Made in Heaven - 14. The love ever after

It was seven in the morning when he rang at his old flat. He had still a key but he didn't want to show up without warning. Philipp opened the door for him sleepily and almost naked. He was wide-awake when he saw Maxim's face. Philipp pulled him over the threshold and pushed him into the kitchen.

Maxim opened the bag and his cat jumped out. Coco meowed delighted and instantly started to rush through his old flat. He sniffed here and there, returned finally into the kitchen and jumped into Maxim's lap.

Philipp, still silent but mind reeling, started to make coffee for both of them. Without a word he laid the table and pushed the mug in front of Maxim. He just said one word: "Christian?"

Maxim trembled. It hurt to sit on the chair. His anus was still too sore. He couldn't comprehend what had happened last night. Then he fought the tears when his hand reached out to take the mug. He couldn't because he would had spilled everything.

Philipp silently examined him. He hadn't combed his hair, nor had he shaved, and he smelled of a night without sleep. When he couldn't endure it any longer he put a hand over Maxim's hand and tried to sooth him. "I can wait", he said. His heart pounded painfully. What nasty thing Christian was able to do to him that Maxim, usually cheerful and unsuspecting, had turned into a wreck.

After a while Maxim had calmed down enough to be able to hold the coffee mug and drink without spilling. His face got some colour again and he looked up into Philipp's face. Perhaps it wasn't that bad what had happened, his mind tried to sooth him. Christian was just a little out of his control. And after all: Maxim hadn't seriously tried to stop him, but that was because of just one reason: he was too stunned to fight, and he had never learned to fight.. He stared into the black liquid. That was crap. Of course he had fought. Well, tried to fight. What had gotten into his lover? Maxim had had the feeling that Christian liked what he did. Surely he had liked it, otherwise he wouldn't have done it, right?

"Are you ok?" Philipp asked. Maxim nodded. "Sorry, Phil. I just had to go somewhere. I didn't want to sit in front of the closed book shop." And he didn't know where Tim was living, he added in his mind. He felt embarrassed to sit here in front of Christian's ex-lover.

Then something kicked in. Was this the reason Phil had left him? "I had a bad night, you know", he started hesitantly. He wiped his face. "I ... I'm sorry, Phil, but I can't tell you." The shock started to subside and he felt weak and tired.

"Want to have a day off from work? I could explain."

"No, please", Maxim rushed to say, "I have to return then, and I don't want it."

"Return to Chris?" Philipp leaned forward. "What has he done? Have you had an argument?"

Maxim shook his head. "No, it was.... everything was fine. First" He glared into Philipp's eyes. "Are you keen on hard sex?"

"What?"

"I mean, I don't know how to say it, you know him longer." Suddenly he started to grin. "Oh shit, I'm terrible. I bale like a sissy. Just because he was a bit too.... passionate." He stirred the coffee, drank the rest and knew he was betraying himself. Last night Christian’s passion was of a different kind. Before it had always been free from violence. He had been a superb lover, the best Maxim had ever had.

"Who was a bit too passionate. Chris? What do you mean?"

"Damn, Phil, you know what I mean."

"Has he hurt you? Do you want to see a doc?"

"No. It was my fault. I didn't stop him."

"From doing what?" Philipp became desperate. "Stop to talk in riddles, man. He wanted and you didn't, and then he took you?"

"Well, no. It was just going out of control. I was just frightened, you know. I couldn't stop him. I tried though. He's so strong when he is ... that way."

"Merciless."

"That's the right word", Maxim said relieved.

Philipp examined him silently. Christian had never been out of control when they were having sex. He was tender, attentively, slow. Now it seemed as if Christian’s personality: The merciless side, had joint their bed. What had happened?

"Do you think me a sissy?"

Philipp shook slowly his head. Was this the time to tell him who was the real Christian? Maxim's ring blinked in the diagonal sunbeams falling through the kitchen window. "It's over?" he asked furtively.

Maxim looked quickly at him. Somewhat amazed as if this idea hadn't appeared yet. "Over? Am I giving up by the first disagreement?"

"Violence isn't a disagreement. You still defend him."

Maxim looked dejected. "I can't help it. I can't think he's violent", he said almost peeved.

"And what do you think he was last night? Maxim, pull your head out of your ass! Stop thinking with your cock! You told me he's gotten out of control, what ever this means, that he didn't care about your wishes. That's what I call violence, be it physical or psychological. You idolize him. Christian isn't the man you picture in your mind. You just have the picture he wants you to see. He's a good actor."

Instantly Maxim remembered the recitation of Shakespeare's poems. Yes, he did very well. "He's just a little uptight."

"Irascible", Philipp objected. Maxim's mobile interrupted him. He saw Maxim pulling it out and looking at the display. "It's Christian." He stared and his heart pounded. The melody played until it stopped. Christian knew now that Maxim didn't want to talk to him.

"You want to stay with me?" Philipp asked.

"That's all I brought. The cat."

"Well, think it over. You can stay."

"You don't have a cigarette?" Maxim asked.

Philipp opened the cupboard and tossed him a package. "You've forgotten your supply." He poured them another cup of coffee. Maxim lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.

"Nothing to eat?" Philipp asked.

Maxim shook his head. "Whore's breakfast", he said, pointing to coffee and cigarettes. Philipp grinned. He wasn't hungry either.

"Ok, Maxim. Listen to me. You can decide: If you like to go back to him, then go when you've figured it out. If you don't want to, then I'll tell you my story. How it's like to live with a man you love. What it means when the man you love spreads his bewitching spell on you, seduces you until you appear as a benighted gawk blind to his jealous delusion. He makes you feel you're the only man in the world. Isn't it so?"

Maxim's heart stumbled. If he blocked his ears to the truth Philipp would certainly think him a benighted gawk. Another beep from his mobile announced he'd gotten an SMS. He pressed a button and read

*** Maxim, I'm so sorry. Talk to me. Come back. We will talk. I love you. ***

Maxim turned the phone for Phil to read. Philipp raised his left eyebrow. "You've to decide. Listen to his story or to mine." He leaned forward. "I want you to know that we all know about Christian. Tim, Gregor, Martin. We held our mouths because Christian should have a chance. But if he starts to hurt you I must talk."

Tim, Gregor and Martin? Maxim inhaled smoke and blinked. What did they know? And why had they talked about him? Tim would know more about Christian than he knew himself? He couldn't believe it. But then he nodded. Ok. Let's face it. He prepared himself inwardly.

Philipp looked at his watch. One hour still before they had to leave for work. This should do it. He beckoned Maxim to the balcony and moved two chairs. Coco rushed on, jumped upon the small, round table and outstretched in the sun. He was the only one looking happy.

"Let me tell you a story", Philipp started slowly. "I met Christian when I worked in a bookshop. He was looking for special architecture- literature. I was hardly eighteen and jobbed to increase my Bafˆg. We went out and after a week I was convinced he was the best that ever happened to me. He had made his final degree and was about to join a large architecture-office, That was before his father gave him money to open his own. He charmed some colleagues to go with him."

Philipp paused. "He's good at charming. Can I have a cigarette?"

Maxim passed him the box, astonished, but he didn't interrupt him. Philipp lit one and coughed. "I told my parents that I lived in a flat-share.. They still don't know I like men." He smiled excusing. "Well, it was the best two years of my life. Christian's office started to gain a name. His father provided him with commissions of his crowd, and so he earned money."

"I thought his father's a swine."

"If he had known Chris lives with a man, he would have thought twice. He considered Sonja to be his spouse."

"Sonja? She's much older."

"He has never met her. But anyway. Chris seemed to be a man without past. He told me he had a severe family home and little experience in love life. Considering his urge to keep his lovers this must be a lie. Everybody with the wish for freedom must have liberated themselves as soon as it was possible. So his consumption of men must have been frequent if he didn't live like a monk." He squinted his eyes due to the smoke. "And I don't believe that. Have you never the feeling he's suffocating you? Don't you think his presents are too big? The first two years I wanted nothing other than to be with him. I've seen a lot of lovely places in this world. Our favourite had become Paris." He looked a bit reproaching at Maxim. " I expect he used our hotel. 'Le Monde'?"

Maxim nodded.

"I'm convinced a couple in love should find special places of their own, but for Christian it was always easy just to repeat. Have you been to Pont Neuf by night? To 'Le Queen', the gay dance hall?"

Maxim looked down. So this was the way Christian worked. He repeated. He never asked about his lover's wishes for he had chosen them very young and easily influenced. Maxim - coming from a foreign country could easy to be caught napping and blinded. Now he certainly felt like a gawk.

"Shall I stop?" Philipp asked.

"No, go on."

Coco stretched luxuriously and jumped down the table. He strolled through the balcony that looked empty without all the plants and flowers. "Sorry, I haven't come around to buy flowers", Philipp said excusing.

"We could go together."

Maxim's phone beeped again.

*** Maxim, answer me. Where are you? Come back please. ***

Philipp looked at the watch. "Have you figured out what to do? If you'd go to him I'll say you're ill today."

"I'm still not sure what you want to tell me."

The coffee and the cigarettes had forced the urge to use the toilet, but he wasn't sure if he was still bleeding.

"Come with me, and you'll see. In the first two years we forged a bond that was hard to be shaken. He was the first man I loved. Until I was told I would be just Christian's appendage without an own life. Students and colleagues thought me as being without my own wishes. I never realized that every second word I used was Christian. Chris said this, Chris did that. I was laughed at. That was the time when I pondered seriously. But I wasn't unhappy, so what was wrong with that? I was happy until Chris said I should stop my studies, because he needed my help at work as his art headmaster."

The doorbell rang. Philipp and Maxim stared at each other. "Joost?" Maxim croaked.

Philipp rose and went determined to the door. It was Christian as he had feared. He looked freshly bathed and shaven, though his eyes were bloodshot. "Where is he?" he blurted out. "He's here, right?" He was about to put a foot into the door when Maxim appeared in the hall.

"Maxim! Please, come home. Let's talk about it."

Coco appeared behind him, saw Christian and rushed away, back into the protection of his old flat.

Philipp held Maxim's arm. "Don't go. I haven't finished my story."

Christian's eyes flashed hate, but Philipp held the gaze. Challenging he stared back and Christian knew very well what it meant.

Maxim shook off his arm. To see Christian's bloodshot eyes was enough for him. He really felt sorry. He came to apologize. He loved him.

"He doesn't love you", Philipp hissed. "He comes because he can't lose. You're his prey. A satisfaction for his high-handed personality."

"You hate me, Phil, don't you?. You don't allow me happiness." Christian looked back at Maxim. "He's still hurt that I finished our relationship. He wants me back, right? Me and my money."

Philipp blinked speechless. That was an absolutely cheek. Maxim stared at him. Confused. His eyes swung from Philipp to Christian. Whom he was to believe?

Christian stretched out his hand. "Come."

"I need to go to work."

"Me too. Go later."

Maxim looked pleadingly at Philipp and Philipp sighed. "Go then."

"Just for a breakfast. Not at home." Maxim's voice was determined. "I leave Coco here, may I?"

Philipp nodded. "Wait outside." He closed the door in front of Christian's nose and turned. "You're mad, Maxim!" He pulled him further into the living room. No need Christian was eavesdropping. "You don't believe what he's said? *I* left him, not vice versa." He laughed abruptly. "That's a cheek, I can tell you. Now he turns the table." He nodded, then he took Maxim's arm again. "He won't let you go, believe what I'm saying. If you dare to leave him you'll wish you've never met him."

It was Maxim who laughed now. He couldn't believe this was happpening.

"Have you never heard how dangerous pathologic jealousy can be? Have you never read books about it, saw films? It's not always Hollywood!" His mulberry eyes had become black from anger. Philipp was serious, Maxim felt it and he became uncertain.

"I need to go and hear what he has to say. There's always two sides of a medal."

"Right. Now go and decide which is the true one. Good luck."

Maxim passed him and opened the door. Christian leaned against the wall, hands stuck in his pockets of his short leather jacket. He beamed when he saw Maxim, took his hand and rushed with him downstairs.

"Why did you run away without letting me explain", he said reproachful.

"Why have you taken the right to overpower me? That's not my conception of love", Maxim snapped back. He saw the metallic blue motorbike standing at the curb. Christian swung his legs over it and forced Maxim to follow him. He started the engine.

Christian didn't want the company of other people. He felt that this argument would be a loud one, and he didn't want them to be embarrassed. So he drove just along the streets until he stopped. It was an out of the way place with some trees, benches, lawn. People carried their dogs here and played with them.

"Ok. I assume you don't want breakfast", he said then. He waited for Maxim to step back from the bike and started to walk aimlessly around. "What can I say? Why do you have to run to Philipp? It's you and me who have to work it out. Why do you embarrass me in front of HIM?"

Maxim breathed for air. "I don't think that's the point! Philipp is completely unimportant here. I was too shocked to think and just needed a place afar from you."

"And this place had to be my ex-lover, hah!" Christian snorted angrily.

"I don't know Tim's place."

Christian turned to him. "Ah! Then you wanted to bawl at your little friend Tim."

"He isn't little! Why do you say always he's little?" Maxim protested.

"He's little in my eyes. He's unimportant. He's nothing. He writes some stupid stories nobody can follow" Christian spat out.

"Ah. So it's about his stories, yes? You've suddenly grasp the meaning of it, yes?" Maxim stopped himself. He found himself defending his friends. Hasn't Tim said yesterday evening that it was a pity that he had to hide his friends when his boyfriend was coming? His cheeks started to glow.

"What are we talking here about?" he said then, more calmly. "I thought you wanted to apologize."

Christian dropped his head. He sat at the bench, his arms protectively wrapped around his body as if he was cold. "I do. I was carried away if you are referring to the events of last night."

"And that's all? I was considering to see a doc and you just say you got carried away?"

Instantly Christian was with him, embracing him. "Have I hurt you seriously? Oh baby," he stroked Maxim's hair, pressing his cheek to Maxim's unshaven face. His grip was very tight. "I'm mad for you. I thought you wanted the same. I couldn't stop it."

Maxim said nothing. Philipp's words were still ringing in his ears. 'Possessive man. Forbade me to continue my studies. Headmaster of art. Paris. Suffocating. Freedom'.

"If you would ever do this again, I'll kill you", he muttered. "I felt treated by you like the last muck", he said louder, freeing himself from Christian's embrace. "What's gotten into you? It was as if you were a machine out of its function and used me as a fuck doll. I am not! I'm Maxim. The man you claim to love. And besides, your dick isn't easy to take, you know. So", he breathed deeply, "I mean it, I'll kill you next time."

Christian stood there with hanging arms. He was cold. Yeah, he knew Maxim was right. When he had awaken this morning he could hardly believe what had happened. What gloomy, dark side Christian Kramer could hide. Sex with Gregor earlier that day hadn't been that violent, had it? Gregor had taken him without complaint. Gregor had loved it! He had admired his thick cock, he had seen it in his eyes. "You've never complained about my cock before." Christian said sinisterly.

Maxim laughed bitterly. "No, I haven't, why should I." Then he stepped very close and locked eyes. "I'm sure you know how the saying goes about size and what to do with it, right?"

Christian blinked. He always thought this saying was rubbish. But anyway. He wouldn't argue here.

"I want respect, Chris. You'll never again treat me like this, just because I couldn't help myself last night." Maxim turned his back on him.

"Phil's told me an odd story."

"What about?" Christian's heartbeat quickened.

"About how you to met. About how good your relationship had worked."

"So?" Christian seemed to be relieved. "What else?"

"What was the last remark about? I had always the impression that it was Phil who left you. Now you say it was you who left him. What's the truth?"

"What's his truth? He always turns the truth as it suits him."

Maxim looked into Christian's face. "Really? This can't be the truth. I mean, you never told me the reason you both broke up."

"Because he was unfaithful, geez. I've said that now more than one time."

"But was it because he wanted to be with Martin or were you fed up with him for the same reason? Answer me, Christian. Give up that game, if you want to keep me, be honest to me."

"Ok." Christian sighed and sat down again at the bench. He pulled Maxim next to him. "Of course I had the feeling Phil had a dally with my twin. How shouldn't I know. If you live that long together like we both did there's little you don't know. You know that he worked at the Connection Hotel as staff. But has he told you that this wasn't his only job? He was the entertainment for lonely guests at night. He needed money for his own. More money than I wanted to give him. I knew he would squander it with other men. That's the truth. And now tell me how I could have go on."

Maxim looked at him from aside, wondering if to believe it or not.

"How do you know?"

"Oh, one of the guests was a client. He told me about Philipp and his second job."

This sounded really reasonable Maxim thought. Nonetheless it left a queasy feeling in his guts. Philipp didn't leave the impression of being a call boy. But you can't read someone's mind. His careless behaviour spoke for it. Maxim's confusion was perfect. Which was the true side of the medal? He felt Christian stroking his hair. "I love you, darling. You must forgive me. If I ever lose my mind over you slap me in the face. Hard. Promise me."

"I don't hit men."

"You can make an exception."

"There won't be a second time."

Christian looked dismayed. "What do you mean? You want to leave me?"

"If you behave like last night I'll do it. I promise."

Christian smiled relieved. He neared his face to Maxim's and his lips touched his skin. He softly kissed his cheekbones and the eyes. "One time I like to hear it", he whispered.

"What?"

"That you love me. Don't you think your silence hurts me?"

Maxim closed his eyes. He didn't think much of a forced love-confession, especially when it wasn't the truth. It wasn't the truth, or was it? Could he love a man who forced sex and then later had a confession of love? Then he remembered he said once 'I panic when I'm alone' and he felt compassion. Perhaps Christian wasn't a hopeless case. Perhaps he would be the man to turn Christian into a happy man. "I love you", he mumbled without thinking and heard a sound from Christian's throat that had similarity to Coco's purring. Shit, he had left Coco without food. Phil wouldn't have cat's food, would he. He jumped up. "I need to feed the cat", he said.

Christian stared at him. "I thought you have to go to work. Or better, let's spend the day together. Say you're ill."

"And you? You don't have to work?"

"Yeah, sure. Sonja will be pissed off. Ok, I'll pick you up later and then we'll have the best evening ever." He grinned. His eyes sparkled with enthusiasm and Maxim had the feeling that he had fallen for his line. But he nodded, looked at his watch and called "Give me a lift, I'm late."

On their ride to the book shop Maxim thought briefly about Philipp and Tim, Gregor and Martin and the knowledge he was excluded from. What would it be? And should he listen to Philipp anyway? What was true there? Was Philipp betraying Christian with hotel guests?

The bike stopped. Maxim jumped off and gave Christian a sounding kiss. "Don't forget your promise", he said, despite his grin. "It's your last chance." He waved and vanished through the door.

He felt all eyes upon him. Tim and Philipp, standing together. Nadine because he was unshaven, uncombed and looked rumpled. "Can I have half an hour? I must return and feed Coco", he said to Philipp. Philipp was too stunned to say something. "I have a key, don't worry", Maxim shouted and was out of the shop again.

Tim and Philipp looked at each other. "Does it mean they have reconciled?", Tim asked low.

"Haven't you seen the motorbike?" Philipp said bitterly. "He's such an arsehole."

Tim didn't ask whom he meant. Certainly both were arseholes.

"I warned him", Philipp muttered. "But if he’s keen on S & M so be it."

"Who's keen on S & M?" Nadine had drew nearer, put her hands into her pockets and stared at both. "Have I missed something?"

Philipp and Tim returned her stare. "You don't want to know", Philipp pressed his lips.

"I don't want to know? Because it's men-stuff, yeah!? You think me stupid enough not to comprehend? I have know Maxim much longer than either of you."

"But what you haven't known is that Maxim has been in love with Christian for a long time. So if you're his best friend, why haven't you known that?" Philipp hissed.

"Because some things you don't want to share", Nadine hissed back. Then she breathed. "Ok, sweethearts, you'll tell me what happened. Right now." She waved her head direction coffee corner. "Coffee's ready. And my ears are open."

Philipp rolled his eyes. He didn't want to tell her. Women had nothing to help here. But Tim pulled him on.

Nadine had lived long enough with gays to understand what made them tick. For her it wasn't about men or women, gays or straights. Relationships remained complicated no matter what. She felt though a little insulted by Philipp's denial, but she listened to his reluctant explanations. She understood instantly that there were more problems behind this than just a harsh encounter of sex. Questioningly she looked at Phil. "You're the one who knows Christian best. What are his intentions?" She saw Philipp's locked face. "I'm not naive, you know", she continued. "Maxim told me about odd things. Chris's odd behaviour. He thinks it has to do with his childhood. What do you know about?"

"Nothing. It wasn't important to me to know."

"What about Martin?" Tim suggested.

Philipp sighed. "We revolved around just one theme. You've seen that Maxim is o.k. right now, but he was terrible this morning. He has hardly seen Chris again and he forgives him for everything. They both must be sex-maniacs. Or dependent on each other; therefore, there would be nothing to challenge."

Nadine and Tim stared at Philipp. "That's not meant seriously is it? I thought you want to help Maxim."

"Help somebody who doesn't want to be helped."

"Why are you so pissed off?" Nadine asked.

"He's making the same mistakes I did."

"One reason more to stop him."

Tim eyed Phil curiously. "Did he do the same things to you?"

Philipp shook his head. "Not really. But he needed a lot of sex."

"Don't we all?" Nadine sighed. The first customers entered the shop and the little round was cancelled. Nadine debated with herself to tell Maxim what she knew when he had returned from feeding his cat. She respected his privacy. Perhaps he would react with anger that Phil had spilled the beans.

Maxim felt Tim's and Philipp's stares during the whole morning. Nadine had vanished in the store and seemed unsuspecting. After noon Maxim was enervated. He tried to sort out the old catalogues and a new delivery of rainbow merchandises. But all the time he felt Philipp's blue eyes piercing his back. He knew he waited for an answer. Or an explanation. To be honest, Maxim didn't know what to tell him because he himself didn’t know what he felt. Surely he wasn't so daft to take each word from Christian as a biblical revelation. On the other hand he felt that he couldn't live without him. Although his arsehole painfully reminded him otherwise from time to time. Well, it wasn't the first time his anus was sore, so what was he complaining about.

He bent down to put the old catalogues into boxes when he heard Philipp behind him. "Have you decided? I offered you a place, so an answer would be nice."

"Not necessary, Phil. We've discussed it."

"So the next time please don't scare me to death that early in the morning with your unimportant sorrow, alright?" His eyes sparkled with angry disappointment.

Maxim looked from him to Tim, standing not far away. Judging from his facial expression he knew everything. Maxim felt embarrassed. "Why did you have to tell him?" he hissed at Phil. "I'm thankful for the ear you've lent me this morning. But I thought this was private."

"There's not much you can hide in front of Tim," Phil objected.

"Well, then. I'm sorry I had harassed you with my problems, Phil. I remembered you offered your help anytime."

"Hey," Philipp made a quick step forward and touched Maxim's arm. "I'm still here for you. But excuse me, right now I can't understand you."

"But why?" Maxim called out. "What is wrong? All of you are creeping around the bush, and when I ask what's the matter nobody tells me! 'I can't tell you, sorry, Maxim. Wait and see for yourself, Maxim. Ask Gregor if you want to learn more. No, better ask your lover. He will tell you the secret. Man!" Maxim gesticulated wildly with his arms.

Some of the guys turned surprised their heads to him. Maxim's cheeks reddened. "Can you imagine how I feel? If you have to tell something tell it or leave it. But don't speak in innuendos."

Philipp exchanged a look with Tim; Nadine leaned against the door of the store. She had her arms folded as she listened. Somebody should fill Maxim in on what's going on, she thought. But she knew no more than Maxim knew. Somebody needed to help him out. But Philipp and Tim were silent. Instead, Philipp pulled Tim into a corner and both started a hot debate. Maxim saw it from a distance. Their heads were so close together they looked as if they were forging a conspiracy with the intent to split up him and Christian. Chris was right. Philipp was a slut. And Tim was in love with him - Maxim. He was convinced that both of them just wanted to get him into Tim's bed. Hah. He laughed inwardly.

Caught, Maxim! That's exactly what YOUR thoughts have revolved around for several days, isn't it so? Tim with his reluctance, with his ponderous tenderness. Wouldn't that be more erotic than the hot, but somewhat soulless nights he spent with Christian? Perhaps. Perhaps not. He couldn't try it out. If he would had one wish free it would be to spend a week with Tim. Close together. And then to decide what was better for himself: Return to Chris or start new with Tim. But real life doesn't work like that, does it?

And if Phil was a slut, he probably wanted Tim for his own. Philipp was using Tim, but he didn't see it. Maxim carried the heavy boxes into the store. Nadine pretended innocence. "Are you with the little conspiracy?" he asked her.

"Huh?" She turned to him. "Listen, Maxim. It's enough that you treat the other two like shit, but please not me." She lifted her hands. "I've nothing to do with that."

"Oh, come on, you surely know too what happened last night."

"No." She stared at him. "Tell me what happened last night?"

"Nothing you should bother about." Maxim was cowardly that moment. How could he put it in words anyway. "We had a tiff but that's over. We've discussed it."

"Maxim", she came very close. Until he could see the golden spots amid her green eyes. "I fear it's just the start. It has only started. Nobody who claims to love you would treat you like his private possession. Not in bed nor in general. Let this be told from a woman. I know Philipp doesn't think much of my opinion, but I know you better. We always could tell each other everything. Wasn't it so. So, why do you exclude me here? I have never had the impression you're so dependent on sex that you forget who you are. I thought you gentle." She stroked over his cheek. "And a gentle man deserves a gentle treatment. Those wild rides can't be satisfying. There's more to love than that."

Maxim blinked tears away. He felt she was right, but he couldn't agree with her. It was an all to romantic, female imagination that sex had to be gentle and tender. It is a mixture. Perhaps he was in a phase of his relationship where satisfaction was all that counted. He dropped his head and Nadine left. She was replaced instantly with Tim. Maxim sighed inwardly. "What do you want? Have you figured out what to do with me? I'm of age, you know. I know what I'm doing."

Tim took a deep breath. "Ok. You know what you're doing. Philipp had started to tell you a story, but you were too busy to hear until the end. I hadn't thought you would give up yourself so that you jump when Christian whistles. You aren't the same Maxim anymore that I learned to know when I started my job here."

"And Phil just uses you for his little private retaliation campaign", Maxim spat out. "Yes," he continued when he saw Tim's disbelieving face. "Surely he wants Christian back for his own. He lived too well off him. Look at him! He's jobbing and waiting to continue his study. But do you know what he really wants? A life with Christian is very convenient. More money you can think of. And of course, you can increase your income by playing call boy at night in the hotel, don't you think. Ha, you didn't know this, did you."

Maxim breathed satisfied, while Tim's heard swirled. He clenched his fists. "And Christian treats you like his private possession!" he called out. Nadine appeared in the doorframe but none of both noticed. "You cling to a dream, Maxim! The Christian you love doesn't exist!"

"And how do you know that, eh? You know nothing about Christian. Oh Jesus Christ!" He plucked his hair. "What devil told me to ring at Phil's flat this morning!!"

Nadine looked from one to the other watching both standing there with crimson faces and flashing eyes. And suddenly she understood: They were in love with each other, but too stupid and blind to realize. Men! she thought. Why do they have to be so complicated. Why couldn't they talk turkey. They never understand what's going on. She held a grin while both shouted each other down. If they could right now, they would pounce on each other and fuck right here on the worn carpet of the book shop. About time to tell them.

She stepped in with outstretched arms. "Hold it, you fighting cocks. Damn, you're so stupid." She looked from one to the other. "I'd like to lock you both here and see what happens. Will you kill or fuck each other?"

Now their mutual hate was guided to her and she enjoyed it. She laughed out loud, one of her deep, sexy laughs that called Philipp and also some of the customers. But then she went away and left them standing. Everybody's eyes followed her. Some guys, peering into the store, clapped their hands and whistled at Maxim and Tim. "Great show, when will you marry?"

Tim was nearly in tears. Now he had finally fallen out with Maxim when only yesterday at the bar he had thought he would get him. He had been so close. He pushed the guys aside and bumped into Wolfgang, who had just showed up. He caught him, lifted his face and saw his tear stained face. "What happened? Are you ill?"

It was good to sense the elder man's broad breast and his soothing aura. He wished his father would be here. Or better Tobias. They had always understood him so well. Tim shook his head unwillingly and then jerked it away.

"Have you had an argument? Philipp?"

"No, please Wolfgang, let me go." Wolfgang released him and searched for the others. He caught a sinister look from Nadine. He beckoned her to him and she followed. "What happens here?"

"Private problems that has to be sorted out. I will take care of it, ok? Everything will be alright soon."

Wolfgang eyed her suspiciously. "I hate arguments among the staff, Nadine. Please hurry up then with sorting out." Nadine was thankful he didn't ask what was the arguments about. She shook her head while she vanished into the video-department. She meant what she had said earlier; that Maxim was gentle and should be treated that way. Christian as his chosen lover was certainly a hold into the toilet sink as they say. She approached Tim, standing behind the counter, sorting packages. "Tim?" Tim started but he didn't turn.

"You know more than I do, am I right? I think you must tell Maxim. He was right. You both don't tell him anything, it must be terrible to know that his friends are betraying him while claiming they just want his best. Is the secret too horrid to learn?"

Tim turned to her. "Depends on what you think horrid. It's certainly nasty and yes, it's all about Christian's past, how he treated his former lovers. It has started with Maxim already and he's too stupid to see."

Nadine grinned leniently. "I know this feeling. Listen, angel. Sometimes we need a strong push from outside to make us see. Maxim's too involved, too close. He can't see the details, he can't put them together like a big puzzle. So, I suggest you clear him up, unsparingly."

"Martin says Maxim has to learn himself. Martin hasn't given up the hope Christian has changed and in telling Maxim his past we steal from Christian his last chance to be happy with a new partner. You see?"

Nadine shook her head. "From what I've heard this morning, Christian's becoming brutal. And brutal sex has a deeper meaning when it's not mutual. He wants to rule Maxim. I can't have that. He's not the Maxim I used to know. He used to be independent, free, cheerful, guys were mad for him, but he didn't make use of it. Now he's gloomy, locked, he doesn't laugh anymore."

Tim could only but nod. "But how shall I do it? Philipp's angry, he won't help me. What about you?"

"Well, I need to learn the story first to help you."

Tim pondered seriously. Then he said "Ok. After work." They smiled at each other. "And don't be afraid about Maxim. He still likes you, more than that. I could see it in his eyes."

Maxim held his mouth until he could finish and go home. His heart beat fast. He didn't know what to expect. Christian had promised to behave and prepare a dinner. That wasn't the first time he did so, and he always could get Maxim with that, but something deep within Maxim told him that he had to be careful.

The way back to his old flat Philipp and Maxim were silent. A cool wind was blowing and Maxim shivered in his jeans jacket. It seemed as if the summer was gone and made room for an all too early autumn. Early in September it was much unusual. Philipp beside him was cold as well when he opened the door. Despairing he had searched for words to explain his anger but he had failed. So it was better that he hold his tongue. There must be something done though. Philipp was determined to speak to Martin and force him to tell the story. He had to know.

Coco was overjoyed to be back at his old home. He had made himself cosy in Philipp's bed and slept over the day. Now he heard the familiar voice and pressed his body tightly into Maxim's arms. But when he tried to put him into the bag to carry him home, he jumped out, hissed and humped and fled under a cupboard. When Maxim fished for him Coco scratched. No way he was going to be moved into the bag. Silently Philipp and Maxim stared at each other.

"Well," Philipp sighed. "Seems as if your cat know better what's good for him. Leave him here. Have you left something from the cat's food?"

"In the kitchen. If you don't have milk, water will do as well." Coco peered out from under the board. Again Maxim tried to lure him, but Coco disappeared. Maxim was unhappy. What if there would be no way to move the cat to Chris' flat? He couldn't live without him. He froze and his grin was contorted. Funny, some hours ago he had thought he couldn't live without Christian.

"Alright, Phil. Thanks for keeping him here. I will try again tomorrow, ok?" He felt Philipp's dark blue eyes piercing him. He slowly nodded. "You are really returning to him, yes? Well, it's your life. If you want to hear the rest of my story just tell me. I think you need to hear it."

It sounded slightly like a threat Maxim thought but he just nodded. "Thanks."

"Good luck."

Christian meanwhile had spent the day hard at work. He had bossed around his two colleagues and Sonja, picked holes in their concepts and ideas, but it all had one reason: he had never been that nervous in his whole life. This evening would bring a decision, he felt it. Maxim wasn't as certain as he was before. Before his ability to control was easy, but this time it was happening with much difficulty. Much more than with Philipp, but then, this was the time when the psychiatric treatment had somehow still influenced him, and not forgetting the shock of Gregor's serious injury and the custody in the institution afterwards. Eventually Christian had returned to his old behaviour. Copying his mother. Copying her jealousy, her attacks, her extortions and copying her manipulation. So could he help it? Maxim would just have to come to terms with that if he wanted to keep him, and that Maxim wanted to keep Christian he would make sure.

Sonja was relieved when Christian vanished finally. He had to prepare the evening he said. No clue what he had in mind. Certainly he was restless and impatient most certainly problems with his love-life.

Christian had planned everything. He went shopping first, then he dragged the soft and fluffy carpet in front of the fireside. He then turned down the air condition for a few degrees, pulled the curtains, opened the small bottle with oil and when he heard Maxim opening the front door, he melted an ecstasy pill in a wine glass and added a sleeping pill. Philipp had forgotten the ecstasy pills when he left. He took a drink himself to calm down. So, all of his borders had fallen now. He felt he possessed an unbridled position of power. Smug. He had hurt Maxim and yet he had returned. Now it was time for a little reward.

Maxim blinked when he stood in the living room. The old golden curtains were pulled. Candles were lit on the table and a soft music was playing. Christian pulled out all the stops of his seducing skills. He held out a plate with French toast, thick and smeared with a jam of tomatoes and apples. Maxim took it hesitatingly, throwing a wary look at his lover. He looked calm and very satisfied with himself.

"How was your day?"

"Have you noticed, I came without Coco."

"Oh. Oh, yes, where is he?"

"Back at my old flat. He wasn't to be persuaded to return with me." He bit into the toast and licked his lips. "That's good."

Christian came closer, took the toast from Maxim's hand and licked marmalade from his fingers. Just the way he did in Paris on the morning after their first night together. A dull pain appeared in Maxim's heart. If Christian planned to seduce him today he was very much mistaken.

"That's too bad", Christian said. "What do we do about it?"

Maxim shrugged. He sat at the table and examined the plates. There were exotic fruits Maxim didn't know the names of. "Hungry?" Christian asked.

"Actually not much."

Christian nodded. He was sure he would be hungry afterwards.

"It's cold here, don't you think?"

"Yeah, that's why I lit the fire." Surprised Maxim looked from the crackling wood into Christian's face. Surely he just had to forced the air condition. He cleared his throat. "Listen, Chris. I need to talk with you."

"I thought we've discussed it already."

"Not about this. I thought we agreed to use condoms as long as we can't be certain of each other, am I right? I know I haven't had anybody beside you, but what about you?"

"About me?" Christian blinked. He hadn't wasted a thought about condoms, HIV, hepatitis and God knows what. And Gregor? He had fucked him without, sure. He had fucked Maxim without, too.

"You don't trust me? I showed you the results of my last test. That's just three month ago."

"Yeah, you did. Nonetheless."

Anger rose in Christian. If he insisted of using condoms he had something to hide. Perhaps he was fucking with Tim in the bookshop's store. Or with Phil. Or with everyone together. His eyes started to sparkle dangerously. He needed all his strength to play it calm. "There's nothing for you to worry about then. We could leave it anyway if you like. Sex without is a blast." I'll show you. He took a papaya, parted it with a knife and removed all the black, round semen in the middle of it. Then he spooned the orange flesh into Maxim's mouth. Gentle. "Taste good?" he asked.

Maxim nodded. Christian cut a karambole into yellow stars and offered one slice. Maxim had eaten them before and loved the slightly sour, fresh taste. Christian sat beside him, pushing a litchi between his teeth and played with that on Maxim's keyboard of senses. "I'm not sure about that", Maxim said finally, referring to Christian's offer, wiping his mouth.

Christian preferred to say nothing. He brought the wine. He pressed the prepared glass into Maxim's hand and toasted. "To a new start." Maxim was silent.

"Now did you have a fine day?" Christian asked after he had washed away his glass.

"Actually no. I had a quarrel with all of them." Maxim rose and followed Christian to the fireside. He sat down on the fluffy, white carpet, leaned his back against Christian who had leaned his against the armchair's seat. He stared into the orange and yellow crackling flames and warmth crept into his stomach. The wine went straight to his head. Must be the psychological stress lately. He drank the sweet/bitter wine, and with each gulp he lost the heaviness of limbs and brain. What did he care about his colleagues as long as he had Christian, he thought a little dazed. His feet started to tap. "The wine taste great", he muttered. He didn't even ask himself why Christian hadn't asked what the argument had been about. To hell with them all. He had finished his glass and wanted another one. Christian examined him. Maxim's face had become flushed and his eyes were glazed. Certainly his tablet's-mixture had been a good choice. He grinned, went into the kitchen and poured another glass for him.

Returned he found Maxim standing without his shirt and about to open the zipper of his white jeans. Christian's head started to pulsate. Maxim danced slowly with the rhythm of the song that was playing in the background. Robbie Williams, Christian's noticed. "I just wanna feel real love and the love ever after", Maxim sang with surprisingly firm and certain voice as he turned himself around, then he started to laugh. He stumbled over the leg of his trouser and fell down. Christian put back the glass and joined him. Maxim lay on his back, his eyes wide open, not seeing him. He bent over him very close but withstood the urge to kiss him. Instead, he removed his own clothes, slowly, aware and determined not to stray from his plan. Naked he looked for the little bottle of oil he had placed upon a cupboard.

Maxim had his eyes closed when he returned and squatted beside him, pulling Maxim's slip over his legs. Christian got an instant erection. He wished he had something to calm him down. But the only relief he knew was to ejaculate. He opened the bottle and held it under Maxim's nose. He came to his elbows and sniffed. "Hmm, like chocolate and orange", he said. "And patchouli and anis", Christian added. Some of the sienna-red coloured liquid flooded into his palm and he wiped it. Then he straddled Maxim's body and started to massage the skin. With a sigh Maxim lay down, between the fluffs of the carpet and the soft bath towels. His head was swimming with smells and sounds. Christian's cock bobbed up and down with his movements. It touched his navel and oozed clear liquid. Chris must be very horny, Maxim giggled in his mind. He felt his hands now at his abdomen, then along the insides of his legs. A palm glided over his testicles. It was so slippery and so sensuous... Why didn't he lift his legs to wipe his hole? He thought briefly before the pain remembered his soreness. He couldn't.

"What about the wine?" he asked sleepily. Christian reached it out, Maxim turned to his stomach and drank. "I feel somehow funny", he said.

"Good." Christian whispered into his ear. "You like it?"

"Certainly." Maxim's eyelids fluttered. Now Christian massaged his back, until he felt smeared and oiled like a baby all over. The heavy, intoxicating scent of it was thrilling. He hadn't noticed he was sporting an erection that matched Christian's. "I love you, darling", was all that he could make out from Christian's mumbling. He was talking incessantly but nothing reached Maxim's ears. "You'll be mine for ever, promise me this?" It cost him a lot to withstand the urge to plunge into Maxim's body like he had the night before. Especially when Maxim stretched his buttocks against him to knead and kiss. He parted them to see the slightly torn entrance to his hole. What he had done. Cautiously he smeared some of the oil upon it. Maxim moaned a little. It certainly needed a better treatment. Christian came to his feet and went over into the bathroom to administer a rich baby cream upon it and worked it gently into it. "Better?" he asked. Maxim turned to his back and nodded. His cock had a stiffness that Christian had seldom seen before. He grasped it with his oily hand, closed his fingers around it and massaged it up and down.

Maxim's sight was blurred. There were two Christian's bent over him. Four eyes and two mouths. Their bodies, slippery, glided along like snakes and then Christian was straddling him and his aching penis was pushed into a tight and oily and hot canal. Maxim exploded immediately. He couldn't stop it. But his excitement didn't blow up. He was still hard as steel. Christian rode him frantically, but Maxim just enjoyed it. He tickled his balls and squeezed his cock hard until white cream pulsated out and Christian bent over him "Say you'll never leave me. Promise. Swear."

"I swear", Maxim blabbered, half drunken from wine and the sleeping pill. Another part of him was wide-awake though and registered the actions for later. He was able though to push Christian over onto his back and tried to find a second relief between his arse cheeks.

In the morning Maxim found himself lying contorted in front of the dead fireside. He was cold, because he missed the bed cover. He was alone. And then shame started. What had he done? He couldn't remember. His head was thick like a balloon and his tongue had withered in his mouth. It hadn't been that much alcohol to feel like shit, had it. Moaning he came to his feet. His skin was reddish and sticky from oil and dried semen. His legs trembled and so did his fingers. The light hurt his eyes. He stumbled to the table and found a sheet of paper.

"Darling,

Thanks for the wonderful night. That was the best that ever happened to me in my whole life. I'm down in my office and I called you ill. Sleep as long as you want. I love you for ever.

Christian"

Phew. He had called him ill. So what. Actually it was brilliant. He would take a long shower and then go down to see how's Chris doing. His cellular phone rang. It took him awhile until he found it back to see it had been Nadine. What did she want? Ah, certainly to see how ill he was. He rang her.

"Maxim? Are you alright? Do you need help?"

"Help? No." Maxim was confused.

"Christian called you ill this morning and I worried..."

"What did you worry about?"

There was a pause on the other side. Then she said "I think you should come over to listen to a story. If you aren't too ill that is."

"Sorry, Nadine. We just had a long night and I overslept."

He could almost grasp her disapproval. "You should come nonetheless. I'm waiting here."

Maxim sighed. "Ok, later. I must try to persuade my cat to come with me."

"Pardon?"

"Coco. He didn't want to return to my place."

"Well, he knows what's good for him. See you." She had cut the line.

Maxim glared at the phone. She was the second to tell him the same.

After he had washed off last night's remains, shaved, combed and dressed, he went down into Christian's office to see the plan of a hotel restaurant developing at the drawing board. Chris had greeted him with a long kiss and a tight embrace his colleagues were embarrassed though they were used to it. Sonja smiled at him and showed him her coloured sketches of the kitchen with all the mod cons, of two dining rooms and a bar that was connected with the wellness-area in the basement.

"What do you think of this?" she asked, pointing to a swimming pool that was set amid a room with walls, painted with Old-Berlin attractions. "It doesn't have to be always an Italian or Spanish setting, what do you think? I thought about the Wannsee in Zille-Milieu, at least we are here in Berlin."

Christian came to them and showed him people in old fashioned, striped bath suits, having a good time at the beach. "Who's Zille anyway?" he asked.

"Oh, well, you can't know him. Heinrich Zille lived a hundred years ago and was the most famous Berlin milieu-painter. He mostly made drawings from the life of the poor people, back of the houses, you know. Dirty kids, women worn out from work, fathers without a job. This here belongs to the more amusing side of his work."

Maxim understood. "Then why not make it real? You set up some old fashioned changing rooms and with some beach chairs. Then those who like it can dress like them."

Sonja lifted an suggestive eyebrow to Christian. "Brilliant", Christian said. "It would be the attraction. Look here, this Swimming pool will be connected with a basin outside, you can swim where you want. We really could set up a beach with chairs and those cabins." He kissed Maxim and pulled him away. "Have you thought about becoming my creative headmaster? Why don't you give up your job and stay with me."

Maxim hesitated. "As Philipp-replacement?"

Christian's brows pulled together. "How do you know?"

"He told me." And then it was there again, from one minute to the next: Christian just repeats. He successfully had made Phil stop his studies to work here with him. Now he tried the same with him? "I'll think about it, ok?" he said aloud. "I need to go shopping and feed Coco. I'll try to bring him back." Hastily he turned and vanished.

In the kitchen he had a listless breakfast of coffee and toast. His mind wondered about Nadine's call, and if he should follow her call to the bookshop. He leaned against the cupboard and saw the remains of last night. Cluttered dishes, the empty bottle of red wine and glasses were all still there. A roll of tablets stirred his interest. Sleeping pills and next by a paper parcel with red pills, a funny icon imprinted. Maxim knew those. Ecstasy. And then it hit him. He understood the blankness of his mind last night. The mixture of frenzy and lazy surrendering. He sniffed at the glass and saw a white ground in there. Christian had given him a cocktail of tablets. That was also the reason for his heavy hangover. Bugger.

A minute later he left the apartment for Prinz Eisenherz.