Capture Me Gently - 5. Chapter 5

When Aiden woke up on Saturday morning by the sun shining in through the small window on the wall opposite the bed, he felt both cold and alone.

He slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to the side. The space next to him was empty, which meant that Alex must have gotten up already.

Alex was nowhere to be seen in the room, so he sighed silently and got up from the bed. He yawned and rubbed his eyes as he walked over the floor and opened the bathroom door. But there he stopped dead in his tracks.

Alex was sitting on the toilet lid, still in the night clothes he had borrowed from Aiden, and his eyes were red and sore, as if he had been crying.

"What's wrong?" Aiden asked worriedly and crouched down in front of the black-haired boy. "Alex?"

Alex sniffled and looked down. "I'm sorry," he started in a low, hoarse voice. "I've just been sitting here for the past hour... Just thinking about various stuff."

"What kinds of stuff were you thinking about that could make you cry?" Aiden asked. He wanted to reach out and touch the other boy, but he didn't dare when Alex looked so sad and broken.

"Me," Alex started and let his eyes wander over everything but Aiden. "And you." His voice was full of frustration.

"W-what?" Aiden stuttered in surprise. Had Alex gotten second thoughts about them? Oh God, I hope not!

"We talked last night, but we didn't really talk," Alex tried his best to explain how he was feeling. "There are a lot of things we don't know about each other. There are a lot of things I'm not comfortable telling you just yet. Things I'm not even comfortable with myself." A few tears ran down his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away. "And last night... We were talking about trivial things, and making out, but are we really... I mean... Are we in any kind of relationship?"

"Aren't we?" Aiden asked, wrinkling his eyebrows. "You told me you liked me, and I said I liked you back... And we kissed. Doesn't that make us... a couple?" Aiden ran a hand through his blonde hair and lowered his eyes to the floor. He wasn't sure what to say to Alex right now; the other boy seemed so scared and insecure. And I thought I was frightened, he thought and bit his lower lip gently.

"You never asked," Alex said in a trembling voice and put his arms around himself.

"Then I'm asking you now," Aiden said in a low voice and bent slightly forward so he could lean his forearms against Alex's knees. "Alex, will you be my boyfriend?"

Alex lifted his eyes from where they had been focused on the floor and met Aiden's ice-blue eyes. "I'm sorry," he started. "I'm really sorry!"

"For what?" Aiden was starting to really worry by now.

"This scares the shit out of me," Alex spoke with a shaking voice. "I'm not secure in anything, Aiden. I've never lived in a secure home with secure parents. They have never cared about me. And that hurts. And what if you... What if you find someone else in the future? What if this is just a dumb crush and nothing serious?" He started to sob and hid his face in his hands. "Or what if what I feel is just a simple crush? I have issues, Aiden, issues no one knows about! Issues I don't want people knowing about!"

"Alex," Aiden sighed. He grabbed the crying boy's shoulders lightly and pulled him against him. "This is not just a crush. Not for me, and I doubt it is for you. I really want to be with you. And I can help you! I don't want to push you; but I really want to be with you." He rubbed Alex's back soothingly. "And you were the one who came here last night and confessed first. Are you backing out now?" He laughed nervously.

Alex slowly slid his arms around Aiden's upper body and pressed himself closer to him. "I want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend. But I'm not good enough for you."

"What are you talking about?" Aiden exclaimed. "Alex, what's wrong?! I've never seen you like this before!"

Alex pushed himself out from the other boy and stared down at the tiled bathroom floor. "I can smile, have fun, play soccer and basketball and keep my grades perfect," he started slowly. "But inside, I feel miserable. Sometimes empty. My parents care more about their fighting than me; I just feel so alone. And helpless and guilty..." He wiped away some tears from his cheeks, still not taking his eyes away from the floor. "I'm depressed Aiden, and I've been for a long time. Long before I moved here; after I witnessed something really wrong. I have weekly hours with a psychiatrist; I'm on medication to get better. But I can't forget what I saw that time, and the fact that I'm in love with a guy makes it worse. My parents would react really badly to that; would say that our family is bad enough without me being..." He stopped, not able to continue his sentence. "I forgot to take my medicine yesterday, and I didn't even think of taking it with me when I went out. I hadn't expected ending up sleeping over here. I hadn't expected that at all."

"Alex," Aiden whispered and pulled the black-haired boy into his embrace again. "I had no idea about any of this. You should've told me. About being depressed."

"It's embarrassing," Alex muttered.

"It's not! It's human. Everyone has problems, and it's not something to be embarrassed over."

Alex pulled back slightly and looked at him. "Then what are your problems?" He asked in a low voice.

Aiden shrugged his shoulder lightly as he thought about it. "My father left me and Christina here with our uncle and just left us," he said. "We never got a single explanation. He just left us here. And we don't even know why." He smiled bitterly. "Our mother disappeared twelve years ago. No a single explanation from her either. And Ben's mother... She's never going to talk to any of us. She will die without ever saying a word to her son." He shook his head lightly. "There are so many twisted things in my family... I can't tell you everything, because I've promised to keep it a secret to the persons involved, but things aren't simple. They may look simple, but they really aren't. A lot of things are going on. And I worry. Of course I worry. It's my family." He shrugged again. "But of course, what you've told me just now... It sounds worse than my life ever has been. My life has been fairly easy. Except from my father. That was really a smack in the face."

"You told me about that once before," Alex whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't think about it," Aiden replied in a firm tone. "I don't really want to talk about him. He left us and that means he's out of our lives."

Alex lowered his head. He knew that Aiden didn't like to talk about his dad, so he usually avoided that subject. He didn't want Aiden in a bad mood now when he was on the verge of a mental breakdown, so he decided to keep avoiding that subject.

"You asked me if I wanted to be your boyfriend," Alex started in a low voice. "And I would love that. I really like you, and I want to be with you. But Aiden, you might change your mind when you see this..." He stared down at his hands, and then started to roll up the sleeve on his right hand. He removed the sweatband from his wrists, rolled off the white bandage and then turned his arm around so Aiden could look at it.

Aiden swallowed as he saw the slashed skin on Alex's arms. Most of it was scars, but there were a few wounds still trying desperately to heal.

"How have you been able to hide this?" Aiden asked and gently touched Alex's arm. "We play soccer and basketball together. We have PE together. How have you been able to hide this during practices and in the shower?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know," he mumbled. "I'm careful, I guess." He withdrew his hand slowly and pulled the sweatband on and the sleeve down. "But this is not the bad hand," he said, his voice trembling. Then he repeated what he had done to his right hand with his left and stretched it out for Aiden to see.

"Oh God," Aiden gasped and turned his eyes away, unable to look at the mutilated skin on Alex's forearm. "How are you able to do this?" He asked as Alex finished rolling down his left sleeve.

"It helps," Alex answered. "When I'm depressed, and feeling sad and alone and miserable and guilty and horrible... It helps." He gulped and glanced at Aiden. "You find it disgusting, don't you?"

"Not disgusting," Aiden replied. "More disturbing." He gently squeezed Alex's hands in his own and looked up at him. "You've been doing this for a long time. And all that time you've been able to hide it. But now that I know... I don't know much about this stuff, but will you let me help you?" Alex looked up with big, surprised eyes and met Aiden's. "I don't want you to keep on cutting yourself. It's dangerous. And since I care a lot for you... Will you let me help you?"

Alex blinked, not really getting what Aiden was saying. "You still want to be with me?" He asked, almost in shock.

"Of course," Aiden said firmly. "I want to be with you. And I want to be there for you. You can tell me everything, Alex. I just want what's best for you."

Alex's eyes filled with tears again. "You know, I've never told this to anyone before," he said. "About the depression or what I'm doing to myself... No one has ever seen my scars."

"Not even your psychiatrist?" Aiden asked.

Alex shook his head. "You're the only one," he whispered.

Aiden bent forward and wiped away a few tears from Alex's cheeks. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?" He asked mildly. "Or maybe you will go home and take that medicine so you can get better?" He saw Alex's eyes flicker nervously around the room. "I can come with you if you want," he suggested and stroked his thumb gently over the other boy's chin and jaw.

Alex's azure eyes locked with Aiden's ice-blue ones, and he nodded slightly. "I want you to come with me home," he said. "So I can get my medicine... But when I've taken it, can we go back here? I don't really want to be at the house."

"That's a deal," Aiden said with a small smile. He got to his feet and stretched out his arms towards Alex. When the other boy took them, he pulled him gently on his feet as well. When Alex didn't move away from him, he slowly bent down and captured Alex's lips with his own.

Alex nearly melted into the other boy as his lips caught his in a tender kiss. He reached up and wrapped his arms around the blonde's shoulders, while he opened his mouth and invited Aiden to deepen the kiss he had started.

---

The house Alex and his parents lived in was dark and quiet. No arguing could be heard from the inside, so Alex figured that his parents had to be at work. No cars were parked in the driveway either, but the garage was closed so he couldn't be quite sure.

He sighed and put the key in the lock. He turned it around, heard the click when the door unlocked, and then he pulled his key out and opened the door. He stepped inside before Aiden and turned a switch so the foyer was bathed in light. Then he moved towards the stairs.

"Where have you been?" A grumpy voice suddenly came from the doorway leading in to the living room.

Alex froze for a moment, but then turned to look at his father. "Out," he said. "Where's mom?"

"She's at work," George Gordo snapped at his son. "You worried her by not coming home last night, kid."

"I'm gone a lot of nights!" Alex exclaimed. "Why did she decide to start caring yesterday?"

"Don't take that tone with me," his father said in a low, threatening tone. "Your mother might put up with it, but I won't." George Gordo's eyes wandered from his son to Aiden. "And who's this?" He asked.

"That's Aiden," Alex said in a stiff tone. "You know, my best friend Aiden who you have met a million times before?!"

"Are you fucking starting with me again?" George Gordo yelled. He lifted his hand that had been hid until now by the doorframe, and took a long gulp from the vodka bottle he was holding. "I ain't taking it, you hear that? I ain't taking it!" He shouted.

Alex turned around and nearly fled up the stairs. Aiden quickly followed him. This was something he had witnessed before; George being drunk and yelling at Alex for no reason. He had never been here those times Alex's parents fought, but he had heard it all from Alex those times he had come to his place when he couldn't take it any longer.

When he walked into Alex's room, said boy was rummaging through his nightstand drawer. He soon pulled out a small, brown bottle and fished out two pills from it. He swallowed them both at the same time without using any kinds of fluid to pour them down with.

"If you want, you can stay at my house tonight too," Aiden spoke up.

"Really?" Alex sat his pill-bottle down on the nightstand and turned to look at his friend... eh, boyfriend. It felt good addressing Aiden like that, he decided. Because that's what Aiden was now. His boyfriend.

"Yeah, it's no problem," Aiden replied and leaned casually against the doorframe. "You can stay at my place as long as you like." He gave the black-haired boy a wry smile. "Come on, pack a bag. And if you want to stay longer, pack your schoolbag too."

A wide, genuinely happy smile spread on Alex's lips for the first time that day, and he moved over to Aiden and threw his arms around his neck. "You're way too nice," he whispered as he hugged him tightly. "Sure it's not a problem?"

"Why would it be a problem?" Aiden said with a small laughter. "I would love to have you there, and Thomas let all of us have the visitors we want. Hell, he lets us do exactly what we want as long as we're not doing anything illegal." He ran his hands gently over Alex's back. "So, are you going pack your stuff or what?"

---

A while later when the boys were sprawled out on Aiden's bed and playing a game on the playstation, Ben came stumbling into the room. He dropped down on the edge of the bed and rubbed his brows. His eyes were bloodshot, he was pale, and he looked like he might be sick any moment.

"Tell me, Ben," Aiden started and paused the game he and Alex were in the middle of. "What the hell did you do last night?"

"I don't remember much," Ben replied in a hoarse voice and dropped down on his back. He continued rubbing his sore eyes and yawned slightly. "The last thing I remember was dirty dancing with Riley, and then everything is just black. Until I'm puking my guts out in the bathroom and you come in. I remember that."

"Did you take any drugs?" Aiden asked and brushed a few black locks away from Ben's pale and sweaty forehead. "You have a fever," he informed.

"Yes, I think I took some drugs," Ben replied and relaxed under Aiden's calming, warm hand. "But I don't remember what the fuck it was. And yes, I probably have a fever. I'm feeling absolutely miserable."

"You should quit with the drugs, Ben," Aiden said in a low voice. "Even though you just take them when you're partying... It's not good."

"I know, I know," Ben groaned. "But it's so much funnier when I feel that rush!"

Aiden glanced to the side and met Alex's eyes. The black-haired boy was biting his lower lip lightly and he gave Aiden a worried look.

"My head is throbbing," Ben complained. "Do you have some painkillers?"

"Of course I have," Aiden said. "Alex, can you get them in my nightstand drawer while I go get a glass of water for him?"

"Sure," Alex replied.

Aiden got up from the bed and moved into the bathroom where he filled a glass with ice cold water. Then he went back and handed it to Ben, who swallowed it down with the two painkillers Alex had given him.

There came a hard knock on the door, and then Thomas suddenly stepped into the room. He raised his eyebrows when his eyes fell on his black-haired nephew. "Have you been out partying again?" He asked with a small sigh.

"Ah, yes," Ben replied slowly. "Uncle, will you ground me next time there is a party anywhere?"

Thomas laughed. "Then I would have to ground you every single weekend," he said. "And even if I did... It wouldn't stop you from getting out."

"Then handcuff me to my bed or something," Ben groaned.

Thomas shook his head and came with a laugh. "Dinner is ready in ten minutes, boys," he said. "And you," he pointed at Ben, "go straight in the shower and then come up to get some food." He turned around to leave, but then stopped. "I have a visitor here today," he informed them.

"A woman?" Aiden looked up at his uncle with a wry smirk.

"Yes, a woman," Thomas confirmed with a wry smirk on his own.

Ben groaned in displeasure and slowly got up from the bed. "I could've had so much fun with that fact," he complained. "But instead I'm hung over and hellish." He trudged over the floor to the bathroom and locked himself inside.

"Ten minutes, boys," Thomas said as he moved out of the bedroom.

"We'll be up in a sec," Aiden replied and waved slightly as Thomas closed the door behind him. "But first I have to-" He cut himself off with a grin and pulled Alex closer to him, kissed his soft lips tenderly.

Alex laughed silently and locked his arms around Aiden's shoulders. He kissed him back eagerly and tilted his head slightly so the kiss could be deepened even more.

But they jerked apart as they heard a loud, banging noise from the bathroom and then the sound of vomiting.

"Ben!" Aiden shouted and leapt up from the bed. He hammered on the door until he heard the click of the lock turning, and then he ripped it open and stared at his cousin who was crouched down in front of the toilet. "Ben, are you alright?" He asked and sat down on the floor next to the other boy.

"I'm feeling... bad," he whispered. "Just horrible." Ben rested his elbows on the toilet seat and ran his hands through his wet, black hair. He had finished his shower and gotten on a pair of sweatpants, but he was still naked on his upper body.

"You need to vomit more?" Aiden asked and placed a hand on his cousin's bare shoulder.

"No," Ben shook his head.

"Then finish up, so you can come up and get some food," Aiden spoke. "You'll feel better after getting some new energy."

"I don't know if I can keep any food down," Ben muttered and rested his forehead against his arms, which was still resting on the toilet ring.

Aiden bent forward and flushed the toilet. "Come on, you're coming up and you will eat," he said firmly and helped Ben on his feet. "You can keep a little food down. And then you'll feel better. I promise."

Ben just muttered an unintelligible reply, but he did as Aiden had told him to do.

So when he had brushed his teeth, got on a shirt and ruffled his hair, the three boys made their way upstairs.

Thomas, Christina and Maria were already sitting and the table, together with a woman neither of them had ever seen before. She had black hair and dark eyes, and she was dressed neatly in tight, black jeans and a loose-fitting v-sweater, with a singlet beneath.

"Boys, this is Catherine Lane," Thomas introduced her. "And Catherine, this is my nephews Aiden and Benjamin," he nodded towards them, "and that's Aiden's best friend, Alex Gordo."

The boys greeted her friendly and then sat down at the table. Aiden and Alex took big portions of food, while Ben's was minimal.

"Oh, look who's hung over today," Christina snickered and poked her cousin's shoulder lightly. "Wild night, or what?"

"You bet," Ben groaned, and then slapped her hand away. "Don't touch me, you evilness! Unless you want me to puke on you."

"Hey, we're eating here," Maria snapped. "Puh-leez!" She glared over at her younger cousin, which only caused Ben to roll his eyes back at her. He didn't have any energy to do anything else at the moment.

Christina turned her wide, mischievous smirk over to her brother and his friend. "So, what are you doing here today, Alex?" She asked lightly.

"Visiting," Alex replied. "And getting free dinner." He grinned jokingly at Thomas, who just shook his head lightly with an amusing smile playing on his lips.

"You are staying over tonight too?" Christina prodded further.

Aiden and Alex glanced at each other, then Aiden gave his sister a firm glance she obviously ignored.

"Yes," Alex replied lightly.

"In Aiden's bed?" Christina raised her eyebrows questioningly. A huge grin spread over her lips, and her eyes twinkled with mischief.

"Probably," Alex replied, staring straight back.

"Together with Aiden?"

"Nah, I guess I'll just throw him out and take it all to myself," Alex replied and poked Aiden's side lightly.

"That's not very nice," Aiden said and poked him back. Alex just grinned teasingly, and then placed his hand reassuringly on Aiden's thigh under the table. A smile spread slowly on Aiden's lips as his eyes locked with Alex's, and he laid his own hand over Alex's on his thigh, entwining their fingers.

"Aww, silent flirting at the other side of the table," Christina purred. "How sweet."

"Chris, shut up," Aiden shot back at her with a seemingly dark look. He and Alex had talked a little about letting people know about them, but seeing as Alex was afraid of his parents' reaction, they had decided to keep it a secret for now.

"Why would I want to shut up, huh?" His sister said with a light shrug of her shoulders. "You two are just so cute, I have to comment. That's just the way I am." She turned her eyes on Ben again, who was resting his head on his forearm and moving the food around on his plate with the other. "And what about you? I could need some help here."

"I'm not in the mood to care about anyone else than myself at the moment," Ben replied. "I'm hung over. Leave me alone."

"Oh, poor baby." Christina patted his shoulder lightly. "Have you taken any painkillers or something?"

"I threw them up again ten minutes ago," Ben replied in a low voice and tapped his fork on the plate. "I hate being hung over. Truly hate it."

"Me too," Christina said. "But it's life. You gotta pay for having fun." She shrugged her shoulders again, and gave Ben a sympathetic look.

On the other side of the table, Catherine was looking down on Aiden's and Alex's entwined fingers. She leaned over to Thomas and asked in a whispering voice;"Are they together?" She nodded towards Aiden and Alex.

"Not that I know off," Thomas replied in a just as low voice so the others wouldn't hear them. "Don't care about the taunting. That's how it is in this house. Christina and Ben love to piss the two boys off, and vice versa. You just have to get used to it."

Catherine looked down at the two boys hands again. No one else was able to see it, but she was. And friends didn't hold hands like that, that was for sure.