Birthday - 1. A Day of Awakening, A Day of Reckoning

Rob cruised into class earlier than usual – very early for a Monday morning, since class starts at 8:30 , and he was out late the night before with some of his other friends. He spotted me sitting in my usual desk near the back of the room, furthest from the door. “Mornin', dude! Happy birthday!” he practically yelled across the room.

I’m a quiet, reserved kid. Well, I’m 18 today so I guess I can’t call myself a kid any longer. This is my first semester at the local University, and I’m living at home to save money. Mom has always been a home-maker and for the past twelve years she’s also been responsible for taking care of my dad after he was injured in an accident at work. My sister Elise is a few years older but lives at home. She is engaged and their wedding is planned for August next year. My future brother-in-law, Mike, is a really nice guy; he’s a detective in the county sheriff’s office. Mike is quite easy on the eyes, but makes the rest of me restless. Yeah, it’s not cool to be eyeing up my future brother-in-law, but I’m a horny 18-year old that’s become a master carpenter by building my super-fortress closet... no one apparently suspects anything gay about me, it's a blessing and a curse.

“Hi Rob, thanks for the announcement.” I replied with sarcasm. He knows I’m not crazy about my birthday. It’s freakin’ Halloween for Christ’s sake! Ok, sure, you’re thinking that should be awesome to have a birthday on Halloween... not only do you get presents and cake, but you get to dress up and go trick-or-treating with friends and come home with a bag of candy. But, remember I’m the shy, reserved guy? I don’t really enjoy the whole dressing-up-and-trick-or-treating thing. Besides, I don’t have a lot of friends to go out with anyway. My only real friend since graduating high school is Rob, whom I met right here in this classroom my first day of class.

“So, what’s the big plans for today? When we’re done with classes we have all afternoon to celebrate together, then you can do the family birthday stuff you look forward to so much,” Rob said with a huge smile and a glint in his eyes. I can always tell when Rob has something in mind, he gets this look in his eyes that just makes his whole being light up. God, this man is hot; if only he were gay, and if he knew I’m gay, and we could take our friendship to a whole new level... This is the kind of guy I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.

Whoa! Where the hell is this coming from? I just turned 18 and I’m thinking about spending the rest of my life with my straight best friend. Dude, you really need to get yourself some action.

“Ok, Rob, what’s up? You know we have a couple of projects to work on. And you know I hate my birthday being on Halloween. And you know my family’s idea of a big birthday bash is mom cooks my favorite dish and a cake, then they give me a couple of gifts and then we watch TV for a while until my sister goes to chat up her fiancée and I go to my room to study.”

“Dan, you’re 18 now dude. You’re legal. You can drink, you can vote, and you’re not jail-bait any longer!” Rob does his eyebrow wiggle at that last one, no doubt expecting me to go out with him now to hook up with chicks. Oh, if he only knew; I’d much rather hook up with him.

“I know that, but you also know I’m living at home with Ward and June Cleaver. Drinking is not going to happen as long as they have anything to say about it. And getting laid is out of the question as far as they’re concerned. Fuck, if they found out somehow I was drinking or fucking around they'd cut off my balls and feed them to me so I couldn’t fuck or drink anymore.”

“Dude, you really gotta lighten up before you have a stroke over their shit. We’re going out to have fun this afternoon. Don’t even think about refusing me on this, man. And before you complain about the projects, we’re going to get some work on those done this afternoon too. I’ve got it covered. My folks left this morning to visit my brother Brad’s family for the rest of the week. They’ve been dying to see the grandkids and this will be their first year being old enough to celebrate Halloween. So, I’ve got the house to myself. You and I, dude, are going to my place; we’re going to work on our project, play some games, knock back a few and have fun. You’ll be home in time for dinner with mom and dad and they’re going to be none the wiser.”

“I dunno, Rob. We got a ton of shit to get done on these projects. Besides, how am I gonna have fun and enjoy a few drinks and then drive home and not have them pick up signs of me being drunk?”

“Oh, come off it, Dan. I’m not going to get you completely lit, it’s just the afternoon for fuck’s sake. We’ll work on our porjects, have a couple of drinks and chill for a while, you’ll be fine to drive home and the folks will be none the wiser so you can enjoy your family time.”

“Sorry, Rob. I know you’ve got my back. I just get paranoid with this shit with my family. Christ, you’d think by now I’d fuckin’ learn to act my age. Let’s do this. I may be dependent on them for someplace to live and paying for school, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have my own life too.”

“Awesome! This is going to be so cool. Let’s get through these few classes, then we’re going to make this a birthday to remember!”

Just then our professor started the day’s lecture, and like flipping a switch the progress of time seemed to come to a crawl. Classes dragged on all morning. I met up with Rob at the Commons for lunch, then we were off for the birthday celebration he promised.

Rob lived across town in the opposite direction from campus than where my family lives, so we drove separately to his house. Like mine, Rob’s family was average middle class. Nothing too spectacular was to be found in either of our neighborhoods; modest homes, clean yards, an occasional pool. Both of our houses were near small parks that had playground equipment for kids. Since it was still nice out even at the end of October there were several moms out with their kids in the park as we made our way to Rob’s house.

Rob pulled his car into the garage since his parents had driven up to his brother’s earlier. I pulled into the driveway rather than park on the street. Rob’s neighborhood is known for being huge on Halloween for trick-or-treating and I don’t want to get blocked in if people park crazy; they won’t block driveways, hopefully.

I grab my backpack out of the back seat and follow Rob into the house through the garage. Since we’re working on our projects, we clear off the dining room table so we have plenty of room to work and spread out our materials. We spent about two hours working and made a surprising amount of progress. We were totally in a zone or something, everything just came together so easily. It was by far our most productive work session since we started the projects. We both agreed we could easily finish them both by the end of the week at this rate and still have all of next week to make any adjustments and corrections before turning them in.

“So Dan, pick your poison. Dad keeps a bar stocked in the basement and there’s beer in the fridge.”

“You know I’ve never had anything to drink, but I really don’t like the smell of beer and that’s so noticeable if my folks pick up the scent, so I’ll let you pick something.”

“Cool, I know just what to make. Let’s hit the bar downstairs.” We walk down to the basement, I fire up the stereo system while Rob opens up the bar. “So, I think we’ll start you off with a Sapphire and tonic. It’s a dry gin, high-octane I call it. Very light scent on the breath and definitely won’t be noticeable later when you get home.”

“Sounds good. High-octane, huh? What is it, like diesel fuel or something?”

“Nah, it’s just got a high alcohol content, but this shit is so smooth you’re gonna love it. It’s my dad’s go-to drink, so it’s one of my perfected mixed drinks these days since he’ll have me serve when they have people over so he can spend more time socializing and it gives me an excuse to make myself scarce.”

While Rob is mixing our drinks, I check out the TV Guide to see if there’s anything on worth watching. My folks are tee-totalers and don’t see any redeeming value in getting cable TV with all the smut, so this is a treat for me when I come over to Rob’s.

“Here ya go dude! Cheers!” Rob hands me a tumbler filled with ice and clear liquid with a small lime wedge on the rim. “It’s even better if you squeeze the lime into the drink and stir it around a little.”

“Ok. Thanks man! Cheers!” We clink glasses, take a sip. “Oh...my...fucking...God! Rob, this is amazing. So smooth, I’d never know this has alcohol in it.”

“Oh, you’ll know there’s alcohol in it soon enough. It sneaks up on you, so take it slow. It’s your first time with hard liquor and we don’t want you getting sick on it. This could be your go-to drink for the rest of your life if you treat it right and treat yourself right.”

“Dude, getting philosophical on me?” I laughed at Rob. He gets that twinkle in his eyes again. I realize I’m staring at him and drag my eyes to my drink, realizing I’ve managed to down nearly half of it so quickly. I remembered what Rob said about the lime, so I squeezed its juice into my drink and gave it a quick swirl. Taking another sip, it was even better with the lime flavor. “Wow, I think you’re right. I can get used to this, easy.”

“Down boy! Better ease up on that.” Rob chastised, laughingly. He was still giving me the twinkling eyes. I felt my face flush, and then the alcohol first really hit me. Damn, this feels so good. Fuck, my stomach just did a backflip and my knees are feeling loose. Is it the alcohol or Rob? Why am I still staring at him? Shit, he’s going to think I’m queer on him, I’m going to ruin everything. Quickly, too quickly, I turn around to look for someplace to set my drink down. Between the alcohol and getting myself flustered eyeing Rob, I nearly lost my step but managed to get my drink on the table before I made a complete ass of myself. I practically fell back into the couch.

“You alright?” Rob asked. He walked over and sat next to me on the couch, not too close, not too far.

“Yeah, fine, guess that did hit me quicker than I thought,” I chuckled.

“See, you gotta listen to me sometimes, man.” Rob put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze, then a pat on the back and stood up and walked back over to the bar. He mixed us both another drink and brought it over to me. He sat down next to me again, close this time, and leaned back against the couch.

“Thanks, man. This really has been a good day. We really knocked out a load of work this time. I’m feeling much better about us getting our shit together for these projects. This is great having a private celebration.”

“Happy birthday, Dan. You’re really special to me. I want you to know how glad I am we met up at the beginning of the semester. I could tell there was something special behind that shell you present to the world. Thanks for letting me into your real world. It’s so good having a real friendship finally. Most of the people I would hang with in high school were so superficial; it’s no wonder so few of us kept in touch after we went our separate ways over the summer. You know, there are only a couple of friends from high school I even keep in touch with these days.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I didn’t have that many friends in high school anyway. None of them were that close and we haven’t kept in touch since graduating. When I started at the university I was a blank slate; you’re my first real friendship since I was a kid.” I looked over at Rob, and I almost swore his eyes were a bit wet looking. I was hating myself; here we are talking about how real our friendship is, but he thinks I'm straight when I'm crushing hard for him. Shit, I just admitted to myself the first time I'm falling for Rob... what the hell am I doing?!

“Dan, I just don’t get it with you. You’re a good looking guy, smart, funny. How do hide from people so well? For me, it was like I was just drawn to your warmth, there was no way your shell was going to keep me away from getting to know you better. Now that I’ve gotten to know you, I’m even more amazed at what a great person you are. I’ve never heard you rag on anyone, you’ve never bitched me out about anything even when you had every right to; like this morning outing you on your birthday!” Dan smiled at me.

I nearly spit my drink on him. What the fuck, Rob, “outing” me? Does he know? Shit! What the hell am I supposed to do?

“Uhhhh, Rob? What do you mean by that?” I asked nervously, looking into my drink.

“My shouting happy birthday across the room this morning? Jeez, dude, you can’t possibly be lit on just two drinks can you?” Rob laughingly replied. Then he looked at me seriously, but still those eyes....

“Oh, yeah; right. That. Sure, that’s ok, that’s nothing.” I replied, still staring into my drink. I could feel the heat in my face from my embarassment.

Rob sighed, sat forward resting his elbows on his knees and put his drink down on the table. He reached over and took my drink out of my hand and put it on the table next to his. We just sat there like that a few minutes, neither of us moving, just breathing, the silence becoming awkward. I sat forward and put my left elbow on my knee and rubbed my neck with my right hand. Rob, seated on my right, looked over at me then and sighed again.

“Rob, ...”

“Dan, ...”

We both started at the same time and laughed. “You first” we both said at the same time.

“Dan, you go first, you obviously have something on your mind. You just went off to another place for a few minutes and the look on your face tells me something big is going on in that super-smart and handsome head of your. So, just come out with it. That’s what I’m here for, I’m you’re best friend, right? We trust each other with everything.”

“Rob, it’s not that simple. There’s some things friends can’t tell each other. Some things can’t be said without ruining the friendship. You’re too important to me to do that. Our friendship means too much to me; you mean too much to me.”

“Dan, give me some credit will ya? Do you really think there’s anything that you can say that will change what a great person you are in my eyes? You’ll be the same person after you tell me as you are right now. I can’t drag it out of you; you have to want to tell me. All I can do it reassure you that there is nothing going to change for me. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure we stay close no matter what life throws at us.”

“Rob.” I swallow hard. I feel my face flush again, my eyes are getting moist, my throat is burning like I’m going to throw up. I sweating and my nose starts to drip. I sniff, rub my hands over my face and sit back against the couch. “I don’t think you know me as well as you think you do. There’s a good reason I put up a shell to the world. I took a huge risk letting you in these past couple months.”

“Dan, just tell me for God’s sake.”

“Fuck. Rob, this changes everything, don’t you see?”

“See what, Dan? What changes everything?”

“Rob, I’m gay. I’m sorry. I have to be honest and just clear the air with you. I really like you, but I know you’re straight. I didn’t want to say anything, now I’ve ruined our friendship. You’re not going to want to hang around with me knowing I’m crushing on you every time I see your eyes sparkle or hear you laugh. I’m sorry, Rob. I shouldn’t have done this. Fuck, maybe we can talk to our prof’s about the projects, figure out some way to get them done on our own separately.”

“Dan, just stop for a minute, please? Look at me, Dan.” Rob has turned sitting sideways facing me on the couch. He reaches over and lifts my chin with his fingers. The touch is like burning coals on my skin and I draw in a gasp of air and close my eyes tight. A tear escapes and starts to run down my cheek. Rob uses his thumb to wipe the tear away.

“Dan, look at me.” I slowly open my eyes to see Rob looking at me with the brightest eyes ever. “I already knew you were gay. Ok, not for sure, but I thought you were since we first met. I don’t know how, it was just a sense I had when we first met. This changes nothing for me about you.”

I just sat, staring at him for a moment trying to process his statement.

“Dan, haven’t you wondered why I don’t have a girlfriend either? Why I don’t act weird when I see you looking into my eyes? Why I look into your eyes the way I do? I want to show you how much you really mean to me, how beautiful you are to me. I’ve been In love with you since we first met, but didn’t want to say anything because you were so guarded when we met, I didn’t want to scare you away.”

Is this a joke? Rob loves me? He has to be straight. This doesn’t make any sense.

“Rob, you told me about the girlfriends you had in high school. You and Rachel just went out to dinner last night and then you guys met up with Jackson and Ethan.”

“Dan, she was my girlfriend in high school. We haven’t been together like that since homecoming our senior year. That’s when I told her I’m gay. We’ve been friends ever since. She was my rock our senior year. Once our friends figured out we weren’t really dating, most of them turned their backs on me. By the time we graduated, I had a few friends that would still hang with us, mostly just Jackson and Ethan. Most everyone else drifted away quietly over the summer as they went off to their own colleges or whatever they're doing with their lives now.”

“Oh Rob, I never guessed. I never came out to anyone before. You’re the first person I ever admitted how I feel.” Rob put his arm across my shoulders; I sank against his chest and rested my head in the crook of his neck. I felt a drop of moisture on my cheek and thought I was crying more than I expected, but it was Rob’s tears. I looked up, both our cheeks were damp. “Rob, what am I going to do? My parents can’t find out, they’ll disown me. I’ll be an abomination to them. Where would I live? How would I get through school?” Panic was starting to set in again. Every time I acknowleged to myself that I'm gay this happens.

“Dan, slow down. Breathe. I love you. I’m here for you. No matter what, we’ll work through anything life throws at us if we work on it together.”

“Rob, I love you too. This is so scary though. What about your family? Do they know about you being gay?”

“No, I’m in the same boat with you there. My dad is a huge homophobe. Anytime there’s something about gays in the news he goes off on a rant about the faggots destroying America. Mom never says anything when he gets like that. But, any other time she always backs him up like the good partner and housewife. I don’t expect she would react well by me coming out either.”

“You’re damn right about that, you goddamned faggots!”

Holy fuck, what the hell is going on?! Oh shit, this is going down now?!

“Dad, mom, you were going to Brad’s for trick-or-treating with the grandkids! What happened?”

“There’s a sewer-main break on their street so they had to move to a hotel this afternoon. We called when we stopped at lunch and they had just gotten word from the city that the sewers would be out for days. They decided to go to a hotel so we turned around to come home.” Mom was calm, explaining what drew them home unexpectedly.

“Forget that shit! It doesn’t fucking matter why we’re home. Driving all fuckin day and come home to see my faggot son down here drinking with his faggot boyfriend in my goddam basement. What the fuck, Rob? How can you do this to us?” Rob’s dad looked like he was going to have a stroke, face red, sweating. His mom tried to put her arm around him to calm him down, but he pushed her away. “Dammit woman, don’t. I can’t stomach these ass bandits ruining God’s country.”

“I should go.” I looked at Rob, he was on the verge of tears. “Rob, are you OK?”

“I don’t know. No, I’m not OK. Dad hates me, obviously. Mom?”

“Oh honey, you’re my son...”

“Shut the fuck up. He’s not our son any longer. Get your shit outta here. Whatever you can take with you now and get the fuck out of here. You wanna be this faggot’s little bitch then get your ass outta here and let him take care of you.”

Rob’s mom was now in tears along with Rob and me. “Rob, come on, I’ll help you get your stuff. We can use both our cars if you need the space for everything.”

Rob grabbed my hand and we started to go upstairs to begin clearing his room. Rob’s mom patted us both on the shoulder as we passed but said nothing to either of us. His dad grabbed my shoulder and stopped me. I was expecting him to get violent and was bracing myself to get punched or worse. He pulled me close, snarling “Get your pansy asses out of my house in thirty minutes, or I’ll get rid of both of you fucking faggots myself!”

I ran upstairs, and found Rob in his room. He was in the middle of the floor on his knees sobbing.

“Rob, we gotta hurry. Your dad wants us out in thirty minutes or he’s going to kick our asses out or worse. Let’s grab your clothes and whatever else you want to take and let’s get the fuck outta here now!”

“Oh Dan, I’m so sorry. What are we going to do? Where am I going to go?”

“You’re coming home with me.”

“But your parents? It’s your birthday. This is going to raise some serious questions, don’t you think?”

“We’ll deal with that when we get there. We gotta get you outta here now. We’ll figure out the rest once we’re outta here.”

“Ok, I’ll go open our cars and trunks. Grab some garbage bags under the kitchen sink; we’ll throw my clothes in them for now.”

“I’m on it.” I ran down the hall to the kitchen. Rob’s mom was in the kitchen standing by the sink, looking out the window. It looked like she was in shock. “Excuse me, ma’am. Can we use some garbage bags for Rob’s clothes?”

“Oh Dan, I’m so sorry. Of course, here’s the box use what you need. Double bag them just to be safe. I’m so sorry. So sorry.” She sobbed as she handed me the box. I patted her shoulder, but she shrank away from my touch still crying.

“Thank you, we’ll be out as fast as we can.” She didn’t acknowledge my comment, just turned around looking out the kitchen window.

I got back to Rob’s room and started with his dresser, emptying drawers into garbage bags and double-bagging them so we don’t have socks and underwear falling out if the bags tear being hauled in and out of the car. Rob came in and grabbed armloads of clothes in the closet and carried them out to put in our trunks. After a couple trips, the clothes were packed in the car, then we turned our attention to what remained in his room. Photos, books, records, his stereo. So much stuff accumulated over his 18 years. Memories, mementos, keepsakes, awards. How to decide what to take? What about the stuff left behind, could he get it later, would his dad get rid of it?

“Dan, let’s pack up the pictures, records and stereo first. If we have room and still have time I’ll get some books. Maybe mom will let me get more of this stuff later.”

“Ok, you work on the stereo while I carry out the pictures and records.”

By the time I carried out the breakables, Rob had the stereo broken down so we could carry it out. Our cars were loaded down, so we sat the equipment on the front passenger seats and used the seatbelts to hold everything in place. Hopefully everything would make it in one piece. God knows, our lives have been shattered enough this afternoon already.

Rob picked up a few more odds-and-ends and stuffed them into a bag and we were walking out towards the garage. He stopped on the way out and said goodbye to his mom. She couldn’t get the words out, just tears. He asked her if he could come back for more of his stuff later and she nodded yes. “No, you’re no longer my son. None of that stuff means anything to us anymore. When you leave, it’s all gone. Don’t bother to try coming back for it. Don’t call us, or I’ll have you arrested for harassment.” Rob’s dad is such a piece of shit, it amazes me to think Rob was produced by this set of parents.

“Rob, come on, let’s get going.” I put my hand on his elbow and led us out through the garage. He placed the bag in the floorboard bracing the stereo equipment. We had a quick hug then hopped in our cars and drove to my house. I glanced at my watch, realizing I was late for dinner. Mom is not going to be happy. I should have called to let her know so she wouldn’t worry, but that sure wasn't going to happen with all hell breaking loose at Rob's. That’s bad enough, now I’m showing up with my best friend with his belongings loaded in our cars. This is quite the memorable birthday... this afternoon was so awesome, how could it all turn so badly so quickly?

Our quickest route took us back through campus. I noticed Rob behind me started trailing further behind and then he pulled into a parking lot. I turned around to check on him. By the time I parked next to him, he was leaning over the steering wheel. I opened his door, the sound of his heart breaking was perhaps the most horrible sound I have ever heard, it was like the sound reached into my soul and grabbed as hard as it could. I knelt down, put my arm over his shoulders and kissed his cheek. The first time I kissed him! This is supposed to be one of those great happy moments in life, instead here’s is the man I love sobbing in his car after being disowned by his family, and my first kiss for him is one of consolation.

Rob sat up, looking at me with the most pained eyes I’ve ever seen. He placed both hands on my cheeks, pulling me gently to him and we kissed. Sweetly, gently; the most wonderful kiss I’ve ever experienced. Neither of us cared who saw us, we were totally oblivious of where we were. In that moment, all that mattered was that we were together, there for each other. I knew in that moment, as long as we were on the same side nothing could hold us back.

“I’ll be ok, let’s get to your house. Your mom is going to be so upset, you’re really late for dinner. They’re going to be worried about you.”

“You got that right. Let’s get going, we’ll sort it out when we get there.”

Another twenty minutes driving through traffic and finally we made it to my home. Rob parked behind me on the driveway and we went in through the front door. I was expecting to be ambushed by mom, worrying over where I had been and why I had not called to let her know I was going to be late. Instead, we found her sitting in her chair with tissues in her lap and dad sitting in his recliner with his Bible. They looked up as we walked in the door and the air was sucked out of the room. It occurred to me that my sister’s car was not home.

“Mom? Dad? Sorry I’m late. I didn’t have time to call. Rob and I were working on our projects at his place this afternoon. His parents came home and had a huge blowout with him over having friends over to the house and he got kicked out. He needs to stay with us for a while until he can figure out something more permanent.”

“Son,” my dad started, “‘Thou shalt honor thy mother and thy father’ is one of the Commandments. Do not walk under this roof and disrespect us like that!”

“Dad?” I replied. Oh, dear God this is getting worse by the minute.

“Rob’s father called after you left. He told us about how he found you homosexuals in his basement. Drinking. Wrapped in each others arms. How dare you, thinking you can bring your evil under my roof!”

“Danny, how could you do this to me? Why? How did I fail you as a mother? Where did I go wrong, was it something I did or said? Oh, honey, please let us help you. We can help you fix this, we can get help for you so you’ll be healthy again.”

“Mom, I am healthy. I’m gay, I’m not sick. I didn't choose to be gay, it’s just who I am. No one would choose to be gay; the world is a horrible place for us, especially in the Church. We are reviled, judged, persecuted. There is no Christian love for gay people and you know it. Drug dealers, murderers, prostitutes; they can be forgiven by the Church, but not homosexuals. I am the same son standing here right now as I was when I left for class this morning. As I walked out this door this morning you both told me you loved me. Do you? Do you still love me? Do you see there is more to me than just being a gay man? I am a whole person, a good person; I am not just a label.”

“Dan, you are an abomination in the eyes of God. You reject God’s law, the laws of Nature, the teachings of the church. Homosexuals engage in sin willfully. You can choose to seek forgiveness or you can choose eternal damnation. If you want us to help you recover your eternal life, you can help Rob move his things someplace else and come home. Alone, Dan. We will not condone your sinful relations.”

Rob was completely shut out. It was like he no longer existed. Neither of my parents have even looked at him or acknowledged his presence since we walked in the door.

“Dan, I can call Rachel, see if she has someplace I can crash while I sort things out.”

“No, Rob.”

“Danny, please let us help you with this problem. You’ve always been such a good boy. Maybe we just didn’t prepare you for the influences of being at the university like we should have. We can help you get these issues right with God.”

“Mom, no; this is who I am. This is who I have been forever. I’ve known I was different since I was a kid, and I knew since I was twelve that I was attracted to boys, not girls. Why do you think I never dated in school? Why did I never go to prom or homecoming dances? Why did I never go to parties with friends? Because I knew you would never accept me for who I am. I love Rob and he loves me. We never knew how we felt about each other until this afternoon. We had never even so much as kissed when we were ambushed in his basement by his parents. His dad was an irate son of a bitch and nearly assaulted his own wife when she wasn’t as harsh on us as he thought she should be. He gave us thirty minutes to claim Rob’s belongings and get out of the house. There was so much stuff Rob had to leave behind and will probably never see again.

“Dad, you sit there with the nerve to lecture me on getting myself right with God? How about looking in the mirror, both of you? Growing up my whole life, both of you told both me and Emily how you loved us both unconditionally. Really mom? Dad? Unconditionally! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know now, today, as I turn 18 that your "unconditional love" was a lie? You loved me when I was your perfect son, but a gay son... no, that’s an abomination, unwelcome under your roof. You give me a false choice between the man I love, Rob, or some false notion of being "cured" of this "sickness"!

“Rob, come on. Let’s get my clothes; we’ll see how much we can squeeze into our cars. Mom, dad, give us a few minutes and we’ll be out of your lives so we can’t defile your pristine home with our sinfulness any longer.”

I took Rob by the hand and led him down the hallway to my room. I collapsed onto my bed and sobbed for a few minutes. Rob lay down next to me and just held me. Finally pulling myself together, we got up and started loading my clothes into a couple of suitcases stored in my closet. Since we had Rob’s stereo, we left mine untouched. I grabbed my records and a few pictures and stuffed them in with the clothes. Rob looked around my room, obviously having the same thoughts that occurred to me while we packed up his room: so many memories, things, being left behind.

“Alright, that’s all we have room for. I’ll go say goodbye and we’ll be on our way.”

“Dan....”

I reminded Rob of what he said earlier. “It’s going to be fine, Rob. ‘We’ll work through anything life throws at us if we work on it together,’ remember?”

Walking back into the front of the house, mom was in her chair crying, dad was immersing himself in Scripture. “Mom, dad, I’m just taking clothes and records, a few pictures for now. May I come back sometime for anything else I need, once we get settled somewhere?”

“Dan,” my dad replied, “you are flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood. I can no more disown you than the father in the parable of the prodigal son. Whatever is yours will always be yours. You are always welcome here as my son. Your mother and I will pray that someday the Lord will save you from this pain and bring you home to us safely.”

“Danny, we love you, really. What you are choosing is sin and that is incompatible with love. When you are ready to live in God’s love, please come home. Let us know where you are settled and anything you want sent over to you.”

“Goodbye mom and dad. I wish you could see that Rob and I have the same genuine purity of love that you have for each other. Maybe someday you’ll grow to accept that God’s love is truly infinite, and He embraces each of us as we are, where we are. God creates all of us in His image, we are not a mistake and we are no less worthy of His love than you. Mom, dad – I love you both – and I forgive you for what has been done tonight; I hope you will someday forgive me and yourselves as well.”

For the first time in my life, I saw tears in my father’s eyes. He closed his Bible and hugged it to his chest and closed his eyes. Mom also closed her eyes and bowed her head silently sobbing. Rob and I took my suitcases out to my car and loaded them in the last available space. We stood next to my car in a silent hug for a few minutes. I heard the neighbors around the street with their kids trick-or-treating. Someone’s kids commented on me hugging a guy and their parent shushed them and told them to move on. I don’t think mom and dad will get many trick-or-treats this year. Rob and I share a brief kiss, and then hold each other around our waists facing each other, leaning our foreheads together eyes closed. After a few moments we both sigh.

“Rob, what do we do now? We’re both homeless. Neither of us has a job.”

“Let’s go to the burger joint for something to eat. I’ll use the pay phone to call Rachel and see if she has some ideas.”

We pull into the parking lot of the greasy burger palace and park by the windows so we can keep an eye on our cars. It’s not like we’re in a bad area or anything, but once your life’s possessions are reduced to the contents of two vehicles you start to think more acutely about how easily things can be lost. The most important thing we both have, though, is each other.

I head up to the counter to order our food while Rob goes to call Rachel. We meet back at the table overlooking our cars. Neither of us has much appetite, but seeing that cash will soon be in short supply we cannot afford to waste the food we have.

“Rob, what did Rachel say?”

“She’s going to talk to her parents. They have a guest room but she doesn’t know if they’ll let us stay with them. She asked about your sister and her fiancée. I told her Emily was not home so we do not know if she knows what is going on. Rachel thinks you should call Mike’s place to see if she is there and if they know what’s happened.”

“Yeah, may as well get that over with. Today can’t get much worse than it already has. Who knows what that conversation will churn up? Let’s finish up eating first, in case I completely lose my appetite after this phone call.”

We take our time finishing off our food and drinks and dump our trash on the way to the pay phone. I punch in Mike’s number and the operator gives me the amount due for the call. I was ready to hang up just as Mike finally answered.

“Hello!” He sounded out of breath and frantic.

“Mike! It’s Dan. Are you OK? Emily there?”

“Oh, hi Dan. Yeah I’m fine; I was just rearranging the spare room. Emily ran to grab us something to eat. Emily’s fine too, she’s been hoping you would call us. Dan, is it true what Rob’s dad was telling your parents this evening?”

“Oh, God Mike. I’m sorry, but yeah. I love Rob and he loves me. Rob’s been disowned by his parents. I’m no longer welcome at home if I 'choose' to 'live in sin'. Our lives are reduced to the contents of our two cars. We are thankful to be here with each other, but we don’t know where to go or what will happen next.”

“Dan, you and Rob need to get over here ASAP. You guys are part of my family and you’re welcome here as long as you need someplace to stay. Don’t worry about this, I’ve got you covered. Just get here and Emily should be back by then too. We’ll all sit down and hash out what we’re going to do next.”

“Mike, are you and Emily sure about this? I can’t imagine mom and dad are going to like this at all.”

“Dan, this is my place, these are my rules: there is only love permitted to enter my door. If anyone cannot abide by that rule, they are not welcome. Period. It is not open for discussion, I don’t care who it is.”

“Mike, this means so much to us. How can we ever thank you?”

Laughing, Mike answered “Just get here and help me get that room set up for you. That’s thanks enough!”

“Got it, man. We’ll be there soon. We just ate and we’re on our way.”

“Sounds good, see you guys soon.”

“So, that sounded like it went well,” said Rob.

“Mike is giving us his spare room to use. Emily was out picking up food for them and should be back soon. Well, let’s roll; we’ve got a room to set up and two cars to unload. It’s going to be a long night.”

“Let’s get on it then. Lead the way, I’ve never been to Mike’s you know.”

“Just follow me. It’s about ten minutes from here and not hard to find.”

Since I didn’t want Rob to get lost with traffic, I took the route slower than usual, so we ended up taking closer to fifteen minutes to arrive at Mike’s. After we parked and rang his buzzer, he came downstairs to help us carry up the first load. Dear, God… Emily is a lucky woman to be marrying this fine specimen. I just can’t help myself eyeing up my future brother-in-law and now (at least temporarily) roommate.

Mike is 27 and totally fit. Not a huge muscular bodybuilder type, but nice slabs of muscled pecs, eight-pack abs, tight bubble butt, well rounded shoulders, awesome arms, thick ripped thighs and calves. He’s just wearing some mesh basketball shorts; no shirt, no shoes. He’s been busy clearing the spare room for us and apparently has been working up a sweat. From the looks of him, the way those shorts are fitting, I'm betting he's bare underneath.

Rob had only met Mike once when we were at my house and Mike had stopped by to pick up Emily for dinner. I noticed Rob was totally checking Mike out too and just chuckled quietly in my head. At least I’m not the only one, I thought.

“Rob, Dan; I’m so glad you guys are here. Did you park close? Oh yeah, never mind I see your cars right there. Come on, let’s grab a load of stuff and start hauling your things up.”

“Mike, are you sure about this? Maybe we should wait for Emily to get here before you start moving us in? We should really talk about this first.” I was worried how Emily would react. How does she feel about having a gay brother? A gay brother and his boyfriend moving in with her fiancée? Isn’t this just asking for trouble?

“Dan, relax. As soon as your parents told Emily what was going on, she was floored. She told them she was coming over here to talk to me about it. She told me what she knew from your parents, and we agreed that they would not likely handle this well at all. We both expected they would not allow you to stay at their house, much less together, so we agreed you need to have someplace to stay. You’re both welcome here. I have the room, it’s yours to use as long as you need it.”

“Mike, we really appreciate this. You can’t know how much this means to us,” Rob said, choking up, eyes glassy with tears. As much as the two of us have cried in the past few hours you’d think we would have run dry by now, but I guess not.

“Rob, you are Dan’s boyfriend, that makes you part of our family. I don’t care what your parents or Dan’s parents think. This is my place and I say you’re welcome here. Dan’s like my little brother and I’m going to look out for you both. Emily loves you, Dan; she knows you Rob and can’t wait to see you both… as a couple!”

Rob and I just looked at each other, dumbfounded. What a day this has turned out to be! First, my birthday I really wasn’t looking forward to all that much, in spite of now being of legal age. Then my best friend embarrassed me in front of the whole class first thing this morning. Then we make unbelievable progress working on our projects this afternoon. I had my first drinks with Rob, and then we admitted how much we have secretly loved each other since we first met two months ago, only to have that joy shredded by our parents, with us thrown out like moldy trash. Now, here we are, standing in the parking lot in front of Mike’s apartment being welcomed as family to his home. Will this be the turning point for us? Can we really be destined to find happiness with each other after all? Or, are we fated to face a life of struggle, heartache and loss?

“Let’s get going, it’s getting colder and you’re gonna freeze your balls off, Mike!” I laughed trying to lighten up the mood.

Rob and Mike laughed and we headed to Rob’s car first since he had the stereo equipment in his front seat. No sense tempting fate and leaving expensive equipment sitting in plain view in the parking lot. Those two managed to get the stereo equipment up to Mike’s apartment in one trip, while I started work on the clothes filling his back seat and trunk. By the time we finished unloading Rob’s car, Emily had returned from getting take-out for her and Mike. We told Mike to take a break and eat while we worked on unloading my car.

“Danny, you two get your stuff while Mike and I eat this quick, then we’ll talk about everything, ok?”

“Thanks, Emily. For everything.” I’ve always loved my sister, but never more than I do right now. We exchanged a quick hug then she joined Mike upstairs.

“Rob, I can’t believe this is happening. When I woke up this morning, I never dreamed you and I would be together, much less living together in my brother-in-law’s apartment! Aren’t we going too fast?”

“Dan, we’re going to be fine. We’ll work it out, together, no matter what. Just focus on today. We cannot control the future; we cannot control how other people behave. Our choice is how we deal with what life present to us and take the opportunities presented to us.”

“I love you, Rob.”

“I love you too, Dan.”

“Let’s get this stuff unloaded. We’ve got a lot of organizing still to do.”

“Yeah, at least we don’t have too much going on tomorrow, so we have time to get ourselves settled and figure out what our next step will be.”

“I’m glad. I don’t think I could handle a full day of lectures right now.”

“I hear you! My mind is racing 900 miles an hour right now. If not from exhaustion, I doubt I’ll get to sleep anytime soon.”

Rob and I carry the last of my belongings upstairs. Mike and Emily are eating in the kitchen, and sounds like they’re almost done. Emily offers us their extras, but we decline since we already ate at the burger joint, and neither of us are still feeling quite right with all the stress of the day. Rob and I get some water and grab a seat while they clean up their dinner, then they join us at the table.

“Dan, Rob; first of all I want to tell you both how much I love you, and how sorry I am about how our parents have treated you both. I was helping mom get your birthday dinner ready this afternoon when the phone rang. It was your dad, Frank, calling us, Rob. I passed the phone to mom since dad wasn’t home yet. She listened for a moment, then she dropped the receiver. I was shocked, asked her what was wrong. She was pale and having trouble breathing. After a moment she recovered a bit and took the receiver. She and Frank had talked a few more minutes, then she hung up and called dad at work. You know how she never does that unless it’s an emergency, so I knew something big was happening.

“I heard mom telling dad about the conversation she just had with Frank. She said he came home unexpectedly and found the two of you down in the basement, drinking, and wrapped in each other’s arms on the sofa. She listened to dad for a few moments, I could hear him through the receiver so I knew he was upset. When mom hung up, she turned to me and said, ‘I guess you heard that. Your brother has apparently let himself get involved with his friend from the university. What could those two be thinking, pulling a stunt like this?!’

“I was floored and told mom, ‘Look, mom; if Dan is gay, this is not him pulling some kind of stunt. Dan and Rob have been friends for months. For that matter, as far as we know, Rob is the only real friend Dan has at the university anyway. I can’t say I’m completely shocked that something like this happened. He’s never dated any girls, not even casually. He never comments on how attractive women are like other guys his age. Face it mom, it is just who he is, nothing has changed about him now, at this moment, than he was a few minutes ago. He is my brother and I love him. Today is his birthday; he is 18 now, and I for one plan to make sure this day is not a complete disaster for him.’”

“Emily, thank you. That’s basically the same thing I told mom and dad as we were leaving tonight.”

“Rob, do you want to talk about what happened at your house?” Mike asked. “You don’t have to tell us anything you and Dan are uncomfortable sharing. But I also need to know if there was anything that you need to be handled, shall we say, professionally?”

Rob looked at me and we both nodded slightly to each other, indicating we were going to be completely open about what happened. Rob began, “Mike, thanks again, and you too Emily. Today, I wanted to do something special for Dan since it’s his birthday. After we finished our classes for the day, I invited him over to my place so we could work on our projects since they’re due in two weeks. We made a huge amount of progress and are now ahead of schedule.

“I promised Dan we would wait until we finished our work, then we would have a couple drinks before he went home for his birthday dinner with his family. Dan was nervous about smelling of booze when he went home, so I mixed us a couple Sapphire and tonics. After we talked for a while, both of us were obviously nervous about the course of the conversation and finally we both admitted to each other we have been secretly in love with each other since we first met. We hugged and shared a kiss, then my parents stormed the basement. Apparently they heard us talking but we did not hear them come home. They were supposed to be visiting my brother’s family to spend time with the grandkids for the week, but had to turn around due to a sewer problem at their house.

“Dad was irate, screaming and cursing us. He gave us thirty minutes to clear out what I could and told us the stuff left behind would be destroyed and I was not welcome to come back or contact them. Mom was in tears and just kept saying how sorry she was, but she would not stand up to dad at all. Anytime it seemed like she may speak up in my defense he shut her down. Dan tried to comfort her when he asked for bags to put my clothes in, but she shrank away from his touch, so I have no idea what that’s about.”

Mike asked, “Rob, has your dad ever been violent with you or your mom?”

“Not with me, never even so much as a slap on the hand or spanking or anything like that. I don’t know if he ever touched mom, but I don’t think so. The only time he ever got so irate about something was if we were watching the TV and some topic about homosexuality came up; then he would rant about how ‘the faggots are destroying God’s country.’”

“Dan, did Frank make any threatening remarks to you?”

“He stopped me as we were leaving the basement to pack up Rob’s belongings. He told me we had to be gone in thirty minutes or he would 'get rid of you fucking faggots' himself.”

“Were either of you hurt?”

“No,” we both replied.

“OK then. You’ve both been verbally abused and certainly psychologically abused. I don’t know if you want to pursue any police action on this? I would caution you, though, there are many in the force that don’t take a kindness to homosexuals, so I have no idea what kind of response you can expect or cooperation from the police. They could conceivably try to turn the tables on you and trump up some sodomy charges even though nothing sexual has happened between you. At some point, we’ll need to think about whether either or both of you want or need to talk to a counselor. Whether you choose to live in the closet or openly accept your lifestyle, being gay these days is not easy; you may want to get some help coping, especially after this traumatic episode. If you’re having trouble sleeping, keeping up your studies, or in your relationship, please tell us so we can get you the help you need.”

“Thanks, Mike. I don’t want to take this to the police. Frank said some horrible things to Rob, but I think it’s best if we work on moving on with our lives. The emotions are still very raw for us right now, but if we’re having trouble coping we’ll come to you, together, so we can get help. We’ve both committed ourselves to each other that the only way to make our life together work for the long term is to take on our challenges and opportunities by working with each other.”

“That sounds good, Dan. Rob are you okay with this, at least for now?”

“Absolutely. Dan and I have done nothing wrong. Frank and Diane have disowned me and I choose to no longer refer to them as my mom and dad. They brought me into this world and have shunned me and turned their backs on me. They are nothing more than DNA providers to me now.”

“Rob, I’m so sorry this has been so horrible for you,” Emily said. “In some ways, this is almost as if your parents had died. You’re justifiably angry now. In time, you may need help coping with the loss of your parents. Please know we’ll help you any way we can. What about your brother and his family? Are you close to him? Do you want to try to contact them to see how they receive you?”

“Brad is a year or two older than you, Mike. We always got along when we were at home together, but since he was so much older than me we really didn’t have a lot of contact once he was busy with high school and then he moved away for college. We’ve always stayed in contact over the years. Maybe I should call him soon to see what the fallout is between him and me. I’m sure Frank and Diane will be in touch sooner than later to make sure I’m vilified to the rest of the family.”

“That sounds good, Rob. I’m sure you want to focus on getting settled first. Maybe tomorrow you can get in touch with your brother?”

“I’d like to, but mom said they had to move into a hotel with the sewer problems. I’m not sure how to find him right now. Maybe if he’s at work, I can find the number and reach him there.”

“Feel free to use the phone for whatever you need, don’t worry about the long distance or if you need help with the Operator, this is your home now too,” Mike said.

“Thank you again, Mike.”

“Dan, what about you, mom and dad? What happened when you guys showed up?” Emily asked.

I recounted the story to Mike and Emily about being rebuked by our parents and how Rob and I cleared out my clothes and a few pictures since our cars were already loaded with Rob’s belongings. Emily offered to go collect anything I left behind once we got settled in, so I thanked her. I’m sure there are some books and other items I’d like to keep, but I can’t even think about it right now.

“Well guys, it’s been one cluster fuck of a birthday. But, hopefully this will brighten you up a bit,” said Emily, standing up to go to the pantry. She pulled out a package of six cupcakes she had bought at a bakery while she was picking up dinner. She put three candles in each for a total of 18, in honor of my birthday, and lit them. Everyone sang happy birthday to me and I was so overwhelmed I just sat there in tears. Rob came over, pulled me up out of my chair and just held me as I sobbed for a few moments. Once I pulled myself together, I thanked everyone and blew out the candles.

Rob gave me a kiss and asked, “Do you think you’ll get your birthday wish?”

“I already have. He’s standing right here in front of me. Thank you, Rob, for everything. You are my life, without you I feel incomplete. As long as I have you with me, no matter where we are, no matter the challenges we face, we’ll make it through together.” Both of our faces were wet with tears, we kissed again and held each other. I looked over at Mike and Emily, they both were teary-eyed looking at each other and at us.

The four of us worked on putting our room together. Sometime late that night, Emily excused herself to go home so she could rest and be ready for work the next day. Mike stayed up and helped us get as organized as possible. We all finally gave up with exhaustion and Mike headed to his room to bed.

“So, our first night together,” Rob said.

“God, I’ve wanted this for so long, Rob. Now we’re here and I’m scared.”

“Don’t be. We have the rest of our lives together, we can take things at whatever speed we are both comfortable with. Besides, it’s been one hell of a day and we’re both exhausted. Let’s get ready for bed. Tomorrow promises to be a big day.”

“You’re right. I love you so much.”

“I love you too. You want the bathroom first?”

We took turns getting ready for bed and made our way to the full size bed. Both of us had twin beds when we lived at home, so we were accustomed to having limited mattress real estate, but still, this was our first time sharing a bed with anyone. “Which side do you prefer, Dan?”

“I often wake up on my right side, so maybe I should take the side closer to the window?”

“Sounds fine with me. We’ll figure out what works best for us soon enough.”

“Okay, then, clothes or….?”

“Not unless you want clothes. I want to feel you next to me, but if you’d be more comfortable starting off with clothes it won’t bother me; just being able to hold you and be held by you when we sleep will be my dream come true.” Rob took off his boxers and climbed into bed. I had never seen him completely naked before and was impressed. I was nervous if he would be as attracted to me as I was to him. He was definitely more athletic than I had ever been, so I didn't think I could compare to his physique. I decided to go for it. Our love for each other was built on our friendship and how well we relate to each other. This relationship is so much more than just physical attraction. I shuck off my boxers and climb in bed next to Rob.

“Dan, you’re so fuckin hot, man. I can’t believe I managed to hide my feelings for you so long. I was so afraid you’d see how horned up you made me when we would be together in class or studying at the library.”

“Rob, are you kidding, you’re the total hottie in this relationship. You’ve got the jock look to go along with that awesome mind and personality. I could cream my pants just watching you in class!”

We laughed at the idea, then rolled facing each other, gently caressing and kissing each other. Soon we were both fighting sleep, so I rolled to my other side and Rob spooned up behind me with his arm draped over me and his hand gently stroking my chest. He rested his face near my neck and soon we were both asleep, dreaming of the endless possibilities the future held for us.