Just a Trim - 5. Chapter 5: Turmoil

Jim stood in the Bathroom plumbing fixture section of Home Outlet, looking at a sink and accompanying faucet fixtures Chris had had her eye on previously. Not bad, he thought, as he began to look at some specifications for it, also on display.

“Thank you for shopping Home Outlet,” said a voice over a store loudspeaker. “We will be closing shortly. Please bring any purchases you may have to the nearest customer service desk. We hope to see you again soon!”

Jim, engrossed in the specifications, while looking back at the sink, barely heard the announcement, as he considered how he might make adjustments to their master bath to accommodate it. After several more minutes of perusing over the specifications, the overhead lights began to shut off, some coming back on, before shutting off again. This registered more with Jim.

“What the heck,” he said softly to himself, looking at his watch. “Jeesh!” he said, “Where has this time gone?”

He started to walk towards the front door. Although trying to pick up speed while walking, he felt himself getting a bit strangely weaker with each step. He felt as if he were battling headlong into one big constant headwind, though there was none. And with each step, along with the weakness, he felt an accompanying growing feeling of pleasure. Although he was trying to walk fast, he could feel himself slowing into a kind of slow motion. What is going on, he thought.

Finally reaching the area of the front door, he spotted two employees, also going towards the door, laughing, while in deep conversation. Looking around, he could see the rest of the store was deserted. If he could maintain his speed, he would reach the door just after them. “Whew,” he thought. “I should be able to make it…”

Jim reached the door a few steps behind the employees, but in their conversation, they didn’t notice him, and went through the door, one turning to lock the door from the outside, just as Jim was reaching it from the inside. Now, he began to panic. He tried to yell, and bang on the door, but his fist just touched it softly. No audible words came out of his mouth. As the one employee was locking the door, he was also intently listening to the other, both oblivious to Jim, through the plate glass of the door. His heart sank, as they finished locking the door, and walked away, still deeply into their conversation. He remained standing there, with his fist on the door, wondering what to do next.

He felt a strong, and yet, gentle hand on one shoulder. He slowly turned around (unable to do anything quickly at this point), to see stock boy Chris.

“Guess is just you and me, pal,” whispered Chris, seductively. Chris looked sexier than Jim had ever seen him. His hair, nicely combed, longish and straight, shiny and silky, fell just over his deep blue eyes, ears and collar. He could see the distraction his hair was causing Jim. “Haven’t had time for a haircut,” continued Chris, with a wink. “Not that my girlfriend has had any complaints.” He paused, looked around, and then back at Jim. “Guess we should get out of here, huh?”

“Chris…,” Jim moaned audibly, as he tried to get past him, brushing him gently across the chest, all he was able to do in his weakened state. He started slowly running back into the store, realizing that doing so was pointless… After a few steps, with Chris close behind him in pursuit, he felt Chris’s strong arms come up the front of his torso from behind, holding him in a close and firm, but gentle hug-like hold. He brought his hands up over Chris’s. Although he should have been trying to remove Chris’s hands, he just rested his own hands on Chris’s, feeling Chris’s warm breath on his neck now. He felt like a quarterback, in a hopeless attempt for a touchdown, with the opposing player ready to bring him down in a classic tackle. With Chris’s arms on his torso, the weakness he felt made his whole body go completely limp. As he slowly started to fall, he felt an extremely pleasurable release, and once more, gave an audible moan. “Chris…,” he softly called out once more. He woke, with a start.

He lay in bed, with his wife Chris’s arms wrapping around the front of his body from her own, behind him.

“Guess that was some dream,” whispered Chris, kissing his shoulder. “Was I good?” she asked, noticing the emission, as she looked over his shoulder, down the front of his body.

Jim, realizing where he was now, and remembering the dream, said, “Uh, yeah.” Remembering that although he wasn’t able to shout at the employees in the dream, he was able to call out the name, ‘Chris.’ Lucky that stock boy Chris had the same name as his wife! Still, of course, he felt guilty. This was troubling. Should he tell his wife what his dream was really about? He thought for a moment. No, not now. He had to think things through. He turned around, and gave Chris a kiss, which lasted for a few seconds.

“You were the best,” he whispered. “I love you,” he continued, a bit sheepishly. Chris thought she detected just a bit of something troubling him.

“I love you, too. Are you ok?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said, after a pause, with a bit of a forced laugh. “Just tired, after that. We got really physical. Whooeee!”

“Want to tell me about it?”

Jim almost began to recall the dream, with the intention of replacing stock boy Chris with his wife Chris at the appropriate moment, but then thought better of it.

“Nah,” he said. “Maybe tomorrow. Kind of tired now. Just call it a night?” he asked softly, with a flick of the eyebrow.

“Yeah, sure,” she replied, with a bit of the troubled look she had detected in Jim.

With that, they cuddled, and slowly drifted back to sleep, both feeling a small uneasiness, each for a different reason.

Over the next couple days, the topic of the dream never came up in conversation. Something in Chris’s intuition made her think she shouldn’t push it, unless Jim offered. The absence of any offer on his part increased her uneasiness, but she let it slide. Unfortunately, it began to cause a small emotional distance between them, which slowly found its way into their sex life.

Three days later, at bedtime, Chris began to get frisky with Jim. For the first time, he found, he couldn’t perform. The troubled look she had noticed from the night of the dream was back, more detectable than it had been that night.

“Don’t worry,” she said softly, reassuringly. “All guys go through this. We’ll give it another try tomorrow.”

The next night, they were able to make love, but not with the gusto that either expected. Afterwards, Jim lay back, and looked up at the ceiling.

“Want to talk about it?” Chris asked softly, running circles around his chest hair with her index finger.

Jim looked at Chris for a moment.

“No, I’ll be ok,” he said. “Let’s just give it a little time.”

Chris was unconvinced, but thought, better to give some space right now.

Over the next several days, Jim continued to think about the latest dream and the original dream with Ken. He also thought about the small preoccupations he was developing about Ken, and stock boy Chris. Should he talk to someone about this? His company probably had some kind of counselor for employees who had ‘personal’ issues, but he hadn’t ever spoken to one, and he wasn’t ready to, now. But he sure as heck couldn’t talk to any of his buddies at work. What to do?

After a week of mental wrestling, he thought, maybe it might not be a bad idea to talk to the company counselor. He made an appointment, and went to see him towards the end of the day at work. As he went into the counselor’s office, the counselor walked up to him with a warm smile, and offered his hand. Jim and the counselor shook hands, and he offered Jim a seat, which he took. The counselor sat on the corner edge of his desk. He seemed like a very down to earth, regular guy, thought Jim.

“I’m glad you came to see me,” said Ted, the counselor. “What’s on your mind?” He then got up from the corner edge of his desk, walked around to the back of the desk, and sat in the seat.

Jim hesitated. “I guess I’m not sure where to begin…” After another short pause, he slowly began to tell the story of his meetings with Ken, and stock boy Chris, the wet dreams, and get-togethers with Ken and Chris. He ended up, saying, “I guess, I’m just not sure what to do now.”

Ted paused, and thought about what he had just heard.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I consider myself to be straight, but I have been thinking about Ken and Chris, a lot lately.”

“What do you want to do with them? Be friends?” A pause. “More than friends?”

“That wouldn’t be right,” replied Jim. “I’m married. I made a vow to my wife. And I really love her.”

“Look, Jim,” said Ted. “I’m not here to judge. There is no right and wrong here. Right now, we want to look at how you’re feeling about these guys. Try to be honest with yourself.” Another pause. “I know it can be hard.”

Jim paused for a long time. Then he spoke slowly, and softly. “I guess there may be a part of me that wants to look at the possibility of being more than friends with at least one of these guys. I don’t know what that means, being more than friends. I don’t know any gay guys, so I wouldn’t know what you do, or where to start. I guess I’m at a loss.”

“First,” said Ted, “We can talk about it here, but I’m not an expert on the ‘gay’ community. You can google one of the local gay support groups in the area on the web for more information on that. But more importantly, if you have inclinations in that area, you’re going to have to look at them and do something about it. If you don’t, eventually, the conflicts will build up, and you will have to deal with them.”

“But what about Chris, my wife?” asked Jim. Ted could see the real concern Jim felt.

“As I said, I know it can be hard, and if you do find that you have gay inclinations, then no doubt, it won’t be any day in the park there. But when the time comes, you’ll just deal with it. I know it’s easy for me to say. But things usually have a way of working out. They just do. First, let’s get some kind of course of action for you. It doesn’t have to be now, today, but think about it over the few days, or week or so. Think about if you want to get together again, with Ken and/or Chris, even if only to talk about what kind of a relationship you might have with them. And, please, feel free to come see me at any time to talk about this. For suggestions, or just an ear to hear what’s going on.” With that, Ted got up, and again shook hands with Jim. Jim thanked him, and returned to this office, before leaving for the day.

Over the next several days, Jim continued to think about both Ken and Chris. The more he thought about it, he thought he had to talk to both of them, if only to get more self insight. And the more he thought about it, he especially hadn’t liked the way he left things with Chris, after they had seen the movie. The next Saturday, he went to Home Outlet. He paused as he walked in the door, really wondering if this was the best thing to do. He just didn’t know. He slowly walked to the plumbing section, and up to the customer service desk. He gave a bit of a sigh of relief, when he didn’t see Chris there. There was another stock boy there.

“Can I help you?” asked Chad with a smile, as Jim walked up. He had recognized Jim as he walked up, as the Mr. Eye Candy he and Chris had referred to Jim as, several weeks before.

“Yeah,” said Jim, looking around. “Do you still have another stock boy working here, Chris?”

“Yeah,” replied Chad. “Chris is off today. Can I give him a message?”

“Yeah, can you tell him Jim stopped by? We got together last week for a movie. I think he’ll remember.”

“Sure. Will do,” said Chad.

“Thanks,” replied Jim, with a smile, and a small hand wave, as he left.

That night, Jim went outside again on the patio, and checked for cell phone messages. There was one. He pushed a button, to retrieve it. “Hi, Jim, this is Chris.” His voice sounded hesitant. “Heard you stopped by Home Outlet today. Give me a call. Talk to you later.”

Jim deleted the message, then called Chris’s cell phone number, kind of hoping for voice mail. No such luck…

“Hello,” said Chris.

“Chris? Jim.”

“Hi, how’s it going?”

“Good. You?”

“Good.”

“Look, Chris,” continued Jim. “Can we get together, for coffee? Just want to talk.”

“Sure,” said Chris. “Anytime. When would be good?”

“Are you working tomorrow?”

“Yeah, tomorrow afternoon.”

“Maybe around 2 tomorrow. Buy you a cup of coffee at the concession stand?”

“Sounds good, see you then,” said Chris, as he hung up.

The next day, Jim stopped by Home Outlet shortly before 2 pm, and went to the plumbing section, where he saw Chris with a customer. He browsed, after making eye contact with him. Shortly afterwards, Chris came up to him, smiling cautiously. He looked almost as handsome as he had in the wet dream Jim had had about him. Apparently, he hadn’t had time for a haircut, just as in the dream, and it was very nicely combed, falling just over his blue eyes.

“Hi,” Chris said softly. “Thanks for calling. Let me just check with Chad, to make sure it’s ok for me to go on break. See you at the concession stand?”

“See you there,” replied Jim softly, with a wink.

Several minutes later, Chris approached the concession area, and saw Jim seated at a table with two cups of coffee.

“Hope this is ok. Just got some for you, since I thought you might be pressed for time,” said Jim.

“That’s fine,” said Chris, sitting down. “So, what’s up? How’s it going?”

Jim paused. He wasn’t sure where to start. “First, I wanted to apologize for brushing you off in the movie last week.”

“That’s ok, I’m over it,” replied Chris with a soft laugh.

Jim continued slowly. “I guess I’m confused about my own feelings. Also, I know this may be none of my business, but you say you have a girlfriend. And then you made a pass at me in the movie. What’s going on there? Does she know about you?”

“Fair enough,” continued Chris, thoughtfully. “Sandy was my girlfriend in high school. We started going out in my senior year. We’ve been going out for about four years now. She is getting kind of ‘impatient,’” said Chris, laughing. “But from the beginning, she actually asked me out first, before we started dating. I’ve never felt what I would call really strong feelings towards her. It’s always been a really ‘comfortable’ relationship, a ‘best friends’ kind of thing for me. The sex side has been good, too, but never what I would call really passionate from my end. I guess, in the end, I’ve always been thinking of some hunky guy in the back of my mind when I’ve been with her. I know that sounds really dishonest, but that’s where it is. I guess that’s why I’ve been holding off, when ever she brings up the topic of marriage, which she has been bringing up a lot lately. I just don’t want to make a big mistake.”

Jim absorbed this, and thought about it for a minute. “Wow,” he said. “Sounds like you’ve had a few things on your mind, too. I take it that she has no idea that you ‘swing both ways’ as you put it after the movie.”

“Yup,” replied Chris. “That’s the truth. And no, I don’t think she knows. We’ve certainly never talked about it.”

Jim hesitated again. “Well, as I just said, I’ve been kind of confused about my own feelings. I’ve never even considered the possibility that I might be gay before this week. But I have to admit, when you offered to help, that day of my tubing leak, I noticed that you are one attractive guy. Guess I kind of have a thing for blue eyes. And, I can see why your girl friend prefers your hair longer. It makes you look incredibly sexy. I can’t believe I just said that,” said Jim, as he looked away. Chris, on his own part, blushed at the compliment he had just heard.

“Look, Jim,” said Chris softly. “I know this is new to you, and it’s probably blowing your mind right now. I don’t think we should do anything right away, at least not until you’re ready. But after you think about it a bit, if you think you might want to go out on a real ‘date,’ let me know. I also think you are one incredible hunk, and would love to go out with you.”

Jim was touched by Chris’s remark, though he hated to admit it.

“Thanks,” replied Jim softly. “As you said, I think I should take a ‘breather,’ just because this is all new to me. But I will call you. Soon.” He noticed the time. “Hey, I’d better let you get back to work,” he said with a wink.

With that, they got up, shook hands, and parted.