Requiem- a sherlock fic - 1. Chapter 1

Watching them dance, kiss and hold each other while everyone watched them with loving eyes and jealous smiles was like a blow to the brain.

I couldn't believe it. He married her. John Hamish Watson married Mary.

I still remember when I came back from the "dead" and how john had been so mad, he beat me up. But later on, he came by the flat and held me while he cried. He kissed me, stroked my hair, fucked me, then made love to me and then he cried some more. Then he got up and said...

"Two years Sherlock, two bloody years,"

I couldn't say anything so I just laid there and watched him pace around the room. He amused me and I had assumed that he'd rant and rave at me and then all would go back to normal until he continued.

"I'm marrying Mary,' he said with his back turned to me. "I'm marrying Mary and I love her."

For once, my brain was blank and I felt what people called heartbreak and now I understood why those pesky girls needed ice cream to "deal" with it. It was because their hearts were on fire and they needed something to cool them down. I needed an ice cream factory with the way I felt.

"You love her," I asked after I regained my mental capacities. I was still waiting for the punchline, the laugh, something that would indicate that he was joking. But I knew he wasn't. I knew I'd messed up and I knew he hated me for it but I was hoping he'd forgive me and that everything would return the way they were. But I was wrong. I was awfully, incredibly, and gut wrenchingly wrong! And I hated it.

I couldn't do anything about it and I even became his best man all so I could stick to his side without seeming suspicious. And I gave the most truthful speech I could trying to convey my thoughts to him but they went unnoticed. He was done.

I played the last note of the melody that I'd composed for this day. I named it my requiem because it expressed how dead I felt while I pretended to be happy and for me it was befitting of a day like this. The day my John Watson BECAME someone else's.

Clapping erupted from all over the room and I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped my violin in its case and fled like a criminal from a crime scene. The deed was done. He was hers and I was alone.

"Sherlock!"

I knew that voice but I couldn't turn. My legs moved faster so I wasn't running but I wasn't walking either. I couldn't let that person catch me because if they did, I'd break. And I didn't want to break.

I didn't want him to know. It'd only make him feel guilty and I didn't want that. Today was his day and he deserved happiness and I wasn't about to take that away from him. I couldn't. No, I wouldn't.

"Sherlock!" he shouted again.

"Go back inside John," I shouted back, never once halting or reducing my steps. If I could run with any hope of him not catching me, I'd be gone right now but john could outrun luck so he'd easily catch me even if I tried.

"Sherlock, for fucks sake, wait!"

He was closer now. Christ, my body could feel his and I couldn't help reacting. I didn't want this. I wished he didn't have this hold on me. I wanted out. I wanted him to...

"FREE ME!" I shouted the last part out loud as I turned around and almost jumped 6ft in the air when I came face to face with the person that used to be the man of my life but was now meant to be just my best friend.

"What?"

He sounded confused. He always sounded confused and normally I'd let him figure it out but I was tired and I needed to get out of here before I did something I'd regret.

"I need you to free me, let me go,"

"What are you saying Sherlock," he asked while he captured my face in between his hands.

On a normal day, I wouldn't have replied but today wasn't a normal day.

"I need you, john Watson to let me go because we both know I can't let you go!"

I wasn't expecting a reply seeing as I hadn't asked him a question but the look in his eyes told a different story and I didn't want to hear it. So I did what I assumed was right and I crashed my lips on his.

I half expected him to push me away, but another part knew, as it knew that the sky is blue and the sun means day, that he'd kiss me back.

The kiss we shared wasn't a sympathetic kiss. I could feel it. It was a pleading kiss as I used it to beg him not to leave me and his was a kiss goodbye. With every swipe of his tongue in my mouth, every suck, I could feel him taking back his heart.

With a last peck on my lips, he lifted his hand and wiped away tears that I hadn't even known I was shedding. He pressed his lips to my fore head and whispered "I will always love you" and then he turned around and walked back to the party and to his wife.

I stood there and watched him as he left me. I couldn't blame him after all I'd put him through, even I would have left me and I like me.

"Alone is all I had John and now it's all I'll have. Goodbye" I whispered to myself as I turned around and walked away.

There was nothing left for me here and I knew it. Staying would not do anyone any good.

"Sherlock,"

I looked up startled. I never expected to see him here after he'd told me he wasn't coming.

"I know what you are thinking," I scoffed but he just continued on. "I aid I wasn't coming not because I wasn't invited. No it was because of this. I didn't want to watch him break your heart little brother but I can see that it was meaningless."

"Mycroft, please don't!"

I was already down. I didn't need him rubbing it in anymore and making me hurt more than I was already hurting, but then he did something that surprised me. He drew me into his arms and held me and I cracked.

I cried and screamed and wailed and all through this, my brother held me and I clung to him like he was my lifeline.

"Let it go Sherlock, let it go."