The Wall and Goat - 12. Chapter 12 - Jesse

Maxie is nuts.

I swear the thought rattled around like a billiard ball for about twenty seconds, while I stood there staring at him. He sat astride the motorbike like he belonged there and started at me with the stupid sexy lazy sort of smile. All I know about our day is that we are going to an art show later, that we now have a bike to ride around on and that I won’t be home tonight.

Maxie said it was our anniversary, the day we’d sat on the hill and kissed and meant it. So much had changed. I was…I had a boyfriend. I told people I had a boyfriend. No, I let Maxie tell people we were boyfriends. So I wasn’t very brave. But I trusted Maxie. I had already told him every awful horrible little secret I had. I trusted him with everything, now I just had to trust him with my life. I pulled on the helmet and sat on the little seat behind Maxie. I found the foot pegs, but there was no bar behind the seat, so I wrapped my arms around his thick waist and hung on as the bike began to vibrate and hum beneath us.

“Where to pretty boy?” Maxie’s voice was strangely loud in my ears until I realised that the helmets came equipped with a two way radio. Maxie kicked the stand, revved the engine and began to peel out of the parking lot.

“Somewhere different.” I smiled and though of the poster on our wall, “Take me to Strange Land.”

Maxie chuckled. I loved the sound so close in my head. I hung on. The train station was right next to the University, and we detoured through the campus, the green full of students who looked a bit like us, people who we might be. The bike attracted attention, rumbling with the low speed limit, a flash of brilliant green, and I grinned under my helmet at the stares we got. Proud, anonymous but proud, to be with Maxie on the back of a motorcycle.

The engine thrummed beneath us, between my legs, warm and hungry. Maxie’s torso was hot beneath my hands, my fingers finding their way into his jacket to feel the hard lines of muscles and ribs. I felt my erection harden between us and clung on. I wanted Maxie, and wanting Maxie scared me. We hadn’t moved past hot and heavy kissing and making out and the occasional moment when Maxie would wrap his hand around us both. I was desperate to touch him, to do more, but every time I steeled myself to try, visions of the Hyde Park bathroom flooded through me and forced me to back down. We drove through the city, the land sloping gently towards the sea, and my body thrummed with desire to the tune of the bike. Maxie’s heart beat loud and strong against my hands, steady like he was, dependable, and I wanted nothing more to reach lower as we reached the sea and began to speed along the promenade.

It was a lovely day, early spring, chill but bright, the sea shone like a blanket of diamonds, the sky was clear and blue. I wanted to snuggle up to Maxie, but the helmet got in the way, and I didn’t want to distract him. When his voice came through the speakers I was nearly surprised at how sweet it sounded. We’d quoted lyrics to each other all the time, but I’d never heard Maxie sing.

“I've spent so many mornings just trying to resist you/I'm trembling now, you can't know how I've missed you/Missed the fairy tale adventure/In this ever spinning playground/We were young together…I don't want to be alone/That's all in the past/This world's waited long enough/I've come home at last…”

We left the city behind, travelling on the coast road that began to dip and curve, green to our left, white cliffs falling away into the sea to our right. And then we went over a particular ridge and everything was gold.

The light was amazing, the road curled and rose away at the other side of the valley. The sea is close, lapping at the stony beach. There was a beautiful white building, with flowing curves and railings, glass frontage and gorgeous art deco lines. I recognised the shapes, I knew it from the poster. We were really here.

“Strange Land.”

“Yup,” Maxie was slowing the bike, killing the engine, “You know they’re from here? ‘Sovereign Light Café’ is all about it, they miss home.” Maxie parked the bike and pulled off his helmet, kicking down the stand, “I really like it here.”

I pulled off my helmet and stared at Maxie as he got off the bike. He was glorious, the sun striking gold from his cocoa skin, bright vibrant tones in his toffee eyes. He smiled, and it was perfect. I got off the bike and put my helmet down.

“How do you know so much?” I took his hand, wrapped myself around him, liking that I was taller and could place my head on his shoulder. Maxie squeezed my hand back.

“I’m secretly king,” Maxie turned to kiss my hair, “I know everything.”

“Really?”

“Sure,” the embrace broke, “Come on, race you to the sea!”

We dashed across the road, across the wide stripe of green between us and the beach, I overtook him, stumbled on the round sea-washed stones as we got to the beach and Maxie half dragged me into the sea. We back out, chucked off our shoes and socks and Maxie waded back in. I rolled up my trousers and followed him into the bright sparkly mass that hurt my eyes to look at. Maxie’s words rang in my ears, for all I wanted, he may as well have been king. We splashed in a sea cold as ice, but Maxie’s laugh was big and warm, like a giant fluffy towel. When we were both nearly soaked we waded back to the beach, grabbed our stuff and collapsed on the green, or feet on the pebbles of the beach.

“I can’t believe we’re really here. For the last few months I have only pictured Strange Lands as a place in my head where you lived.” The words were out of my mouth before I’d finished thinking them through and I looked up from my feet to find Maxie staring at me. His expression was one I had only ever imagined, one I had never seen in my dreams. Maxie looked like he loved me. It that moment he looked so different from Him that I couldn’t understand my subconscious one bit. I wanted to kiss him, so I leant across the small space between us and did.

Maxie always tasted amazing, but now his lips were sweet, touched with sea salt, and he smelt like sun and sea and magic. I half pulled back, broke the kiss by a millimetre and Maxie followed. His lips were soft and warm on mine and I let myself get lost in the feeling as his tongue slipped between my teeth and pressed against my own. Hands in his hair, the thick silk locks between my fingers, the rough buzz at the back, and the cool breeze on my neck was replaced by Maxie’s warm hands. We collapsed on the grass, still kissing, and I never wanted to let go.

A strong wolf whistle made us both snap apart and sit up. Maxie looked like a cat that got the cream. I looked guilty. The whistle hadn’t been for us, and I blushed, hating that Maxie could see how easily I got embarrassed. He was staring at with me with a hungry expression. We were both obviously turned on.

“What is it about you Maxie?” I didn’t really ask him, but turned towards the sea instead, the sun gold, “I never knew I needed you.”

We walked into the little sea side town and got fish and chips, loaded with malt vinegar. Maxie tried to beg off the chips and I elbowed him for worrying so much about how he looked. We sat on a long low wall in front of the pavilion and ate our late lunch, watching the sun going lower, drying our clothes and turning the sky into shades of pink. Maxie smiles all the time and I felt my heart pounding it’s way out of my body every time he looked at me. How in hell had I gotten this lucky? And what in hell was I going to do now?

We drove back to the city as the sun began to bleed into the sea. I hated to leave Strange Land, but Maxie’s chest was warm and ridged under my hands and his voice was soft in my ears as he sung under his breath. I didn’t recognise it, but the words warmed me from the inside out as the city spread out before us, covered in lights and the idea of o good night ahead.

“Hold on my heart/Just hold on to that feeling/We both know we’ve been here before/We both know what can happen…
“Hold on my heart/Cos I’m looking over your shoulder/Ooh please don't rush in this time/Don't show him how you feel…
“Hold on my heart/Throw me a lifeline/I’ll keep a place for you/Somewhere deep inside”

*

The graduate show was in the biggest of the university buildings, and Maxie kept a hold of my hand as we wove between students, sculptures and paintings. We were handed champagne when we walked in, and the bubbles and lack of dinner made us giggly and silly. Undergraduates and their friends laughed and joked, and we waxed lyrical about paintings we knew nothing about, holding forth with our own less educated opinions.

“This could be us in three years,” Maxie hissed in my ear and I ruffled his hair, “We could be them.” He gestured towards a group of students sitting on a collection of stools amongst a group of bird-man statues. Two boys, well men, sat with their arms around each other, heads close, smiling in a way I recognised, “Only taller.”

“I so don’t see myself getting into art school.” I smiled at Maxie anyway, “I’m not as good as you think I am. Come on, let’s go look at photography.”

It was a great date, no one knew us, and being so far from home emboldened me to kiss Maxie even though people were about, to hold his hand and smile at strangers. Maxie shone. I thought we looked ridiculous. I couldn’t stop touching him.

It was dark when we left, but the dark of cities, lights everywhere and hardly a star in sight. The hazy sky reminded me of London. I missed London. Missed going out and drinking, missed clubs and bars and dancing. I wondered if Maxie danced. We drove the bike down towards the sea again and as we reached the district where the lights were neon and the air thrummed with bass I tapped his helmet and got him to pull up. I am good at cities, and good at clubs. I can tell which are the dives, which are the places with the shit music and chavs, and where will let us in without ID’s.

The club we had pulled up outside was housed in inside an old baroque fronting terrace, the whole painted black with conspicuous bricked up windows. Big bass beats flooded from the door in a slow tide. I grinned at Maxie and pulled him along.

“Jes?” Maxie had chained the bike, and the helmets and stared up at the club, “Why are we here?”

“I wanna dance.”

“I don’t dance.” Maxie’s reply was really fast.

“You do tonight.” I gave him my most winning smile.

“They aren’t going to let us in.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Maxie have you seen us? We make the bouncers look like children. Trust me.” He still looked suspicious. I leant close to his ear, “C’mon, I wanna dance with my boyfriend.” That did it, in two seconds Maxie was as raring to go as a husky in the traces.

We had no trouble getting into the club. We were the tallest people in there and Maxie made the bouncer look like sheep to his oxen form. It was brilliant. We held hands and chatted in the line to get our wrists stamped and them we were in the pulsing beating throbbing heart of the club. There was some unintelligible remix on the speakers, bodies thrashing and swaying on the dance floor, and none of it mattered. The music filled my lungs like oxygen, beat through my skeleton until I vibrated and for the first time since I’d left London, I felt like I’d come home. As good as the middle of nowhere was because Maxie was there, the city was where I wanted to be.

Maxie tried to say something but his voice was lost in the noise. I leant close, turned my ear to his lips, flushed at the warm wet breath between us and ran my hand up his sculptured abs. Time seemed to slow down, every breath took a life time; I felt strong, secure, in control. Part of my brain not submitting to my will wanted to get naked and screw right here. Maxie gulped.

“I’ve never been to a club before. What now?”

I pushed my fingers into his hair, running through the soft buzz of his scalp, and turned his face to look out on the floor. I bit his ear gently.

“Drink. Dance. Stay here.” I hated to peel myself off him but I went to the bar. The barman was short and cute and grinned at me as I ordered two cokes and two shots. Maxie could have one and still ride, he was such a big guy. I knocked back my shot with practiced ease and Maxie sipped his bourbon and scowled.

“No.” He handed me the shot glass and took his coke, “You have it.” I could barely hear him over the noise of the club, the pulse of the dance floor calling me.

I drank the shot, slammed the glass on a nearby table and pulled Maxie towards the dance floor. He was awkward, so big, bumping into a couple grinding their hips together, nearly elbowing a travelling barman in the eye. I grabbed his hands, put them on my hips and let myself go. I loved to dance, adored it. I had danced with girls and with mates, but dancing with Maxie, hot hard slab of muscle in front of me, was totally intoxicating. I writhed and undulated to the music, the heavy bass dictating my pulse, the treble beats and vocals seesawing through my veins and tendons and commanding my movements. I locked my hips to Maxie’s, felt the hardness of him against me and ran my finger nails down his ribs. He shuddered and ground against me, animal instinct and what I hoped was lust fighting through his nervousness. My eyes were huge, Maxie’s were the size of saucers, that darkness boring into me and making my breath come short. I had never wanted anything more in my whole life than when he looked at me, and smiled.

His teeth were white, his lips were curved and perfect, his hand gripped my waist, fingers cupping the back of my neck, making me shiver. I’d never been more turned on, and from the size of the erection pressing against my hip I doubted Maxie had either. The kiss made my mind explode, I felt myself flying apart, and the walls of the club could no longer hold everything that I felt. I was outside my body, outside my mind, and I felt everywhere Maxie touched me like he was made of white hot iron. I came back to my body to find myself face to face with Maxie, sweat soaked foreheads touching. My hair was in my eyes.

“Let’s get out of here,” the words were hot and breathless between us and I wasn’t sure who had spoken. We both nodded.

It was strangely chill outside the club, we were both soaked and the night was full of light and sound and laughter and people. The youth of the city danced about us in a swirl of colour and noise. We kissed under an orange streetlamp and I never wanted to stop. I hated putting on my helmet, I loved Maxie’s voice in my ear.

“Oh simple thing, where have you gone?/I'm getting old and I need something to rely on/So tell me when you're gonna let me in/I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin…
“And if you have a minute, why don't we go/Talk about it somewhere only we know?/This could be the end of everything/So why don't we go somewhere only we know?”

The bike beat between my legs like the rhythm of my heart and I couldn’t keep my hands off Maxie. We drove away from the sea, out of the throbbing heart of the city and into the low hills. The houses got bigger and better, the gardens more luscious; and I hardly noticed anything at all.

Chaime and Alec’s place had a garage bigger than my house and Maxie parked the Ninja on the end of a row of motorbikes which shone under the lowlights of garage. Maxie giggled as we passed through the side gate into the garden, I kissed him. He turned and pinned me against the wall, rough brick against my back and I moaned into his mouth. Hands on wrists. Hands on wrists.

I flinched, broke the kiss and pulled away.

“Jes?”

“I…” I shook my head, trying to clear images I didn’t want, “Where is the bed?”

Maxie looked like he was on the verge of tears, and then the moment was gone. He sucked in a deep breath, grabbed my hand and let me around the back of the house. Alec and Chaime’s place had a little annexe, and it was that key we had. There was a lovely tiny but well-appointed lounge/kitchen with a big sofa and a massive fridge. Maxie opened the black monolith to get chilled water and glasses and I wandered into the bedroom. The bed took up almost the entire thing, and it was huge. It would have had to have been built in the room. Maxie’s duffel and my bag were there.

I took off my shoes and socks, and stood there looking nervous, feeling sick and excited all at once. Maxie handed me a glass of water, I turned to look at him, saw the way I must look to him and decided.

I decided.

He was my boyfriend. Boyfriend.

And I was going to love him like he deserved.