feeling of being the new Big Friend of such a special child.
Again, I decided to do everything I could to help my boy who so trustfully committed himself to me!
All my qualms about not being able to raise him had faded away...

Little Harry closed his eyes, sighed again, and produced a deep and heartfelt yawn.
Thus, I thought now would be a good time to put him to bed.
I kissed his small head, sat him more upright, and asked:

"Shall I put you to bed now?"

He opened his eyes, smiled at me, yawned again, and nodded his consent.
Slowly, he lifted both arms into the air, as if asking me to help with his undressing.
Of course, I happily obliged.
I helped him shuck his clothes, as I had done with my own daughters so many times before, when they were young.
Several old memories turned up in my mind, of them being in their carefree youth full of joy and happiness.
How I wished I would be able to give this boy the same carefree youth they once had, despite his burns.
I would do everything in my control to help him and cheer him up!

Soon, little Harry was clad only in his loose fitting yellow snoopy briefs.
He had a blissful smile on his face, as if he really enjoyed my help and life was good.
He hopped off my lap, turned around to face me, and silently waited for me to finish...

Suddenly, I felt very unsure, and didn't know what I should do now.
I knew he had told me he used to sleep naked, because his scars always started to itch in bed.
However, did he really want me to take off his briefs as well?
Wouldn't that be very inappropriate for a grown-up who was not related to him and had known him only for a very short time?
How would society react, if they ever heard of my ministrations?
Wouldn't they try to put me in jail for a very long time, for performing 'improper behavior' with a minor?

I waited some more; but little Harry lifted his arms even further away from his hips, impatiently letting me know to pull his briefs off as well...
Hesitantly, I asked him:

"Do you really want me to take off your briefs too?"

"Of course, silly! I've already told you that my burns start to itch in bed. Do you have some oil, to rub into my scars?"

"Let me think... Yes, I could try to find my bottle of massage-oil. Will that do?"

"I don't know. Will you wash it off, if it makes the itching worse?"

"I promise!"

I bent over towards him, still hesitating; and carefully peeled his yellow briefs off.
Then, I couldn't help staring again at all those ugly scars and lots of wild flesh; shuddering involuntarily.
What an enormous burden this little boy had to bear in his young life!
Why did life punish him like this?
Was he fulfilling some kind of 'Karma' my old Indian shaman once told me about?
Or, had that only been a strange belief...

Slowly, I got tears in my eyes, in vain trying to suppress my sobbing.

Little Harry looked at me, and his bright blue eyes filled with understanding.
He extended his small arms, and consolingly put them around my trembling knees.
Then, he took a small step backwards, and told me:

"This is the effect my burns always have on new people; even on the doctors and nurses in the hospital!
"Please, have a good look at my scars, so that you will get used to them. Then, remember that you are not looking at ME, but only at my scars.
"The REAL Harry is inside my body, and he is NOT a cripple!
"John looked at my body too, when he saw my ugly burns for the first time; and it helped him to accept me as I am. Now, it is your turn to accept the real me..."

He turned around, slowly, letting me have a good look at his burns from all sides...

I couldn't help it... I started to sob uncontrollably.
In a teary blur, I saw my brave little boy; showing me his devastated body with an astonishing maturity and a surprising pride in his demeanor!
Was this boy really only eight years old?
Had I ever been afraid I wouldn't be able to raise HIM?
I was sure he would be able to raise ME, and he would do a very good job!

Overflowing with compassion and unconditional love, I took him into my arms and cradled him again.
My wonderful brave boy, my precious little soul mate...

After clearly enjoying our cuddling; little Harry sat upright, opened my arms, and freed himself.
He slid down from my lap onto the floor and rounded the bed to my nightstand.
He opened the huge packet of tissues, took some, and returned...
With a smug face, he told me:

"Now, please, dry your tears and stop pitying me. Next time, don't cry any more; but try to enjoy my pleasant company!"

I was flabbergasted, and didn't believe my own ears and eyes.
Again, I saw his aura of Pure Nobility, as if this little boy could be of Royal Heritage.
He could easily have been a Prince, used to giving commands to his beloved subjects!
Almost feeling submissive, I accepted the offered tissues and dried my eyes; while little Harry smiled and turned around again to let me have another good look...

Hesitantly, I touched a fat and ugly looking string of wild flesh on his right hip:

"Does it hurt, when I touch any of your scars or wild flesh? When, or where, do I have to be careful with your burns?"

"No, touching them only tickles a bit. It starts to hurt when my skin becomes too tight and I stretch out too much. Then, I have to go back to the hospital, where they will loosen the skin again.
"The doctors told me I am very lucky to still be able to feel any touch, hot, and cold. All my nerves are still intact, because Jack immediately rolled me around in the cold and wet grass."

He smiled, crawled back onto my lap, and continued:

"The only annoying thing is that my burns itch if there is a constant pressure on them; like wearing too tight clothes, or lying in a warm bed during the night.
"The doctor prescribed a bottle of soothing oil, but I don't know where it is. John looked for it, but he couldn't find it. I think the house owners threw it away, together with all of Jack's other possessions...
"But, now I want to go to bed, because I feel very sleepy! Tomorrow, we will talk some more."

I lifted him off my lap and rose from my bed.
He put his small arms around my neck, while I involuntarily put a hand under his small bottom to support his weight...
Oops! Wouldn't this be too impertinent, because he wasn't wearing any underwear?
Fortunately, he seemed to feel at ease with it, burying his little head under my chin...

I took him to his own bedroom and put him down onto his folding bed.
Heaving a deep sigh of content, he immediately crawled under the blankets and closed his eyes.

However, I had promised him to look for my massage oil, to soothe his scars!
I ruffled his hair, left his bed, and hurried downstairs to try to find it.
Without any problems, I found the small bottle in one of the halfway filled cupboards.
Planning to help him, I returned into his room with the bottle of oil in my hand.
However, he opened his eyes just a little bit, and mumbled:

"Thank you, but I don't need the oil tonight. I feel too sleepy..."

He closed his eyes again, heaved a deep sigh, and disappeared towards dreamland.
I bent over and tenderly kissed his forehead, as I always did with my little brother and my daughters.
Then, I tiptoed out of his room, now feeling all mushy inside.
Inwardly, I prayed to any Supreme Being that society would allow me to keep him for a very long time!
I would do EVERYTHING to be his Big Friend and help him.

I went back to my own bedroom, still overflowing with love for my little friend.
First, I folded his small clothes and neatly put them onto one of the chairs.
Tomorrow, the children would bring all his possessions and help him with setting up his own room.
Then, I would look for any more clothes he needed; or buy them if necessary.

I undressed quickly, went to the bathroom, and took a hot and refreshing shower.
Walking back to my bedroom, I suddenly realized that I was completely naked!
Suppose little Harry woke up, and he left his room to go to the bathroom or ask me for something...
Wouldn't he be severely shocked, and maybe even start to scream, when he saw me like this?
Had he ever seen a grown-up like me in his birthday suit before, while living in our so very prudish modern world?
That would be very unlikely...

Besides, our society always tells us that little children, confronted unexpectedly with the nakedness of a grown-up, will be damaged for the remainder of their lives...
Of course, as a therapist, I didn't really believe in those silly fables; but I HAD to reckon seriously with the crazy beliefs of our over-protective society!
Otherwise, they could make my life very difficult...

Being alone, I always took a hot shower and then just jumped under the blankets.
However, how would my little boy react to a naked grown-up in bed, if he woke up early in the morning and happened to see me like this?
I decided to keep my briefs on in bed, from now on, just for prudence reasons.
One could never know!

I took a fresh pair of briefs, and put them on.
Then, I left my bedroom and peeked into little Harry's room, just to have another look at him...
My boy was still sound asleep, softly snoring; with a satisfied smile on his small face.
Feeling warm and mushy again, I went back to my own bedroom, crawled under the blankets, hugged my pillow, and tried to get some sleep.

Immediately, the disturbing view of little Harry's devastated body returned into my mind.
Would his doctors ever be able to give him a more presentable look, maybe by using some kind of skin transplant?
How many operations would he need in the future, to loosen his too tight skin, or to give him artificial lips and a better nose?
Would he ever be able to have children of his own, because of his so damaged little pecker?
I wasn't rich, but I would spend everything I had to be able to help him!

He was such a special boy!
I was truly amazed by his demeanor of nobility or aristocracy.
Sometimes, he acted like a normal little boy, behaving like every other child of his age, only being extremely bright and witty.
At other times, he seemed to possess an enormous amount of Inner Power, and could easily have been a little Prince...
I was sure he would be a very good teacher, or an excellent leader, once he grew up.
Despite all the troubles he had been through, his spirit seemed to be unbroken.
And, from now on, he was MY boy.
I would always help him and fight for him!

At last, sleep took over; and I started to have a couple of vague and misty dreams.

Halfway through the night, I woke up because I had to empty my bladder.
Slowly, my conscious mind returned, and I needed some time to realize where I was:

'Oh, yes, now I remember. For two days, I have been living in my new house in this small village, still unpacking my cardboard boxes.
'Within a few hours, I met a couple of nice neighborhood children; and two of them, John and little Harry, already are my best friends.
'My eight-year-old little soul mate is peacefully sleeping in his own room...'

Oh yeah? Was I really sure my little soul mate was sleeping in his own room?
Then, where did that heat radiating and softly snoring little body come from, feeling like it was glued to my left side, holding on to me with all of its might?
Little Harry had stretched out alongside me, pressed into my left side and trying to have as much bodily contact as he could muster.
He seemed to be deep asleep, and had a beautiful smile full of bliss on his small face.

Not knowing what to do, I stared at my little friend next to me.
Obviously, he had woken up during the night, and silently crawled into my bed.
Maybe, he had felt alone, or he had a bad dream and looked for my protection...
I also remembered what John told me, about little Harry crawling into his bed every night because he used to sleep with Jack...

However, Jack had been his rescuer!
He had supported him during his many operations, and taught him our language and our habits.
Because of what he had done for little Harry, Jack had almost been his second father.
On the other hand, I was nothing more than some old man he just met!
Officially, I was only a 'stranger', who was totally 'unrelated' to him...

Our so mistrustful society certainly wouldn't reckon with 'past lives', 'spirit helpers', or being 'soul mates'.
They would only see a stranger, allowing a little boy to sleep in his bed; and they would surely consider this as being 'very unnatural behavior'!
Didn't they ever hear of Eskimo parents and their children, all of them being naked, peacefully sleeping together in one huge bed?
Did they seriously believe that all the Eskimo kids would be damaged for the remainder of their lives, by frequently seeing their naked parents petting and making babies?
How ignorant...

I decided NOT to wake my little soul mate and send him back to his own bed.
Jack told me to 'always listen to my heart', and my heart told me that little Harry NEEDED our close contact, to feel safe and loved in his new environment.
He had chosen to crawl into my bed all by himself, voluntarily and totally on his own account, feeling he would be absolutely safe with me.
I was NOT going to deny my boy what he seemed to need so badly, despite what any 'society' might think of me!

I only hoped he wouldn't blabber about this to his friends or to John's parents.
At this early stage, I didn't want to take any unnecessary risk; because I was already planning to try to adopt him.
Soon, I would contact Children's Protection Services about my situation, anonymously, and ask them for advice.
I even hoped that my fame as a psychotherapist would help me to obtain what I so desperately wanted...

I disentangled myself from my little soul mate, and pushed him a bit towards the other side of the bed.
He groaned and mumbled something, but didn't wake up.
Shivering from the sudden cold, I went downstairs to empty my bladder.

When I returned, little Harry seemed to have missed me, because he obviously had crawled all around the bed.
He was now lying across my side, effectively blocking every bit of empty space.
I had to push him out of the way again to get in.
The very moment I reentered my bed, little Harry shifted towards me and wormed his small body into my arms.
He heaved a deep sigh of content, mumbled something unintelligible, and was sound asleep again.

Nothing will be able to describe adequately how wonderful I felt now.
For the first time since my own horrible youth, I felt totally and completely ALIVE.
This little boy stirred so many powerful parental feelings in my heart that I almost started to cry.
My body tingled, and my heart danced in my chest from pure joy.
Again, faint memories showed up, of my little son and me sleeping together, keeping each other warm in our small log cabin.
Both of us were naked, but we didn't have any problems with it because nobody ever told us this could be 'improper'...

I closed my arms around my little soul mate, careful not to wake him.
Immediately, he shifted even more towards me.
I even thought I heard him purr in his sleep, like a little kitten.
I put my nose in his hair and inhaled; and, for the first time, I smelled the scent of my boy.
He had a special aroma of very light musk, something indefinable but sweet, and another scent I only could describe as Pure Boy.

I got tears in my eyes; and choked up from the intense tender loving care I felt.
Sobbing silently, I swore to myself I would do everything to help this vulnerable small child, who so trustfully and totally committed himself to me.
Slowly, I fell asleep and started to dream...

My little son and I were living together in our small log cabin, just the two of us.
We were trappers in a vast forest; making a living from setting traps, hunting deer, and selling pelts.
My wife had died in childbirth; and, since then, I was raising my boy on my own, only now and then helped by our closest neighbor.
My son always wanted to help me with everything I did.
Thus, from a very young age, I taught him how to sneak around noiselessly, recognize the faintest animal tracks, and set up almost invisible traps.
He also helped me with cleaning out and roasting our caught animals over a small fire.
Much to my and his delight, he seemed to have a very good sense for which herbs we should add to improve the taste...

At night, covered by a couple of deer furs, we always had our arms around each other, to warm ourselves and be protected from the bitter cold.
Both of us were naked, and we always felt nice, warm, and safe.
Nobody ever taught us to be ashamed of certain body parts or their natural functions...

Our neighbor and best friend lived half a mile away, as a bachelor in his own small log cabin.
He was a nice man, and often babysat my son when I had to visit a town far away and couldn't take him with me.
Both of them were very fond of each other; and they loved to play, cuddle, and tell each other silly stories.
The man had John's deep brown eyes and hair with little curls at the edges...

Suddenly, I woke up from my dream, still having my softly snoring son in my arms.
For a moment, I didn't know what was happening, and looked around in wonder.
Everything around me started to feel peaceful, as if a part of me was going to heaven.
I saw a bright light around us, not coming from the sun but seemingly shining everywhere.
A strong flow of powerful love and compassion engulfed my son and me, and tenderly comforted both of us.
Then, I saw Jack, the former owner of my house and little Harry's former Big Friend.
He looked at my snoring boy and me with an approving smile on his face, and told me with a lot of warmth and respect in his voice:

"Don't doubt so much, because you are doing the right things. From now on, you will be his guardian. Just listen to your heart instead of to your brain, and you will always know what to do.
"Of course, I will be with you and help you, but he is your responsibility. Spend everything you have on him, and you will be royally rewarded!"

Jack lifted both hands towards us in a blessing gesture, and engulfed both of us with his powerful love.
Then, the bright light disappeared, and everything around us went dark again...

I sat up in shock, still holding my softly snoring boy in my arms.
What had happened to us?
Had I really been in sort of a heaven, full of love and compassion?
Had I really met the spirit of Jack, little Harry's former Big Friend and the late owner of my house?
I never thought such a strange thing could ever be possible...

Besides, what did Jack mean, when he said 'spend everything you have on him'?
I wasn't very rich, but I did have some money to spend...
I tried to contact Jack's spirit again, by asking him in my mind:

"Jack? What did you mean, when you said 'spend everything you have on him'?"

I waited, but nobody answered my question.
I tried to find that bright light again, by trying to let myself go, but nothing happened.
Now, I started to doubt again.
Had this only been a strange dream?
Or, had I really received a message 'from the beyond'?

Jack told me: 'You will always know what to do'; but I didn't have the faintest idea what to do...

He said: 'Just listen to your heart'; but the only thing my heart tried to tell me, was 'bump-bump, bump-bump'...

After some time, I drifted into a sound and peaceful sleep, still having my softly snoring boy in my arms.