Born Wolf - 10. Chapter 5.2

Tahryn rolled his shoulders. He ached all over. He ached in muscles he hadn’t previously been aware he owned; muscles and flesh deep inside himself that felt strangely stretched and somehow also weirdly empty. Sleeping on the hard ground was a fine idea when you were warm and happy, sated with sex and wearing fur and four legs. It was not such a great plan when you were human and naked and it was cold with dew. Tahryn shuddered awake. His stomach growled in hunger, the muscles of his gut clenching painfully. He wanted toast, and coffee, and probably bacon too. Maybe Chaska would be cooking pancakes. He sat up with a groan.

He was sitting on the big flat stone that jutted out of the hillside, half shielded by the coppiced trees with their three pointed leaves, newly green and still unfurling in the damp of the late spring morning. He was alone, and human. For a while Tahryn rubbed the dirt from his torso and picked bits of grit from his skin and tried to decide what to do. He could probably find Kurt; his senses were pulled ever so slightly, back towards the main body of the woods. It wasn’t nearly as extreme as before they’d mated properly, and Tahryn could ignore the feeling. He could no longer hear Kurt’s mental voice though, and it made him sad.

He and Kurt had mated. It had been…Tahryn tried to think with his wolf brain, the part of him that loved to submit to the big black furred version of Kurt…it had been amazing. A deeper connection than he’d ever thought possible. Tahryn wondered if the mental link would re-establish itself when they mated again in human form. Tahryn loved the idea of being able to hear what his mate was feeling, was thinking. Especially when he was inside him. His erection stirred and twitched at the idea of making love to Kurt.

Huh, wait up, making love? Tahryn shook himself. Don’t ever say that to him or he’ll probably try and bite your nuts off again. Tahryn barely had time to finish the thought before his stretched senses snapped back and he knew, in a way he had never known anything before, Kurt was coming back. He turned towards the woodland to see the big black wolf trotting out of the forest with a very large hare flopping from his mouth. Kurt’s eyes shone with pride. The human in Tahryn recoiled. Too much, too soon. He wanted cooked food. They hadn’t eaten last night and Tahryn couldn’t stop the idea of raw caught food being sickening. It showed on his face.

Kurt whined and dropped the hare practically in his lap, and then sat, feet tucked under himself, tail curved around nice and neat and woofed softly.

“Morning…” Tahryn picked up the hare in two fingers and placed it on the flat stone. “How long have you been up?”

The big black wolf made a shrugging motion and Tahryn felt pressure against his skull, like something was trying to get in. The wolf whined, one ear turned back, tail swishing. He was asking Tahryn a question.

“You remember I’m shit at wolf-translations right? I have no idea what you just said.”

Kurt barked, short and surprised.

“Hell this was a lot easier when I could hear you in my head.”

Kurt tilted his head to one side and flattened his ears sideways. He looked like a confused puppy.

“Come on pup, let’s go have breakfast.” Tahryn made to get up and found the hare in his lap again. “I meant something cooked Kurt. I’m starving and I bet I could convince Chaska to make us pancakes. I wanna walk with you.”

Kurt growled.

“What?” Tahryn stared at the dead animal in his hand. “Thanks. It was very sweet of you. I’m just not so big on wolf food for breakfast.”

The walk through the forest was not as relaxed as it had been the previous week. Kurt stayed wolf, carried the dead hare in his teeth, and Tahryn hated the chill in the air, the slipperiness of the dew on the ground. Like all werewolves he spent so much time without shoes the soles of his feet were basically leather, but no amount of callous could save a man from all the sharp stones and knobbly twigs in the world. They came out in the Spencer family’s back garden, where a couple of towels and two sets of sweats and hoodies were waiting for them on a lawn chair. Tahryn rubbed himself down and got dressed, yawning as he stretched his muscles. He threw the towel over his head and scrubbed at his damp scalp.

“Are you not coming in?” Tahryn asked when he realised Kurt had made no move towards towels or clothes.

Kurt made a small noise and flicked his tail. Tahryn shrugged, nonplussed.

“And what the heck does that mean?” Tahryn folded the towel over his shoulders. Fuck, he thought to himself, why does everything have to be so bloody difficult?

Kurt snarled.

“Huh?” The feeling of pressure in his skull increased and Tahryn clamped a big hand around his temples. “Stop that!”

Kurt whined.

“You can hear me thinking can’t you?”

The big wolf nodded.

“Fuck! Why can’t I hear you?”

There was a motion that looked like a shrug.

“Kurt just shift back so we can talk. Please.”

Shake. It was definitely a no.

“Kurt…” Tahryn felt like ripping apart the towel which twisted itself in his hands. “Come on. It’s cold, and it’s wet. There’s breakfast in there.” He pointed vaguely towards his house. “We need to talk. Get to know each other better.” He saw the doubt on Kurt’s face. “No commands. I promise. Please Kurt…” Tahryn swallowed. “Ulrich. Please.”

Kurt grunted and shifted. Watching his mate shift without also running away was sort of a new experience for Tahryn, and he marvelled at how smooth and easy the transition was for the other boy. Kurt lunged for the clothes but Tahryn scooped them up quicker.

“No!” Kurt’s anger hurt his skull. “You said talk. You wanna talk, that’s fine. No fucking touching or playing and no more bloody desserts. Talk.”

“But…”

“You want to get to know me as a person or as a plaything?” Kurt snarled. His voice was acid and Tahryn wondered again at the wisdom of mating himself to this boy who drove him mad with wanting. “I am not giving you everything you want just because we’re mates.”

“But…” Tahryn didn’t finish the sentence but Kurt must have heard him anyway.

“Just because you gave in quick doesn’t mean I have to. Now gimmie the clothes or I’m out.”

Tahryn sighed and handed over the jogging bottoms and hoodie which Kurt pulled on quickly over his skinny frame. As he zipped up the top Tahryn noticed how thin his torso looked, all the ribs standing out, worse than they had been a few days before.

‘Willis is so not going to be happy with you.’

“Stop looking.” Came Kurt’s tart response.

“Well then stay out of my head,” Tahryn snapped, “it’s not fair if I can’t get into yours.” He picked up the other towel. “Hey, why do you reckon that is anyway?”

“No idea. I never even knew it could happen. There’s no way Dick can read Barbara’s mind. If he could she wouldn’t yell at him so much for leaving crumbs in the sofa cushions.”

Tahryn frowned.

“You call your parents by their first names?”

“Sure.” Kurt’s shrug was liquid. Even skinny and in badly fitted clothes, the boy was heaven to watch. “They’re no more my parents than Degan or Willis or Carson or Clover. No less either.”

“You don’t love them?” Tahryn was horrified at the thought.

“Yeah, but not like I love…” He stopped himself mid-sentence.

“Kurt?” Was he going to say my name? God could you be anymore pathetic…

“Hmm?”

Tahryn left his question hanging, and opened the back door of the house. The glass had been replaced the previous after noon, and he really didn’t want to have to ask his father to do it again.

“Bloody hell this is unfair…” Tahryn stepped into the kitchen, which was mercifully empty. The clock on the wall told him it was just before six. No wonder nobody was up yet. “I hate not being able to hear you when you can hear me.”

“You never think anything interesting anyhow.”

“Mean.”

Kurt shrugged like it was true and he didn’t mind much.

“What is this ‘real food’ you so desperately wanted?”

Tahryn held up the frying pan in one hand and grinned.

“Pancakes.”

Kurt groaned.

“So, tell me things.” Tahryn began to sieve the flour in the big mixing bowl while the frying pan got hot on the stove. He’d pulled syrup from the cupboard too and watched from the corner of his eye as Kurt came up and sniffed it. He moved like a wolf, like the creature he was, and Tahryn wished his lover still had emotion-displaying ears. Or he could know what Kurt was thinking. That would have been top.

“What things?” Kurt sneered at what he was doing. “Why do you want to eat sugar for breakfast?” He began to pace the length of the kitchen counter, poking his head into cupboards as he went.

“Pancakes are awesome.” ‘Your butt is sexy.’ Kurt showed no sign he had heard him and Tahryn poured the first pancake with a sizzle. He considered the whisk lying next to him. ‘You won’t duck in time.’

“Wanna bet?” Kurt stared into the innards of the fridge. “What stuff do you want to know?”

‘Help yourself.’ Kurt took out the leftover lamb shank bone and began to pick pieces off with his teeth. “Well I know so little about you. What do you do in the evenings? What’s your favourite subject at school? What music do you like?”

“I’m a wolf.” Kurt reply was so short Tahryn almost missed it. He flipped the pancake and turned to stare at the man who he’d claimed as his mate.

“What?”

“I’m a wolf.” Kurt repeated the sentence as though Tahryn was thick. “I don’t do human stuff. I don’t care about school. I don’t listen to music. Or read. Or watch TV.” It became obvious to Tahryn he was replying to the questions appearing in his mind before he had time to voice them. “No, I don’t do any of that stuff. Because I’m a wolf. Yes, really. Oh you’re not as wolf as I am and you know it. I have never spent a whole day wearing skin!” Kurt turned and walked back through the back doors.

Tahryn yelped, dragged the pan off the heat and ran after him. The soft twist of his mind, the part where the thoughts of Kurt pressed against him, didn’t tear and stretch. Tahryn knew somehow he had not gone far. Sure enough, the lanky black haired boy was walking around the garden, pitching small stones towards the boarder of the woods.

“We were kidding ourselves you know.” Kurt didn’t look at him when he spoke, and even Tahryn could see the hopeless set of his shoulders, feel the lack of power in his voice. “You’re no more wolf than anyone else in this or any other pack. There’s no way you wanna go and spend all your free time in the woods. You’d be bored.”

“We could go on y’know…dates. Like real people do.”

“But I’m not people Tay. I don’t even like being human here, now. I can’t be a human.”

“But…what about you know…” ‘The future.’ Tahryn somehow couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, ‘What were you going to do?’

“Live in the forest. Try not to get kicked out of the pack. It wasn’t going well before you turned up.” Tahryn wanted to cry when Kurt spoke. There was such desolation in his tone. “I never wanted anything else.”

“You do now though? Right?”

“Yeah.” Kurt’s voice cracked, and Tahryn crossed the space between them as fast as he could without running and scooped the boy up in his arms. Kurt weighted nothing, and apparently less than he had in the showers on Wednesday afternoon because Tahryn lifted him like a child, and pressed his face into the curve of Kurt’s neck.

“We have all the time in the world to find out about each other. I want you to like me.” Kurt made a soft whimper when Tahryn spoke and shuddered against his skin. “I think maybe you need to like yourself first. This you.” He squeezed the boy in his arms briefly. “Come hang out with me and listen to music.” There was a soft huffing noise. “No dominant wolf stuff. I promise.”

*

Isla Spencer sat on her brother’s bed with her legs over Kurt’s knees. The pretty, skinny boy her brother had married, mated with, lay back on the duvet with his hood up. His hair fell into his face and the zippered front of his jumper was open, showing off an expanse of pale torso with too many visible bones. Isla tapped his hip and handed him another biscuit. Kurt took it without complaint. It hadn’t taken long for Isla to work out that Tahryn would give her anything she liked as long as Kurt was happy, and Kurt would eat anything she handed him. Isla scrolled through her only brother’s mp3 player looking for music she liked. Tahryn had given her the device to keep her out of their conversation, but since he’d gone back to the kitchen to finish and fetch pancakes and to tell their father what was going on, she and Kurt had been left alone. The boy looked at the ceiling, and blinked often.

Isla removed a white ear bud with sugar-crumb fingers and cocked her head at Kurt.

“Kurt?”

“Hmm?” She could tell the boy wasn’t really listening, something inside his head was distracting him. Isla poked him in the ribs. “Ow!”

“And I thought newly mated wolves were supposed to be happy all the time. It bugs him that you don’t smile.”

“What?”

Isla sighed and rolled her eyes as Kurt lent up on his elbows. Boys were stupid.

“You. Don’t. Smile.”

“Why would I smile at him? I’m not threatening him anymore.”

Isla slapped his leg. Kurt grunted.

“Think with your human brain Kurt. Smiling shows that you’re happy.”

“Oh…”

“So…” Isla exhaled heavily and jumped up from her position on the bed. “Come on Kurt. You have to smile.”

“But I’m not happy.” Kurt sighed the words, and blinked to find his vision filled with Isla’s face, pointed features and water colour blue eyes. Like a calm sea under clouds.

“How can you not be happy? My brother loves you!” Isla was exasperated. Boys really were silly creatures. It was much better when girls ran things. “Come on, get up, and come with me.”

“He what?” Kurt allowed himself to be dragged. Trying to fight the little firecracker that was Tahryn’s littlest sister was just plain silly. “Isla!”

“I said he loves you. You really can’t tell? God, Chaska was right. You boys really don’t think with your brains do you? Wait…” Isla suddenly stilled, holding Kurt’s sleeve in one hand, practically dragging the open hoodie off his narrow frame. “He didn’t tell you yet?”

“No.”

“You do like him don’t you Kurt?” Isla wrapped her lithe little frame around him briefly. “You do want him to be happy with you right?”

“Yes.” Kurt sighed and wriggled away from her. “Now what am I supposed to be looking at here?” He gestured to the big mirror set into the front of Tahryn’s wardrobe.

“Smile.”

“Huh?”

“You say that a lot.” Isla flicked him and Kurt nearly growled. “Smile.”

Isla stood with her arms folded and watched their reflections in the mirror. Kurt was pretty tall really, but he was nearly as skinny as she was. The too large running gear made the effect worse, not better. He almost seemed frail, which Isla knew was just a trick of the light. Kurt showed his teeth to the mirror, and Isla could see if you thought that was a smile you wouldn’t think they were friendly either.

“Try not to look like you want to eat the mirror.” Isla smiled at her reflection and played with her hair. She leant against Kurt and grinned. The older boy was surprisingly solid. Kurt stared at his feet and smiled, apparently it worked better when he wasn’t making eye contact with anyone. He looked happy. “Better. Kurt?”

“Hmm?”

“Eat more, and be patient OK?”

Isla moved away from him as she heard her brother coming back up the stairs.

“When did you get so smart huh, pup?” Kurt smiled at his feet again and then flashed his tawny eyes at her.

“Someone had to.” Isla walked out of the room and leapt to grab a pancake from the plates her brother held. Tahryn gave her the smallest plate with a wide grin. “He’s good.”

“What have you been saying to my mate then kiddo?”

Isla smiled wickedly.

“Oh, only nice things.”

*

Kurt was still smiling at his feet when Tahryn walked in with hot food. It might not have been quite what he was after, or what he’d had planned for his first morning with his mate, but Tahryn glowed with the self-satisfaction of a man on a winning streak. Kurt knew he was going to have to start actually using his human brain when he was with the older boy. The whole concept made him want to twist inside out and growl at himself. For eighteen years all there had been was instinct, wolf rules and the fight for dominance. And then this sunny, spicy boy had shown up and turned his world entirely upside down.

Tahryn had said he needed to like himself. That was a foreign concept too. As though he could not like himself. He was himself. He didn’t mean the wolf you. Kurt wanted to shout at himself. He wasn’t two people. He didn’t have a wolf inside him waiting to get out. He was just a wolf. Wearing skin was only an inconvenience. No, you’re a wolf with a human inside him wanting to get out. He looked up and met Tahryn’s eyes in time to hear him think.

‘Jesus you’re beautiful when you smile.’

Kurt dropped his gaze, then realised it made him look submissive. When he flicked his eyes up again Tahryn was smiling at him like he was in love and Kurt could feel the blush spread across his face. He looked away again. He could feel the body heat of the big blond as he came up behind him with the food.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I like the way you smile. And the way you blush. Here,” he held a plate out, his arm wrapped around Kurt’s shoulder, “I put bacon on yours.”

“Bacon and pancakes? You’re weird.”

“Thanks. Mum used to make them. You can sit down you know.” Kurt had to practically duck to get out of the space Tahryn had made with his body, blocking him in. He took the plate and sat on the bed again. “You wanna talk to me about what happened in the garden?”

“No.”

“Alright.” Tahryn shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “Tell me about the pack. They’re you’re family right? I don’t think I’ve met everyone yet.”

“I don’t really wanna talk about them either.” Kurt picked up his fork and speared the bacon, maple syrup, pancake mixture like he was scared of it. He chewed thoughtfully, “I worked out why you can’t hear me.”

“Really?” Tahryn sat on the desk chair and wheeled himself over towards the bed. Tahryn looked good in baggy sports gear, the blue hoodie and grey sweats hanging off his meaty frame. He looked like an athlete at rest, his husky blue eyes shone.

“Yeah. We haven’t…you know…the other way around.”

“Oh. I thought it was maybe because of the whole wolf-related-dyslexia thing.”

“But I can already read you fine.” Kurt replied quickly.

“Well if that was true we wouldn’t have spent the last week trying to tear each other’s heads off.”

“I suppose not.”

“Is asking what you want to do today a pointless question?” Kurt shot his mate a look even the body-language-useless young man could read. “OK, OK. Music? I’ll play you my favourites. And we both have school work to do right?”

“Isn’t school work done at school?”

“Have you never done your homework?”

Kurt shrugged; the concept was foreign to him. Tahryn rolled his eyes and ate his pancakes.

Kurt lay on the bed and watched Tahryn work. His mate had put on some music, apparently one of his favourite bands. The lyrics were bland, but the voice was nice, and Kurt wondered if he’d heard some of the songs before when Jene had taken him shopping. Tahryn sat at his desk, pouring over a text book, making notes in an exercise book. The soft scritch scratch of his pen moving over the paper was somehow soothing and Kurt let his eyes travel over Tahryn’s body. The clean rounded lines and hard angles were hidden somewhat by the fall of his thick loose clothes, but Tahryn’s fingers were clenched where he held the pen, the muscles of his forearm strong, the tendons ridged.

Tahryn loved him? How had that happened? Kurt wasn’t sure if he’d ever had a conversation with Tahryn that hadn’t ended in one of them shouting or storming off. But they were mates; they shared a name, Ulrich. Kurt sighed softly, not wanting to disturb the boy who had laid claim on him, and shifted to stare at the ceiling. It was easier to think when the physical presence of the boy wasn’t pressing on his libido.

Kurt knew everyone: Degan, Willis, his parents, Tahryn, Jene, Isla…and they were right. He’d been feeling his…the emotions he classified as being human things…developing for months. So he’d done the totally mature and sensible thing and ignored them. And when Tahryn had stepped into his world all the loneliness and longing and the desire to be a bit more like everyone else which he would not admit to, all balled up together and tried to batter him around the skull. Kurt knew he didn’t want to be human. But he knew he didn’t want Tahryn to leave even more.

And why was that? Was it a scent thing driving him to want Tahryn Spencer, now Ulrich, so badly, or was there something else? Kurt closed his eyes and spooled back through his memories to the first time he’d seen the other boy. At a pack meet like any other, indoors because it had snowed that week, in the early spring, for the first time that year. He and Jene were lying in fur by the fire. Kurt had snapped Philip off the coveted spot and lain stretched out on the knotted rug. The texture was awesome to scratch on. Degan had announced the new wolves joining their pack. Kurt had smelt them before he saw them, a wash of orange and yellow scents all salt and sweet and spice. Then Tahryn Spencer, big and blond and tan and beautiful, had stepped into his vision smelling like the sun on the sea and Kurt’s world had developed tunnel vision.

The obsession had moved from vague and slightly irritating to downright stalkerish when Koby had appeared on the scene, fawning and being submissive. It had been Koby’s presumption of Tahryn’s favour which had pushed Kurt over the edge. He wasn’t sure what to call the mess of feelings swirling around his skull, down his spine and into his chest. They made it hard to breathe when he thought about them too much.

You can’t possibly be in love, he told himself with a huff. You barely know him.

Does that make a difference? Apparently his human emotions had developed a voice too. They sounded almost, but not quite, entirely unlike each other.

Yes. No… it doesn’t matter. I’m not in love with him.

So you don’t care?

Kurt growled out loud.

I didn’t say that.

Kurt ran his fingers gently up his human torso, fingering the hollow spaces between ribs and muscles until his hand lay over his heart. It was not possible to love someone you knew nothing about.

So get to know him.

We have nothing in common. Kurt snapped at himself. His human-ness had never been this forceful.

So find something in common. One way or another you’re with him for life. You’d better start making the most of it.

Kurt stared at the ceiling and wondered when his life had gotten so complex.