Those Nights of My Life - 4. Chapter 4 - Those Nights Kept Me Alive

Welcome to part four of my tale. As you begin reading this, remember you're at the halfway point right now. It's just a small six chapter series after all.

Now with my little adventure with Kade, seriousness roamed through the house. Mom and dad gave me many rules I had to follow. The worst of which was I was not allowed out after 8pm without my parents being with me. It fucking sucked.

My parent’s fights grew worse and worse. I would continue to hide in Ben's room. Sometimes we shared his bed, most of the time he ended up on the floor. I kind of hog the bed... even to this day.

Every morning we would get woken up by one of my parents opening the door to see if I were in the room. It was quite annoying actually.

Soon the fights my parents had brought my name up. My dad would blame my 'bitch' mother, saying it's her fault that they fight and that I run away. Mom always tried to change the topic back to the original. She usually failed.

One fight got so bad that Elsa quickly got herself into Ben's room. She came up and sat on his bed beside me and pulled me in. “You doing okay Save?”

“I want out of this house...”

She sighed. “I know how you feel Save. I wish I could bring you anywhere but here.” Oh, I forgot to mention, I wasn't allowed having friends over either.

Elsa stayed in the room rubbing my back long after the fight ended. She didn't stop until I had calmed down. She's an awesome sister like that.

It was about 7pm when mom went out, the fight long over. Dad had obviously had a few drinks; you could see a few cans on the ground around him.

After grabbing a drink from the kitchen, I went to return to my room when Dad called me into the living room. “Come watch this game with me buddy.”

I stood there not knowing what to say. “I have... homework I need to do.”

“Naaahh, you can do that later. Come watch some football!” My dad got hyped up for the sport.

“I really need to go... I have a proje...”

Dad cut me off. “If you don't sit down and watch this game with me you'll be in trouble!” He threw another can on the ground. I got scared, I didn't want to stay there but if I were to run away it would only get worse.

He got up and walked over to me. “Dad my project is due...” I held on tightly to Ben's iPod. It was comforting.

Dad noticed. “iPod and headphones now!” Again I froze in fear. “Xavier now!” I took a step back. Dad matched my step. Soon I was against the wall, shaking in fear.

He went to grab for the iPod when there was a booming voice throughout the house. “BACK OFF!” I flinched. River quickly moved between dad and I. “He doesn't want to watch your stupid game, leave him alone.”

“This doesn't concern you River,” Dad spoke blandly.

“Yes it does, Xavier is my baby brother. When he needs protection, I will protect him.” He softly grabbed my wrist. “Save, come with me.” He turned to walk away; I followed him.

“Come back here or you're grounded!” Dad screamed.

River stopped and turned around. “You've already made Save's life a living fucking hell. If you think I'm going to listen to a drunk man saying I'm grounded you have another thing coming!!” We continued down into the basement, River's room. Far away from everyone and everything.

Once we got downstairs, River let my hand go. “Thank you, River.” He just smiled and turned on a movie. I stayed with him, falling asleep on the couch that was down in his room.

I don't remember much about what happened the next few days. I do however remember the following weekend. My brother's best friend, Chandler, was sleeping over. In fact he was sleeping over for the entire weekend, his parents had gone out of town.

“Dude you guy's house is sick!” He gleamed as he looked around the house. He had a thing for architectural stuff. Our house was apparently pretty cool to him; all I saw were prison walls.

“It's okay, I guess,” Ben said after Chandler went on a rant about things I still don't understand. Chandler builds houses now like that wasn't obvious.

Chandler continued his examination as we made it up to Ben's room. “So this is my room.”

“You two don't share a room?” We shook our head. “Oh, I just figured since you were twins you'd share a room.”

Ben laughed. “We get that a lot.” It's true, we really did. “Save's room is down the hall next to my parents room. River's is in the basement, and Elsa's is off the living room.”

“Cool.” We all made our way into Ben's room and hung out for a bit. To be factual, we hung out till dinner. After dinner, I went to my own room while they retired to Ben's room.

I fell asleep around ten that night; it was a long day for me. I was awoken to my parents fighting in their room adjacent to mine. I quickly looked for Ben's headphones and iPod; they had been left in Ben's room.

Making my way down to Ben's room was the quick part. The hard part was figuring out who was who in the dark. They both had light hair and were both hiding their faces. One was on the floor, the other on the bed. I concluded, it's Ben's room, therefore Ben must be on his bed.

I shook him awake. “Ben...”

My conclusion was wrong. “He's on the floor...” Chandler groggily spoke. My father yelled something at the top of his lungs. Chandler fully woke up because of it. “What's happening?”

Ben stirred from his sleep as well. “Save...” He was looking right at me. “My IPod is on my end table. There isn't room in here for you though... I'm sorry.”

Seriously there wasn't. Ben's room had very little space outside of his bed. You could fit one person on the ground, and that was it.

Dad yelled something again. “Okay, seriously what's going on?”

Ben sighed. “My parents are fighting and Xavier is scared because of it.”

“It's just a fight though. My parents argue all the time.”

“Do they swear at each other? Call each other horrible names? Have they hit you?” Ben was trying to get the point across quickly.

“They've hit you!?” Chandler was astonished.

Ben shook his head. “Dad grabbed Save's arm once, almost bruised it. Ever since then he's been scared of fights.” Ben turned his attention to me. “Try River, he brought you down to his room that one day, maybe he'll let you do it again.”

“Okay. Sorry for waking you guys.”

“Its fine Save.” Ben smiled as I left the room. He was about to spill a lot of secrets to his best friend.

I made my way downstairs to the basement. I got down there and knocked on River's door. There wasn't an answer, but the light was on. I opened the door to find an empty room.

Grabbing an extra blanket of River's, I crawled up on his couch and fell asleep listening to Ben's music. I woke up when River came into his room, turning on the light.

He took one look at me and groaned. “Mom and dad fighting again?” I nodded. “And there wasn't any room in Ben's room, huh. With Chandler here and everything?”

“Ya... pretty much.” I weekly replied.

“Did Chandler hear anything?” I nodded. “And?”

“I think Ben is talking to him about it. I don't know anything else.” He nodded. “Can I stay in here for the night?”

“Of course. You go back to sleep; I'll write a note to mom and dad that you're down here. That way they don't think you've gone missing.” River turned off the light and closed the door.

I didn't sleep the rest of the night. I listened to music the entire time. Thinking about everything that has happened and what could happen. When you have time to think, it can be dangerous. I thought about some pretty messed up things back then.

By 5am, I had given up hope of falling back to sleep. Using the iPod I logged onto Facebook. In the list of people logged on was Kade. I messaged him immediately.

Me- You awake?

Kade- Yee, how come you're awake?

Me- Woke up twice... parents fighting. I'm down in River's room.

River rolled over. “If you're going to pull out the iPod, out!”

“I'll cover it up mor...”

He cut me off. “I love you bro, but out! I need my sleep.”

I got up, taking the blanket with me. I made my way upstairs; Elsa was in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. “Why are you up so early?” She asked.

“Can't fall asleep.”

She nodded. “River kicked you out of his room?”

“I went on Facebook,” I said showing her the iPod.

“Use my bed; I'm going to work at 6. Stupid morning shifts.” She rolled her eyes. “I'll get everything I need out of their now so it'll be yours until you get up.”

I smiled. “Thanks.” All of my siblings were nice about sharing their rooms with me. Since there were only five bedrooms in the house though, none of them would switch with me.

“Anytime Save.” She quickly grabbed her things and closed the door.

When I re-opened Facebook, Kade had sent several messages.

Kade- Shitty

Is it a bad one?

Save?

Did you fall back asleep?

Me- Sorry River kicked me out of his room. I'm in Elsa's now.

Kade- Okay, I was worried for a sec

Me- I'm fine... Why are you up?

Kade- It's strange, on nights your parents fight bad; I can't sleep.

Me- How do you know if it was a bad fight tonight?

Kade- I'm awake, and you're in Elsa's room... need I say more?

Me- I guess not...

Kade- You doing okay?

Me- Ya...

The conversation went on for a few hours. I finally fell asleep sometime between 7 and 7:30.

I was awakened by yelling from the living room. My mom sounded extremely concerned. “...in River's room, where would he be?”

“I checked the door; he didn't leave through there.” Dad sounded pissed right off.

River's voice popped up, tired. “He's not at Kade's I just called."

I looked at the clock, 10am. Okay, I may not sleep as much as River but I still like sleeping. River could sleep the day away if he wanted to.

There was a crash of something. “This is all your goddamn fault!” Dad screamed.

“Excuse me!?” Mom shot back.

“Yes, if it weren't for your nagging we'd never fight and Xavier would never run away from home. He's a scared little puppy because you've made him that way!” My dad retorted. It was true; I was 'a scared little puppy' as he described it. “It's almost a blessing he ran away.”

That comment, without warning, turned me into sobs. I hid under the blanket and couldn't stop thinking that my dad hated me. How I wanted out of this house, this prison, and how everything in this house could be better without me.

There were words said, but I couldn't hear them. River was yelling at dad as much as mom was. My breathing began to get heavy and quick.

After a booming shout from my father, I screamed. The pressure, stress, everything... it got too much for me, and I needed it to let it out. So I screamed as loud as I could.

River was the first one in the room, followed by my mom. Dad was nowhere to be seen. I was still crying as mom came to the bed and peeked under the covers. “Save...” She sounded so gentle... so kind.

Then in came, dad. “What is he doing in here? Hiding from nothing like an idiot.”

River's voice... never to this day have I heard someone so threatening to someone. “Get the fuck out of this room... no, this house. If you have no support for Xavier, get out of our lives! You, sir, are the reason he is afraid!

“He's afraid that he will get hurt again; that you will hurt him again. That every time you fight he'll get hurt. That every time someone gets angry with him, he sees your face. So get the fuck out!” River looked as if he could set dad on fire; that's how angry he was.

“You will not...” Dad started talking.

Mom took River's energy as her own. “Get out Terrance!” Dad took the second hint and was out the door in few minutes.

Elsa came home early from work that morning... Chandler went and stayed at another friend’s house. Dad wasn't home the rest of the weekend. I felt like all of that was my fault... that if I weren't there any of this would have happened.

Late Sunday night I was awake and in the kitchen with a knife in hand looking at my wrist when Elsa entered. “Save what are you...” She realized what I was doing. “Knife please.” She held out her hand.

I dropped the knife, luckily missing everything, and began to cry. “I can't Elsa... it hurts!!” She pulled me into a hug. “It hurts, it hurts.” I cried into her shoulder.

She rubbed my back as she hugged me. “I know Save... I know.” I looked up to see mom standing in a nighty looking at the knife and me. She joined our hug; I could feel tears rolling from her face into my hair.

“We're going to make it through Save.” She assured me. “You're going to get help... He'll never come back again.”

That was the moment my mother realized the damage that had happened. It was also the moment she started something that should have happened long ago... divorce.

Chapter End.