My Life in a Monastery - 2. Chapter 2 Starting a new Life.

Starting a new Life.

The next morning the continuous ringing of a bell was awakening me. This was to me a very unkind sound as I was still sleepy. All the boys were in a hurry putting on their red tunics. I was like stunned, not fully awakened, but Angi appeared already clothed with my red tunic folded in his hands. “You have to hurry up and put on your tunic”, he said.

I recalled then that the tunic had passed the night under my mat. He smiled nicely at me and said, “You best hurry on, Tachi”. This was the tunic I would have to be wearing for the next seven years.

After the sound of the bell, everybody was standing up and reciting the mantras of early morning. Angi gave me a piece of paper with the mantras written in it, but everybody was chanting them by rote. I was the only one with a paper on my hands but I could not keep the pace of my reading with the speed they were chanting. Some of the words were new to me, as there are many mantras or chants; some of them very ancient, and nobody knows them all except the most learned masters.

I asked Angi about my mum and he told me he did not know anything. The guest usually used to depart early in the morning, he said. Perhaps she was on her way back home when the bell was ringing.

From this moment it began a daily routine of chanting before written tablets for several hours a day. As we were living in a mountain, far from populated areas, we do not go out begging for food as in other monasteries down the valley. But we had a several herds of sheep and raise some rabbits and chickens. For that reason, some of us had to go to tend the sheep; others were sometimes digging the weeds out on the garden, or depending on the season planting or harvesting potatoes. Some were busy making butter and cheese and some more were working in the kitchen.

The more enlightened pupils were printing mantras with big printing pads over yellow papers for selling to the faithful. After printing they had to be hanged out to dry and then had to count them and made ordered piles. They had a guillotine to cut the paper like a book; then they painted the sides of the pile of papers with a brush and red ink. The red and yellow colors are the sacred in our country. Other few people were in another shop tinkering to do prayer wheels. They were cutting fine plates of tin and a fixing them with soldering iron. Some were doing the tinkering and some were painting the wheels. All this was for selling in the cities as very few people came to this lonely mountain. We were in this place about forty students, but they said that it used to be here about a hundred and twenty.

During my first nights in the monastery, I felt comforted by my friend Angi. He was always very close to me in the deepest of the night and his arm was holding me tightly. This made me feel a sort of bliss or the assurance of being loved by my dear friend Ang. Sometimes, in the middle of the night I was half dreaming and had a weird fantasy. It seemed to me that Angi was in my own bed. One might not give much reliance to our senses. Nevertheless I was feeling his naked body very close to my back and rear: The heat of his body was passing to me and on rare hot nights I was also feeling in my back his sweating skin. I was feeling very much comforted with these fake perceptions of my senses. Some nights I got weird dreams of something hot rubbing between the cheeks of my rear. Others I got the pleasant sense that a thick and hot thing was rubbing to and fro in the crotch of my legs. At the same time I was relishing the heat of Ang’s body in my back and rear, so close to me. I was grateful for his kindness for the nights were very cold in this monastery. The fakeries of my senses were giving me a sort of confidence and my mind was getting stronger. That was a need I had for I was feeling very lone in this cold and forlorn monastery.

Within a few months I was passing through all sort of trades in the monastery. This place was not rich; most of the herds it had were small and they had to send boys out to tend for the sheep. During the winter they had to send the sheep back to the valley and to pay in kind for the feeding and penning of them down there. As for the meadows, the monastery had not many and had to pay the rights to send the sheep to graze. So, the students had to do most of the work of herding. We have some small pieces of land down there to grow some barley or some red sorghum.

I was tending the sheep for a time and passed long days of summer in the mountain. I was into this with a companion, named Gyalo, that taught me almost everything about herding. When we were tending the sheep we did not have to do so many mantras as in the monastery. When we are herding near the monastery we come to sleep at night. So we keep the sheep into a corral each evening and had to milk them every day. We poured the milk on some cans for others to carry out to produce cheese. After all these chores were done we went to drive the sheep to the meadow of each day. But most of times we had to drive the sheep to farther meadows. In those cases we have to sleep in the open or in caves or huts during the night, for in these mountains it is very cold in the night, even in the summer.

Someday we were tending the sheep in a very far meadow. After keeping the sheep in a pen we went to sleep in the hut near. I was herding with Gyalo, two or three years older than me. We were carrying on a haversack six pounds of bread, two pounds of lard and a small purse of sheep skin with a little yak butter. This is all the food we have during the week. But also we had to carry a small bag with ground salt to throw a pinch of it in our water, and a big bag with some slabs of salt for the sheep to lick on them daily.

The weather had become very cold this day. A chilly wind from the north was rolling down the mountains. With this freezing weather we had been lucky to have a hut to sleep under a roof. So we had to pass the night in a very small stone cabin but it had only a bunk to sleep.

Gyalo looked at me as he was trying to tell me something. I was looking at him waiting. He tried to speak several times but not any word came out of his mouth. Then, after a moment of silence he burst out in a low voice,

“Ver’ col.”

“What?”

“Ver’ col.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s very cold tonight.” I said.

“No sleep!” He said fingering at the floor where I was going to sleep.

I could not understand what he meant.

“Ya… n’sleep’n… th’floor!” He said stammering a little.

I looked at the cot and realized it was very narrow for two people. Then I said.

“Why? You are older than me! So, the bed is for you!”

“Ver’ cold.” He said.

“Yes, it’s very cold.”

“No fr’wood.”

I looked at the little firewood that was near the hearth.

“I see what you mean! We got very little firewood, so we cannot make a fire to keep us warm.”

“Sleep t’geth’r.” He said glancing down.

“Eh?”

He was still silent looking at the floor.

“T’keep’s werm”.

Now I understood. He knew a lot more about living in the mountains than me. He had been herding sheep here for several years but it was only doing it down, in the valley’s meadows that are not so cold.

The wind was moaning with rage outside and we were a little shivering already. We were clothed lightly for the summer. We had a woolen underwear shirt, the tunic and had also a blanket over our shoulders to protect us from the chilly wind that was coming down the mountain. This was not enough. Even it was very cold inside the hut. So as Gyalo was telling we had to sleep together to keep us warm.

We made a very small fire to heat a little water to drink and chanted a short mantra before having our dinner of crisp bread and lard. We were taking little sips of warm water to gulp the bread and lard down. Gyalo was the first to lie on the bed. He was with his back toward the wall and was holding the blanket in his raised hand inviting me to come in. I spread my blanket over his and also lay on the bed beside him. At first we were facing each other, trying to have our bodies as close as possible to get warm. Our faces were touching and we realized that our noses were rather cold and a little dripping because of the cold. Then I moved my face a little bit and our lips touched for a second. I felt a bolt of light through my mind that produced a shaking in my body. It was only a very light touch of our lips and it disturbed me, as it was not deem proper for a young male to kiss another in his lips.

We were hugging each other to keep us warm but I was a little awkward for we had our bodies very close together. I have never been in such a position before. Well, I had been playing like this with my brothers and an older cousin sometimes; but we did it only for a time while we were playing. The most close approach I had been, occurred with my cousin Nathu, two years older than me… and it was very exciting… for I felt something hot in my rear. This case was different for I felt now my little willie was getting stiff. So I began to feel a little ashamed for Gyalo was not my cousin. So I thought this posture could be unbecoming for boys of my age even in such a cold night. I was feeling awkward for a moment and I decided to turn and give my back to him. This seemed to me a more modest position and we kept close together keeping us warm for a time. Gyalo was holding me tightly against his body as if he was trying to keep me from falling off the bed. After a while I was becoming warmer and sleepy. I was very tired and soon I was fast sleep in spite of lying on such a narrow bed.

Some time later in the night I was awaking a little but my mind was rather foggy. I was very tired of so much going up and down after the sheep but slowly I was becoming aware of something hard pressing in my rear. My senses were rather blurred and I was unable to think. I become asleep again. It was a time later that I felt again something hard behind me. Then I slowly recalled that Gyalo was sleeping very close behind me. I had forgotten that we were together in such a narrow bed. Then I felt… sorry. I do not know how to put it. The hard thing I was feeling was… was his taut thing. After being for a time so close together our bodies had become heated. I supposed the heat have produced such effect of hardness on his part. I did not budge and not even dare to utter a word for I was avoiding awaking my companion. He must have been as much tired as I was. So, I remained very still and quiet all the time. Later on, it seemed to me that he was holding me by the hips a little tighter. The stiff part of him was pushing in my rear and I could not even guess what the purpose of it was.

A little later I began to have a foggy idea. It seemed to me that Gyalo had pulled up my tunic on my back. I dared not to say a word. Perhaps he was doing all this while dreaming. Moreover I was curious about what was the purpose of all this doing. A little late we were not so tightly close and I was feeling a little cold in my rear. Then I sensed that he was slowly pulling down my English briefs. This was a difficult task, especially under the weight of my body. I did not move and let him to do all the work. After some time he had managed to pull down my briefs to the middle of my thighs. For a boy dreaming this was an amazing ability.

As I said I was very curious but feigned to be sleeping. So I was wondering what could be the next thing to happen. After a while I felt a heat in my rear and the taut thing of Gyalo was pressing in there. After a time he started to rub slowly his thing between my rear cheeks. I never had such an experience before and it was kind of pleasant. Then it came to my mind some heavy words I heard before. All these words about the obligation we have to refuse before the pleasures of our senses or even those of the flesh. We have a duty to resist to our desires and doing so we can increase our karma for the next afterlife. We have to renounce to the pleasures of the flesh. It was much later when I began to understand this phrase. When I was a kid I reasoned that the meat was very expensive. We had at home only a few occasions to enjoy a stew of lamb or some roasted chops. When these occasions arrived it is very difficult to resist the pleasures of the roasted flesh. I began then to understand the word flesh were meaning perhaps the hard thing Gyalo was playing with in his dreams.

This night I was eager to learn something new. So I was very quiet. I was doing nothing to enhance any desire in me but I had a commendable thirst of knowledge. Gyalo was doing all the moving in my rear until he found the hole. Then he remained quiet there for some time. I was feeling a little pressure in there, nothing more than a little pressure that was coming and going. After a time I was feeling a pleasant effect there. The place around was getting hotter, a little wetter and slippery. Then it was followed by a new and steady push. But it was only a gentle pushing. I had not any desire whatever, except a commendable curiosity to know. I think that to have a thirst of knowledge must be akin to a pure desire of perfection; an eagerness to discover the truth. I was sure that by remaining still, concentrating to avoid any pleasant desire, I could not be committing any sin. So I let him to do all the moving. After a moment of rest, he started to press in there again. Later I felt that he was slowly coming and going near the rear hole. I was feeling like a rubbing there. Then he stopped for a while and did nothing. Next he began to repeat the same play. He was playing like this for a time. After that I was feeling that… Well, I had a very weird feeling. I began to think that his thing had entered inside me. I do not know if anything happened but I chanted the “om mani” mantra many times in silence. I was not sure of my senses. For our corporal senses produce mostly delusions and tricks in our mind. So you have to reject all the trickeries of our senses, for they are untrue. For the only true knowledge is written in the Dhamma, the doctrine of Muddah, to achieve the true enlightenment of the mind.

There are many things whose meaning I could not grasp; many ordinary things that I cannot know for sure. Perhaps Gyalo’s thing had entered in me, perhaps not. For we cannot trust our senses. Perhaps it was only a little bit that entered. If this were a real sin it must have been a small one; perhaps the thing of Gyalo was not as big as it should to be for the case to be a real sin. Perhaps it had entered just a small part of it, not the whole piece of flesh. So, if there was any sin, it must be in accordance to the bit that entered, or the bulk of his flesh.

Gyalo was playing for some time inside me. I had the delusion that his thing was moving in and out in my rear ass. To top my problems I was feeling some waves of pleasure inside my ass. This was all a confusion of my mind; but my thing was also getting stiff while my mate was moving inside faster and faster.

Then my rear began to make contractions and my tout thing began to jerk wildly. So crazy was my thing that it began throw out spurts of something like pee. These spurts were producing waves a pleasant craziness that I never had experienced before. While this was happening Gyalo began to move like a crazy lamb and I felt his thing was jerking inside me; then I sensed hot spurts of something inside my body. My rear then was getting slippery and after a while Gyalo stopped moving. After some seconds, his thing got out. I felt my ass was rather wet and I began to feel cold when he started to pull up my briefs. Later he pulled down my tunic that was rolled on my waist. After this I became fast sleep in a moment for I was very tired.

End of the Part 2