The Last Out - 11. Chapter 11

“Why did you just do that Devin? I thought you weren’t sure about what you wanted and who you were into?”

“I think I just figured it out” I replied cheekily. “You’ve always been nice to me, and I guess I never really put together why that would be. Besides, I thought I was straight, so this wasn’t really something I was even considering. At least not until now that the last week and everything else happened.”

“Do you still like girls then, or what’s your whole deal Devin? Are we going to be for real, or is this until you find a girlfriend to be with and I get relegated to friend status again, just like all the other girls you’ve wanted before now.”

I had never heard that kind of bitterness in Alex’s voice before. It was like he was blaming me for never noticing him before or something, even though he knew that I thought I was straight all this time. Maybe he really did. After all, I did spend a lot of time in the past talking about girls with him…

“Why didn’t you ever say anything Alex? If this has been bugging you for this long when I talked about girls and ignoring you, why didn’t you just say so?”

“Because. Because you wouldn’t have understood” he said, his voice breaking. “Because you were so ‘straight’. Because boys like me don’t get to end up with boys like you. Not in real life anyways.”

I couldn’t figure out what Alex was talking about. What on earth did he mean, does he not think that I’m actually serious or something?

I’m here and interested now aren’t I? Just because it’s taking me longer to figure things out than it took you doesn’t mean that I’m going to change my mind again. I’m here now Alex, and I don’t know how any of this works or what happens next because I’ve never dated a guy before, but I want to find out. I just don’t want to whole world knowing about it. Not yet anyway.”

“Because you’re afraid.”

“Yes because I’m afraid! Look at what’s happened to my life once people even began to suspect I was gay. How much worse is it going to get once we confirm it? How much worse are we going to be treated for being the only gays in town? I haven’t even told my dad yet. Doesn’t he get to find out before the whole town knows?”

I was getting upset. Didn’t Alex understand how big a deal this was that I was even entertaining the idea of this and was even thinking about being with a guy? Two weeks ago I wouldn’t have even considered this as possible, and now he wants me to go public to the whole town that I’m not only into guys, but that I suddenly have a boyfriend. Nothing good was going to come from this if we went public, so why was he forcing it so much?

”Alex, I’m not ready to be out yet. Take me or leave me, but that’s how it’s going to be. Don’t force me when I’m not ready.”

“Fine” he huffed. “That’s just fine. I should get going now, it’s getting late. Are you planning on coming back to school tomorrow?”

”Have to. If I don’t go to practice I won’t be allowed to play on the weekend.”

“Fine. See you tomorrow then.” As we had been talking, Alex had been dressing himself. Alex grabbed the last of his stuff and walked out the door.

I laid down on the couch, thinking about what all this means. Never in a million years did I ever expect that I’d be dating a boy, or that it would be Alex. In a way though, it sort of explained why I was so into Sean as well. It wasn’t just that I wanted to have muscles like Sean, it was that I wanted to be with Sean. He didn’t want me though, he just wanted to cum, and he didn’t care how as long as he got what he wanted out of the deal. I didn’t think Alex was like that. He hadn’t ever really done anything to make me think he was being selfish or doing this for himself… except for this need for me to tell everyone we’re a thing. Of course, Sean started that way too and look what it got me.

My stomach growled at me and I went to go check the time. It was already after seven. Dad would be home soon, so I got dressed and went to make dinner so that I could try to relax for the rest of the evening.

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I woke up the next morning in a dishevelled, groggy state, and flailed around until I hit my alarm clock. 7am. I didn’t sleep nearly as well as I wanted to, and on top of that I forgot to pack my sports back for practice today. After quickly showering and packing for school, I went through my room to grab everything I’d need for practice; glove, bat, helmet, cleats, jockstrap and cup. I did a final check to make sure I got everything, then sprinted to the bus stop.

I had to sit up front today with the rest of the team because we all had our extra bags and would otherwise be in everyone else’s way. There was an open seat next to Russell, the coach’s son, so I sat there with him. Russell doesn’t normally say very much, so I was hoping that he’d stay off my case for the trip, even though I’m sure he’d want to ask about Sean.

Thankfully, he seemed way too involved with his music to notice me or anything around him, so I was able to spend the short trip mostly collecting my thoughts and figuring out how to get through the day without being bothered by everyone.

School dragged on more than usual today, even for a Thursday. I spent most of the day hearing whispered conversations and rumours around me and what actually happened with Sean, but I found I just couldn’t get interested about it today. Partly it was because I knew I didn’t do anything wrong, but also because I wasn’t really thinking about that and was thinking a lot more about what to do with Alex and the baseball team instead. I knew that this was going to become an issue with them sooner than later, especially if Alex started showing up to games, so I wanted to see what I could do without getting my ass kicked, or worse. Especially since Parker was on the team and he’s already made it pretty clear that he’s going to make my life a living hell.

Because Sean had died, we needed a new catcher for the team, and I was surprised to see that it was going to be Russell. He, myself and the rest of the pitching staff spent most of the practice just warming up on the side so that he could get used to how we pitch and what kind of pitches we threw. So for me it was a nice, lighter practice. Every once in a while during the practice I would watch the rest of the team, and I’d always see Parker talking to someone and glancing over at me. I didn’t know what this was about, but it probably wasn’t anything good either.

Once practice was over I went back to the locker room to shower and change like the rest of the team. Everyone already had their bags with their stuff in the locker, and we all just left our baseball bags out on the bench so we could collect them once we were finished. Nothing too unusual, since it was a weekday practice and most of our parents would be coming to pick us up after, so it wasn’t like we were worried about anyone stealing our stuff while we cleaned up.

I had just gotten my towel and stuff from my bag when Parker and a couple of the other guys from the team walked over to me and started getting in my face. I didn’t do anything right away, just turned around to face them and see what they were getting on about.

“What’s the deal guys, you got something to say to me or something?”

Parker stepped forward out from the group that had started to surround me around my locker. I noticed that most of the rest of the team had already gone home, and coach never came into the locker room with us, didn’t want to have any allegations like what’s happened to other coaches, like on the news. In other words, this was not a good place for me to be right now.

“Listen here fag, something was going on between you and Sean. We all know it, and we’re gonna beat your ass until you say what it is. That’s why he’s dead, because you killed him over whatever this is and we’re going to make you pay.”

“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about Parker, and you can keep your damn accusations to yourself for once. There wasn’t anything going on with me and Sean, and I didn’t kill him. So how bout you fuck off out of the way and let me take my shower so I can leave.

I didn’t even see it coming, but the next thing I felt was a pain in the side of my head where Parker had punched me. I fell down and Parker jumped on me, punching me wherever he could land a blow. I tried to defend myself, and I watched as the boys all ran away while Parker beat me.

My vision was starting to become blurry and darker. I could hear voices screaming, and the last thing I saw was Parker punching me in the nose before I blacked out.