Mad World Existence - 1. Chapter 1

Mad World:

“The United States Government in cooperation with the European Union and its allies discovered an unidentifiable object of unknown origin on the seafloor in the Indian ocean, halfway between the African continent and the Australian continent….no other information has been released to the media at this time…this is Joey Ferone reporting for CBCHJ News”.

With a sigh, Troy moved away from the window through which he had been observing the news cast of the “object” that had been supposedly found in the Indian ocean, contemplating whether or not the story was just another media ploy to improve ratings or whether it was something else entirely.

With the passing of a few minutes, Troy forgot all about the story as he focused on the problems he currently faced. As of the last two hours he had nowhere to sleep, no money for food, and only the clothes on his back in terms of what his mother would deem “earthly” possessions.

It had never crossed his mind that he wouldn’t have anywhere to go as he came from what most would consider a loving home; he’d had parents that supported him, brothers with whom he fought, but loved all the same and a sister who adored him and lived in a typical bourgeoisie neighbourhood that was relatively close to the CBD (Central Business District). He had been studying Law at Monash University in the former state of Victoria and had been thoroughly enjoying his degree when he was forced to abandon his studies when his parents discovered that he was bisexual.

His parents reaction had been one of absolute horror and disgust, although anyone looking for the signs could clearly see them, as many of the people that he met simply asked; “Are you gay”, in that straightforward and almost unnerving way which is quite common on the Australian continent. Despite the fact that he was bi, he never revealed his secret to anyone and always denied everything when asked, as he was especially concerned about the reaction that he would receive from family and certain people that he associated with who were Christians and who had avidly object to anything that wasn’t or couldn’t be classified as ‘normal’ according to their own moral machinations.

Nevertheless, his efforts to cover up the truth had failed, not in some spectacular fashion, but largely through his own stupidity as he had left several clues on his computer, to which his parents knew the password, as he had failed to wipe the history on his laptop the previous night. It was that night that his older brother Nathan had decided to borrow his laptop without asking and typically he was given the password and happened upon the internet history and had immediately told his parents.

When he came home from working at his local supermarket he was effectively ambushed by his right wing religious mother who simply said, “get out, I never want to see your face around here again”, turned around and retreated to the sanctuary of her kitchen.

His dad gave him half an hour to collect some of his belongings, which he claimed were only the things he had paid for himself and not the things that had been given to him as presents.

That night he drove to a parking lot and slept in the car with the windows rolled up and the alarm on, just in case. He could hardly sleep that night as the night was cold and he only had a single jumper with him, all he could do was roll up in a ball and shiver until he was so exhausted that he fell into a fitful slumber.

The next morning he went to the car dealership were tried to sell his car for three thousand dollars, but the dealer refused telling him that the car wasn’t in good enough condition for him to pay that kind of money. Dejectedly, troy took two thousand dollars for the car and made his way to the train station to head into the CBD, as he had one last piece of business to attend to.

As always, the lady selling the tickets for the train gave him a fake smile and said; “have a nice day young man”, giving him the same smile she gave all her customers that disappeared as soon as you walked away from the counter. Troy supposed that he couldn’t really hold that against her as he had no idea what sitting in a dead end job for twelve years would do to a person, at least she still had the courage to smile at people who cared little if nothing about the service she was performing for them. He almost smiled at these thoughts as he knew none of it would matter soon as he would be able to forget the world that had used him up and thrown him to the curb.

Once he stepped on the train he approached the same area in which he sat every day when he took the train to university. The sad look on his face and his dishevelled appearance caused the majority of the other people on the train to avoid him as though he had the plague and sitting next to him would somehow cause the sadness in his deep blue eyes to be transferred to them. At that point, he did what he did every other day, he sat with his bag on his lap and closed his eyes wishing for something more even though he knew that this was he reality in which he was confined and that nothing short of killing himself could change that. He sat there by himself for forty minutes as the train made its way into the central train station, not opening his eyes, trying to escape from the reality of a hating world.

The train arrived in the central station with a screech as it passed over a irregularity in the track causing Troy to look up and stare at his final destination. The train came to a halt with a lurch and the hydraulic powered doors opened to allow all the passengers off the train and as always he sat by himself waiting for everyone else to depart before he stepped of the train and headed towards the street on which his university was located.

After arriving at the university he headed towards the administration office to inform the university that he was quitting his course as he could no longer afford to make the payments for the course. The secretary behind the counter raised an eyebrow as she surveyed his appearance, but said nothing as she filled out the cancellation details on her computer, her finger rapidly hitting the keys, almost as though she was trying to bend them to her will. Suddenly, she glanced upwards towards him and told him that he would still owe the university the fees for the first semester, which came to approximately nine thousand Australian dollars.

Troy pulled the two thousand dollars he had obtained from the sale of his car out of his billabong backpack and placed the notes on the counter in a neat pile, the green bills inviting the attention of the other office staff that looked at him as though he had lost his mind.

The secretary behind the desk gave him a measuring look, not knowing what to make of the young man in front of her whose light brown hair looked as though it needed a good wash and whose clothing was crumpled, as though he had slept in it. Despite all these things, she decided that it was better if she didn’t become involved, especially after the last person she had helped had reported her to the police for verbally abuse and so she said nothing and took the money, counted it and placed it in a sealed envelope. She then typed the relevant information into the computer and as she looked up she realised that the young man had disappeared from sight.

Troy had decided to leave the administration office before he had to listen to the secretary tell him that he still owed the university a significant amount of money that required monthly payments, money that he didn’t have.

After what seemed like an eternity, he passed a store that was selling electronic equipment and he decided to stop by the window and saw the story about object being found in the Indian ocean that hadn’t as of yet been identified. For a few minutes he had some respite from the worries that weighed down on his shoulders as his mind automatically filed the information and went through the process of determining whether or not the information was merely propaganda or a story to boost ratings or if it had even the remote chance of being true. However, the respite he had didn’t last long as the question that had plagued him all that morning returned stronger than ever; “what was he going to do now?”

He had absolutely nothing and decided that perhaps it would be better if the world no longer had to put up with a “fairy”, as his brother had called him. He slowly made his way towards the river that ran through the city centre and decided that he would spare the world his presence at the place he loved most; the large shopping strip in the centre of the CBD.

The trip to his building of choice was rather uneventful as the people he passed were engrossed in their ipods and phones, too busy to even notice someone as insignificant as him. He knew that the things he was going through were probably nothing compared to the abuse and suffering that other people his age went through, but he was just lost. He didn’t know what to do with himself, as he had never been overly independent or extroverted and for the first time in his life had no one to turn to, no one that would help him understand who he was.

As he climbed the stairs and passed the sign that read, “staff only”, he wasn’t challenged by a single person that passed him on the stairs, too busy with their own lives to notice that something was wrong, but then again he had perfected the art of blending in and not being noticed. It was this ability that had allowed him to survive high school and all the situations in which his ‘friends’ had made derogatory comments about people who weren’t exclusively heterosexual. He dismissed these thoughts as he approached the roof of the building, revelling in the calm he felt, knowing that soon everything would right itself and he wouldn’t have to worry about it.

With that thought he approached the edge of the roof and stood on the ledge, his body wavering in the wind, while he stood looking down at the people walking past. He closed his eyes and listened to the song that he played back in his head;

“I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, that the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had...”

As the song reached an end he stepped off the edge, floating through the air and giving up any hope that he had left. He never felt his body hit the pavement below or the horror on the faces of those that had just witnessed his final act in this world.

R.I.P.